


Duty Calls

by KiwiChick42



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Law Enforcement, Blow Jobs, Bottom Dean, Comfort/Angst, Complete, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Shower Sex, Soul Bond, Wing Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-03 22:27:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 99,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4117063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiwiChick42/pseuds/KiwiChick42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is called to watch over a very special soul, one destined for greatness. Dean is beat cop with a death wish. What could possibly go wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello :)
> 
> So, this is my first fic, i have 17 chapters written, and i will release them every few days.   
> Let me know what you think, but please be nice, this is my first after all lol :)  
> Please comment and review :)
> 
> PS i have my second fic on here to, totally different to this one, please try that too :)

_**Chapter One** _

Castiel sat in an ornate arm chair, waiting patiently for the allotted time of the meeting he had been called to. Looking around the large, white room, he took in the bland pictures on the wall. One was of a sunset over a desert, another of an ocean. All were designed to be tranquil and calming. He shuffled in his seat, absentmindedly flicking a bit of lint off of his suit pants. He wondered why _he_ had been called, above all his brothers and sisters, to a meeting with head office. He felt a stab of worry, hoping he had done nothing to displease them. That would be… unpleasant. Rubbing his temples, he tried to mentally prepare himself for what was to come. He looked up as the door across from him opened, and a woman walked out.

“Castiel, thank you for coming.  My name is Naomi. Sorry to pull you out of your garrison at such short notice, but we have very important business to discuss, and not a lot of time.” Naomi smiled warmly, ushering Castiel through the open door. Gesturing to an empty chair in front of her desk, Naomi sat behind clasping her hands together, as if in prayer.

“I have to admit, I am very curious as to what this meeting is about, if you don’t mind me saying.” Castiel said in an even tone.

Naomi reminded Castiel of the type of hard business woman he had seen down on earth, the few times he was there. Dark blue pants suit, hair pulled back into a bun and a warm smile but still a hint of the steel underneath he knew she needed for this job.

“Well, let me get right to the point then. We have a very special assignment for you. One like this doesn’t come around very often.” Naomi opened a file on her desk, passing a piece of paper to Castiel. “Now, if you read that, it will explain in detail what the assignment requires. But I will give you a brief overview. Basically, we have discovered a soul on earth that is so bright, so pure, that when he ascends to heaven, he will become an angel.”

Castiel looked up in shock. That kind of soul had not been discovered in millennia. Humanity was a dark and miserable monster, with only a few bright sparks among the darkness.

“And what will my part be in all of this?” He asked quietly, looking down at the picture in front of him. The man in the picture was in his thirties, stubble etched over a strong jaw.

He had short, dark blonde hair and the greenest eyes Castiel had ever seen. He looked up at Naomi, a sudden need to know _why_ he had been called, what _he_ had to do with this man, this mission.

“You are to be stationed on earth indefinitely, Castiel. You are to be his protector.” Naomi looked over at the shocked face of the young angel, something a kin to pride colouring her eyes. She closed the folder on her desk and stood up, coming around to sit on the edge of her desk in front of Castiel. “We have been watching you, Castiel. You have shown great compassion on the battlefield and a willingness to… improvise, where most other angels are not. We believe you will carry out this mission to the best of your remarkable abilities.”

“Thank you for bestowing upon me this great responsibility. I will endeavour to keep this human, this-“Castiel squinted at the paper in front of him “Dean Winchester, safe.”

Naomi smiled another warm smile, nodding her head. “I know you will, that’s why we chose you.” She walked over to the door, opening it.

Castiel made his way quickly over to the door, impatient to get on with his task. “When do I begin this mission?” he asked with as much excitement an angel was allowed to show.

“Immediately, and Castiel?” Naomi stopped him with a touch on his arm. He turned to her, looking her right in the eye with an unwavering gaze. “Good luck with him. From what I have been told, he can be.... difficult. That is why we are sending you to watch over him. Too many close calls.”

With that little mystery firmly lodged in Castiel’s mind, the door closed, and the young angel found himself standing not in the waiting room, but in a small flat with a small dog looking up at him.

* * *

Dean sighed heavily as he stared at the clock on the wall.

_Five minutes until home time, yay…_

God he was bored as all hell. Paperwork was not his thing. It was the only part of the job he actually hated. Riding along on the beat with Sammy? The best. All night stake outs? All good. All you can eat donuts? Mmmm. Getting peed on by some homeless guy? Not his best day. But paperwork? No. That was Sammy’s thing, not his. His mind was fried after a day of writing up stupid reports and summaries. I mean come-on! He was a beat cop, getting out there with the population, that was his thing. 

Dean grabbed a blank piece of paper, scrunched it up and lobbed it over at his partner. Hitting Sam square in the head, Dean chuckled as Sam threw him one of his mean bitch faces. He knew almost all of them by now, having been partners for going on 5 years. His favorites were the ‘don’t touch me I’m eating face’, and the ‘don’t interrupt me I’m researching face’.

“Dude, its knock off time. You wana go grab a beer?” Dean asked, hoping Sam wasn’t going to suggest they stay late _again_ and finish more reports. He didn’t become a cop to write _fucking reports_.

“Nah sorry man, I gotta get home to Amy. She text me before, something about a shit day at work.” Sam looked over at him sympathetically. Dean hoped the disappointment didn’t show up too much on his face. Times like this he was sure glad his dad taught him how to be good at poker. He smiled what he hoped was an easy smile.

“Nah man it’s all good. I’ll hit the gym, work off all this _writing_ we been doing today.” He said, pulling a face at the thought of a whole day wasted without someone getting arrested. He got up, stretching his stiff muscles, feeling his vertebrae pop and shift. The gym would do him good, get a good sweat on.

“Bro, you know we have to do the _writing_ , if we want these guys to end up in the slammer where they belong.” Sam said as he got his gear ready to leave. Dean just shrugged. He tried to leave his work at work, that way he wouldn’t be forced to think about it when he got home. That place was crowded enough as it was. Sometimes keeping them separate was the only thing keeping him going.

“Alright man I hear ya. Say hi to Amy for me. Get her to make me some more of those brownies, god they were _good_.” Dean said, lolling his tongue out and rolling his eyes. Sam just rolled his eyes like usual, punching the other man on the arm.

By the time Dean got to his car, he was actually pretty pumped about going to the gym. He hadn’t been in a couple of weeks and he could use the exercise.

Three hours later however, Dean was severely regretting that decision. He had forgotten about the burn that accompanied a good workout, and he knew he would be sore in the morning. Sliding his keys into his apartment lock, he opened the door to his darkened flat. Dropping the keys onto the table beside the door, he switched on the lights. A small, furry creature bounded up to him, happily laying at his feet for a belly rub.

“Hey buddy, sorry I’m so late. Traffic was a bitch.” He scratched Riot’s belly hard, sending him sliding over the hard wood floors. Suddenly, Riot had enough and was racing over to just by the window, looking up. He then proceeded to do exactly what he had just done to Dean, but to thin air. Dean watched all this with a looked of bewilderment on his face.

He walked over to where his dog was sprawled out, just standing to watch his reaction. Be bent down to rub his dogs belly again, and looking somewhat pacified, Riot got up and waddled over to his bed by the TV. Dean chuckled to himself as he straightened up, and then froze. Turning ever so slightly around, he swore he could feel someone’s breath on the back of his neck. It made all the little hairs on his body stand up, and a tingle run down his spine.

Then the cop part of him snapped him to attention.

He spun fully around, ready to confront whoever was in his space. Open air greeted him. Dean sighed unsteadily, heart still racing. A tiny part of him wished beyond measure there was another person in the apartment. Someone to come home to, to share his day with. His green eyes darted around the room hastily, taking in all the familiar details.

His apartment was small, but comfortable. Shiny wooden floors stretched throughout, all the way to large bay windows that looked out at… some other buildings brick wall. New York was a funny place to live. The older buildings stood by new ones, sometimes, like in his case, blocking the view. You wanted somewhere cheap, the view took the fall. Dean didn’t mind, he got some sun, and he wasn’t in the apartment enough during the day to miss it anyway. He had a few simple furnishings, a two seater couch, a large TV, a messy desk. His coffee table was scattered with car magazines, and dirty coffee cups.

His kitchen was small but it did the job. The apartment only had one bedroom, as was per usual for New York. It suited Dean right down to the ground, it being only him and his dog.

Satisfied there wasn’t anyone lurking in his apartment, Dean began removing his gym soiled clothes. Peeling his singlet away from his sweat slicked body; he dropped it on the floor by the bathroom. Bending down to strip off his shorts, he touched his toes to stretch out his sore back. Standing back up, he stepped out of his clothes, heading into the bathroom.

* * *

 Castiel waited until the bathroom door had closed before daring to move. He released a tense breath, trying to relax his bunched muscles. He felt slightly guilty having seen Dean undress without him knowing Castiel was present. He had to admit, Deans naked form was highly…. Appealing. Castiel had been on earth a few times in the last few millennia. And Dean’s body had to be one of the most appealing he had seen. Not that it mattered. Dean was just a charge, nothing more.

The fact that the small furry dog had almost revealed him was most unfortunate. He couldn’t reveal himself to Dean yet; he had to learn more about his elusive human charge. Castiel was not sure how he would react to his presence. The last thing he wanted was to frighten this poor, fragile hum—

_What is that noise?_

Castiel could hear moaning and thumping coming from the bathroom. Dean could be in trouble. The angel hurried over to the door, quietly opening it, hoping Dean thought it was his pet. The sight that assailed him would stay with him for as long as he existed. Dean was in the shower, facing the angel, back leaning against the tiled wall. The thumping Castiel had heard was Deans head hitting the wall every few seconds. That was not, however, the sight that made the angels body burn like fire.

Deans naked body was being pelted with hot water, eyes closed in rapture. The hand that wasn’t holding the wall, was gripping himself. His large hand was wrapped tightly around his large, erect cock, slipping easily up and down in a rhythmic movement. Dean was moaning, teeth biting his bottom lip, head thumping occasionally against the wall.

Castiel noticed how Dean’s muscles clenched when he groaned, his hips thrusting into his tight grip. His rhythm was increasing, as were his sounds, guttural, growling sounds that had the angel clenching his fists. Castiel could feel an unusual feeling in his own pants. Looking down, he was shocked to see a slight bulge in his neatly pressed dress pants. This sort of thing did not happen to angels. They could control their human urges, which only eventuated while on earth.

Hearing a particularly loud groan, Castiel looked up just as Dean moved his head, seemingly locking eyes with the angel. Bright green eyes, almost overtaken by pupil, stared back at him in pleasure. Biting his lip, Dean started pumping his fist furiously, thrusting up wards into his clenched fist. Castiel watched as Dean moaned heavily, his muscles tensing, and a stream of white fluid pumped from Dean’s cock.

Castiel did not understand what was happening. He had not even talked to Dean, and yet his body was responding in the most basic of ways, wanting, _needing,_ the other man like he had never needed anyone before.

He knew he needed to get out of the bathroom, but he couldn’t drag himself away from Dean. He watched as the other man’s aftershocks dissipated. Dean put his back up to the tiled shower wall, covering his face with his hands. His shoulders began to shake. Castiel was confused; this was not a normal conclusion to human masturbation. A sob reached the angels ears, and when Dean drew his hands from his face, the angel was shocked to see tears running down his face.

Castiel didn’t understand why it made his heart _ache_ , watching Dean suffer, and not being able to do anything about it. He assumed it was because it made him feel like he was failing in his new mission, to watch over Dean. Castiel wanted nothing more than to reach out and clench the other man’s shoulder, to provide him with comfort. He had no idea what Dean was upset about, only knowing that seeing Dean upset made him upset as well. The mirror above the wash basin began to vibrate, shaking violently at the energy Castiel was emitting.

Dean’s head shot up with a choked breath, looking at the mirror with his brows furrowed in confusion. He quickly wiped his hands over his face, washing away the remaining tears. Turning off the water, Castiel had to quickly sidestep out of Dean’s way when he grabbed blindly for a towel. Wrapping it around himself tightly, the angel watched as the human walked over to the now still mirror, slowly wiping his large hand over the surface gently.

”hmm must have been a blocked pipe” Dean mumbled to what he thought was himself.

Castiel was now almost in the shower himself, in his haste to avoid Deans touch.

_Pull yourself together and just fly out. What is wrong with you?_

Castiel physically shook himself before closing his eyes, and reappearing back in Dean’s living room. Riot looked up from his spot by the TV, cocking his head to the side. He watched as Dean emerged from the bathroom, once again naked, drying his head with the towel. Castiel everted his eyes, slightly uncomfortable about the way Dean’s body made _his_ body react. That would require some research on his part.

Dean disappeared into his bedroom, returning wearing a pair of dark blue sweats and a grey tee shirt that clung to his damp body.

”How about we rustle up some dinner, eh boy?” Dean asked the little dog warmly. It was obvious the human had great affection for the small animal.

The next few hours passed quickly, as Castiel watched Dean make dinner for himself, singing along to a classic rock radio station. Dean settled himself on the couch with a beer in hand, watching some show about cars. Not long after Castiel had settled himself in Deans only other armchair, he heard a soft snore coming from Dean’s direction. Looking over, he realised Dean had fallen asleep. Getting up, Castiel leaned over the prone shape below him. Dean shivered slightly in his sleep, hands clutching an invisible blanket.

Castiel walked around the apartment until he found a cupboard with various linins, pillows and blankets. Gathering one up, he walked back over to the couch, covering Dean from neck to foot. He sighed contentedly in his sleep, snuggling deeper into the warmth. Castiel straightened up, smiling at a job well done. He could do this. He could protect and serve, just like Dean.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chaper two, hope everyone likes it :)  
> Please Read and Review :)

** Chapter 2 **

Dean sat back on his chair, groaning. Looking at the clock, he realised it was past six pm already. Long fingers went to his temples, as if trying to will away the headache throbbing behind his eyes. It had been a long week, full of _fucking paperwork_ and not much else. Sam was insistent on getting it all up to date before the holidays, when things generally went haywire. He had a fair point, not that Dean would ever admit it, but it didn’t make him like it any better.

”Coffee?” Dean grunted at Sam, getting an affirmative wave in response.

Dean rose to his feet, stretching his back muscles with his hands above his head. Rubbing his hands over his close cropped hair, he made his way over to the coffee machine, which was old and tired, a bit like their sergeant, Bobby. Dean smirked when he thought of the old geezer. Bobby had helped the younger man more than he knew. He was a good friend of his fathers, pretty much becoming a second father after…..

_No, not a good time, damnit._

Dean shook his head, trying to shake out the thoughts of his father. He stirred the coffee with more concentration than was necessary. Trying to block everything out.

“Dean!” He heard Sam shout from across the room. He looked up to see Sam hurriedly struggling into his police jacket, Bobby a few feet behind him.

“There’s been a break in in progress reported on 21st and main. You boys are closest so you’re on it.” Bobby explained to them calmly. The old man was always calm. One thing Dean loved about the old coot.

“Finally! Some goddamn action!” Dean grinned excitedly, grabbing his jacket, coffee abandoned on his desk. He went to turn to leave when Bobby grabbed him by the arm gently.

“Dean. If things go south, remember for godsake, Wait. For. Backup.” The man intoned, pleading with him with wrinkled eyes and sad voice. Dean just looked at the man he’d looked up to since he was a child, and nodded once.

Pulling out of his grip, Dean made his way over to the door with Sam.

“Don’t worry Bobby; I’ll keep him outta trouble.” Sam smiled innocently at Dean, causing the other man narrow his eyes.

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

Jumping into their squad car, Dean at the wheel of course, he couldn’t help but smile as the first spikes of adrenaline pumped into his system. He _loved_ this part of the job. The chase, the mystery of what they would find at the scene. Flicking the switch for the lights and sirens, they screamed out of the underground carpark, towards the scene of the break in.

Darkness surrounded the building. It would have looked peaceful if there hadn’t been a door hanging off its hinges, crooked as a car salesman. Dean eyed it warily, tapping his fingers on his holster. He moved slowly into the building, eyes darting around for any sign of movement. He’d sent Sam around the back, in case the perp was game enough to run.

_If he’s even still here._

Dean grimaced at the thought. He hated it when the bad guys got away. It made him feel like he’d failed in his job, even if the scumbag was eventually caught. He was the first responder; he didn’t want other people to have to clean up his messes.

A noise to his left caught his attention. He carefully unclipped his gun from his holster, bringing it up in front of him. Taking a breath, he steadied himself before swinging around to confront…. Nothing. Great.

Huffing out a breath, Dean checked out the rest of the darkened room. Glass cabinets gleamed in the soft moonlight. Peering into one of the closer ones, he realised they were in a jewellery shop.

_Dumb little shit, trying to steal from a place like this. Probably got alarms all over the place._

“ **Dean**!” came Sam’s urgent voice through their walkie talkie. “ **He’s heading around back through the alley!** ”

 **“Copy that Sam. I’m on my way.”** Dean ran though the shop, assuming there would be a door out onto the alley way. His gamble paid off as he burst out into the cold night air.

Dean looked around him quickly, asserting that his prey was not in the alley. Just as he had accepted this, he heard the unmistakable crash of trash cans toppling over behind him. He whipped around just as the thief stood up, gun glinting in the moonlight. The other man grimaced, eyes narrowing as he took in the cop, and his gun.

”You’re not gonna use that.” the other man sneered. “You guys are all about trials and jury’s and shit. Well, as it turns out, I’m not afraid to use _mine._ ” Before Dean could even react, the wannabe thief brought his gun up and fired.

* * *

 

Castiel didn’t have time to think it through. He had been following Dean for more than a week, and nothing this bad had happened. Sure there were a few punches thrown when someone refused an arrest. But Dean seemed perfectly capable of handling that on his own. Plus he had his partner, Sam, to back him up. But right now, in this cold dark alley, Sam was nowhere to be seen and there was a semi mad gunman pointing a loaded weapon at his charge.

The angel weighed up his options, very quickly. He could let Dean try to handle this on his own, hoping the crazed man would find some sense and drop his weapon. But that would mean trusting the conscience of a madman, and he didn’t think that was the most logical thing to do. His only other option was to protect Dean, at all costs.

Castiel walked calmly in front of Dean, invisible of course, and turned towards the other man. He watched the exchange, preparing himself for the inevitable. He did not want to reveal himself to Dean yet, but he could only stop the bullets if he was completely visible. He regretted having to do it so suddenly, unable to prepare Dean for the shock that would likely follow.

Castiel was pulled from his thoughts by the words that came from the enemy.

“You’re not gonna use that.” the other man sneered. “You guys are all about trails and jury’s and shit. Well, as it turns out, I’m not afraid to use _mine._ ”

Castiel held his breath as the gun exploded in a puff of gunpowder and noise. He felt his body rip itself from invisibility as the bullets hit his body, one after the other. It didn’t hurt, not in the normal sense of the word, but he could feel his bodies reaction to the unnatural intrusion of the bullets. He looked up at the stunned exclamation from the gunman. He slowly walked over to the man, and put his hand on the man’s forehead. He slumped backwards, gun clattering to the ground.

_Hmmm, doing that never occurred to me, interesting._

Turning around, he drew his eyes up to Dean’s tense body, noting the wide eyes, slightly open mouth and shaking hands. He took a step towards the other man, but stopped when he gulped and stuttered out a warning.

“I d-don’t know w-what the _fuck_ you are buddy, b-but just stay the fuck t-there.” Dean gulped again, shifting his hands on his gun.

Castiel cocked his head to the side. He had been watching the other man for a good week and he hadn’t seen him this scared. The angel felt, well, _sad_ that he was the cause of the human’s discomfort. He couldn’t explain it. His confusion must have appeared on his face, because Dean was suddenly clearing his throat.

“Um, not that I’m not freaked the fuck out but… you got shot?” Dean said, glancing down at the angel’s torso.

Castiel looked down at his chest, slightly surprised to see holes in his suit and blood trailing from the open wounds. He knew he would not die from the wounds, but it would take some time to heal them. He was a fairly young angel after all, not nearly as powerful as his older brothers and sisters.

He sighed; acknowledging the fact that this moment had not gone as he had planned. He needed to heal himself; he needed to look strong in front of Dean. He knew humans assumed angels were indestructible. Although very few things could kill an angel, getting wounded like this still hurt to a point. And took time and energy to heal.

“Dean, I am going to leave you now. I will see you back at your apartment. Please do not be alarmed. You are not in any danger.” The angel attempted a smile, but the bullets were starting to ache in their unnatural habitat. He must have looked a horrifying sight, if the look on Dean’s face was any indication.

The angel took one last look at Dean’s face, closed his eyes and imagined Dean’s apartment. In less than a breath he was in the little flat, looking once again at the hairy face of Dean’s little dog.

* * *

 

Dean was kneeling next to the unconscious man when Sam came running out of the jewellery shop. He saw Sam take in his awkward position and the thief passed out on the ground.

“Dean? Dean! Are you hurt? Did you shoot him? I heard gunshots. Dean!” Sam said urgently. Dean turned his still wide eyes up to look at the tall man standing in front of him.

Once he made sure his partner was uninjured, Sam then checked over the gunman. Kicking the gun away from the unconscious man, he knelt down, putting his fingers on his neck.

“He’s breathing. Good.” Sam said as he roughly grabbed the man’s arms, cuffing him.

Dean was trying to figure out what the _fucking hell_ had just gone down in this alley. He thought he was gonna die, honest to god, no coming back, _die._ As soon as that dick had said that whole “I’m not afraid to use mine” line, he knew he was done for. And weirdly enough, he’d been ok with that. He was so fucked up.  And then out of _nowhere_ that suit wearing asshat had appeared, taking the bullets that were meant for _him._

Then he’d had the nerve to talk to Dean like he was familiar with him. Like he’d known him forever, and was just saying ‘hey man, I’ll see you later for a beer’. A nervous grunt beside him broke him out of his thoughts.

“Um Dean, the guys awake. He said you ran up to him and knocked him out cold.” Sam said to him with a questioning look in his eyes. “Is that true? Why were you sitting there looking like you’d seen a ghost?”

Ah. Now it all made perfect sense. He’d imagined the whole thing. It was all in his head. He had to admit, he’d seen this coming for a while now. He was glad he hadn’t hurt anyone when it happened, like he’d heard could happen sometimes.

“Uh, I think I need to go home now Sammy.” Dean said quietly. Sam nodded slowly, not taking his eyes off the other man.

* * *

 

By the time Dean walked through the door to his apartment, he had pretty much accepted his fate. He had asked Bobby, or Bobby had told him, he needed a few days off to clear his head and get it together, which was fair enough considering. He switched on the light, rubbing Riots head when he bounded over to say hi. Dean put his bag on the armchair, looking around. He supposed he better get this over with.

“Ok, so, I know I’m having a nervous breakdown. I know you’re a figment of my imagination. So you can come out. I’m not gonna hurt you either.” He sighed. He couldn’t believe he was already talking to himself. His descent into madness had gone quicker than he’d expected. He turned when he heard a noise to his left. A note had fluttered down next to his foot. Dean picked it up, reading the delicate handwriting.

**_I am in your bathroom, please do not be alarmed._ **

Dean looked up when he heard a strangled groan coming from his bathroom. He hurried over to the door, hesitating before he knocked. Why was his imagination dropping him notes? Was it worse than he thought? Was he actually in a coma after being shot? Another groan from the bathroom grabbed his attention.

Steeling his unsteady mental state, he knocked on the door.

“Please enter Dean, I seem unable to move.” The voice inside the bathroom sounded confused and a bit… put out?

Dean didn’t know what he’d expected to see when he opened the door to his bathroom, but this wasn’t it. The dark haired man from earlier was sitting on his toilet, seat down, looking at his bare chest. Dean could see the gunshot wounds clearly, though no blood was coming from them. The man was breathing heavily, eyes closed in what seemed to be concentration.

His concern overrode his burning curiosity, nervous breakdown be damned, and so he hurried over to the other man, squatting down in front of him. Clearing his throat to get his attention, Dean’s breath hitched as he was met with the most piercing blue eyes he had ever seen. At once he was lost in them. All the fear and worry at the situation flowing away. The gaze was steady and all encompassing, blocking out everything else.

_Holy fuck I hope this isn’t a mental breakdown. Please, for the love of GOD be real._

“I need assistance Dean. Then I am happy to answer all of the questions you no doubt have.” The other man wheezed out quietly. Dean was brought forth from his thoughts, slamming into reality.

“What do you need?” Dean asked quickly.

Dean assumed he would need bandages and pain pills. Although he was a cop, he’d never bandaged up gunshots before. All of those went to the hospital, obviously.

Dean went to stand up, when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up again into wide blue eyes, seeing unease radiating from them. He then realised he didn’t even know the man’s name. He hoped asking the question would elevate any unease coming from those amazing eyes.

“Um, this is kinda stupid, but I don’t even know your name, man. I usually get a name before I get my company topless.” Dean smirked, trying to ease the tension with some jokes. The other man just cocked his head to the side. Dean’s heart thumped uncomfortably in his chest when he did it. It was an adorable movement. And Dean Winchester _never_ used the word adorable. For anything.

“My name is Castiel. It is nice to finally meet you, Dean. Even if this isn’t exactly how I had imagined our first meeting would transpire.” The man, Castiel, grimaced faintly at the small chuckle he gave.

“Castiel, eh? Cool name.” Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck. He wondered what Castiel had meant when he said that. He shook his head, time for questions later. Now down to business. “Ok so are the bullets in there or what? Shouldn’t we be taking you to a hospital? Wait, never mind.”

“The bullets are not in my body anymore, Dean. I expelled them shortly after I arrived back here. They are in a bowl in your kitchen sink. I am now in the process of closing the wounds, but after flying here and the… confrontation, I am worryingly low on grace. After I heal my wounds, I will be without my grace for quite some time. It is… concerning. I will not be able to protect you.” Castiel looked downright distraught at the thought.

“Hey, that’s completely ok man. I’m a cop after all, protect is like, in the job description.” Dean smiled at Castiel. He wondered what that grace thing was that Castiel was talking about. Guess he’d find out later. He glanced down when he heard a sharp intake of breath from the other man, who then groaned and leaned over, putting his head in his hands. Grabbing him by the shoulder, he sat the other man up. He noticed that the bullet wounds were gone, leaving behind a smooth, muscular chest.

_Sooo not time for that, big guy._

Dean was having a hard time focusing on the task at hand, despite his need to. He decided that movement would help; he needed to get the guy out of his bathroom. Moving him to the living room seemed like the best option. Letting the other man know his plan, he gently threaded his arm along his toned back, gripping just under his ribs. Carefully urging Castiel up, he guided him out of the bathroom and into the living room.

After setting Castiel down slowly on the couch, Dean went to get himself a beer from the kitchen.

“Hey, you want anything?” Dean asked from the kitchen.

“No thank you, Dean. I do not require nourishment.” The low voice answered from the living room. Dean shrugged at the strange language and went to his bedroom, grabbing one of his old tee shirts for the other man. He needed his wits about him, even if this was a hallucination, that guy was damned distracting without a shirt on. Walking back into the room, he threw it to Castiel, who caught it and looked at it in confusion.

Dean just shrugged. “Don’t want you catching a cold or anything.”

_Seriously dude? That’s your line?_

“Thank you Dean.” Was all the guy said, pulling the shirt on over his head.

“So, you’re all good now? Well, apart from the whole grace thing?” Dean asked, furrowing his brows together in concern. Even if this was a mental episode, he still wanted to make sure the guy was ok.

The guy in question smiled from the couch. “Yes, I believe I am “good”. Dean couldn’t believe it when the guy actually used quotation marks when saying the word ‘good’. “My grace will return after I am rested. It shouldn’t take more than a few days. Which is very convenient considering your boss just gave you leave.”

Dean’s eyebrows almost shot straight off his head. How did he know that? Well if he was in Dean’s head of course he would know what Dean knew. But he couldn’t help but feel his explanation of this whole thing was a bit… off. He needed to know more, now.

“Ok, I need to know exactly what’s going on here. This seems like a bit more than just a mental breakdown on my part. Just… Just start at the beginning, please.” He looked at the other man, and didn’t care if he had confusion and a little bit of fear in his eyes. This seemed like it was pretty important.

“Alright, I will explain, although I must warn you, historically humans have not been very… accepting when they learn of our existence.” The other man looked at Dean with big blue eyes, and Dean just knew he’d accept him even if he was just part of a mental collapse.

* * *

 

Castiel looked over at the human opposite him, taking in his curious emerald eyes and relaxed demeanour. He was very surprised about the way Dean was taking all of this, how calm and collected he was. To his shame, he had expected furious denial and raging anger. And all he seemed to be getting was quiet acceptance. He took a deep breath, preparing for what he was going to tell Dean next, hoping his calm exterior was going to last.

“Dean, I am an angel of the Lord. I have been sent down here to protect you, and your soul. You are very special and pure. It is a great honour to be your guard.” The angel smiled, hoping to convey exactly how happy he was to be given this mission.

To his utmost confusion however, the human just stared at him. For untold minutes, Dean just stared at him. Then his shoulders started shaking, he let out a loud yelp and he started to laugh. This wasn’t just a small chuckle, this was a gut holding, no holds barred raging fit of laughter.

He watched as Dean recovered after a few minutes, wiping tears from his eyes. “Oh my god. That is the funniest shit I have ever heard. Me, pure? _Special?_ And an angel of the Lord?You have got to be kidding me. How did my fucked up mind come up with that one?” Dean leant forward, still chuckling slightly, before looking Castiel right in the eye. “I’ve got to give it to you though, for a figment of my imagination, and my mind going down the shitter, you sure are one hot son of a bitch. At least my head did me that little curtesy.”  

Castiel stared at the other man in shock, everything sliding into place. Underneath all the calm acceptance, Dean thought he was experiencing a mental breakdown. He thought Castiel was a part of his minds attempts to minimise the damage caused by some past trauma. The shootout tonight must have been the last straw for Dean’s fragile mental state.

_And what on earth did Dean mean when he said he thought he was attractive?_

Castiel closed his eyes; he would dwell on that later. Right now it was Dean he needed to concentrate on. Not that it was all that hard. The man had such alluring emerald green eyes. As Castiel stared into them, still bright with tears of laughter, something in his stomach twitched. It was an electric feeling, like nothing he had experienced before, different to his reaction in the bathroom. Perhaps it was something connected to his grace being so dangerously low.

Dean was watching him curiously, eyes narrowed after Castiel’s long silence. Maybe he was waiting for a response to the comment about his aesthetic appeal. That seemed like the human thing to expect. He cleared his throat somewhat nervously, he didn’t understand why.

“Thank you, Dean. I appreciate that you believe me to be aesthetically pleasing.” Castiel’s eyes ran up and down Dean’s body, taking in the lean, strong frame, the toned limbs and tanned exterior. “You have a very pleasing appearance as well.”

The other man’s eyes widened and he swallowed visibly. He seemed to take a deep breath, gripping his hands on the couch.

“I need to sleep on this. It’s a lot to wrap my head around.” Dean stood up, taking his bottle to the kitchen. Castiel went to follow him, but stopped when he realised Dean was talking to himself. “God I hope they don’t send me to one of those homes. If I can just keep my cool, I should be ok. No one can see this guy anyway. I should be sweet.

Castiel frowned at those words, but he found he was unable to find a way to show Dean that he was, in fact, quite visible to others now that his grace was depleted. He watched the other man wave goodnight, before heading to his bedroom. Before he entered he turned to Castiel.

“You can have the couch, Cas. Blankets are in the cupboard. Make yourself at home. Night.” And with that he closed the door. Castiel stood awkwardly next to the couch, unsure why he felt quite warm inside.

_Maybe it is because he called him Cas. No one had used that endearment before._


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, sorry that this one is so short, the next one is longer, i promise! Please remember to leave a review :)

**_ Chapter 3 _ **

After closing the door to his bedroom, Dean leant against it heavily. His mind was a mess of unanswered questions, worries and doubts. He’d had to get out of the room the other man was occupying. All the things Castiel had said had caught up with Dean, sending him into a panic. He hoped he hadn’t given away his inner turmoil.

Dean pushed himself away from the door, slowly removing his shirt and pants. Climbing into his bed, he rubbed his hands over his weary face, willing sleep to take him but knowing he wouldn’t be getting much tonight. His mind was buzzing, thoughts zipping around like a kicked hornets’ nest. He couldn’t help but think there was so much more to this whole thing than he was letting himself believe. To think it was a simple mental break was easy, it was the logical thing to think. It was pretty straight forward to seek help and get through it.

But angels…. If he told anyone, he wouldn’t need to find help on his own; they’d take him away and throw him in some padded room drugged up to his eyeballs. He had a fairly active imagination. He was pretty inventive with his personal fantasies, he was particularly happy with the bar one… that black haired barma-

Dean gathered his bed sheets into his hands and groaned, no this was _not the time.­_ He had to at least _try_ and think about what he was going to do about this whole mess. He thought about telling Sam, his best friend, the guy he told pretty much everything.

_No, I can’t drag him into this, too. It’s not fair on him. This is my own battle._

But what if Castiel was telling the truth? What if there really were Angels and Heaven and…. _God??_ Dean thought about all the… less than holy things he’d done in his life, all the mistakes and bad decisions. They didn’t seem so bad, until he got to the big one, the _main one._ That was inexcusable. If there was a God or not, he would never forgive him for _that._ Even Dean didn’t forgive himself. It was a terrible, awful thing. Something he buried in the back of his mind but came back to haunt and taunt him whenever it felt the need.

He hadn’t realised his breathing and heart rate had increased so much until he brushed a hand over his forehead and felt the sweat beaded there. Trying to take deep, steady breaths, and stilling the shaking in his hands, he thought about the guy in his living room. If he even was a guy. Dean couldn’t help but get his hopes up a little bit, thinking it would be nice if there was something in this world apart from just shitty humans.

Dean wasn’t particularly religious; he’d been to Sunday school, his mum had insisted on it, much to his father’s dismay. So he knew the rough overview. But he knew, the Angels must have got their wires crossed somewhere along the way. He wasn’t the one worth saving. His soul wasn’t pure. Sammy on the other hand, now there was a guy who should be an angel. He was all about volunteering at shelters on a Sunday, while Dean was nursing one hell of a hangover. Or getting married and having a family. Not the kind of unattached, debauched life Dean was currently entertaining. No, the angels must have it wrong. He would tell him in the morning. But it was nice being told, even if they had gotten it wrong, that he was a good guy.

Dean was just about to slip into the numbing comfort of sleep when he heard it, a strange sort of mumbling cry. Opening his eyes, in a bid to hear a bit clearer, he thought he heard his name mixed into the mess. It stopped for a few minutes and then started again, a bit louder and clearer. He sighed quietly, looks like his breakdown buddy was having the same kinda reaction to this whole thing as Dean was. Put a whole lot more evidence on the side of Mental Breakdown Vs Angels. Opening the door to his room, Dean poked his head out, listening to see if the noise was indeed coming from his ‘Angelic’ guest. Groaning met his ears, so he padded softly down the short hall to the living room.

Dean watched as Castiel cowered on the couch, clutching the thin blanket around him like a lifeline. His face was scrunched up in a grimace, body tensing as another groan escaped his lips.

“Dean… _please…”_

He didn’t know what to do, should he wake him up? He didn’t want to startle the poor guy and get smited for his trouble. Still, the guy must have been having one hell of a nightmare, he could see the sweat glistening on his face. Very slowly, Dean edged his way to the side of the couch, and knelt down so he was eye level with Castiel. He reached out and grabbed a shoulder, gently shaking the other man while trying to gently pry him from his dream induced state.

“Cas, hey buddy, come on, its ok, your just having a nightmare…”

All at once the Angel was awake and Dean immediately _felt_ like he’d been smited. The angels hand was on his left bicep, burning with an intensity that Dean didn’t even think possible. Every fibre of his being was on fire, caught up in the glowing eyes of the being sitting up in front of him.

“Dean” Castiel growled out in an impossibly low voice, making Deans stomach burn with an equal intensity to his shoulder.

“Cas” Dean shuddered out a sigh he hoped at least sounded like the other guy’s name. It had pretty much the opposite effect of what he wanted though, causing the angel to pull his hand from Dean’s arm with a jerk, as if _he_ had been the one burned. The angel’s eyes were back to their electric blue colour, although wide with shock, fear and something … else. He saw Castiel look at Dean’s arm, then back to his own hand.

“I do not understand what just occurred Dean.” The angel said, quietly alarmed. “I was sleeping. _Sleeping_ Dean! Angels do not require sleep! And when you touched me… I felt a holy fire burn through my entire being… I do not have the grace required to mark you as such… it is… utterly confounding”. The angel looked up at him with fear in his eyes.

“Uhm, I don’t know what happened either, but whatever you did it doesn’t hurt now, so its ok.” Dean tried to look reassuring. It must have worked, because he could see the angel visibly relax in front of his eyes. He looked at the hand print on his arm, trying very hard to contain the panic rising within him. This was more than a mental break down.

“So I guess you had more grace than you thought then eh?” he asked, hopefully sounding at ease with this whole fucked up situation.

“No Dean. This was not my action. I was not advised to mark you”. Was the angel’s deadpanned reply. It made Dean swallow, those words somehow going into his ears probably not the way Castiel wanted them to sound.

Dean decided they needed a change of topic, as a wave of weariness crashed over him. He looked up at the clock on the wall, realising with a start that it was two am. He really needed to sleep. Sleep made everything better. It was like sleep was the human way of ‘if it’s not working, try turning it off and on again’.

“Look, are you gonna be ok here by yourself? Are you gonna have more nightmares?” Dean asked, running his hand absently over the mark on his arm. It still slightly tingled, but the burning had stopped. He did notice, however, the angel blushing furiously when he had asked about the nightmare. He wondered for a moment about it, but decided now was not the time to press the subject.

The angel cleared his throat. “Dean, I am not accustomed to sleep. The… images that assail me when I am unconscious confuse me. I do not wish to discuss them, if that is alright. Would it be… appropriate… to ask whether I can accompany you to your room? I do not wish to be alone.” Castiel looked up at him hopefully.

Dean didn’t know what to say. He hoped it wouldn’t be awkward, but he was absolutely sure it would be. Especially since he was slowly coming to terms with the fact that this was, most likely, _not_ a mental breakdown. And that meant that this guy sitting opposite him, asking to be allowed into his bed, was a real, tangible, person, sort of. He was slightly ashamed of how quickly he made up his mind.

_I am so going to hell for this, no matter what the ‘angel’ says._

“Yeah man, of course.” Dean stood up, making his way back to his room, feeling the other man walking closely behind him. He had to take care of the guy, this was all this was. Especially if he was an Angel of the Lord, he had to be a good host. Making sure he was ok would be a good start. He clearly needed help, and Dean was more than willing to give it. Even though he knew deep down it would never come close to redemption.

Shaking his head, he closed the door to his room, smiling slightly at the unsure look on Castiel’s face.

_Yeah, this guy needs a lot of help._

“Not to be too forward, but you should probably take off your clothes.” Dean told the angel helpfully, dragging the blankets back, not looking as the other man started to undress himself.

Sliding into the now cold sheets, Dean wriggled around, trying to warm himself up. He was starting to feel some heat when another body joined his in the bed. Dean realised suddenly, and with a bit of sadness, that this was the first time in, well, years, he had shared a bed with anyone. The thought made him feel deeply, deeply lonely.

He was quickly, warmly, pulled from his depressing thoughts, when a bare arm laid very, very lightly against his own. He pulled away, unused to such closeness in his bed. He felt the angel next to him tense, shifting away quietly. He mentally kicked himself for his stupid reflexes.

_For fuck sake man, you invited the guy into your bed! Don’t be such a pansy!_

“I - I apologise, Dean. I am not used to this. It is very confusing.” The angel stuttered beside him. He was clearly as uncomfortable as Dean was himself, both of them unused to sharing a bed, both for entirely different reasons.

“It’s ok, Cas. I totally understand, more than you know. I don’t mind if some parts of us touch, I’m not some teenaged girl.” Dean laughed to himself, the joke probably going way over the angels head. Although, if he was a teenaged girl, he probably wouldn’t have had as much self-control as he had now, probably woulda jumped the guy on the couch.

He felt the angel relax audibly beside him, the released breath ghosting over Dean’s face as he turned to face him.

“Thank you for allowing this, Dean. I know this is an unusual situation. We will talk more about it in the morning.” Castiel’s breath fanned over Dean, making him shiver and have _ridiculously_ unholy thoughts.

“All good man, we’ll figure this out. Night.” Dean turned over, trying to hide his husky voice from the guy next to him. It must have worked, because he heard a muffled ‘goodnight’, then the heavy breathing of what he assumed was sleep. Shutting his mind off was difficult, to say the least. This was not going to be as easy as he hoped.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

This was not going at all to plan. Not that he had much of a plan, but this, _this,_ was not even in the rough draft. The ‘nightmare’ as Dean had called it, was not anything Castiel had experienced before. It could not have been a nightmare, because they induce fear among humans. No, this had been a good experience, a very good one. Angels do not require sleep, and therefore do not dream. But with his lack of grace, it seemed some human behaviours had been required. He assumed it would aid in getting his grace back up to acceptable levels.

The dream… Dean had been there. He was touching Castiel in an intimate way, a way he had never been touched before. He was unsure it was even possible for angels, but he was beginning to suspect he was feeling… arousal. He could not remember the entire dream, only the feelings that enveloped him, the knowledge that Dean was _meant to touch him._ He couldn’t explain it. He had never heard of this kind of thing happening before.

And then the man himself was waking him from his dream when he was so close… _so close…_ to what? Some ending that was within his grasp but so forcefully pulled from him. He awoke so suddenly, he wasn’t even aware of what was around him, what was happening. Some unknown force made him to grasp onto Deans arm, and a fire that was within the humans very _soul_ reached out to him and connected with him, connected to his _grace._

And now, to top off everything, he was in Dean’s _bed._ He had removed his clothes, as the other man had requested, but he felt a heat radiating from his body that made the bed feel like a primitive torture chamber of fire. He shifted slightly and bumped his arm into Deans, making the other man shy away from him as if the shock Castiel had felt at the touch was mutual.

“I - I apologise, Dean. I am not used to this. It is very confusing” Castiel stammered quietly.

“It’s ok, Cas. I totally understand, more than you know. I don’t mind if some parts of us touch, I’m not some teenaged girl.” Dean laughed quietly to himself, Castiel was unsure why, as that statement held no joke.

As soon as Dean affirmed that this proximity was acceptable, he felt himself relax, letting out a breath of air that ghosted over Deans face as he turned towards the man.

“Thank you for allowing this, Dean. I know this is an unusual situation. We will talk more about it in the morning.”

He felt the other man shiver under the sheets, and it could not possibly have been from cold.

Dean quickly gasped out a goodnight, turning away from the angel quickly. Castiel was breathing heavily, heart thrumming painfully in his chest. All of these… _emotions_ … washing over him were unfamiliar. Being this close, but so far, in proximity to Dean was almost unbearable. For some unfathomable reason, right at this moment all he wanted to do was bridge the gap between them and _feel_ Dean. All of him. He had become enamoured with the man within such a short space of time, Castiel began to wonder if there was something wrong with him. He had no knowledge of anything like this happening before, and that scared him more than anything.

He turned over, away from the source of the fire within him, and tried to quiet his beating heart, sure that Dean could hear it. He could feel the physical manifestation of his feelings move against his stomach as he turned, but he willed himself to ignore it, unsure of what to do with it, himself or anything anymore. He focused himself on his main mission; _Protect Dean._ But one question plagued him before he fell into another fit full sleep, _would he be strong enough to keep himself from Dean?_


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :)
> 
> Thank you all for the comments and kudos, they warm my hearts :)
> 
> Warnings at the bottom

Dean awoke early the next morning, warm and relaxed. He knew he shouldn’t be feeling that way, considering all the crap that was happening around him, and too him. But he couldn’t help it. Sleep always made him feel better. That was, until he remembered he wasn’t alone in his bed.

He immediately tensed, hoping the other man hadn’t noticed. He could hear, no _feel_ Castiel’s hot breaths against the back of his neck, sending tingling waves down his spine. The drape of his arm over Deans chest, interlocking their sweaty bodies, was enough to make his breathing shallow and weak. Castiel’s unsurprisingly strong body was fitted perfectly against Deans back, as if their bodies were a lock and key destined to fit together.

Dean shivered, trying to block out those heart shattering thoughts. Nothing was meant to be. Things like that didn’t happen to people like him. He’d just ride out his sad, insignificant little life and then die, sad and alone-

Breaking him out of his devastatingly depressing thoughts, was the dirtiest groan he had ever heard uttered from someone’s mouth. Strong arms encircled him; pulling him closer to Castiel’s toned body. The other man groaned again, this time shifting his hips slightly so that something hard jutted into the base of Dean’s spine.

Something _hard._

Fuck.

_Looks like Cas took it a bit too seriously when I said take your clothes off._

Right at this moment there was nothing, _nothing_ separating Castiel’s naked form from Dean, well except for Deans boxers, but they weren’t any help at this stage. He was clearly having a good dream too, going by the state of his arousal. He exhaled shakily, trying very hard to ignore his own morning problem, while also trying to extricate himself from Cas’ embrace. It was all in vain though, as soon as he moved an inch, Cas would clench his arms around Dean, and grind his hips against his ass while pretty much moaning in his ear.

As much as he was enjoying this little morning surprise, he couldn’t help but think that this might not be what the other man wanted in a conscious state. The unconscious mind was a dangerous thing, and sometimes it played nasty tricks on you. He didn’t want the guy to be any more embarrassed than he was going to be. He took a shaky breath and steeled himself with the knowledge that this was most likely all in his head anyway and would all be over as soon as he got himself together, or some help.

Without rolling over, Dean tried to wake the other man up.

“Cas?” Dean asked questioningly. He was answered with a guttural moan and his own name.

“Dean….mmmm.” the angel replied, breathing hot air onto Dean’s neck and grinding his erection into Deans ass.

It was almost getting too much to handle, Dean was leaking through his boxers, and using all of his willpower to keep his hands to himself. This situation needed to be fixed, quickly. Deciding the best course of action was to turn over and shake the guy out of his wet dream, Dean rolled over onto his side. Steadfastly avoiding Castiels morning wood, which in itself was difficult, _I mean come on!_ He grabbed the other man by the arm and shook him gently.

“Cas, man you gotta wake up. This is embarrassing for both of us. Don’t feel bad, it’s a natural –“

Dean was cut off by the hand that suddenly shot out, grabbing his arm where the mark from the night before stood out, red and angry. The other man’s hand fit into it perfectly. Looking up in shock, Dean was met with fierce _glowing_ blue eyes. Turns out waking this guy up from dreams wasn’t the smartest thing to do, you’d think he’d have learnt from the first time. He just couldn’t look away from those eyes. He felt like he was drowning in their blue depths. A deep moan escaped the man with the aqua eyes, causing Dean to look down at his mouth, _that_ was when he felt it, the deep pulsing coming from his shoulder and the wave of pure _lust_ and _possessiveness_ that he knew weren’t his own emotions.

Dean reached up, placing his hand over the one holding his shoulder. He could feel the plethora of emotions radiating from where the two bodies connected. Closing his eyes, he breathed in and out deeply, trying to reign in his own desires before focusing on the ones flooding his body. He had to control this, he was clearly the only one thinking with his head instead of his dick. Clutching the hand gripping his own body, he tried to pull the hand away, realising how freakishly strong this guy was. Using both hands, and his feet, he pushed with everything he had. With one final grunt, he threw himself away from Castiel, falling clean out of the bed and onto the cold hard floor.

* * *

He was in the dreamland again.

It felt so _real_.

Dean was lying in bed before him, in all his achingly naked glory. Castiel’s eyes drank in the sight, savouring the delicate but strong planes of Dean’s handsome face. He knew, in some part of his dream self, that this was not real. It made him relish in the sight even more, knowing he could never replicate this situation in reality. His hungry eyes travelled slowly down Deans toned figure, taking in his wide chest and perfect pectorals. Castiel licked his dry lips, raking over Deans taught abdominal muscles, straining as he clenched the bed sheets in his large hands.

“Cas?” Dean moaned questioningly from the bed, looking up at Castiel with lust blown eyes.

He watched as Deans eyes travelled down his body, mouth slowly opening when he reached just below Castiel’s abdomen. He looked down himself, realising with a blush that he was completely naked and terribly aroused. He looked back up, and by the way Dean was gulping, he decided it was not a completely bad thing.

“mmm… Dean.” The words were out of his mouth before he could think. Moving forwards, Castiel climbed onto the bed, practically crawling up Deans body in his haste to touch him.

He didn’t know why this was happening to him. All of his many years as an angel, and nothing like this had happened before. He shouldn’t be able to _feel_ anything. That was not how angels were made. Humans had their emotions and feelings, messy, torturous, _soul wrenching feelings._ Angels were without them for many reasons, the main one being when they went into battle, they felt nothing. They were given orders, they carried them out. Simple. No questioning authority. No wondering if what they were doing was right or wrong. Just simple trust in the knowledge that whatever they had been ordered to do, had to be done.

But now… everything was a mess. Castiel’s mind and body felt like a raging storm, in and out of this dream scape. He could not control his traitorous body when he was around or near Dean. Even thinking about the human had blood coursing to his most intimate of places. He had only found Dean a few days ago, and already he felt as if his whole existence was in preparation for that moment. As for the marking… he didn’t even know where to begin.  

It should not have been possible.

Castiel looked down to where he was hovering over Dean. His head dipped, he breathed in the hot air escaping from the other man’s body. It was intoxicating, feeling his breath on his wet lips. Dean arched up off the bed, grabbing the back of Castiel’s head. He brought their lips together in a rough dance, tongue lapping at the seal of his mouth. The angel moaned heavily and opened his mouth, feeling the humans tongue breach the barrier of his lips. Castiel let his body drop down over Deans, clasping him close. He found a hard expanse of flesh rubbing against his stomach, trying to find its own friction. He brought his body up quickly, so their arousals slotted alongside each other.

The angel groaned his approval as Dean began to move, jutting his hips up and down, rubbing himself against Castiel. Looking into Deans eyes, he could see the lust and longing he felt, reflected in the green below him. He began moving himself, burying his face in Deans shoulder as the other man smothered his neck and shoulders with kisses.

Castiel could feel … _something…_ building within him, something he had been searching for. He could not name it, only that he needed it, at this moment, more than anything. And he needed it from _Dean,_ and only him. His rutting became harder, more calculated movements utterly abandoned. He looked down again at the human, _his human._

“Cas…” Dean moaned helplessly below him, sweat slicking their bodies.

Castiel felt something then, something that did not belong in the dream. He felt the pressure on his arm, a cold hand trying to drag him from the ecstasy that was almost upon him. Dream Dean lay below him, saying his name over and over, almost at the edge himself, it seemed.

That was when the man grabbed his head between his hands, looked him right in the eye and uttered the words he had been dreading since the dream began.

“Cas, man you gotta wake up.”

He had been so _close._ To what, the angel didn’t know, but he would have found out if not for Dean’s interruption! Yes, the dream was _about_ Dean, but that is so very far from the point. He was, for lack of a better word, ‘cockblocked’ (he had heard the term while watching Dean and Sam interact) by the very man he was trying to achieve something with. Castiel was not amused. However, he knew his fury did not equate to what he was now currently doing.

As Dean had awoken him, he had latched on to the first part of the human he could, which happened to be the arm he had marked. He was not expecting to be assaulted with an overabundance of emotions and confused thoughts. 

_WhatTheFuckIsGoingOnOhGodIsHeGonnaKillMeMyMindIsGoingToKillMeFuckFuckFuck_

Castiel looked into the shocked face of Dean, locking eyes. Seeing the lust blown pupils in reality was almost too much for him, and a deep, gravelly moan was torn from his body. Dean’s unfocused gaze was drawn to the sound, eyes darting down to the angels mouth. The human inhaled and exhaled deeply, closing his eyes briefly before putting his hand over Castiel’s, where it rested on his arm. Clutching at it, he attempted to pull it from himself, failing miserably, but Castiel respected his strength. He was confused as to why Dean was pulling away from him, still slightly in his dream state, he wanted to continue this intimate contact. Dean had given up trying to break free with just one hand, instead bringing up his feet so they rested on Castiel’s chest, and both hands over his own. With what seemed like all of Deans strength, little that it was compared to the angels, he pushed against the other man, willing their connection to break.

Castiel realised his mistake then, that Dean had no desire to continue the connection, and from the confusion of thoughts that he could make out from the human, he was actually _afraid_ of the angel. Even if it was a logical conclusion to come to, for some as yet unknown reason, it hurt him. It hurt in the region of his heart that Dean would be afraid of this contact, physical and emotional as it was. He had to make this right, to correct this mistake. His first mission, his _main mission,_ was to protect Dean and his soul. He could not do that if Dean did not trust him.

With more will power than he believed he even had, for angels were born with very little in the first place, Castiel released his hand from Deans arm, just as the other man gave an almighty shove with all of his limbs. Before Castiel could even react, Dean was over the side of the bed, groaning in pain.

Castiel jumped out of the bed, as fast as humanly possible, and rushed around the other side of the bed. Dean lay on his back, hands rubbing his face, groaning quietly.

“Dean, are you alright? I am so very sorry. I cannot possibly apologise enough. I do not know what came over me. I was having a… ah… dream and I was awoken abruptly and you bared the full force of my anger. I am sorry.”

Dean’s eyes remained closed, but his hands drew away from his face. Castiel could not keep his eyes from their quick journey up and down Deans body. He couldn’t help notice, with a deep flush to add to his already heated body, the moist patch on the other mans undergarments which had rubbed into a slight line. The organ from which said moistness had obviously eventuated sat straining upwards against the cloth, as if demanding to be released from its confines.

“Cas… Look its – “ Dean opened his eyes to talk to the angel, but had stopped abruptly with wide eyes and a slightly open mouth. He snapped back to his senses, Castiel watching with confusion as the other man slapped his hands back over his eyes with a groan. “Dude!! Seriously? Put some clothes on! For the love of God!”

Castiel looked down at his body in shock, embarrassment starting to colour the rest of his body. He was entirely naked, skin a blushed crimson from arousal and a slight bit of shame. He also belatedly realised that his body was still feeling the effects of the dream, a furious ache throbbing in his groin. With a small whimper of pure terror at Dean’s reaction, he tried in vain to cover his erection. Using both of his hands, he covered himself as best he could. He heard a chocked groan from the floor below him.

“It’s not working. I can still… I can still see you. I mean.. _fuck Cas…”_ Dean ended with a moan.

“You could keep your eyes closed, Dean.” Castiel whispered, wondering why on earth he was still standing above the other man, routed to the spot.

“I’m not…that’s because… fuck man… im so close to…” Dean looked up at Castiel with wide eyes, pushing forward with his arms. A strange noise dragged their attention from one another.

Both of their heads whipped around when there was a frantic scratching and yelping at the door. The moment was broken, and Castiel did not know whether to be deeply relieved or horribly disappointed. Casting his conflicting feelings aside, he hurried over to the other side of the bed, frantically dressing himself in the hopes he could cover the feelings he was so obviously showing. He peeked over to the other side of the bed, noticing Dean doing the same thing.

Once fully dressed, Castiel fled the room, charging into the bathroom and locking the door behind him. Leaning against the door, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The events of this morning raced around his brain, each threatening to overpower him with their accompanying feelings of embarrassment and, shamefully, lust. He knew now that he desired Dean, the only thing that eluded him was _why._ In all of his many centuries, he had never once had a reaction like this to a human. Or an angel for that matter. It was all at once confusing, frustrating, exciting and terrifying. He just did not know what to make of it. He was also very confused by Deans reaction to Castiel touching him. The thoughts that he had heard… The emotions behind them, they were both positive… and negative at the same time. He sighed heavily, well there was nothing to be done now. Dean clearly needed time to assess his own thoughts, and calm down a bit.

A knock on the door brought the angel from his thoughts.

“Um… Cas? I kinda need to use the bathroom. Please?” Dean said quietly from the other side of the door. Castiel’s heart rose slightly, he did not sound upset or angry, that had to be a good thing. Right?

“I will be right out, Dean.” Castiel replied. He walked over to the small basin, turned on the cold tap and splashed water on his heated face. Feeling the cold water trickle down his face and neck, he felt slightly sharper.

Returning to the door, he opened it slowly, just in case Dean was on the other side. He saw no point in putting more stress on to the already poorly coping human. He found him sitting in the living room, silently stroking Riots soft fur. Castiel cleared his throat. Dean stood up without looking behind him, only acknowledging Castiel when he walked past him, hesitating before looking the angel in the eyes for a moment. And then he was gone. It was all the angel needed though, to know Dean did not completely blame him for this mornings turn of events. There was no hate or fear in his eyes, just a confused kind of understanding.

Castiel took Dean's place on the couch, scratching the little dog behind the ears absently for a few mintutes. He turned slightly towards Dean when he walked back into the room with a calm expression on his face.

"Lets go for a walk, clear our heads. We can grab something to eat on the way. Sound good?" Dean bent down, clipping the lead onto Riots collar. He then motioned towards the door. Castiel followed, hoping he could figure out exactly what it was Dean wanted, and wondering if the man himself even knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for 
> 
> \- Sexy times (slightly)


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos everyone :)
> 
> Hope you enjoy this next chapter.

_What a fucking mess._

This whole thing couldn’t get much worse. His head was a mess, he didn’t know what the hell had happened this morning, his shoulder still ached and to top it all off, his insides caught fire _every time_ he even looked at Castiel… _Fuck!_

As Dean shut and locked the door to his apartment, trying in vain to keep a subtle distance from Castiel, he tried to settle the thoughts racing through his sore head. He hadn’t got much sleep last night, and that was before the clusterfuck that was waiting for him when he woke up this morning. Everything was a swirling mess of questions in his head, but the main one was fairly pressing.

_Had he finally cracked enough with all the strain and had a full blown psychotic episode?_

Before he had any hope of figuring anything else out, he had to find out whether the guy next to him was flesh and blood, and whatever else, or part of some elaborate safety net his head had put together to keep him from doing something to himself that was…. Regrettable. 

Dean hadn’t realised he’d zoned out until he heard Castiel growl his name next to him.

“Dean? Is everything alright? I thought we were going for a walk?” Castiel asked him quietly, and judging by his downcast eyes and slight blush, this morning wasn’t forgotten.

Damn.

Trying to keep his tone cheerful and easy, he plastered a smile on his face and hoped to whoever was around that he sounded casual, because he damnwell didn’t feel it.

“Yup! I’m good. We’ll head down to the park; give Riot a good ol’ walk. I’m starving so we’ll catch a bite to eat too.” He knew he was rambling but he couldn’t stop himself, even being in this guy’s presence was turning him into a girl.

“Dean, I am happy to accompany you to an eatery, however I am an angel and therefor do not require –“ Castiel was cut off by the loudest stomach protest Dean had ever heard. He couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face, or the loud bark of laughter that followed.

“Uh I think your stomach would disagree, Cas.” Dean smiled widely at the confused looking man, who was looking down at his belly like the traitor it was. Upon hearing Dean say his name, Castiel looked up, and their gazes locked, green staring unabashedly into deep blue. The little hairs on the back of his neck stood on end, sending a shiver down his spine. His breathing grew rapid and he was worried the other man would be able to hear the increasing thump of his heart as it tried to escape from his chest.  Suddenly the hallway seemed far too small and constricting, forcing the two men towards each other.

Seeing the reaction Castiel was having made Dean feel a little better, knowing he wasn’t the only one as affected by just a _fuckin look._ The other man was breathing heavily, slim chest rising and falling quickly. Deans eyes flickered to the other man’s face, noting the flushed red of his cheeks, sweat making his black hair stick to the nape of his neck… a gasp drew Deans eyes to Castiel’s lips, his breath hitching as he watched Castiel’s pink tongue slide out slowly, wetting his soft, dry lips. A small moan escaped Dean, falling from his mouth before he could catch it. Castiel’s lust blown eyes were drawn to Dean’s mouth at the sound, before darting back up to Deans eyes, brows furrowing from what looked like confusion, and… so much longing.

Castiel swallowed thickly, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down along his stubble etched throat. Dean knew what the other man wanted, even if it looked like he didn’t know himself. It wouldn’t take much to lean across, bridge the distance between them, take Castiel’s face in his hands, bring their mouths together….

_No! This is crazy! Dude your pretty much thinking about kissing… yourself?? That’s a bit too far, even for you!_

Dean closed his eyes with a shuddering breath, willing his heart to stop beating so fast. It was making his fingers tingle and his head rush with dizziness. It was totally his heart and not the man opposite him practically shaking with supressed emotion. He opened his eyes slightly, chancing a look at the other man. Castiel was staring at his own feet, mouth open, hand on his chest. He was taking deep shuddering breaths, clearly also trying to regain his composure.

“We, ah,” Dean cleared his throat, mortified that his voice caught. “We should get going…”

Castiel just looked at him, eyes wide. He nodded, so Dean took that as a queue to move ahead, leading them out of the apartment block. Riot seemed completely at ease throughout the whole thing, not a care in the world.

_Oh, to be a dog._

Walking down the street in silence, Dean didn’t even bother thinking about hallucinations, marks on his arm or the fact that he desperately wanted the thing his brain had cooked up. It was so far beyond anything he’d ever had to deal with, he’d hit a wall. A full on, mental brick wall. All he wanted to focus on right now was getting a good breakfast. Luckily, he knew the perfect place, not far from his apartment, or the park.

The Roadhouse was an all-day diner that transformed into a great little bar after dark. It also made the _best_ breakfast. The owner, Ellen, was an old friend of his dads. She always had a kind smile and an ear to listen, if that’s what you needed. Best of all, Ellen didn’t mind when Dean brought Riot in, as long as he stayed under the table and behaved himself. Her daughter, Jo, was a bit younger than Dean, and was away at some fancy college, studying to get herself a better life. Dean was always proud when people went to college, bettering themselves, becoming something _more._ If he ever had kids himself he’d –

_No dude, don’t do that to yourself. Too much goin’ on to think about that._

Settling himself into a booth, Castiel on the other side, he didn’t even need to pick up the menu to know what he wanted. Castiel however, hadn’t been there before, so needed a little help. Watching him pick up the menu, his brows coming together in a frown, Dean had a chance to really look at the guy, without him noticing.

His dark hair was a mess, looking like he’d just scrambled out of bed, slightly curly and falling over his forehead. It looked so soft and fine but Dean could tell it was thick and strong. His slightly tanned face was different; it kind of had a slight European look to it, not a sharp, English look, like Dean. Castiel had more rounded features, rounded nose, chin, cheeks. But not in a fat, dumpy sort of way, no, he had the strong, hard jaw of a well-muscled man. Dean’s eyes fell on the other man’s lips, pink and soft looking, for a guy. At the moment the other man had his tongue sticking out slightly, trying to decipher the puzzle that was the menu. He couldn’t see his eyes right now, but he remembered how _blue_ they were, like his soul was shining out from behind them. They were striking, like lightening meeting the ocean.

Dean noticed just in time, the slight nod of the other man, before he brought his head up to let Dean know what he wanted.

”I will have the ‘Big Breakfast’ please, Dean.” Castiel asked, a slight smile touching his lips.

“Awesome, that’s what I always have.” Dean answered with a big grin. “But don’t tell me, tell the – “

Shit.

He hadn’t thought about that.

The waitress wasn’t gonna be able to see Castiel. He kept forgetting that the other guy wasn’t even real for fucksake. How was this gonna work? He didn’t want to be a dick and say he couldn’t have anything, but if he ordered two meals, and set one in front of the other guy, everyone would think he was a sandwich short of a picnic.

_Uh, well, you are?_

Shut the hell up.

He didn’t have a chance to figure out any kind of plan, before Ellen herself made her way over to their table.

“No Sam today, Dean?” Ellen asked with a smile. Dean and Sam always came in whenever they were in this part of town. Her meals were EPIC.

Dean just stared at her, trying to kick his brain back into gear. Letting out a small laugh, he tried to be as casual as he could.

“Nope! Just me today, sorry!” He failed. Dean caught the look of concern on Ellen’s face, clearly he wasn’t as good at faking as he thought.

“Mmhm, ok well, what do you wana order, hun?” Ellen asked, bringing her notepad and pencil together expectantly.

“I’ll have the uh, the ‘Big Breakfast, please.” Dean stumbled out, looking over at Castiel, which was an empty spot to everyone else.

“And –“But Ellen was cut off before she could continue, by a pair of giant arms that wrapped around her shoulders.

“Ellen! I’ll have whatever this Jerks having.” Sam’s massive frame almost eclipsing Ellen. She shooed him away affectionately with her pad, smiling motheringly. Sam and Dean were pretty much the sons she’d never had, much to her delight.

“Sam! Don’t hassle the poor woman, she’s gotta go cook you a shit tone of food now, to feed your giant ass.” Dean replied with a relieved grin. He was always happy to see Sam, even in the midst of everything that was going on. Maybe he would tell him about Castiel, he could help and –

“You gonna introduce me to your friend, Dean, or you just gonna sit there being a dick?” Sam asked, actually looking over at Castiel.

_But that wasn’t possible. No one can see him but me._

He looked from Sam, to Castiel, then back again, his mouth open in a silent panic attack, his mind frozen on one word.

* * *

Dean seemed to be having some kind of silent seizure, looking wildly between his friend, Sam, and himself. Maybe he had finally figured it out, finally realised that Castiel was _not_ part of his imagination. He could see from the expression on Sam’s face that he would have to answer for Dean, lest he think there was something wrong, some lasting effect from yesterday’s events.

He extended his hand, in the gesture humans made when greeting someone. “Hello, Sam. My name is Castiel. I am a friend of Deans. It is nice to meet you.” He hoped that was appropriate, he was not as well versed in human social norms as some of his brothers and sisters. It seemed to appease Sam, however, because he took Castiel’s hand in one of his large ones, and shook enthusiastically.

“Good to meet you man, Dean doesn’t have many friends, so it’s good to meet one.” Sam teased, looking at Dean for a reply. He was not in luck, as Dean was still trying to decide between flying out the door or fighting everyone in the bar, by the look on his face.

Ellen, meanwhile, had watched the whole exchange with barely disguised mirth. It must not be every day that Dean gets flustered and speechless. “So now that you girls got that outta the way, what are you havin, sweetie?” she looked at Castiel, pen in hand.

“I will have what the others are having, thank you, Ellen.” Castiel replied, collecting up the menus and handing them to her. She smiled warmly at him, and then glared at the other two.

“You boys could learn a thing or two from this young man. I’m sure his momma is mighty proud of him.”

“Yes, ma’m.” Sam said, sounding very much like a little boy being scolded. Chuckling, Ellen left them for the kitchen, yelling at the chef to get a move on.

“So, Castiel. Where on earth did you meet Dean?” Sam asked, casting another worried glance at Dean, who still hadn’t said a word. He was busy staring at Castiel, eyes wide in either fear or wonder, or a bit of both.

He knew Sam would ask this, it was an obvious question, simple and easy to answer, if you hadn’t appeared from heaven to save a man’s soul. So he replied with what he hoped would be a good answer, one that would not follow with too many questions.

“I met Dean at the gym actually.” Castiel answered, thinking back to the first day he had seen Dean, coming home holding what he hoped was a gym bag. The other man was covered in sweat, looked exhausted and sore but happy with what he had accomplished. When working out, he assumed that was what humans looked like afterward. Dean was apparently snapped from his shock by the answer, looking at Castiel curiously. Luckily, his answer made sense to Sam.

“Really? I’ve never seen you there before. I go with him some times, to you know, keep him company.” Sam elbowed Dean, grinning widely, before Dean answered back.

“More like cramping my style. Do you even realise how scrawny I look compare to you? I’m like a dainty little deer next to your… your mooseness!” Dean laughed at his own joke, earning a relieved laugh from Sam.

“Dean, how many times have I told you, the gym is _not_ a good place to pick up guys.” Sam looked quickly at Castiel, seemingly knowing what he’d just said may have offended him. “Sorry, dude, I didn’t mean it like that.”

Castiel thought for a moment, realising what Sam had been implying. A slight blush coloured his cheeks, remembering how they both woke up this morning. Clearly Dean was thinking the same, as he was a similar shade.

“No Sam, Dean and i are merely friends.” Castiel replied, looking at Dean when he said it. The other man would not meet his eyes. Clearly Dean was in just as much turmoil as Castiel was. That gave him some comfort, knowing he was not the only one in conflict.

* * *

“So, are you alright man? You know, after last night? It was pretty intense.” Sam eyed Dean with deep concern.

Their meals arrived before Dean could answer; three plates piled high with bacon, sausages, grits and eggs, all the great, greasy goodness wafting up and enveloping their senses. As Sam tucked into his meal, question forgotten for the moment, Dean looked across at Castiel. The other man was just sitting, staring at his plate, hesitation and doubt written all over his face. Dean nudged his leg under the table, trying not to draw unwanted attention from Sam. Castiel’s head snapped up, looking first at Sam, then at Dean, cocking his head to the side in silent question. Dean’s breath hitched at the sight. Taking a breath, he held up his knife and fork, giving Castiel a look that he hoped said ‘follow my lead’. The other man picked up his utensils, looking at them curiously. Dean suddenly realised, if the other man was an angel, an honest to god angel, this would most likely be his first meal. The thought made Dean shiver, that he could experience this man’s first taste of food. Because if there was one thing Dean Winchester loved, almost more than anything else, it was food.

Getting back to the task at hand, he lowered his knife and fork to his plate and scraped together a generous portion of food. He looked back up at Castiel, not taking his eyes from the other man, and brought the fork to his mouth. Sliding his lips over the full fork, he opened wider, so none of the food fell and made a mess. Castiel’s eyes widened as Dean closed his lips over cold metal, drawing a sharp intake of breath from the other man. He closed his eyes and licked his lips, drawing his pink tongue out to lick at the sauce at the corner of his mouth. Under the table, Dean didn’t move his foot from where it rested against Castiel’s leg. He knew he was playing a dangerous game, with Sam just there, and not knowing what the hell the other guy even was, but a pretty decent sized part of him didn’t seem to care all that much.

Looking back up at the other man, he realised he hadn’t touched his food. Castiel was staring at Dean’s mouth, his face betraying the fire burning inside him. Giving him an extra nudge, he managed to get Castiel’s attention back to his eyes, gesturing with them down to the other mans untouched plate. However much the two men had hoped this exchange had gone unnoticed, they were sorely out of luck.

“Guys, seriously, if you wana eye fuck, can you do it when I’m not here? I’m trying to eat!” Sam grouched around a mouthful of bacon, giving Dean an epic bitch face.

Dean shot him a half assed glare before turning back to Castiel. There was no way he was going to miss this. The other man had collected up a generous amount of everything onto his fork, and was bringing it up to his mouth. With his eyes locked on Deans, he opened his mouth, tongue peeking out to wrap around the fork. Castiel took the overloaded instrument into his mouth, wrapping his lips around it and closing his eyes, just as Dean had shown him. Clearly, he was not expecting the reaction he would have to the food. Dean watched, and listened, as Castiel moaned unabashedly around the fork, his right hand gripping the knife tightly. Dean clenched his teeth in a death grip, forcing down the choked groan that was trying to force its way up and out of his throat. What Castiel was doing, it had to be the most sexual thing he had ever seen. How anyone could make food sexual, was beyond him. But Cas… _holy fucking Christ_ …

“Dean…” Castiel looked up at him with wonder in his eyes. Dean almost felt his heart explode out of his chest, such was the feeling of fulfilment and gratitude that he had had the privilege to witness Castiel’s first meal. He had only known the guy a few hours, and hadn’t even talked to him all that much, but the sense of _connection_ he felt when he was with him, was insurmountable. It made absolutely no sense to him, but he’d go with it, to a point.

_If he really is a higher being, an angel, he’ll do his mission or whatever and leave. He won’t want anything to do with damaged goods like me. Just like everyone else._

Castiel caught the look of sadness in his eyes, not hidden enough behind the veil, and gently nudged Dean’s leg with his own foot. Dean looked away, unable to hold the steady blue eyed gaze aimed at him when he was feeling such misery, and unable to hide it. He turned to Sam, forcing himself to continue their conversation from earlier.

“I’m good man; I think I just needed a good night’s sleep and a good feed. I should be back at work on Monday. Since you clearly can’t stand the thought of being away from me.” Dean grinned at Sam so wickedly, the other man coughed into his plate of food.

“Yeah, sure, you keep thinkin’ that. Your manly charms are just too much to handle, Dean.” Sam dissolved into laughter, shaking the whole table. Dean narrowed his eyes at him, shovelling food into his face to keep himself from hitting Sam. Castiel was looking between them now, a thoroughly confused look on his face.

“Sam, do you wish to become… involved… with Dean?” He asked quietly, shooting an apprehensive look in Dean’s direction. He caught it, his eyes going wide before he almost choked on his food. Sam just looked stunned, his fork halfway to his mouth.

“NO!! No fuckin way man! Urgg! Oh my god!” Dean choked out, coughing loudly around all the food still in his throat. “Sammy’s like a brother to me! He’s like, married too!”

Sam had found his voice, albeit pulled from him by his laughter. “Honestly, I cannot imagine two worse people in a relationship. We’re too similar, be way too many fights.”

“Well yeah, but then there’d be fucking fantastic makeup sex”

“Oh my god, fuck off.”

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

They grinned stupidly at each other, every time this conversation happened it went exactly the same way. Too many people had said the same thing to them, the first time it’d happened, they were mortified, by the fifth time, they just found it hilarious. New recruits to the precinct, criminals, witnesses, strangers, it didn’t even bother them now. However Castiel didn’t know all of this, and was sitting opposite Dean with a look of embarrassment covering his face. He had his head down over his plate of food, shoulders slumped and hands clasping his knife and fork.

“Hey, Cas, its ok, you didn’t know.” Dean smiled, trying to catch the other man’s eye as he brought his head up.

“Yeah, I’m not a threat, so don’t worry yourself.” Sam said mischievously, raising his eyebrows as Castiel’s face took on a whole new shade of red. “So that was a joke but now that it’s out there?” He turned to look at Dean, whose face was showing the same signs.

“Drop it, Sam.” Dean said in a low voice, one the other guy new not to mess with. It was his ‘drop the gun or we’ll fire’ voice. Not to be messed with. Sam knew a sign when he saw one. Finishing his food, he wiped his mouth on the napkin.

“Wow, ok, so looks like you two have some things to work out. Thanks for the food, Dean. I’ll see you at work. Nice to meet you, Cas.” Sam stood up from the table, waved goodbye to Ellen, who was behind the bar wiping glasses and made his way out the door.

Dean looked down at his empty plate, not trusting himself to look at Castiel with indifferent eyes like he should. Like he _knew_ he should, but for the life of him couldn’t. Only a few hours, and already all of his carefully constructed barriers were falling away. No one could see through him, past his rock hard walls, the veil he threw down behind his eyes to shield the world from the damage that was _Dean Winchester._ It was his penance, his _duty_ to keep all the fucked up mess inside him, to himself. If anyone got to close… they were pushed away without a second thought. He didn’t _deserve_ their love… their ‘understanding’… their fucking pity. But Castiel… looking at him across the table, all of the wide eyed _innocence_ and _trust,_ radiating from his eyes… it was enough for him to spill his whole sorry life story right then and there. To bare his entire _soul_ to the other man, just to see if he could put the broken parts of him back together. It scared the hell out of him, to feel this, but it just felt _right._ It was as if his very _soul_ was humming within him, pulling him closer to the other man.

Dean knew this was all a bunch of bull, but it was nice to entertain the idea for a while. It sure got his mind off all the dark shit. Trusting himself to look impassive now, he looked up at Castiel, happy to see he had finished his meal.

“Did you enjoy that, Cas?” Dean asked with a small smile.

“Yes, Dean, it made me very happy. Now I understand why humanity has an obesity problem. Food is… wonderful.” The other man nodded, a smile spreading slowly across his face.

Dean chuckled quietly, agreeing with a nod of his head. He got up to pay the bill, giving Ellen a generous tip, like always. She waved goodbye from the other side of the bar, flicking a towel at the cook who stuck his hand out the serving area, waving too.

As the cool morning air hit Dean, it cleared his head immediately. He replayed everything that had just happened in the diner. He realised he should have been a little more overwhelmed with what Castiel had unknowingly revealed to him.

Sam could see him which probably meant he wasn’t having an actual Mental Breakdown, which in itself was a relief. But with that realisation, it meant that Dean was left with an even bigger problem. Castiel was, in fact, an Angel. And that said angel had a mission, to _protect_ Dean. From what? And why?

This was going to require a very long walk.

“Cas.” The other man turned at the sound of seriousness in Deans voice. Castiel’s eyes went wide at the look on Dean’s face. “We need to talk.”


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the reviews and kudos :)
> 
> Happy reading!

As the two of them walked down the street towards the park, Castiel could see the trees ahead, he wondered what was going on inside Dean Winchesters head. The other man had not said a word since they had left the Roadhouse, apart from the ominous ‘we need to talk’. That had been a good fifteen minutes ago. He could almost see the little cogs and gears trying to grind out an explanation for what the angel had revealed to him. The fact that finally, Castiel had been revealed as flesh and blood, and not a by-product of a mind collapsing in on itself, was probably adding to the confusion. He knew better than to disrupt Deans thoughts, the man needed time to get himself together to ask the questions he thought would be most important. Castiel was more than happy to wait. He knew he could not tell Dean all he wished to hear, even though Castiel wanted nothing more than to reveal everything to Dean. It would surely ease his troubled mind and heart, to know what he was destined for. He could not lie to Dean, but he had to omit certain… facts… until certain events took place.

That much was evident, from reading the small file he had been given about his charge. It contained information pertinent to his mission, and nothing more. It simply stated that he must protect Dean Winchester and his soul, until such time as was evident. Which meant until Dean died. Castiel swallowed the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat at the thought, those bright green eyes extinguished, that smile forever lost. The fact that he reacted this way alarmed him, for he knew exactly where Deans soul would go when his time came, it should give him comfort. But his heart hammering against his chest, his throat constricting and the sharp spike of tears behind his eyes told him otherwise. It made entirely no sense to him. He let out a shaky breath, hoping, praying, his grace returned to full power soon. These… emotions… were beginning to wear him out.

Castiel had been so lost in his thoughts he had not realised they were in the park until he felt the crunch of gravel under his black shoes. He looked around, blinking at the tall trees, the way the weak winter light tried in vain to breach the branches and reach the ground. He closed his eyes and breathed in the earthy smell of pine and damp, cold ground.  His eyes snapped open as Dean cleared his throat beside him.

“I like to come here to relax, you know, after a hard day at the office”. Dean smiled his sweet, crooked smile, looking away when he met Castiel’s eyes.

“But you don’t work in a… oh… never mind”. Castiel looked away, embarrassed that he was still learning about all the ins and outs of human language. They really were a fascinating species, incredibly complicated, yet so simple all at once. 

“Yeah… anyway, I um, I need to know what’s going on, Cas. I’m fairly fuckin glad I’m not going insane, but I need to know why you’re here, and what the hell it’s got anything to do with me, or I might just go that way anyway.” Dean said quickly, as a slightly panicked laugh escaped him at the end. Castiel knew he would have to be blunt with Dean, the other man would not appreciate being coddled.

“Alright, Dean. I will tell you all that I can. Should we sit?” Castiel gestured to an old wooden bench, just off the track. They had been walking for a while, so they were far enough along the track that no one would bother them. A semblance of privacy that Castiel was happy with, this conversation was not going to be easy.

“Ok, sounds good.” Dean replied in a clipped, tense voice. He was watching Riot sniff amongst the leaves. Castiel wanted to get this talk out of the way, the secrecy was clearly getting to Dean, and the last thing he wanted was for him to be uncomfortable.

Letting out a breath as he settled down on the cold seat, Castiel began, what he hoped would be a good enough explanation. “I was sent here to protect you Dean, you and your soul. You are very important to Heaven.” _And to me._

“Why? Why me for fuck sake! I’m no one.” Dean asked quietly. Castiel looked at the other man out of the corner of his eye. He had his head down, eyes on the ground, long fingers fiddling with the lead that held Riot.

“Dean, you are very special. I have never seen a soul so bright and pure. It is glorious to behold.” Castiel hoped Dean could hear the smile in his voice, the reverence for which Castiel held for his soul.

“So everything you’ve told me, right from when I first met you, outside in that alley, it’s all been the truth? All the information was correct?” Castiel could hear the Police Officer in Dean’s voice then, the command, and for some inexplicable reason it made Castiel shiver. Shaking his head, he composed himself.

“Yes, Dean. Everything I’ve ever said to you is correct. I would never lie to you.” Dean looked up at Castiel then, right into his blue eyes. He knew the other man needed to see the truth that was in the angels eyes. And it was staring at him, plain as day.

Dean ran a hand through his hair, blowing out a breath. “Seriously dude, I think you guys have your info wrong. You don’t want me. I’m a piece of shit. I don’t deserve any of this.” Dean chuckled darkly to himself. “I’m honestly surprized you can’t see the black stain on my soul that’s – “He stopped suddenly, as if remembering himself. Scrubbing a rough hand over his face, he smiled at Castiel. It did not reach his eyes.

“So, shit, you’re an angel, huh? That’s pretty epic. So, is there like, Heaven, Hell, all that stuff?”

Castiel just looked at him, stunned. He couldn’t believe how this conversation was eventuating. He knew Dean was holding something back from him, he could almost sense it, even without his grace. But he could not ask about it, he knew Dean would not give him the information, he had to volunteer the information himself.

He was immensely impressed with how Dean was taking all of this information. He expected shouting, denial, well there had been some denial, but the acceptance was astounding. Yes, he had changed the subject, but he assumed that was just Dean trying to process it.

The fact that Dean thought he was anything less than worthy was breaking Castiel’s heart, or that’s what it felt like to his human body. A rough, jagged pain in the area of his beating heart. He didn’t have the first clue as to how to comfort Dean, and make him see otherwise. He scrambled through his small knowledge of humans, finally landing on one thing Castiel thought might help, even if it was small.

Castiel wiped his now sweaty palm on the top of his pants leg, feeling the rough fabric underneath his shaking hand. He had never attempted anything of this sort before, in a conscious state anyway. Very slowly, so as to not frighten Dean, he reached between them and laid his hand carefully over Deans, which were still clutching his dogs lead.

Dean’s eyes widened, looking down at their hands, Castiel’s own fairly large, tanned hand covering Deans long fingered, freckled one. He then lifted his head, staring back up to into Castiel’s own wide eyes. He was immediately worried he had done something awfully wrong, that his information had been wrong, and humans did not, in fact, appreciate contact when they were feeling down. His fears were extinguished, however, when Dean’s face broke out in the biggest smile Castiel had ever seen on his beautiful face. This time, it definitely reached his eyes. They practically shone from it.

Castiel was surprised when Dean turned his hand over, and gently laced their fingers together. He cocked his head to the side, studying this new movement. He looked up at Dean, whose smile had turned small, and somewhat shy. Looking at their hands again, Castiel realised this particular formation was reserved for those in a relationship, or those hoping for one. Castiel’s cheeks flushed as he remembered this morning, they had certainly woken as if they were lovers. Dean clearly took the colour of Castiel’s cheeks as a good sign, as he slowly brought his thumb over the back of Castiel’s hand, and began to stroke in small circles. A strange warmth started where Deans thumb traced the lines of his hand, traveling up his arm and spreading through his chest. It was nothing like he had ever felt, different from the hunger from this morning.

Looking into Deans eyes, he could clearly see the hesitant trust developing there, the pulse of a bond more profound than anything either of them had ever known. With a nervous smile, Castiel squeezed Deans hand, unsure of the proper protocol of hand holding. It was probably such a simple thing to Dean, something he had done many times before. But Castiel had never been more intimate with another being, this morning notwithstanding. To him, it was everything.

* * *

Dean couldn’t believe how warm Castiel’s hands were. And soft, so goddamned soft. Gently rubbing his finger over the back of the other man’s hand, he could feel the pulse quicken beneath his touch. He just knew Castiel could feel his own pulse rocketing around underneath his skin. When Castiel had first laid his hand over his own, his first, fundamental instinct was to pull away. That’s all he had ever done, whenever someone had gotten too close, he pulled away. But Castiel… there was something about him. Some nagging _tug,_ on such a base level, that Dean knew better then to go against it. It was if his whole being was yelling _just go for it jackass!_ The last thing he wanted though, was to scare the angel away. Considering he had just witnessed the guys first meal, there was a fairly high chance _everything_ was going to be his first time. And he would not have it said that Dean Winchester was not considerate, no sir. He would go slow, for his own sake as well as the angels.

It was slightly unsettling how easy he had absorbed the information Castiel had given him. He should have been running off, screaming and yelling about the end of days. But no, here he was, totally accepting of the fact an angel, and more so, _Heaven,_ thought he was important enough to send a guard to protect him. He wasn’t complaining about that, no way, that could come in handy, and already had, but what he couldn’t get his mind around was why? Couldn’t they see or sense or whatever, the giant black mark he had against his name? Sure, it had been a long time ago, but these guys probably don’t care about something as stupidly human as time. It made his whole body ache just thinking about it, but he thought it only fair that now was the time to come clean. It really was a make or break moment.

He went to pull away from the comforting warmth of their intertwined fingers, but Castiel was stronger than he looked, and clearly wasn’t ready to relinquish Deans hand. He looked at Castiel then, swallowing the ache in his throat when he saw the happiness in his eyes. He was loath to take that away from the other man, but best it happen now before anything more serious happened between them. He cleared his throat.

“Cas, I, um, I have to tell you something. It’s pretty important and, uh, it will probably change your whole view of me, so I’m sorry but I have to tell you why I’m the wrong guy.” Dean was immediately glad Castiel had held on, the embrace of their hands provided more support than he thought, and it was probably the last time he’d feel it too. The thought caused a sharp stab of sadness and pain to lance through his chest.

“Go ahead, Dean. I am listening.” Castiel replied softly, big, blue eyes wide and concerned.

“This… is really hard for me, Cas. I haven’t talked about it, in a real long time. Im gonna give you the short version, cause the long one, yeah no, I’m gonna give you the short one.” Dean knew he was babbling, unwilling to start the tale that would inevitably be his ticket back home to a sad, lonely apartment, and his sad, crushingly lonely life.

“I um, I had a younger brother. His name was Adam. He was a good kid, but he fell in with the wrong crowd. He knew it, but he didn’t get on with my dad, so I think he did it just to spite him. The day he… the day he died, we um, we had a fight. Something stupid, I can’t even remember what it was about. But that night, he called me, real late, I saw his name flash up on my phone, and I just ignored it. I was still pissed at him. In the morning, I saw I had a voice mail…” Dean fought against the lump in his throat, the searing pain in his chest. “It was from Adam. He sounded scared … I still remember… “ _Dean, please man. I don’t like this place, the guys brought me here, but its way over my head. There’s bad shit here man. Please come and get me.”_ Dad was out on patrol, and… and i knew he wouldn’t have called him, he woulda got in so much shit. My dad was always saying ‘take care of your brother, watch out for your brother’. It was my responsibility to make sure he was safe.”

Dean took a shuddering breath and tasted saltiness on his lips, huh, he hadn’t realised he’d been crying. “But this time… this time was different. I didn’t know where he was, but he was on the bad side of town, one of the roughest neighbourhoods. Turns out, it was a gang house, one of his friends brothers was in the gang. Well, a rival gang showed up, and there was a massive fight. Adam… he got caught in the crossfire. Wrong place, wrong fucking time. If I’d just picked up the fucking phone… if I hadn’t been such a selfish dick bag, he would still be alive. It’s all my fault, and that’s exactly how dad saw it too. Turns out, dad had been called to the party, to break it up. He was one of the first there. He said… he said he found Adam sitting up against a fence, blood dripping from his mouth. He’d been stabbed in the stomach, a couple of times. He’d tried to protect one of his mates, who just fuckin bailed once they saw the police show up. Apparently… the last thing… the last thing he said to my dad was… _He said he’d always protect me. But Dean didn’t come, why didn’t he come, dad?”_ Dean was all out crying then, not the cute way girls cry, all dainty and shit, this was full on manly, snot and tears _crying._

He hadn’t relived that moment in years, preferring to keep it locked up tight, somewhere it couldn’t get to him. Castiel had been quiet the entire time Dean had been talking, which he appreciated, really, but it was kinda disconcerting. He suddenly let go of Dean’s hand, and it hurt more than he would admit. He knew it was coming, but still. What he didn’t expect, however, was a pair of strong arms to wrap tentatively around his shaking shoulders, and draw him into a cradle of warmth and understanding. It was far more than he thought he deserved, but right now, he’d take it. He buried his head in the other man’s neck and cried until his voice was hoarse, his eyes were swollen and he’d left an unsightly wet patch on Castiel’s trench coat.

When he was only snivelling and rocking backwards and forwards, Castiel brought his hands around to rest on Deans shoulders, pushing back slightly to look him directly in the eye. Even through his swollen, tear blurred eyes, he could see the look in Castiel’s eyes. It was full of compassion, and sadness, but none of the disgust or pity that Dean had expected. It was as if a great weight had been lifted, now that Castiel knew his greatest, darkest shame. No more hiding, no more pushing. He had seen Castiel’s reaction, and the relief spread through his veins like wild fire, burning and melting all the ice that had frozen around his heart.

“Dean, what you just told me…in absolutely no way was any of that your fault. You could not have possibly foretold what would eventuate. It was Adams _choice_ to be at that party, it was your fathers _choice_ to blame you, in his misguided belief that you had anything to do with it. You have gone your whole life thinking you are worthless, while trying to make up for it by saving as many people as you can, with no regard to your own safety. You have absolutely no idea how… how _good_ you are, do you? You told me that story, and all I could think through all of it was how much you hate yourself, that you don’t deserve to love or be loved because of _other peoples_ choices. I do not know how to make you understand, to make you _see_ what I see Dean, but I promise you, I _will_ show you.” Castiel finished his incredible statement by squeezing Deans shoulders.

Dean just sat there, looking at the other man, his mouth slightly open, stunned. No one had ever said anything like that to him before. One girl he had been pretty serious about, had heard the story, and just told him he was a dick for leaving his brother high and dry. _Well Ruby was a bitch…_ and Benny… well he’d heard it and it’d been a pity party from there on. Always tip toeing around him like he’d fuckin’ break. He couldn’t cope with that shit. So he’d simply stopped letting people in. It was easier that way, and it’s what he thought he deserved.

Castiel though… it was like he’d analysed what Dean had said, and picked out the words he hadn’t spoken. All the self-loathing, the nights spent wide awake, wondering why he was even still alive when Adam wasn’t. The self-destructive police work he threw himself into, not thinking before crashing headfirst into the fray. It had gotten him in some deep shit, more than once. One of the reasons he’d been partnered with Sam, he was the level headed one, the talk it out kinda guy.

It was almost overwhelming, to think that someone thought he was worth saving. It was like Castiel had come along and opened the curtains of his life, drawing the warm sunlight back into the deep, dark, cold recesses of his soul. He flung his arms around the other man, pressing into his neck. Not crying this time, just holding onto the first thing in a long time to bring any semblance of joy into his life.

_Sorry Riot, human joy, not running around crazy, humping your leg, dog joy._

Castiel looped his arms around Dean again, and copied his movement, burying his face into the flesh of Dean neck. The other man’s breath was warm against his skin, and sent shivers down his spine. If they didn’t stop this soon, it was gonna get awkward. Pushing away grudgingly, Dean laughed slightly at the other mans confused look.

“Um, stupid question, but was that your first hug?” Dean asked, noting the flushed cheeks and wide eyes of his companion. He had to admit, he liked the look on other man. Castiel cleared his throat.

“No, Dean, it was not.”

“Oh.” Dean couldn’t believe how jealous he felt at that moment, like someone had stolen a precious moment from him.

“No, that first hug I gave you, that was my first.” The corners of the other man’s mouth twitched, clearly holding back a smile at Dean’s reaction.

Dean couldn’t believe it, his angel had a sense of humour! Fantastic. He grinned in spite of himself, his stuffed nose and raw eyes the only reminder of the painful conversation of before. He suddenly felt a movement down by his legs, and saw Riot sitting there, shivering his poor little doggy paws off. He hadn’t noticed how cold it had gotten, being lost in the heat of Castiel’s hugs. He scooped the little dog up, unzipped his coat, and put him down inside. The dog relaxed immediately, warmed by Dean’s body heat. Castiel was watching them closely, his head cocked to the side. Dean knew that look now, he was evaluating their relationship. He seemed to come to some kind of conclusion, because he nodded his head.

“See, Dean, I told you, you have a good heart.” Smug, the bastard looked smug. Wow.

Dean laughed at the look on the angels face. “Ok, man, whatever you say, you’re the angel. How about we head home, its getting cold out.”

With that, they both stood, making their way slowly out of the park. Dean couldn’t help from brushing their hands together every now and then, he loved seeing what it did to Castiel. Every time Dean stroked a finger languidly down the back of other man’s hand, or their fingertips brush each other, Castiel would visibly shiver and not, Dean thought, from the cold. By the time they had reached the edge of the park, Castiel was out of breath and bright crimson. He looked at Dean imploringly, almost begging him to stop, but then, clearly hoping Dean wouldn’t. He relented, but not before giving the other man’s hand a gentle squeeze, just so he knew for sure he wasn’t going to ignore him.

Walking down the street back to his apartment, without the distraction of constant harassment, Dean was able to think about what Castiel had told him in the park. One thing stuck out that didn’t make a lot of sense, if Castiel had been sent to protect him, why not do it right from the start? He had some blazon near misses in the past, he even ended up in hospital a few times, so it made little sense to start now. Unless… people assume that Dean Winchester is not a smart man, but you have to be, to survive as a cop in New York. Survival instincts aside, you had to be observant and run things though, thinking about every possibility. Even if those possibilities weren’t what you wanted to think about, because they could still happen. Castiel almost bumped into him when he stopped suddenly, needing to voice his concerns, before he thought up any more crazy scenarios in his head.

“Cas, you said you were sent here to protect me… well, why now? I mean, I’ve been a cop for ages, had plenty of close calls, why are you only showing up now? I’m not mad or anything, I just… Cas?” Dean looked over at the other man, and was not happy with what he saw.

Castiel was staring at him, eyes wide in a ‘deer in the headlights’ kinda way, and all the colour had drained from his face. It was not comforting, to say the least.

“I think…” Castiel swallowed, visibly shaking now. “I think we should go back to your apartment, Dean.”

Dean looked at the other man’s appearance, and nodded. “I think your right.”


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone had a good day
> 
> Here's a new chapter :)

It seemed Dean was fond of long silences when something was bothering him. They had not spoken since Dean had revealed what had clearly been bothering him on their way back from the park. Castiel should have expected it; Dean Winchester was a smart man, no matter what he tried to make people believe. However, it did not change the fact that Castiel had no idea how much to tell Dean. Yes, he had accepted the fact that Castiel was an angel sent by Heaven to protect him, and he had seemed to accept everything else that Castiel had told him with ease. However, what Dean was asking was an entirely different story when it came down to it. How do you even begin to explain to someone that in the near future they were going to die?

Dean let Riot potter off around the apartment before retreating into the kitchen. Castiel sank down onto the couch, preparing himself for the conversation he knew was to come. He decided, right then, to tell Dean whatever he needed to know, a part of him _believed_ that he could handle the knowledge that his end was at hand. Castiel was startled when Dean set a cup of coffee down in front of him.

“So… You gonna tell me why, now, I deserve a body guard?” Dean asked as his eyebrows rose. Castiel took his mug, sipping on the strange liquid slowly, not meeting Deans eyes.

Castiel swallowed a gulp of hot coffee, contemplating his answer. “Do you want the hard, honest answer Dean? Or would you be happy enough knowing that, in the end, everything will be fine.” He attempted a smile, but it slipped away from his face when he looked up and saw Deans.

“Cut the crap, Cas. I can handle the truth.” Dean glared at Castiel, making him shrink back into the couch. He did not like that look. It made him feel like he and Dean were at odds and it did not sit well with him. Blowing out a breath, and taking another gulp of coffee, he attempted to make it up to Dean.

“Alright, Dean. Do not tell me I did not warn you though. I’m warning you now. What I’m going to tell you… it will be hard to hear.” Castiel chanced another glance at Dean, relieved to see the hard glare gone from his face. It was replaced by something that looked strikingly like sympathy.

“Cas… I know none of this is your fault. I’m sorry that you have to be the one that tells me all this crap.” Dean said quietly, looking up at Castiel through his long eyelashes.

“Thank you, Dean. It is good to hear you say that. But I am glad it is me who tells you, I would have it no other way.” Castiel held Deans gaze then, letting him see the truth in them. What Castiel was going to tell him would most likely cause Dean a lot of pain, and he was going to see him through it.

“Ok, Cas. Go ahead, I can handle it.” Dean told the angel with an encouraging smile. Castiel set his now empty mug down, threading his fingers together as if in prayer.

“Dean, I was sent down at this time because… your time on earth will soon come to an end. I do not know when, but I promise you, I will be there with you when it happens. And I will make it was easy as I possibly can.” Castiel said sadly. That awful ache in his chest was back, thinking about Dean dying. It was like an explosion of pain in the region of his heart. He felt a strange prickling sensation behind his eyes, and a sudden wetness on his face.

Dean was beside him in an instant, strong arm wrapped around his shoulders. “Hey man, its ok, don’t cry. Shouldn’t I be the one being consoled? I’m the one that’s gonna die.” Dean chuckled darkly. Clearly the information hadn’t sunk in yet.

“I’m so sorry, Dean. I’m sorry that I can’t stop it. It feels like I am being torn apart from the inside whenever I think about it.” Castiel sobbed then, dragging in a harsh breath. “But I promise, when it does happen, I will be there right beside you. You do not have to go through this alone.”

Dean looked at him, concern marring his features. He bought his hand up, thumb drawing across Castiel’s cheek, wiping away the tear that raced down his face. Castiel shivered, a warm path of tingles trailing Deans thumb.

“Cas, I said it’s not your fault. I kinda had an idea of where this was going. I can totally understand why you didn’t wana tell me. You thought I’d freak out. To tell you the truth, I’m kinda _surprised_ I’m not freaking the fuck out. I guess this is just another thing, in a long list of things, that don’t make a whole lotta sense now, but will do in the long run. Man, I sound so deep now.” Dean laughed quietly.

“So, you’re not upset?” Castiel asked in disbelief. He could not believe it; Dean was almost taking this news too well. It was… disconcerting. Something was wrong, surely.

“Nah, not really. I don’t really have anything to live for anyway, you know? I feel like I was just going through the motions. Sure there’s Sammy, but he’s got Amy. I don’t have any family. Everyone’s got… someone… but I don’t, not here anyway.” Castiel could see Dean sneak him a quick glance, but he had no idea what to make of it. He was too busy trying to wrap his head around the fact that Dean was accepting the fact he was going to die, soon. Castiel was right in having a feeling there was something wrong. Dean still saw himself as worthless. Not worth the air he breathed. It saddened Castiel more than he had ever known.

“Dean, please do not think like that. You have plenty to live for. Sam would miss you terribly, as would Ellen and Bobby. And what about Riot? Dogs do not like change, and mourn just the same as humans.” Castiel looked into Dean’s face, inches from his own. He could see the gold flecks in the other man’s emerald eyes, shining brightly despite the sombre topic. “Dean, even though I cannot do anything to stop it, does not mean I want it to happen. It… pains me, to think that your light will be extinguished.” Castiel sniffed, tears once again falling from his eyes.

Dean’s breath hitched as he sucked in a gasp “Cas… that’s like, the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.” He laughed, running his hand through his short, blonde hair. “This whole conversation has been one giant girl moment, Sammy would be proud. He’s always telling me to ‘talk about my feelings’. Like that’s gonna help anything. Are you ok now? How about I order us some take out. And we could watch a movie?”

“Yes, Dean, that sounds perfect. I have not had the chance to partake in television.” Castiel gave Dean a small smile, laughing slightly at the way Dean stared at him in shock.

“Dude, you’ve never watched TV?! Oh man, your missing out. Don’t worry, I’ve got all the classics. Indiana Jones, Star Wars…um… Dirty Dancing…” Dean shifted in his seat, the last movie title slipping out quietly, almost as if…

“Dean, are you embarrassed about your love of that particular movie? Why?” Castiel asked, head tilted to the side, studying Deans curious reaction.

“Oh man, you’ll see why.” Dean laughed, squeezing Castiel’s shoulder before heading back into the kitchen to procure what Dean called ‘movie essentials’. These turned out to be beer, potato chips and salsa.

The movies themselves, Indiana Jones and Dirty Dancing, turned out to be very enjoyable, as was the pizza overloaded with cheese and meats. Castiel enjoyed Dirty Dancing the best, he loved watching the two characters dance together, and eventually find love where they did not expect to find it. He mentioned this to Dean, who laughed.

“Yeah, you can guess why I was kinda embarrassed about owning it. But that Patrick Swayze… I swear he’d turn the straightest guy if given the chance.” Dean blushed, and Castiel wished he could see what he was thinking.

“He is a very good natured man. It’s interesting; his heaven is a dance studio. I did not know who he was until we watched this movie. But now I understand.” Dean was listening to Castiel, mouth slightly open, again staring in shock.

“What… You… You’ve _met_ him?” Dean spluttered incredulously.

Castiel looked at Dean’s reaction, suddenly realising that the other man knew nothing of heaven, and therefore the afterlife. “Yes, Dean. He did die. I met him in heaven. Everyone has their own version of heaven, his happened to be a dance studio.”

Dean looked down for a second, brows knitted together as if in deep thought. “When… when _it_ happens… do you think… could I meet him?” He looked up, hopeful hesitance in his eyes. Castiel felt a warm sensation in his chest at Dean’s expression. He was taking this all so well; it was more than anything Castiel had hoped for.

“I’m sure I could arrange something, Dean. It’s not something you have to worry yourself with for the foreseeable future though.” Castiel told the other man.

“Do you… Do you know when its gonna, like, happen? Man… actually, I dunno if I wana know…” Dean trailed off quietly, catching Castiel’s eye, and then glancing away quickly, like he could not make up his mind.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I do not know when _it_ will happen.” Castiel replied sadly, wishing he could give Dean the answer he wanted. The other man looked at him for a moment, brows coming together in a frown.

“So… if you don’t know when I’m meant to kick the bucket, how will you know when to, like, protect me and stuff?” Dean asked, concern adding to the myriad of emotions scrambling across his face.

“It’s hard to explain, Dean. I will experience a… feeling… when the time comes. I will know, just before you do.” Castiel explained.

“It won’t hurt you, will it?” Dean asked, eyes wide with concern for his friend.

“No, Dean. It will not hurt me.” Castiel replied, _although seeing you die may very well kill me_.

“Cas… whatever happens, I trust you. I can’t explain it, but hearing you hash it all out… I’m not scared. Well yeah, I am a little, but knowing your gonna be there, to help me, it kinda makes it better.” Dean looked at Castiel, green eyes sparkling with trust and hope. It made Castiel’s heart swell, a giant balloon of warmth inflating in his chest.

“Thank you, Dean. You have no idea how relieved I am to hear you say that. Of course I will be there, when it happens. As I said, I will make it as easy, and painless, as I possibly can.” Castiel smiled at the other man, hoping to convey to him some of Castiel’s steely determination.

Dean seemed happy with the answer, and Castiel was relieved when he dropped the conversation. It was causing great discomfort in his chest area, making his heart ache violently.

Yawning widely, Dean rose from the couch, stretching out all of his long, muscled limbs. Castiel found it to be quite a pleasing sight, making his cheeks blush with the thought. Luckily, the other man did not notice, instead taking all of their used dishes into the kitchen. Castiel rose to help him, grabbing the pizza box and following him into the small kitchen. The kitchen was barely big enough for two people to fit easily, let alone two 6 foot something males. They had no choice but to squeeze around each other, as Castiel stood awkwardly, not knowing where anything belonged.

As they were finishing up, Dean had his back to Castiel putting dishes away. The angel was distracted, marvelling at the way Deans shirt clung to the contours of his back, hard planes of muscles rippling as he reached up to put the last glass away. Suddenly, he turned around; clearly not realizing the angel was directly behind him.

Their bodies folded together, a meeting of flesh making Castiel’s very _being_ sing. It was wholly unintentional, on both their parts, but for some reason, neither seemed willing to part. They stayed, awkwardly pinned to each other, Castiel’s hands behind him; bracing against the counter, Deans arms either side of the angel, keeping himself steady. He could feel Dean’s warm breath, unsteady, ghosting against his neck. Castiel kept his eyes glued to the cabinets on the other side of the kitchen, keeping completely still. Moving meant interrupting this moment, a moment he wanted to hang on to, forever.

His breath hitched as he felt Dean move, already preparing for the pain at the loss of the other man against him. Instead, Dean moved his hands so that they covered Castiel’s, warm fingers enclosing over his fists. The fire within Castiel’s chest exploded, causing a sound of deep, primal pleasure to rise up within his throat. This was Dean not wanting this moment to end. This was Dean accepting Castiel, wanting him, _needing him._ It was almost too much emotion for Castiel to handle, all at once. There were so many things he did not understand, so many questions yet to be answered, but he found no fear in that, only the knowledge that he understood _Dean_ , and that was all that mattered.

* * *

Damnit all to _hell_.

Dean was finding it _very_ hard to control himself right now, since he had a whole armfull of trembling angel pressed up against his body. He hadn’t even seen the guy, standing right behind him. This kitchen was just too fuckin _small_ sometimes.

All of his senses were filled with angel. He could smell the sweat on him from their walk; feel him against his body, all hard muscle and trembling confusion. Dean took a deep breath, blowing out through his mouth, accidentally blowing against the angel’s neck. He heard the other man’s breathing stutter when he felt it.

He wasn’t gonna do this, not yet. It wasn’t fair on either of them. He needed to know, to find out for sure that Castiel wasn’t going to just fuck off once his job was done. He needed to know if this was something… more.

Didn’t mean he couldn’t test the waters though. He did promise himself that he wouldn’t take it any further. Once again taking a deep breath to calm his racing mind, he slid his hands over the counter, heart beating faster when he felt Castiel’s hands touch his own. Very slowly, he slid his long fingers over the angels, which were clutching the kitchen counter like it was the only thing holding him up. Feeling warm skin under his own was invigorating, making him smile stupidly, like some teenage girl holding hands for the first time. He was hoping like crazy that the angel wasn’t just gonna rip away from him at any second and start beating the crap outta him for this crazy come on, when he heard it. A guttural, primal sound that was barely a whisper, but to Dean it was like a freight train had rattled past his ears. He had caused that, an almost pained moan coming from his angel. He was half hard when this whole thing started but that moan… it sent all none essential blood straight to his cock, and quite a lot of essential blood too, judging by the dizziness in his head.

This was the tipping point, he knew it. If he let things progress right now, from here, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. He wanted this guy, more than anything he’s ever wanted before. Apart from the fact that it scared the crap outta him, he knew it was take it slow or no go. The guy was an inexperienced virgin, an _angel_ for fuck sake. It was his responsibility to take the lead here, and if that meant stepping away when necessary, well then, he’d take one for the team.

Squeezing Castiel’s hands one last time, he drew his body away from the other mans. The look of confusion and hurt that crossed the other man’s face when he drew away broke Dean’s heart, knowing he had caused it. But it was a necessary evil, for the time being. Hell, once everything settled down, and Dean knew Castiel’s plan, they could fuck each other’s brains out, on every surface of his apartment. It would be a great way to distract himself from his apparent imminent demise. He looked at Castiel, seeing his downcast eyes and slumped shoulders, and knew he had to explain himself, even if just a little. He cupped two fingers under the other man’s chin, forcing their eyes to meet.

“Cas, whatever’s going on between us…if anything… It’s so new; I don’t know where to start. I wana take things slowly, because, well… you’re an angel, a virgin, and I don’t wana break you.” Nervous laughter followed Dean honest statement, he’d said more than he’d meant to, so he hoped it would help. “I think we both need cold showers, and bed. What do you say?” Dean looked at the angel, who still had a slight flush to his cheeks, but had lost the hurt look in his eyes. It was replaced by a quiet determination.

“Alright, Dean. Thank you for your explanation and your… understanding. I am… Ill equipped to handle such… base, human emotions. They confuse me and make me feel… things. It is most disconcerting.” Castiel explained to Dean, determination replaced by quiet shyness. Dean almost laughed at the childlike explanation. But then, he was like a child, experiencing all of these things for the first time.

_Oh god, dude, do **not** think of Cas as a child _

Escaping from the close quarters of the kitchen, Dean gave Castiel a towel and pointed him in the direction of the bathroom.

“Take as long as you need, and maybe have it on cold for the first bit, eh?” Dean added jokingly, knowing for sure the angel wouldn’t get his meaning. The other man just nodded before turning towards the bathroom. When he was halfway there, Castiel stopped and turned around.

“Oh, Dean?” Castiel questioned him.

Dean turned towards the angel, closing the linin cupboard as he went. Castiel looked him dead in the eye.

“You will not break me.” And with that, he turned, walked the few steps to the bathroom, and closed the door.

Dean just stood there, a blush covering his cheeks, burnt red from the knowledge that not only was his angel one sassy son of a bitch, but also that he was well and truly _fucked._


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello
> 
> here is a new chapter, thank you for the comments and kudos :)
> 
> Warnings at the end

Once Castiel was done with the bathroom, Dean stepped into its steamy embrace. He knew he should have a cold shower, his body was still aching with the kitchen encounter, but he didn’t see the harm in the alternative. Sure he’d told Castiel to have a cold one, but it’s not like he was gonna tell the guy, the _angel,_ to jerk off in the shower so he wasn’t horny as hell when they inevitably found their way to the same bed, again. Hell, he didn’t even know if the guy knew how or what to do. And he was _not_ having that conversation, not yet, anyway.

Stripping off his clothes, he wiped at the misted mirror, looking at his reflection. Nothing about him had changed, as he’d expected it to, given all the soul wrenching information he’d learned over the last few days. Green eyes stared back at him, his freckles still dusted over his straight nose. He needed to shave; a fairly modest amount of facial hair covered his strong jaw. Strange how a few days growth could make a man look five, or even ten, years older.

Turning on the shower, he waited until the water warmed up, _sorry, Cas,_ then stepped under the warm jets. He let the water pound over his sore, tense muscles, easing them as only water can. He wondered if the angel had actually taken his advice of a cold shower, or if they were going to wake up in a similar fashion as this morning. A part of him hoped he’d ignored his advice, even though this morning had scared the crap outta him, mostly because of all the glowing eyes and hands, it was great to know someone wanted him. And not just for his body, but for all of him, including his fucked up past and self-loathing. He was getting past that, thanks to Cas, but he knew it’d be a long road. He only hoped Cas would stick around for the ride.

He laughed to himself quietly, what was it about showers that made you think about all your shitty problems and make great majestic plans to fix them?

Grabbing the soap, he started running his hands over his body, getting all nice and clean. His thoughts drifted back to this morning, causing his cock to twitch with interest. He had to admit, it was weird he’d sort of sensed what Cas was feeling, the possessiveness and lust that he felt for Dean in that moment between dreaming and waking. It was nice that the other guy felt that way, even if he was still pretty confused, but he was worried that if he could feel what Cas was feeling, does that mean it worked both ways? Poor guy, he probably had the crap scared outta him with everything Dean was feeling. He should probably apologise, he was a guest in his house after all, even if he had slightly molested him.

Thinking about this morning, while absently rubbing his hands over his body, had caused his cock to harden and slap imploringly against his stomach. Taking himself in hand, he closed his eyes, letting his mind be flooded with images of this morning. Cas moaning Deans name as he grinded against his back, was one of the hottest things he’d ever heard. That deep, sexed up voice reverberated around his head. Sure, it was unusually deep when he was talking normally, he wouldn’t have expected a voice like that to come out of such an unassuming guy, but when he was in the semi throws of passion… _fuck_ … it was like the sound of a thousand years of need and want, finally being allowed release. Stroking faster, Dean felt his balls tighten and tingle as he neared his own release, thinking only of impossibly blue, glowing eyes and the voice of an angel.

“Oh… _fuck… Cas…”_ Dean moaned as he came over his fist, shaking and shuddering through his orgasm. Breathing heavily, he washed the evidence down the drain, not even ashamed that he had thought of the angel. At no time had the other guy said ‘no, I don’t want this’. At the park when they held hands, in the kitchen and Cas’ comment before his shower? ‘you won’t break me?’. Besides, what Cas doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Right?

Turning off the shower, and getting out, he reached for a towel.

Shit.

He knew he’d forgotten something.

Poking his head out the door of the bathroom, Dean listened for signs of the other man. He could hear muffled footsteps in the lounge, presumably where Cas would spend the night. Or at least try to. Which was exactly where Dean needed to go in order to get a towel.

_Oh well, its not like the guys gonna see me naked, and try and jump me._

He could only hope.

Preparing himself for his mad dash, Dean covered his manly bits as best he could, naked ass be damned. Walking quickly to the linin cupboard as fast as he could, without slipping over, he caught sight of Cas standing by the couch looking perplexed. Upon hearing Dean, Cas started talking as he looked up.

“Dean, I think I should be alright with the couch tonight, I do not want a repeat of this morning…” Castiel trailed off, mouth opening in shock. He quickly looked away, a blush colouring his cheeks.

Dean had padded through the living room to get to the linin closet, but to open the door he’d had to remove a hand from covering himself. His efforts proved fruitless. Castiel had a fairly good view of his family jewels. He hurried to grab a towel and wrap it around himself, lest he expose the poor angel to any more brazen nakedness.

“Sorry man, forgot a towel. So you’re ok on the couch? Just come get me if you need anything. Ok?” Dean said quickly, incredibly aware of his bare chest in the presence of the other man. “Oh, was your shower ok? I forgot to tell you, if you wana shave there’s stuff in the cupboard you can use.”

Still not looking up, and his blush darkening by the minute, Castiel replied, “Yes, Dean, the couch is fine. The shower was very comforting, thank you. I would just like to let you know, uh, even though my grace has not yet returned to full strength, I still have excellent hearing…”

Dean felt his entire body explode with embarrassment. Cas had heard him jerking off. _Worse,_ he’d heard Dean jerking off to _him._ Oh holy mother of fuck. That was embarrassing. He tried to stutter out an apology, but just ended up sounding like a teenage boy that’d been walked in on by his mum.

“I… uh… that’s… um… ok, look I’m sorry you heard that. I’ll try to be quieter next time.” _Next time??_ Dean said quietly, head bowed.

“It is completely alright, Dean. It is a natural activity. I… I am glad you did not cry this time. As far as I am aware it is meant to be a… enjoyable experience.” Castiel replied.

_Wait… what?_

Deans head snapped up, unsure if he’d heard that quite right. “What… what are you talking about? What crying? Wait…”

Dean thought back to a couple of weeks ago, he’d had a boring ass day at work and had asked Sam if he’d wanted to go grab a drink after work. Sam had wife problems so had to decline. Dean had gone to the gym instead. While he was there, and on the way back, all he’d seemed to see were couples and families together. It had made him realise how long it’d been since he’d had that kinda connection. He’d got back to his apartment feeling like absolute shit, thinking about how goddamn lonely he was, and how if he died right now no one would care. He’d had a shower and jacked off, and all the emotion was too much to contain, and so he’d just let it all out in what he had _assumed_ was the privacy of his own home.

“Are you telling me, that you… you went invisible, broke into my house and watched me jerk off in the shower?? What the fuck man!” Dean said incredulously. At least the angel had the decency, now, to look slightly ashamed of what had clearly not registered as being wrong before.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I thought you were in trouble. I could hear strange noises and… thumping. I had to make sure you were alright.” Castiel looked up at Dean, embarrassment and shame written clearly across his face.

Goddamnit he couldn’t stay mad at the guy. He didn’t know what he was doing; he didn’t know it was wrong.

Sighing, Dean closed his eyes, running a hand over his weary face. All he wanted to do was go to bed. He was so tired all of a sudden, his legs felt like dead weights.

“Don’t worry about it, Cas. You didn’t know, you were just doing your job. Just, knock next time, ok?” Dean hoped the other guy didn’t feel bad, it was just a stupid mistake, hell, he’d seen him at his weakest a few times now, and hadn’t battered an eyelid. “I’m gonna head to bed now, you know where I am if you need me.”

Castiel said goodnight and turned back to the couch, probably as glad as Dean that they could get a little bit of space. He’d had to absorb so much information today; he just wanted to get into bed and not think about anything.

Slipping into a pair of boxers, he pulled the covers back and slid gratefully between the sheets. Turning off the light, he turned on his side, and found the other half of the bed horribly empty. His stomach clenched with the realisation that he _liked_ having someone in the bed with him, and now he missed that. Dean bet it wouldn’t take much to get up, walk out the door and ask the angel if he’d like to share his bed again. But what if he declined? What then? He didn’t think he could take that. He didn’t think there would be a high chance of the angel saying no, but could he take that risk?

With that thought weighing heavily on his mind, it’s no surprise he ended up dreaming about the guy.

 _Dean's chasing an angel through a giant garden. Every now and then, the angel turns around and flashes him a shy grin and his glowing blue eyes. But every time Dean catches up to him, he gets away. It’s so frustrating. Finally,_ finally _, Dean catches the angel and wraps his arms around him. Pulling back, he looks down from the captivating blue of his eyes, to stare at his perfect pink lips. Licking his own, Dean angles his head slightly, sliding a hand behind the angels head. Their lips are less than a hairs width from each other; he can feel the breath of the other man on his mouth, when a voice reverberates around them._

_“You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination!!!”_

_Dean reels back in shock as does the angel, pliant in his arms. They stagger back from each other, both looking around to search for where the voice came from. Suddenly, a fork of lightening flashed across the sky, illuminating everything._

_A massive face in the clouds, a finger pointing at them both._

_“You have sinned!” the voice says._

_A rumble of thunder rocked the earth beneath them, and Dean could swear he felt it in his very bones. He looks up at the man standing in front of him, clearly meant to be Castiel. They look at each other, as if reaching for comfort, safety though their glance._

_The lightning strikes as soon as Dean starts to move towards his angel._

_A scream, nothing of which Dean had ever heard, the scream of a man having his very soul ripped from within him, erupts from Castiel’s mouth as the lightening hits him. Dean stares in shock at the sight before him, all air leaving his lungs in a startled shout._

_“Cas!”_

_The other man drops like a stone into the now cold and unforgiving ground beneath their feet. Dean stumbles towards him, gathering him up in his arms. He turns his angel over, not prepared for the sight that greets him. Castiel’s perfect blue eyes are gone, smoking in their sockets. Blood runs down his chin as he tries to talk, Dean tries to shush him, tell him everything will be alright, even when they both know, nothing will be alright, ever again._

_“Dean…”_

_“Shhh, Cas. Its ok, everything’s fine.”_

_“Dean…”_

_“It’s ok, Cas. Its… ok…” Dean is barely holding in his sobs, doesn’t want to break while he must be strong for his dying angel. It’s my fault, all my fault, shouldn’t have left him, all my fault._

“Dean!”

Dean fought against the sheets that had entangled his body in his sleep. He thrashed, violent in the knowledge _it was his fault_ Cas died. It wasn’t fair, nothing was fair, and everything he touched –

“Dean, enough! Please. It’s alright, I’m here. I do not want to hold you down, but I will if I have to.” A deep, familiar voice scolded, somewhere beside him. He looked over, eyes bleary and unfocused. Dark, messy hair… tanned face… soulful blue eyes… blue eyes!

Dean practically pounced on the poor guy, grabbing him in a punishingly strong hug, never wanting to let go. If he let go, the other man might disappear. He felt strong arms encircle him, though not as tight, as if still unsure how the process should go. After a minute, large hands gripped his shoulders, pushing him backwards. He met concerned blue eyes, and Dean breathed a sigh of relief. Not dead then. Good, he could work with that.

“What happened, Cas?” Dean asked, running a hand absently over the ruffled bed sheets. They were a tangled mess, evidence of Dean’s nightmare.

“Well, it sounded like you were having a nightmare. You sounded… _pained_ , Dean, like you were being torn apart. I could not leave you like that. You were clearly in distress, you would not stop thrashing around, fighting me as I tried to wake you. You were screaming. You… you kept calling my name, saying ‘It’s my fault’ over and over. Dean, what was the dream about?” Castiel asked uneasily, almost as if knowing would make it worse. And it would. So much. But Dean had to tell him, if anyone knew what it meant, Cas would.

“It was about you, dude. You and me. We were… we were running though some garden, but I couldn’t catch you. Then I finally did and… well I went to, um, kiss you, and then there was this voice saying ‘You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination’ and then ‘You have sinned’ and then… and then… there was this lightening… and you died. It got you. Your eyes were all burnt up and the blood...” Dean looked up at Cas, fear burning through him.

“It was my fault, Cas. You died because of me.”

“Dean… it was just a nightmare. A bad dream. I am here, and very much alive. To be honest there is not much that can kill me, if I am careful. I am curious though, those words sound familiar. Did you hear or read them somewhere?” Castiel asked, curiosity winning over concern for the moment now that Dean seemed a little better.

“Dude, shouldn’t you know all that stuff? Its outta the bible. ‘Don’t be gay’ or whatever crap they say. Its total bullshit, but mom sent me to Sunday school, so it’s in my head I guess.” Dean said quietly, rubbing the back of his head uneasily.

He’d just realised that, in order for Cas to figure out his dream, he’d have to tell Cas _why_ he thought he’d had the dream.

Great.

It was all well and good having these feelings and thinking about them, but admitting them? To the guy you’re having them for? Not so easy.

_What the hell is wrong with you? You never talk about your feelings! Did you grow a uterus or something?_

Oh well, he’d come this far, no backing out now.

“Dean what are you –.” But Dean cut Castiel off, before he lost his nerve.

“I’ve had… thoughts… about you, Cas. Thoughts I don’t know I should be having. I really, really don’t wana get you into trouble. I mean, everyone knows how heaven, shit, _God,_ feels about… you know… that kinda stuff.” Dean is relieved to have gotten it out in the open, happy even, but his happiness diminished when he caught the look on Cas’ face. It’s a look torn between shock, hope and… sympathy?

“Oh, Dean. You humans are a strange species. You insist on using labels for everything. Denying yourselves what you want, punishing those who do not conform to your societal norms, and then saying it is all ‘God will’? We look down on you all, from heaven, and always wonder _why._ Why all of these constraints? Maybe it is because you are afraid? We do not know. All _we_ know is that we do not care. To us, love is love. It does not matter if you are of the same sex, different religions or different cultures. Love is the thing that matters most.” Castiel gently took Deans hand in his own, rubbing his thumb over the back, as Dean had done in the park.

“Heaven will not smite me for love, Dean.”

Dean honestly thought his heart was going to beat right out of his chest. To say he was happy with Castiel’s answer would be an understatement. He always knew all that crap in the bible about not laying with one of your own sex was bullshit. God wasn’t that petty, he assumed. There are bigger and badder things in the world than worrying about who sticks what in which hole. As long it’s between two consenting adults, it’s all good.

“I think my dream was about… I think I was worried about you. You know? I mean, I know it’s your job to protect me, but that means you might get hurt and I just… don’t want that to happen. God, again with the girly moment! I’m sorry, Cas.”

“Dean, its fine. I do not baulk at discussing emotions. I just… do not quite… understand them yet. But I hope I am learning.” Castiel gave Dean a hopeful smile, and despite a swirling funnel of worry still raging inside him, he smiled back.

“Yeah man, you’re doing ok. Um, it kinda late, or early, so could we, like, go to sleep?” Dean asked, barely stifling a yawn. He was happy everything was kinda talked out, even if Cas didn’t seem like he’d really understood that Dean had just admitted his feelings for him. But that was ok, he’d give the guy some time to process it. He didn’t really like the idea of going back to sleep, in case he was pulled back into the same dream, but he could feel the weightiness of sleep already tugging at the corners of his mind.

Castiel shifted and stood up, watching as Dean arranged the bed back into a workable state. It was a simple task; made all the more difficult with the fact neither of them had thought to turn on the light. Job finished, Dean rustled back down under the sheets and watched with a twinge of sadness as Cas made his way slowly to the door. It almost looked like he was hesitating, like he wanted Dean to tell him he could stay. It was way against his better judgement, but who could say he had the best judgement anyway? Wasn’t that why he was sent the angel in the first place?

“Um, Cas? Would you… ah… Could you, stay with me?” Dean asked, suddenly shy and unsure. What if Cas said no? What if he –

Cas smiled brightly, Dean could see it, even though the darkened room.

“Of course, Dean.”

Cas walked over to the other side of the bed, shedding clothes as he went. He clearly hadn’t been asleep when Dean had started his nightmare. He was still in the clothes Dean had left him in, in the living room.

The angel had learned from the other night, evidently, as he kept his boxers _on_ , this time. Dean was thankful for small mercies. If he woke up to Cas rutting against him again… he couldn’t be held responsible for his actions.

Cas lifted up the sheets, and Dean slithered back, closer to the edge of the mattress. He had a feeling that touching the angel would bring him comfort, even a brush of their hands, but he wasn’t sure how Cas would react. It was great Cas was willingly sharing his bed, feeling the warmth of someone else there was fantastic, but he was still wary, despite himself. No matter how many conversations or touches they shared, you can’t magic away years of damage and self-loathing. It was a matter of learning, just like Cas and his emotions, they would learn, together.

The angel settled into the bed, his heat radiating towards Dean, drawing him in despite his reluctance. He inched away from the edge, the symbolism not escaping him, and lay on his back, mere inches from Castiel. It wasn’t enough, it was too much, he couldn’t decide.

_Fuck it._

His heart beating in his throat, he slowly reached towards where he thought Cas’ hand would be. What he found, was that Cas had had the same idea. As soon as their fingers touched, he felt sparks fly up his arm, and explode in his chest. He felt… giddy. Like some teenager. But it wasn’t a bad feeling, he found. And as Cas laced their fingers together, he realised he actually _liked_ this feeling. And, weirder yet, he let himself like it.

All things considered, things were going very, very well.

* * *

 

Dean seemed to be handling his imminent death with as much grace, if not more, than Castiel had hoped. His dream however, that was of some concern. Not what happened in the dream, no, as he explained to Dean, there was no trouble there. Angels and heaven looked down on earth and wondered why these humans, that were given so much, chose to restrict themselves with such petty rules. Did they not realize, if they put all of their skewed differences aside, what they could accomplish? Castiel, like the rest of his brothers and sisters, hoped that one day they would reach past their individual insecurities, and see humanity for what it was, a beacon of hope and light in a dark, unforgiving universe.

No, he was more worried about the reason _behind_ Deans dream. He had assumed that, when he had heard Dean calling his name from his bedroom, he was having a dream similar to the one Castiel himself had experienced. He was wrong. When he had entered the room, and seen Dean in the throes of panic and fear, his first instinct was to _protect._ Calling to Dean, getting through to him, seemed to take an age, still with him writhing and thrashing. When his body stilled and shot up from the bed, screaming Cas’ name, it felt as if his heart were being ripped from his chest. The pure anguish and pain in that single scream was more than the angel had experienced in many years.

_Its my fault. All my fault._

Those words rang in his ears even now. He did not want Dean feeling as though he would get Castiel into trouble. He was not even sure if there was anything to get into trouble for. So far, all they had done was caress each other’s hands and share a bed. They had committed no… _carnal acts._ He was even more unsure of what to think about Deans _thoughts_ about him. Everything was still very confusing, even if Dean had clearly admitted having _feelings_ for him. He just did not know what to do about them.

Castiel huffed in frustration, rolling over so that the hand holding Deans was parallel with the bed. He lay his other hand over them, gently running over the skin of Deans knuckles. He was not used to feeling so… unenlightened. He supposed he took for granted having most knowledge at his fingertips. It was a whole new experience for him to have virtually no understanding of what, literally, lay before him.

He tried to ease his tired mind with the knowledge that Dean did, indeed, trust him. That he also, felt _something,_ towards the angel was a comfort as well. It was more than he had hoped for. Hearing Dean breathe peacefully beside him was almost like a lullaby, rocking him safely into a dreamless sleep.

Thankfully, when he awoke, it was not to a disaster like the first morning. There was, however, _a lot_ more bodily contact. Castiel had rolled over during the night, and was facing the edge of the mattress. Dean had rolled towards the angel, and had coiled himself around the other man like a perfectly carved puzzle piece.

One hand was curled up above his head, resting slightly above his hair, whilst the other was draped low over Castiel’s belly, fingers tickling his abdomen with every breath. Dean had somehow managed to wedge his knee in between Castiel’s legs and their feet were twined together. Castiel’s back and Dean’s chest were very intimately acquainted, and Castiel could feel every hot breath of Deans on the back of his neck. It was all together a very intimate position, all of which would have been fine, if not for Deans apparent, _very apparent,_ unconscious erection.

It was not at all like the other morning, there was no gasping and shifting. There was just… a stiff piece of flesh digging, not painfully, into the cleft of his behind. Castiel dared not move, for he did not want Dean to wake in this state. He knew the other man would be upset, maybe even mortified, to find them once again in an unconscious amorous act. Strangely, he found he quite liked waking up like this, even though the act of sleep, and all it encompassed, was still new to him.

Castiel took the time to fully appreciate Dean, from the strong arms surrounding him, to the warm, beating heart he could feel thrumming against his back. At that moment, all thoughts of Deans death, the mission, everything, were wiped from Castiel’s mind, the angel simply savouring in the warmth and comfort that was Dean. The human snorted slightly in his sleep, murmuring something unintelligible against Castiel’s neck. The arm around him clenched, drawing them both impossibly closer, which made Castiel’s heart beat that little bit faster.

A hitch in the breath behind him notified him that Dean was now awake, and aware of their position. He must have thought Castiel was still asleep, because he heard Dean utter a whispered curse, and then he was slowly drawing his arm from where it rested around the angel. Castiel was loath to lose the blanket that was Dean, but he did not want to upset Dean by doing what he wanted, which was to grab the arm and hold on to the embrace. The tips of Deans fingers trailing slowly across the skin of his flat stomach left fire in their wake, as they slowly receded, causing Castiel to shiver and a small moan slip from his mouth before he could stop it.

Dean stilled his fingers, just over the curve of where Castiel’s ribs ended and soft flesh began. He was fairly sure the other man had stopped breathing as well, almost as if waiting for Castiel to make the next move. But that was the root of the problem. Castiel knew what he wanted, to be close to Dean, to feel his warmth and… something _more_ , but he did not know why, or how to go about it. He felt so very confused that everything was a jumbled mess in his head. He needed more information before he pursued this; he needed to talk to someone… _anyone…_ that was it! He almost jumped out of the bed as the realisation hit him. He knew exactly who to talk to about this, someone who would not judge him and who _definitely_ would not tell any of his brothers or sisters, and certainly not Naomi. At the first opportunity, he would call for him; Castiel just hoped he would answer.

Castiel was jerked from his thoughts by Dean, whose hand laid across where his fingers had stopped. It was large, warm and Castiel hoped it would never leave.

“Cas?” Dean asked quietly, breath warm across Castiel’s neck, hand squeezing slightly where it rested. Castiel let out a breath, slightly startled at how unsettled it sounded.

“Yes, Dean?” He answered, happy that his voice sounded level, considering the rapid beating of his heart and the flush he knew was covering most of his body.

“Um, is this, uh, uncomfortable for you?” Dean sounded breathless, which made Castiel feel infinitely better because it probably meant that Dean was having the same bodily reaction as he was. Well, he knew a _certain_ part of Dean’s body was having a reaction.

Castiel thought about the question, no, it was not making him uncomfortable, but he did have a growing sensation in his groin that was bordering on intolerable. He moved his hand slowly, very carefully as to not make Dean aware, down to his undergarments. Ah. It seemed he was having the same reaction as Dean. He moved as Castiel had his hand close to the straining cloth, causing the angels hand to brush against the wet material and the head of the offending piece of flesh.

A stab of pure pleasure surged through him at the light touch, something he had never felt before, something he hoped, no, _needed_ , to feel again.

“Oh!” Castiel jumped when he felt it, causing Dean to grip him tight in surprise.

“Cas, shit, you ok?” Dean used his other arm to rise up and loom over Castiel, concern covering his still sleep confused face. When he took in Castiel’s sweat slicked hair, flushed face and arm beneath the sheets, Dean swallowed, and if possible, the flush in his face deepened.

“Uh, so I guess that answers my question. Um, I, ah, I’m gonna go make us some coffee ok? I’ll see you… in a bit.” With that awkwardly stuttered statement, Dean rolled over and dashed from the room without looking back.

Castiel lay there, in the warm bed, missing Dean’s presence more than he cared to admit. He was unsure of what to do with his… _problem._ He remembered back to what he had witnessed Dean doing in the shower to himself, which for some reason made the stiffened flesh in his boxers twitch with longing. Well, he supposed that made sense, seeing and remembering Dean in that _activity_ was very pleasing. But he found he did not actually want to do anything about it. Without Dean there, when he was so close, only in the next room, the activity seemed… like it would lack importance. It would be the first time he had attempted anything of this nature, and he wanted Dean to partake in it, to be there when it happened. For all the uncertainty and confusion, he knew that much.

He lay in the bed for a long time, willing his brain to regain control over his traitorous body. He thought of his brothers and sisters, of beautiful places he had visited, of times gone by and people lost to the sands of time. It worked surprisingly well, and within half an hour, he had managed to calm his raging emotions and reign in his thoughts.

Getting up out of bed slowly, he found his clothes on the floor where he had left them. Lifting them to his nose, he could tell they were in dire need of a wash. Normally, his grace would keep them clean and fresh, however the walk to the park and eatery had caused him to sweat, and therefore his clothes were now soiled. He looked around at the bedroom, thinking. Surely Dean would not mind his borrowed some clothes? They had shared a bed, and become a little intimate; at least that’s what it felt like. He would take the risk, walking about nearly naked at this moment probably was not the best idea.

Opening each draw carefully, Castiel eventually found what looked like an old black shirt with some kind of musical instrument across the front, some soft grey pants and a black  jumper with NYPD written across the back. They were not his usually attire, but they would suffice for now.  

When he reached the bedroom door, he stopped and listened. He could just make out Dean talking to someone down the hallway in the kitchen. His heart beat rapidly, fear racing through him at being found without his powers fully charged and another person in the house with them. Ripping open the door, he raced down the hall, skidding on the mat as he came to a halt in front of a very shocked looking Dean… Talking on the phone.

Castiel knew he looked in a state. Eyes wide, hair sticking up everywhere, breathing slightly laboured from running and almost slipping over, and on top of all that, fear for Dean’s life.

“Cas…?” Dean looked shocked and, slightly, amused. Looking him up and down, Dean’s smile only grew. “Uh, you still there Bobby? Yup I’ll be there tonight. Yeah, I feel fine, just needed a good night’s sleep. Yeah I’ve let Sam know. Awesome, thanks Bobby. I’ll see you later.” He looked Castiel up and down as he hung up the phone.

“So… yeah of course you can borrow my clothes, Cas. No problem.”

“I’m very sorry, Dean. I should have asked first. My clothes are unwearable and need to be washed. I did not want to come out here… naked. I will take them off if you want me to…” Castiel looked down at his feet, hating the blush covering his cheeks. He should not act this way in front of his charge. He was supposed to be strong and make Dean feel protected. Not have his human smirking at him from the kitchen.

“Dude, its fine. I was gonna ask you if you wanted to anyway. That suit was looking bad when I first met you.” Dean’s assurances made him feel better, so he looked up and smiled. Today had started awkwardly, but it was slowly getting better.

“Thank you, Dean. If you do not mind me asking, who was on the phone?” Castiel asked, accepting the coffee Dean was offering him. He had to admit, the strange liquid was growing on him, especially when Dean put cream and sugar in as well.

“Oh, that was Bobby. I’m, ah, going back to work, tonight. I’ve got the graveyard shift. I already text Sammy and he’s happy not to be stuck doing paperwork again… are you ok? Was the coffee too hot? You don’t look so good man.” Dean was looking at him with concern again, and he was well within his rights to.

As soon as Dean had said he was going back to work, he had felt all the blood drain from his face and a cold sensation form in his stomach. This was not good. If Dean went to work tonight, it meant Castiel; his _protector,_ could not accompany him. He could get hurt, anything could happen, and Castiel would not be there to help him. The thought made his blood freeze in his veins. His grace was not fully charged, and he was useless without it.

 It seemed he had also lost his ability to speak.

“Oh.” Was all he could manage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for
> 
> \- Masturbation  
> \- Morning awkwardness  
> \- Religious Liberties (Slight)


	9. Chapter Nine

“Cas, I can’t not go now, ok? I’ll be fine; I’ve managed this long without an angel watching my back, I can keep outta trouble again. Besides, I’ve got Sammy and he’s just as good.” Dean turned, smiling at Cas who was watching Dean walk around the apartment as he gathered up his uniform for later. The other man stood with his arms crossed and a bitch face plastered on that would rival one of Sam’s best. His blue eyes were narrowed and his mouth was puckered up in a grimace.

 “Why, Dean? I cannot understand _why?_ Castiel asked incredulously. He just didn’t understand that Dean needed to go back to work, he felt fine and doing nothing but be around the guy also occupying the small space of his apartment was driving him _crazy._ He tried to placate the other man.

“Nothing’s going to happen so why can’t you just let it go?”

That little statement brought forth anger. They hadn’t known each other long but it was the angriest he’d seen the angel. It was a little scary, seeing him with his hands clenched tight at his sides, mouth flat in a hard line, breath coming in hard, short bursts through his flaring nostrils. He said something along the lines that if he was even considering going into the line of duty without protection, it was bordering on suicide.

“Were you not listening when I explained about how important you are Dean?”

Now that, _that,_ tipped Dean over the edge. He was antsy about having to leave Cas alone, yeah, but nothing was going to happen. He was getting more and more pissed off listening to Cas list reasons why he shouldn’t go to work, but mentioning that some fucking pencil pusher up in god knows where thinks he’s better than anyone else down here? Down on this insignificant little planet that all those winged assholes look down on and say ‘oh look at those silly mud monkeys make one mistake after another’? That tore it. He was _not_ better than the next guy. He wouldn’t put himself on a pedestal like that.

Cas was staring at him in shock, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. It was only then that Dean realised he’d actually shouted all that he thought he’d kept in his head.

_Fuck. Way to go shithead._

“Cas, look, I’m sorry. Just… don’t remind me ok? I don’t especially like the fact that someone up there values me above like, some kid or something. It’s awesome that you think it, but that’s like, different. Shit, I’m fucking this up. I’m going to work. That’s the end of it.” Dean hated seeing the defeated look cross Castiel’s face and it had caused his chest to constrict painfully.

He hadn’t expected it, he didn’t think Cas had expected to have to resort to doing it, but it was just a whole new way to break Deans heart. Cas shuffled up to him, eyes wide and pleading.

_Fuck when did Sam teach him puppy dog eyes?_

He hoped his face didn’t show what he was feeling, he couldn’t take it if Cas knew what he did to him just yet, not like this.

“Please, Dean. I am out of options. I cannot come with you and I do not want to keep you here by force. You have no idea how concerned I am that something will happen to you, while I am not there. I cannot even heal you yet, if something were to happen. _Please,_ Dean. Another few days, that’s all.” Cas walked right up to him, hands together in front of him, all he needed was to drop to his knees and Dean would be _done._ So goddamn _done_. Luckily, Cas kept his dignity and didn’t fall to the ground, and Dean kept his composure.

He did clap both hands on Cas’ shoulders and looked into his eyes.

“Don’t worry, Cas. Please trust me. Everything will be fine.”

That’s how they ended up at a stalemate, with Cas looking at him like he’d just cancelled Christmas _and_ kicked his puppy.

Dean looked up when he heard a deep sigh come from Cas. Finally, he saw acceptance on Cas’ face, even if there was still concern there as well.

“Just… Please be very careful, Dean. I do not want anything to happen to you.” Dean’s heart was having a bad day, yet again aching at the undisguised pain that flashed across Castiel’s face when he said those words. He wanted so badly to take the other man in his arms and chase away his fears.

Speaking quietly, Dean tried his best to assure Cas he wouldn’t be a dick tonight and do anything reckless.

“I will, Cas, don’t worry. Tonight’s just a regular beat, we’ll be cruising our regular route, making sure everything’s all good. It’ll be a piece of cake.” Dean gave Cas what he hoped was his best smile, laying out his uniform on the bed for later.

They spent the day watching movies again, Dean teaching Cas about Star Wars and laughing loudly at the angels complaints about a lack of realism.

“Dean, how can it possibly be a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away? How would you have learned the story? You humans barely made it to the moon.” Cas had that cute, confused look on his face, eyebrows scrunched together in a frown.

“It’s just a movie Cas, it doesn’t have to make sense in the real world.” Dean smiled, happy that he had broadened the angel’s movie knowledge.

“Can we watch one that might be slightly realistic?” Cas asked, actually _rolling his eyes._ Fuck, he was learning sass way to fast.

Dean had put in Jurassic Park, and it had not gone well. Cas spent the _whole movie_ criticising the scientific baselessness of the movie.

“Dean. The dinosaurs died out many millions of years ago. Maybe one day humans will manage to make the technology to resurrect them, but that would be many _many_ years from now.”

“Cas, I _know._ It’s a _movie_. Don’t take it seriously, just laugh at the funny bits, feel sad when a dog dies, the end. Don’t over think things so much.”

Dean got up from the couch, clearing away the potato chip packets that he’d grabbed between the movies. He hadn’t realised how late it had gotten, and he had to race through the shower. He always liked being clean and fresh before a shift, it helped him stay on his game.

When he emerged from his bedroom half an hour later, Cas met him at the door. The angel’s eyes widened, looking him up and down, starting at his feet, and moving slowly up to his face. By the time their eyes met again, a blush had made its way across Cas’ face. It put a smile on Deans.

“Do you have a thing for men in uniform, Cas?” He couldn’t help wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

That just made the poor guy blush harder. He turned away from Dean and marched towards the door.

Dean whistled twice, and Riot trotted over, probably hoping to get a treat. He rubbed his dog’s small furry head, earning a hairy smile in return.

“Now, you take care of Cas, ok, buddy? He’s your responsibility tonight. You two be good, no raging parties and no girls.” Dean looked up at Cas’ confused noise.

“Dean, Riot is a dog and a small one, at that. He could not be responsible for me. As for female company and loud gatherings, I think we are safe there.” Cas replied, monotone voice managing to sound confused _and_ unhappy that he would think Cas would have raves and orgies while Dean was out.

Dean just snorted. He had a lot of work to do when it came to Cas’ societal skills. He’d get there; it’d just take some time and probably _a lot_ of patience on Dean’s part.

“I know man, don’t worry about it. There are takeout menus on the coffee table, so is the phone and some cash. Don’t tip too heavy. You can crash in my bed again if you want. You’ll probably be asleep by the time I get home. That’ll probably be about, 3am or 4am ish.” He smiled again, hoping to put the angel at ease. “Oh, and if there is a major emergency, like the place burns down or something, Ellen’s number is on the fridge.”

“Thank you. Do not worry yourself about me. Just please be careful. If anything happens, please let me know.”

 “I will Cas. Don’t worry.” Dean stepped forward, tempted to pull Cas in for a hug. He stopped at the last moment, worried that Cas might take it the wrong way. Hugs during emotional shit is fine, not just going to work. Not unless they were… no.

With a final nod to each other, Dean was out the door and on his way to the underground garage. Sliding his hands over his baby’s sleek black exterior, he unlocked the door and slid onto the cool leather seat. Being in his baby always made him feel better, his most prized possession, his 1967, Chevrolet Impala. He’d bought her with the money his dad had given him for his 18th birthday, back when she was a wreck. He’d spent every moment and every cent he had on doing her up himself, always in their garage, going to wreckers, looking for parts. It was something his dad helped him with, something they had in common and could bond over. Until…

_Yeah, not now bud._

Easing out onto the street, Dean turned in the direction that would take him to work. He didn’t use his car as much as he’d like to. It was a bitch taking her out in New York streets. The traffic was shit, some of the streets were too narrow and he was always worried some dick would key her or something. He tried to take her out at least a couple of times a month, to keep her running smoothly.

Sooner than he thought, considering the traffic, Dean was pulling into the secure carpark beside the precinct. As he got out of his car, he looked up at the building that was pretty much his second home he spent so much time there. It was an old, square brick building, and Dean was fairly sure it had always been a police station. Sure the inside had been updated a few times, but the outside had stayed the same since it’d been built over one hundred years ago. He wasn’t a history buff, but even he had to admit it was pretty cool, working in a building that was that old, and had so many secrets and stories. He sometimes wondered what things the building has seen, from prohibition to the war, and still it stood, standing sentry, guarding against the evils of the world.

_Hmmm, a bit like Cas I guess._

Luckily, he was dragged from anymore thoughts about the over protective angel by a giant hand clapping him on the shoulder as he walked into the building.

“You ready for work, jerk?” Sam asked, huge smile slapped across his face. Dean just laughed and shoved him away, signing out his gun with the armoury.

“More than you are, bitch.”

They made their way inside to check in with Bobby before they went out to their squad car and suited up. Stab Proof Vest, _check,_ Taser, _check,_ Glock, _check,_ Hand Cuffs, _check,_ Pepper Spray, _check._  

“My turn to drive, since you’ve been bitching out on me. Do you realise how much paper work I had to do while you were off on your ‘sick leave’?” Sam whined, unlocking the car and getting into the driver’s side. Dean didn’t mind, his mind was still a mess, and he didn’t want to crash on his first day back. That’d just give them more of a reason to make him take more time off.

“Don’t act like you didn’t like it, Sammy. That’s your thing, research and shit. _I’m_ the one that takes on the bad guys.”

“Don’t fuckin’ call me that, you know I hate it. And for your _information,_ I don’t particularly like doing it. I just like sending the dicks to jail that deserve it, and that requires properly filled in reports. If I left you to do it, New York would be worse than Gotham.”

Dean laughed at that, most of the tension left over from this morning’s fight with Cas leaving his body. He hated fighting with the guy, but Cas just didn’t get it. He had to be out here, protecting people. It’s the only thing, except fixing cars, that he was good at. Catching bad guys, protecting innocent victims, even if he was only one guy, it all helped.

“So,” Sam started, “Tell me about Cas. No offence but he doesn’t really seem your type?” He looked sideways at Dean out of the corner of his eye, probably to see if he’d already pissed him off.

“Your right, he’s not.” Dean was as surprised as Sam that he’d admitted that. It was true, Cas wasn’t his type _at all,_ he usually went for big, loud and extroverted. But Cas… he was everything Dean had never had. He was quiet, thoughtful, compassionate and shy. Dean found that’s what he really liked about the guy though; he was _different_ to everything Dean was used to. Benny and Ruby had been total opposites themselves, but neither of them held a candle to Cas and he’d only known the guy a few days, which made him realise just how badly this could end.

Jesus fucking _Christ,_ he was already gone on the guy and it was fucking terrifying.

Sam cleared his throat, giving Dean the raised eye brows treatment.

“What?”

“You didn’t meet him at the gym did you?” It wasn’t a question, which meant that Sam _knew_ Dean was bullshitting. He should have known better, really. He’d known the guy long enough for him to know when Dean was lying. But how was he supposed to convince him otherwise when Cas had _literally_ appeared out of nowhere?

“Uh, no, I didn’t.” _fuck._ “I was out walking Riot, and the little shit ran right up to Cas and like, sat at his feet and refused to come back. So I went over to apologise and next thing you know, I’ve got his number and there you go.” Dean hoped like hell Sam bought that, because he certainly wouldn’t. It was the shittest lie he’d ever come up with at such short notice, _and_ he was sweating bullets. Sam looked over at Dean with his eyes narrowed, then, miraculously, shrugged his shoulders and let his concentration settle back on the road in front of them.

“Ok, now _that_ sounds plausible. So are you guys like, dating or what?”

“Nah, man, it’s not like that. He’s just staying at my place while his gets fixed.”

“Dude, I’ve only seen you two together once, you’ve only known him what, a couple of weeks? And you looked pretty into him. Why don’t you ask him out?”

“Sam,” Big sigh. “It’s complicated. Please, just, just drop it, ok?”

 “Well, it’s a shame because you seem pretty happy. He did something to you; I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy and, well, relaxed before.”

“He helped me through some stuff, you know? You’re the only person, apart from Ruby and Benny, that I’ve told about my past. It came out when me and Cas were talking and… he was different. I don’t know what he did but it made me feel like… fuck it he made me feel _good,_ Sam.” Dean looked over, fully expecting a shit eating grin at how many fucking _feelings_ he’d just thrown up everywhere, but was surprised when Sam looked, well, sad.

“Shit, Dean. It totally sucks that he isn’t available. If he’s managed to fix you in such a short amount of time, he must be all kinds of special. Has he got a girlfriend or boyfriend or something?” Sam asked, looking at Dean with sympathy.

“Um, I don’t think so. He’s a bit sheltered. He is pretty special; I’ve never met anyone like him before, Sam. Fuck, you’re really enjoying this aren’t you, you fucker, getting all my feelings out there.” Dean huffed in his seat, turning to look out the window, staring at the street lamps slowly blinking into life. It’ll be dark soon, and that’s usually when the action started.

“I’m not enjoying this Dean. Well maybe a little, but I really feel bad that you’ve found someone as cool as Cas, and you don’t have the balls to ask him out.” There was that shit eating grin. This was familiar, chewing each other out over guys, and girls.

“Fuck you, man, I’ve got massive balls.” Dean then explained to Sam, in graphic detail, how much bigger and _better_ his balls were compared to Sam’s.

“Oh my god, please stop. I swear, I will shoot you.”

Dean laughed, happy tears building at the corner of his eyes.

“So, how are you and Amelia going? Must be, what, six months now?” Dean looked over at Sam, and was shocked to see his jaw clenched, and his knuckles turn white as he gripped the steering wheel tightly.

“I, uh, I don’t want to talk about it, Dean. Let’s just say, things aren’t going well, ok?” Sam glanced over at him, and Dean almost sank down into the seat at the pain and misery that was present in Sam’s eyes. Yes, they were _definitely_ talking about this.

“Sam, what’s going –“But Dean was cut off when their radio erupted from the dashboard.

**_All units, be advised, there has been a disturbance reported at fifth and main. Nearest unit please state your location and call it in. over._ **

Dean grabbed the receiver, sending back their reply, as they were the closest unit, as far as they knew. Only about five minutes away. Sam was already speeding through the heavy traffic to get there, lights and sirens galore.

“Dispatch this is Car 67, we are on route. We are five minutes out. Intel please. Over.” Dean waited impatiently for dispatch to respond, despite Cas’ worries, he really wanted to arrest someone tonight.

**_Car 67 on route. Be advised complainant was the bar owner. A number of patrons have become overly intoxicated and need to be removed. Another car is on its way to back you up. Over._ **

“Thanks dispatch, we’ll handle it. Over and out.”

“We’re talking about this later, Sam.” Dean gave Sam his best stern look, hoping to telegraph how serious he was. He was his best friend, he wanted to help him. He saw Sam nod slightly, before he visibly compartmentalised. He was good at that.

“Great, just a drunken clean out. Oh well, it could be worse, could be prostitutes again.”

“Sam, they love you. You’re their biggest fantasy, big and tall and in _uniform_.” Dean made a face that was meant to show Sam how attractive Dean thought the hookers found Sam, but ended up looking like he was being sick. They both snorted loudly, siren blaring and lights flashing into the dark night.

Several hours and 6 arrests later, Dean and Sam made their way to Dean’s apartment. On nights like this, where they finished at a fuckin ridiculous hour like _4am,_ Dean made Sam snooze on his couch instead of making the almost hour long trip back home. They usually got some breakfast at the Roadhouse too. He probably should have told Cas that Sam was coming over, but he didn’t think it’d be much of a problem. Cas would be asleep then anyway. Sam grabbed his arm before he’d finished putting the key in the lock.

“Before we go in, I just wana say, I think you should go for it. If he says no, well at least you tried right? And he doesn’t seem like the type that’d be a dick about it.” Sam gave him what he took as a reassuring smile, and he thanked him before turning the key and opening the door.

He was not prepared for the sight that greeted them.

“Cas?”

“Hey! You must be Dean! Nice to meet ya, Kiddo!

* * *

Once the door slammed shut, Castiel was left with his concern and anger. He found the whole argument this morning to be utterly unnecessary. If Dean had just listened to him, they would not have needed to have the argument. It left him feeling uneasy, he knew Dean was stubborn and reckless, most of the reason Castiel had been sent was because of that, but he did not realise that Dean would outright _ignore_ him. He realised that Dean needed to help people, but he could have waited a few days.

“Why is Dean so infuriating, Riot?” Castiel asked the small furry creature at his feet. The dog just cocked his head to the side, stood up, trotted over to his basket and lay down. Castiel sighed, moving over to the couch to look through the take out menus Dean had laid out for him. He had the option of Pizza, like they had eaten the other night, Chinese cuisine, Burgers or Italian Food. As he had never really had to eat before, he decided on Chinese, as the colours looked appealing. Dialling the number on the pamphlet, he gave his order and Deans address to the man on the other end of the phone, who seemed very happy when Castiel talked in the man’s native tongue.

Sitting down to wait for the delivery, he counted out the exact change, plus tip, that he would need. Dean would be a while, and he said not to wait up for him. It gave him a lot of time to think.

A lot of time alone.

Alone.

Yes!

It _would_ be a long time before Dean returned, which gave him plenty of time to call the only angel he knew would have the information he needed. He placed his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together as if in prayer.

**_Gabriel, if you are listening, I require your knowledge. If it is not too much to ask, please would you visit with me._ **

Castiel opened his eyes, looking around the room. Gabriel was the obvious choice when it came to asking questions about human interactions and relationships. He was an archangel, but he frequented earth more often than most other angels, and was even rumoured to have appeared to the humans of old as the pagan god, Loki.

He often wondered why Gabriel had taken him under his golden wings, Castiel was not important; he was just another solider in the long ranks of heaven. He carried out his missions, trained with the garrison and lived in peace. When Gabriel had taken him aside one day and befriended him, he was overwhelmed. It was a great honour to even talk with an archangel, let alone be friends with them. Gabriel had said he was ‘interesting’ and ‘special’. He still did not understand.

A whooshing, fluttering noise pulled Castiel from his thoughts, and he turned to take in the man behind him.

 “Hey kiddo! How’re you doing?” Gabriel had a giant smile on his face, his golden eyes twinkling with happiness. He still did not understand Gabriel’s reactions to him. He was always overly happy to see him, when his brothers and sisters would be neutral at best. Maybe he would ask him about it tonight.

Castiel stood to greet the other man, a bit startled but not surprised when Gabriel pulled him into a hug.

“I am very well, Gabriel, thank you. How are you? And thank you for sparing your valuable time to come and speak with me.” Castiel patted the other man’s arm awkwardly, gesturing for him to take a seat on the other arm chair.

“I’m good, been cruising around the southern hemisphere, working on my tan. So… I assume this isn’t a social call?” Gabriel asked, stretching out his legs and balancing his feet on the coffee table.

Castiel thought for a moment, wondering just how much to admit to him. He did not know himself what his feelings for Dean were, but was that not why he had invited Gabriel? He decided then, he would tell the archangel all he needed to know to help Castiel understand the enigma that was Dean Winchester.

Before he could open his mouth, there was a knock on the door. That must be the food he ordered. Gabriel went to stand, but Castiel motioned for him to stay where he was. Collecting up the money to pay for the food, Castiel went to the door. Paying the man and thanking him, he took the food and shut the door. He had to admit, the food smelt _delightful._ He brought it back into the living room, and set it down on the table. Gabriel raised his eyebrows, mouth quirked in a small, questioning smile.

“My grace has been depleted; I must eat and do all things human until it returns. It is… an experience.” Castiel took out the small white box that contained his sweet and sour pork, and the little wooden sticks called ‘chop sticks’. He had seen humans use them before, so their mechanics were not hard to understand. As he set in to eat, he caught Gabriel rummaging through the seemingly empty bag. The archangel picked something up out of the bag, and held it up. I was a small, folded cookie.

“Can I have this? It’s a fortune cookie. They give them out free.” Gabriel grinned, already breaking the cookie in half. There was no way Castiel could say no to his friend, he found his exploits extremely amusing.

“Oohhh ‘ _someone unexpected will walk into your life, changing it forever’._ Well, how vague can they be?” Gabriel laughed, tucking the small piece of paper into his jacket.

Castiel smiled along with his friend, but he needed to get down to business. He cleared his throat.

“I need help, Gabriel. It is my charge, Dean. I have found that I have… developed a connection with him unlike any I have experienced before. I find I wish to be, something more than just friends with him.” Castiel twisted the chops sticks together nervously, hoping his assumption would be correct and Gabriel would not mock him for his admission. Luckily, he seemed to be correct.

“Well, well, well! That _is_ a surprise! We’ve been friends for a long time, kiddo, and you’ve never mentioned this kinda thing before. So, what do you wana know? I assume you know what goes where?” Gabriel snickered at his joke. Of course Castiel knew the mechanics of sex, even relations between two men. It was everything else that was a mystery. He relayed this to Gabriel, who gave him a sympathetic look.

“Ok, well, it’s hard to judge unless I can see how he is around you. But just tell me about him.” Gabriel cocked his head to the side, ready to listen to Castiel describe Dean.

“Well, he’s… he’s… infuriating, stubborn, he won’t listen, he’s reckless and he thinks it’s his life’s mission to save everyone to make up for his past mistakes. I wish I could lay close enough to him to count the freckles on his face without making him uncomfortable and run my hands over his body and – “ Castiel’s hand jerked up to cover his mouth, absolutely horrified he had let his mouth run away like that. Gabriel, meanwhile, was laughing himself stupid on his seat.

“Holy crap, kiddo, your so gone. It’s amazing! I’ve just _got_ to meet this mysteriously obnoxious man. But I have a question, why on earth don’t you just make a move?” Gabriel stopped laughing long enough to question Castiel, with probably the most important question of the night.

“That’s the whole problem, Gabriel. I have no experience in anything like this. _That’s_ the main reason I called you down here. I need help figuring all of this out. I need to know if he feels the same way. It’s been so confusing ever since that morning on the couch –“But Gabriel interrupted before he could continue.

“Whoa whoa what happened then? Did you two get your freak on?” Gabriel twitched his eyebrows suggestively. Castiel narrowed his eyes.

“No, Gabriel, we did nothing of the sort. I was having a nightmare, and Dean awoke me from it. I do not know what happened but when I woke up, my hand had grabbed Deans Bicep, and I felt, _something,_ within me. It was not my grace, as that was entirely depleted at the time. No, it was something I had never felt before. It was… why are you looking at me like that? Gabriel? Are you alright?” Castiel had looked up and noticed Gabriel had stopped smiling and was staring at him, with his mouth slightly open and his eyes wide.  

“When you removed your hand, Castiel, did you leave a mark?” Gabriel continued staring at him, nodding his head slightly and moving his hands, gesturing for Castiel to answer quickly.

“Yes, there was a mark left, my hand print. When we woke up in Dean’s bed the next morning, my hand had found its way to the mark when Dean woke me up again. I felt the fire within me again, and when I woke up I could feel everything Dean was feeling, and what he was thinking. I have not experienced anything of the sort before.” Castiel was worried at the state Gabriel appeared to be in. His eyes seemed to be trying to escape from his head, and he looked like he was having trouble breathing.

“I’m gonna be blunt with you, kiddo. Your probably not gonna believe me, I mean, it hasn’t happen in a _long_ time, but here goes nothing. Castiel, from everything you’ve told me, and I don’t wana get your hopes up, but I’m like, never wrong, it sounds like Dean is your Soulmate.” Gabriel was back to grinning like a lunatic. Castiel, however, had ceased all movement, including breathing. What Gabriel was insinuating was beyond anything Castiel had dared believe. It was a legend, a story told to young ones.

In the beginning, all souls were made, and then spilt in half. If someone was very fortunate, in life they may find their Soulmate. Two halves of one whole, to complete a perfect picture. It could happen many times over, as souls are used again and again, going around, life after life. But for an _angel_ to find their Soulmate, that was so much rarer. Sometimes, grace was used to strengthen the soul, before it was split. Half of the soul went to the angel whose grace was used, and that became part of their grace, to give back to the source. The other half would find a human, and begin its cycle.

They were connected, always, but because angels visited earth so rarely, there was little to no chance they would find their Soulmate. It had been so long since the last time it had happened, it had fallen into mystery and legend, and that was saying a lot, for angels lived indefinitely.

It made complete and utter sense to Castiel.

Everything slotted into place, from the inexplicable way he felt about Dean even though they had only just met, to the hand print on his arm, it was Castiel’s grace calling to Dean’s soul, crying out to it, to be connected once again.

Castiel looked at Gabriel, a bright smile spreading across his face.

“You have no idea how this information has helped me, Gabriel. Thank you, so much. I have much to think about.”

“What’s there to think about, Kiddo? Just tell him! Then you can bump uglies and live happily ever after.” Gabriel’s grin faltered slightly when he saw the look on Castiel’s face. Everything made sense up until then, didn’t it? Telling Dean would be… difficult. He knew from what Dean had told him about past relationships how he felt about them and opening up. He liked even less being told what to do. How would he react if Castiel told him that, from the beginning of time, they had been meant for each other? That it was out of both of their controls? No, it would not go well. He would not tell Dean anything until he was absolutely sure about his emotional state. This was not something to be taken lightly; it was second only to protecting Dean, and insuring his smooth passage into heaven.

He explained all of this to Gabriel, who protested immensely, but agreed, that if he ever did meet Dean, to not say a word.

Turned out, it would be put to the test sooner than either of them thought. Neither angel seemed to realise they had talked almost the whole night, and the key sliding into the door was Dean. Both remained glued to their seats as the two men walked into the room. Dean had brought Sam home with him. Dean was looking from Castiel, to Gabriel and then back. Clearly trying to understand why Castiel had allowed a strange, golden eyed man into his house. Of course, that’s also when Gabriel decided to introduce himself.

“Cas?”

“Hey! You must be Dean! Nice to meet ya, Kiddo!


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone. 
> 
> Thank you for the comments and kudos, one again :)
> 
> Hope everyone is safe and well, my little town has been under a state of emergency this weekend due to flooding! Its the worst anyone has ever seen! 
> 
> Next chapter will be up in the next few days, if i can get internet!

As soon as Dean stepped into his apartment, he was assaulted by a short, golden eyed flurry of handshakes and introductions. He had enough sense to send a questioning noise to Cas before being herded into the living room. Cas looked just as surprised as he felt. Clearly he’d not heard them coming up the stairs, which was weird considering his superman hearing. And just who the _fuck_ was the other guy in his house?

“Uh, sorry, but who the hell are you?” Dean asked, raising his eyebrows at the increasingly annoying little man jumping up and down in front of him. He was almost entirely focused on Dean; he didn’t think the other man had even noticed Sam looming behind them.

“Oh, sorry! I’m Gabriel, Cassie’s _brother_!” He said it pointedly, widening his eyes at Dean. “I’m only in town for one night, and I haven’t seen him in ages. So I decided to, pop in. I hope you don’t mind.” _Gabriel_ smiled brightly, and it had Deans police honed senses humming. He just knew Gabriel was lying. It was right there in his eyes.

Unfortunately, that’s when he noticed Sam.

“Well, hellooo, big boy. What’s your name?” Gabriel sidled up to Sam, whose eyes had widened immeasurably. Sam seemed to have lost his ability to speak; he was just looking from Gabriel to Dean and back. Gabriel turned his head slightly, in an encouraging action. Sam, luckily, seemed to find his tongue.

“S- Sam. My name’s Sam, nice to meet you.” Dean watched as Sam stuttered his way through his introduction, and stuck his hand out in greeting. Gabriel eyed it happily, glee emanating from him. He took Sam’s hand in his, and Dean could see neither of them expected the reaction or _connection,_ that a simple handshake would cause. Gabriel and Sam stared at each other, as the air around them practically crackled with energy. The lights glowed brighter in their sockets, the windows rattled and shook. Gabriel turned his head sharply, but Dean caught the faint flickering of glowing eyes. It was the same reaction that Cas had that morning. Both of the men in front of him were breathing heavily, as Gabriel looked back at Sam. His eyes were no longer glowing, but all the glee and mischief had fled his face, confusion and shock replacing them. As the tremors subsided, the two men’s hands fell to their sides, but they continued to stare at each other, in Deans opinion, in a far to chick flicky way.

“So, do you two ladies want something to drink or do you want a room instead?” Dean asked, successfully forcing the other two’s focus away from each other. They immediately scampered to opposite sides of the room, while Dean smiled over at Cas. He was surprised to find Cas already staring at him, his head cocked to the side and his eyes squinted.

Walking into the kitchen to make some coffee, he turned when he realised Sam had followed him. He saw the look of shock on his face, and was slightly worried he’d figure out that Gabriel was more than meets the eye.

“You ok, Sam?” He wasn’t going to aggravate him by calling him Sammy; he only did that to piss him off.

“Um, what that hell happened back there, Dean? Did you – was there – were the windows rattling?” Sam looked really worried now, so Dean put on his best easy smile, and tried to ease Sam’s thoughts.

“Dude, you guys only shook hands for what, a second? A train went by and the stupid neighbours upstairs overloaded the system again. But you looked pretty into it.” He couldn’t resist a little goading. “Need I remind you that you have a _wife?_ ”

The words came out before his big mouth could stop them, and he regretted them instantly.

“Shit, man, I’m sorry, it just came out and –“But Sam cut him off.

“No, Dean. Trust me. You don’t need to remind me. I get reminded every fucking time I go home.” Sam looked so angry, angry and sad all at once. Dean decided this needed to be talked about immediately.

“Sam, is everything ok between you and Amelia? You know you can talk to me.” Dean gave him a sincere smile, hoping to make Sam see that he wanted to talk and help the other man. Sam sighed, leaning heavily up against the counter top.

“No, everything’s fucked. You, and everyone else, were right. We did it too fast. We should never have gotten married man. I know that’s an awful thing to say, but we only knew each other a few months. What the _fuck_ was I thinking? There are just so many problems. She wants a cat, I want a dog. I want kids, she doesn’t… good god that should have been something we talked about!” Sam wiped a hand over his face, and Dean was shocked to see Sam’s eyes had teared up. This was not how he’d seen this going. He was _not_ great at the whole feelings game.

Dean grasped Sam’s shoulder firmly, turning slightly so that they faced each other.

“Sam, whatever you need, I’m here, ok? You need a couch to crash on, a shoulder to cry on I’m your man – “

Dean’s next words were cut off as two hundred pounds of sobbing Sasquatch fell onto him in an awkward hug. He hadn’t expected Sam to take his words so literally. Dean patted Sam’s back nervously, he’d never had these kinds of talks or situations before, except recently with Cas, so he was still a novice at this. He just wanted to be there for his best friend. Thinking about Cas caused a warm glow to grow behind his ribs, despite Sam clinging to him. Speaking of, he wondered what those two were doing. The kitchen wasn’t exactly huge, and they could probably hear everything that was going on. The last thing he wanted was for them to come and crash their pity party. Knowing angels and their social etiquette skills, it was only a matter of time.

Pulling Sam back, he took in the look of deep sadness and regret lining his friends face. He hated seeing him like this.

“Sam, I gotta go see what the wonder twins are doing. You stay here ok? I’ll be right back.” Dean gave Sam a reassuring smile, before turning back to the coffee machine to rustle up some fuel for what will probably turn out to be a long night, or morning.

Walking into the living room, Deans eyes narrowed in suspicion at the two angels hunched together, talking in animated whispers. Clearing his throat, he set the cups down in front of them, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth as two heads whipped round in fright.

“Hey, thought you two could use a pick me up, considering you’ve probably been up all night?” The two angels in front of him nodded sheepishly. He thought as much. He’s gonna have a full house tonight.

“Is Sam ok? I didn’t do anything, did I?” Gabriel asked quietly, which Dean thought strange considering how hyper he was earlier. He thought he even heard deep concern colouring the angel’s voice.

“Yeah, he’s just going through some stuff right now, personal stuff. He’s gonna stay here tonight anyway.” Dean told the two worried looking men, thankful they were being somewhat human. The last thing Sam needed right now was finding out something as huge as angels existing.

“Dean?” He turned his head towards the kitchen, before getting up and turning back to address the angels.

“I’m gonna set Sam up in my room, be right back.”

“Dean? Could I, um, could I say goodnight to Sam?” Gabriel asked, his voice and face hopeful. Dean frowned, it probably wasn’t a good idea, and whatever had happened between them before can’t have been good, especially in Sam’s fragile state. But he didn’t want to piss off the guy, just in case he decided to go all smity on his ass.

“I’ll go ask Sam, how’s that?”

“Thanks kiddo.”

When Dean got back to the kitchen, Sam had cleaned himself up somewhat and was staring into his own cup of coffee. When Dean cleared his throat, the other man looked up and gave him a small smile.

“I’m gonna set you up in my room, no, no question, Sam. You need a good night’s sleep; I’ll be fine on the floor or something. Um, Gabriel wants to make sure you’re ok, and say goodnight before he leaves. Is that ok?” Dean asked, frown still on his face.

“Thanks, Dean. You’re a good guy, you know that, right?” Sam knew he hated all that fluffy shit. But he appreciated the thought. “Uh, yeah I’ll say goodnight to him.” He wiped a hand over his face, _fixed his hair_ , and followed Dean from the kitchen.

Back in the living room, the angels had resumed their heated conversation. Dean would have loved to know what they were talking about, but that could wait until later.

“Um, I’m gonna hit they hay. It was nice to see you again, Castiel, and uh, nice to meet you Gabriel.” Sam said quietly from the hallway. He went to turn away, but Gabriel was up and in front of him before anyone saw what had happened.

“I’m sorry that you’re feeling down Sammy. I hoped it wasn’t anything I did. I’ve been told I can be slightly, overwhelming, sometimes.” Gabriel looked up at Sam, an actual shy grin on his face. Dean didn’t know what the hell was happening, but even he could sense something was going on. He sneaked a look at Cas, who was watching the other two men in fascination. Dean was certain he was the only one not clued up.

“Nah, man, it’s ok. It wasn’t you at all. I’ve just got some… stuff going on. I uh, I don’t really wana talk about it. But thanks, I guess.” Sam ran one hand through his hair, while Gabriel stared at him with a look of undisguised rapture on his face. How Sam wasn’t seeing the look was beyond him. He was obviously too busy thinking about his failing marriage.

“Well, I’ve talked all I can to Cassie about his problem, so if you ever wana talk to me about yours Sammy, let me know, I’m a good listener.” Gabriel smirked up at Sam, who actually fucking _blushed,_ and nodded his head.

_What the fuck does he mean, ‘his problem?’_

“Thanks man, I might take you up on that. Anyway, goodnight guys.” Sam went to turn away, but Gabriel clearly had other ideas.

“Oh, one more thing.” Gabriel grabbed Sam with more strength than Dean would expect from such a small guy, but he thought the same of Cas too. Gabriel angled Sam’s head down towards his own; a puppet in the smaller man’s hands. Sam seemed to be in some kind of trance, letting Gabriel guide him in whatever action he chose. Sam’s eyes closed as Gabriel bought their lips together in a chaste kiss, lingering slightly when Sam brought his large hands up to rest on Gabriel’s hips. Gabriel released a small sigh before breaking them apart, kissing Sam quickly on the cheek before practically running out the door.

Sam stood in the hallway, blinking profusely. He turned back to the two remaining men in the room, with a blank look on his face. He licked his lips, before touching them with shaking fingers.

Sam cleared his throat, “I’m going to bed now.” and left Dean staring after him in shock.

_What the fuck just happened._

Dean turned to Cas, hoping for an explanation, but instead found the angel staring after Sam, deep in thought. He desperately wanted to know what the two angels had been talking about, but he also wanted to know what the fuck had gone on between Gabriel and Sam. It looked like the kinda thing that had happened between him and Cas, with the glowing eyes and shaking shit. He wondered if that was just how angels greeted each other, even though it looked like they had no control over it. Dean sighed, hoping Cas snapped out of it soon.

“Um, Cas? What were you and Gabriel talking about? If you don’t mind me asking…” Dean trailed off, suddenly realising maybe Cas won’t want to tell him. Maybe it’s some crazy, secret angel business.

Castiel hesitated for a moment before answering. “We were discussing relationships, Dean. I have not had much, if any, experience with them, so I was asking Gabriel for his help. He is somewhat versed in them, being older and having walked the earth more than any other angel.” Cas was looking at him with those big fucking blue eyes, all innocence and curiosity. What the hell was he doing asking Gabriel for relationship advice? Who the hell did he want a relationship with?

“Uh, any reason _why_ you were talking to Gabe about relationships and stuff, Cas?” Dean had a tiny flutter of hope darting around inside his chest. Cas couldn’t possibly be talking about Dean, could he? Nah, he wasn’t that lucky. Getting to be friends with him was better than Dean could hope for. Anything more than that…

“Well, Dean, I, um, I don’t really want to talk about it. Is that alright?” Cas was blushing. He was fucking _blushing._ That could be good, or really, really bad. He didn’t want Cas to be into someone else, but if he was that was fine too. He wouldn’t begrudge the guy his happiness.

_Yeah, like fuck you’d be ok with that._

Ok so maybe he wouldn’t exactly be _happy_ for him but whatever he felt for Cas would pass eventually, maybe.

_Stop lying to yourself. If Cas has anyone else, you’ll lay down and die right then and there. Like the pathetic son of a bitch that you are._

So, no, he wouldn’t be ok. This wasn’t anything he was used to; he hadn’t felt this way with anyone. When he looked at Cas, he felt something hot and fierce burn through his veins and explode in his heart. It scared the absolute fucking _shit_ out of him. It was new, and fragile, and fantastic and _terrifying._ And the worst thing was, he hadn’t even told Cas yet. He didn’t even want to think about it, that was a whole can of worms he refused to open until the angel gave him _more_ of a sign than getting a hard on because of a freakin dream about him. 

“The, ah, person, isn’t ready yet. I am awaiting their conformation before I give mine. It is very confusing but Gabriel is helping me understand. I only hope it does not take too long, the waiting is, how would you say, ‘killing me’.” Dean would have seen the air quotes, had his whole body not gone cold, as ice slipped down his spine to settle just below his stomach.

He was drowning, falling below the murky depths of misery that were rising up to swallow him.

Cas had someone waiting for him back in heaven.

 _Fuck_ he’d been so fucking _stupid._

He’d misread the signs, poor innocent Cas wasn’t giving him any, he was just going along with what Dean was showing him. _Fuck,_ he knew it was too good to be true. He’d laid himself bare for the angel, opened his very _soul_ for him to see. For the first time in a long time, he’d let himself feel, let himself _hope._ All he’d gotten in return was a ragged open wound in his soul, from shoulder to groin.

This was not where he’d seen this conversation going. He should have expected it though. He was _Dean Winchester_ after all, king of the let down and crushing loss. His whole life was one giant fucking disappointment. A swirling fist of pain gripped his insides, and he just knew it was written all over his face, by the look on Cas’.

“Dean, are you alright? You are very pale.” Dean stood quickly; he needed to get away from Cas. It was hurting too much to even look at him, let alone hear his voice. He felt like he was dying, a little piece of him falling away with each step he took from the angel. The hand print on his arm burned like a fire brand, but he ignored it. He wrenched open the linen cupboard grabbing a blanket and a spare pillow. He couldn’t even stay in the same room as the guy. He could vaguely hear Cas asking questions behind him, but he ignored him, instead making his way quickly to the bathroom. It was the only room other than his bedroom with a lock on the door.

As he put his hand on the knob, Dean felt Cas put his hand on his arm. “Dean –“

Dean wrenched his arm away from the angel, confused at all the emotions swirling within him, unable to focus on just one. He grabbed one at random, which just happened to be absolute despair, with just a touch of anger. He rounded on Cas, no, _Castiel,_ and the angel felt the full force of his emotions.

“Don’t! Ca - Castiel, just, _please,_ don’t. I’ve been stupid, so fucking stupid. Look, from now on, I’ll do my job and you… you do yours. It’s my fault, I let this go on and I’m sorry. You didn’t know any better. It’s all on me.” Dean sighed heavily, hoping to everything on this green earth that Castiel couldn’t see the fucking tears threatening to fall at any time. He was a man, _goddamnit,_ time to start acting like one. “I’m gonna sleep in here tonight, if you hear anything, don’t come in. Ok? No matter what.”

Dean tried to ignore the look of confusion and hurt that lanced across the angels face when he called him by his full name. That one look made his heart break into a thousand pieces and cut right through his soul. By now the mark on his arm was burning to such an intensity that it almost felt like his arm was going to fall off. At least that would distract him from the bottomless pit of loneliness that had once again taken up residence where his heart used to be. It was nice, for a time, to think that the angel might have wanted something _more_ with him. But they were just dreams, chased away by the hell hounds of reality. Nobody wanted Dean, not like _that._ He was broken. Cas had tried to make him see, and for a while he had, he’d dared to _feel_ and for that, he was rewarded with a broken heart and a further damaged soul.

He looked Cas dead in the eye.

“Just leave me alone, Castiel.”

He closed the door on the face of a man who looked as though his very _soul_ was being ripped apart by vicious animals, and tossed into the fiery pits of hell.

* * *

 

Something was wrong, very wrong. Dean was closed off, distant and angry. Castiel did not know how he had upset the human, but he knew it was his fault. He stared at the wooden door in front of him, slammed shut and locked a few minutes before. He could still feel the echo of his heart tearing itself to pieces over the look on Deans face as he had said his name, his _full_ name. He could still hear Dean moving around inside the bathroom, but he dared not knock. Dean had told him to leave him alone, something Castiel was loath to do, considering his current mood.

He thought about asking Sam for help, in understanding what was going on behind Dean’s mood, or even some way to appease him. But no, Sam had enough on his problems on his mind without Castiel adding to them.

He had seen the light shining from Gabriel’s eyes the moment the two men’s hands had touched. It was the same as when Castiel had awoken on the couch, Dean grasping his shoulder. Gabriel had found his Soulmate, and was clearly as dumbfounded as Castiel at their luck. Jealously surged with the angel for a moment, at Gabriel’s courage to kiss Sam, blatantly in front of all of them, and not be pushed away. If only he could have that moment with Dean… but no. Judging by his mood at the moment, that situation was a long time off, if it would even happen. Castiel felt a surge of sadness, of longing, for the moment that may never come.

He placed his hand on the door, resting his forehead alongside it on the cool wood. Even though his heart was breaking for Dean, at not know why he was so upset, so _anguished,_ and not knowing where to start to fix it, he still had a job to do.

He went to the couch, gathering up the blanket and pillow that had been left there from the night before. Standing before the door to the bathroom, Castiel analysed which would be the best way to sleep. He decided on lying across the threshold, and set about arranging the pillow and blanket to give himself the most comfort. Afterwards, he just lay awake, immensely aware of the sobbing he could hear from within the bathroom. He wanted nothing more than to break the door down, take Dean in his arms and chase all his fears and insecurities away.

Why had Dean said he thought himself an idiot? And stupid?

He thought back to what Dean had asked him, about what he and Gabriel had talked about. All they had discussed was relationships and that was of little import to Dean. He seemed to have reacted badly when Castiel had decided to elaborate after telling Dean he did not want to discuss it, but he felt the human deserved an explanation. He had hoped, very mildly, that Dean would pick up on his hints about it being him –

Oh Holy Mary Mother Of God.

Dean did not get any of the hints; he would have immediately thought Castiel was talking about someone else. With all of his self-doubt and low personal worth, Dean must have assumed he could not possibly be the one Castiel was talking about; if he had learned anything about the human in the short time he had known him. How could he have forgotten such an important facet of Dean’s personality?

All the angel wished to do at that moment was ignore Deans previous plea to be left alone, to explain to him how it all had been a massive misunderstanding. Yes, Dean’s reaction was perplexing, given that Castiel still had no idea how Dean felt about him, but he _had_ to make the other man understand. There was no one waiting for him in heaven. All he had was Dean, and Gabriel. All of his brothers and sisters thought he was strange, with his soul infused grace and penchant for questioning authority. His _will_ was too strong, they said. It was _unnatural_ , they said. Apparently it was why Gabriel liked him so much, he was different.

But he could not break Dean’s trust in him. He had apparently done enough damage tonight. He would try tomorrow, if Dean was willing to talk, to hear his explanation.

Castiel tried to make himself more comfortable on the floor, bunching the pillow behind his back and cradling his head on his arms. He heard him before he saw him, the clatter of claws on the wooden floorboards, the gentle snuffling of a wet nose. Riot nudged under his arm slightly, finding an acceptable sleeping spot before curling up beside the angel. Two of the creatures that loved Dean most in the world, spending the night in uncomfortable companionship, to protect what meant most to them.

Castiel awoke in the morning with a stiff neck, a painfully cramped back and a wet tongue licking his face. He brushed the dog away gently, not at all appreciating the early wake up call, until he heard movement from within the bathroom. He was up quicker than he thought possible, straightening his rumpled clothes, and bringing a hand to his messy hair, which he knew was sticking up everywhere. He held his breath as the lock clicked, and the bathroom door opened slowly. Dean looked a mess, to put it lightly. His hair was everywhere, his eyes were bloodshot and puffy, and his face was pale and drawn. He looked at Castiel with something that looked vaguely like heart-breaking sadness, but it was deeper than that. The man looking at him had had all hope wrenched from him, pounded into a dust and blown away with the stiff wind of devastation. And Castiel had no idea _why._

Yes, Dean had said he had had thoughts and feelings about the angel, but those were purely a physical reaction to their shared living space, nothing more.

“Dean I – “He cut Castiel off with a hand in front of his face, and a bone weary sigh.

“I do _not_ want to hear it, Castiel. Whatever you’ve got to say, whatever explanation your gonna try and give, it doesn’t matter, ok? Nothing will make me feel better. Just – just leave it, ok?” Dean sighed again, bringing a hand down to clutch just below his ribs. “I’m gonna go wake up Sam. I’ll make us some breakfast. Then I’m gonna go for a run. I’ve got work again tonight, that’s gonna continue for a week, and then I’m back on day shifts. This is the last time I talk to you, unless I have to, got it? I just – I just can’t do this anymore, ok? When you get your powers back, you can just turn invisible again and I’ll just pretend you aren’t there. It’s – it’s easier that way. It’ll go back to how it was… before. I can handle that.” Dean said the last words quietly, almost as if saying them to himself.

Castiel had stopped breathing.

He could feel his lungs beginning to burn in protest, but he ignored them. What he had done, what he had said, it had _broken_ Dean. The other man was wishing for Castiel to just, disappear, vanish as if he never existed. The words were swirling around inside him, pushing and pulling at his insides until he was just a seething mass of pain and emotion. He did not think the human term ‘died of a broken heart’ had any actual truth behind it, but he could see now how wrong he was. As Dean brushed past him to go to Sam, Castiel grabbed his arm, one final attempt at trying to break through the stubborn wall of pain that was surrounding him.

Dean looked down at the tight grip Castiel had on his arm, before looking back up into his eyes. The deep, forest green of his eyes was startling, as was the pain and anger which burned within them, before something snapped behind them. Before Castiel knew what was happening, Dean had yanked his arm from Castiel’s grasp, pulled his arm back, and slammed his fist into his face. His head hit the door frame, making him see stars as well as the black dots swimming in front of his eyes. He didn’t even register the pain, it was nothing compared to what was burning, twisting and dying within his chest.

“Don’t you fucking _touch_ me, you got it?” Dean practically screamed; face red with anger.

Castiel watched in detached horror as Dean pulled on his boots and jacket, wrenched open the door and flew out of the apartment. Sliding down the wall, he wondered, hazily, if Sam had heard the commotion. He felt liquid running down his throat, and onto his chest. Bringing his hand up, he realised slowly that he was bleeding.

Actually, physically, _bleeding._

_I did not even know if I could._

His thoughts were slow, disjointed, he wondered suddenly, as sudden as he could, if he was, in fact, dying. That would be highly embarrassing, given that he had not completed his mission. There was a questioning noise above him, and then a shocked curse. He looked up to see that, yes, Sam had heard Dean’s tirade. Well, at least he might get some help now, given that he was in no state to help himself.

Sam knelt down beside him, bringing a hand to Castiel’s forehead, pressing slightly to make him tilt his head backwards.

“Castiel, what the hell happened?” The last part of Sam’s question grew quiet as he disappeared into the bathroom to get the first aid kit. He returned with some hand towels which he instructed Castiel to hold beneath his nose, to stem the flow of blood.

“Dean is,” Castiel voice sounded thick to his cotton filled ears “Dean is angry at me.”

Sam was feeling the bridge of Castiel’s nose, probably to ensure it was not broken. This was not ideal; it would take all of Castiel’s saved up grace if he wanted to heal, meaning it would be another week before he could fully protect Dean again. The thought of Dean made his heart constrict painfully within his chest, causing him to groan and double over. His grace was warring inside him, unhappy at being so far from its mate. It could feel the intense emotions coming from its partner, and was not happy that it had been the one to cause them.

“Well, yeah, I can see that. Where the hell is he? This is no way to treat a guest. Do you mind me asking what he’s angry at you for?” Sam asked, pulling tape out of the box, snipping some and placing a strip across the bridge of his nose. He had no idea what it was for, but he assumed Sam knew what he was doing.

He felt something dripping down his neck now, and brought his hand around the back of his head to investigate. When he touched the gash nestled within his hair, he inhaled shapely at the jolt of pain that flooded through him. He caught Sam’s concerned look, and showed him his hand, covered in blood. Sam cursed again.

“Fuck, ok sorry I’m taking you to hospital. You’ve got a head wound man; you could have concussion or anything. Fucking dick! God _damnit._ I’m so sorry Castiel. He’s got a temper on him, but that’s no excuse. Come on.” Sam helped him up, he was dimly aware of protesting the hospital visit, but before he knew it, they were outside.

Castiel did not like hospitals.

They smelled of antiseptic, sickness and despair. He was an _angel;_ he did not belong in such a place. But he knew that if he used any of his grace to heal himself, Sam would be highly suspicious and he did not want that. He needed at least one human ally if he was to win against Dean’s internal war. No, he would just have to, what did the humans say? ‘Grin and bear it?’

He did not feel like grinning.

His nose was blocked with clotted blood, his head was pounding with insistent drums, and he could feel the bruises forming under his eyes, black and blue, like the colours on Dean’s police car. The annoyingly happy nurse trying to put a needle in his arm was irritating him beyond belief, while Sam explained to the doctor what had happened.

“He pissed him off…”

“No, never happened before…”

“You owe me one, Garth, remember?”

 “…watch out for him…”

Two hours, and many tests later, Castiel was cleared. With an unbroken nose, seven stitches, a very mild concussion and a moderately bruised ego, Sam took him back to Deans. They let themselves in, and Castiel was strangely relieved that Dean was still not home. He was not in the mood to talk to him just yet, even though the pain killers the doctor had given him had taken the edge off the pain. All he wanted to do was sleep.

But Sam told him no. He could not sleep yet, because of the pain pills and concussion. Sam made him some coffee, and sat him down on the couch.

“Now, are you gonna tell me what you guys were talking about that made him angry enough to hit you? He hasn’t done that in a while, hit someone, I mean.” Sam talked quietly, well aware of the headache still present, despite the medication. Castiel did not want to tell Sam what they were fighting about; he did not know if Dean wanted Sam to know. He was very confused. He found, now, that he actually wanted Dean here, foul mood or not.

“Thank you, Sam, for taking care of me. But I do not want to talk about it, if that is alright.” Castiel cradled the coffee in his hands, enjoying the warmth and comfort it provided.

Sam sighed, running a hand through his long hair. “Ok, man. But I know Dean better than anyone, probably better than he knows himself. I could help you.”

Castiel shook his head. “Thank you, Sam. Maybe if I cannot fix this, I will ask for your help. Dean will not talk to me, but… just… make sure he is ok? Is that acceptable?” He looked at Sam, whose features were coloured with concern and pity.

“Yeah, that’s good. I can do that. He can be a complete shit head sometimes, Castiel. But he’s a good guy.”

“I know, Sam. He has had a hard life.”

They both looked around when the creak of the door alerted them to Dean’s arrival back to the apartment. He stumbled into the living room and stopped; slowly taking in Castiel’s bruised face and bandaged head. He gave them both a blank look, one so void of emotion that it made Castiel’s heart ache.

_Oh, so your still there then, that’s good._

Knowing his heart was still beating was a relief, but it was short lived. Dean turned from them both, stumbling slightly before heading down the hallway. The sharp sound of the door to the bedroom slamming shut brought them both back to reality.

“Shit, he must’ve gone to a bar.” Castiel looked at Sam questioningly, unsure of what he meant.

“He’s drunk, Castiel. I’m gonna go talk to him. Whatever you did, you don’t deserve this.” Sam patted him on the shoulder as he got up, before making his way to Deans room. Castiel could hear Sam knocking on Dean’s door, the door opening then closing, then soft voices talking through the wall. He was in no position to hear what they were saying, and he did not want to. Likely it was about him, and he did not want to hear the things that Dean had to say about him at that moment.

He probably thought Castiel was the lowest of the low, making him think there was something there, with the looks, the touching of their hands, that incident in the kitchen… not to mention the morning on the couch or the bed, all the while having an imaginary suitor waiting for him. It was such a mess, and Dean had made it clear he wanted no explanation, which made everything that much harder. He could not ask Sam to do his fighting for him, this, he had to do alone.

He heard the voices from the bedroom become raised, before Sam came storming down the hall, fury written all over his face.

“I don’t know what the fuck you said, or did, but he is a fucking _mess,_ Castiel. Either fix it, or fuck off and leave him alone. He’s had too many people in his life who’ve hurt him before you.” Sam was seething, Castiel could see that much. His head was still foggy with the concussion, and the drugs, so he just nodded until Sam turned a left the apartment.

Castiel looked over at Riot, who was cowering under the TV in his bed. He felt bad for the little dog, who did not know what was happening with all the raised voices and arguments. Castiel grabbed the blanket from the top of the couch, lay down and threw it over himself. He felt the little creature make a bed in the crook of his bent knees, and he settled down to another uncomfortable sleep. 


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone,
> 
> Internets back on yay! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter, thanks for the comments and kudos, keep 'em comin!

He ran as fast as he could.

_Yeah, because punching the guy trying to save you wasn’t the most pathetic thing you could have possibly done this morning._

Dean didn’t know what had come over him, he was just so angry; at Castiel, for leading him on, at having someone else. At himself, for letting the other man get under his skin, allowing him to carve out a space for him in his chest, right where he assumed his heart had been, which now felt empty, hollow. He should have known better, it had happened before, with Benny, and Ruby. He’d let them in, shown them all of his darkest places… and they had thrown his trust back in his face, with their pity and disappointment. He wasn’t perfect, he knew that, but he knew he didn’t deserve to be treated like trash.

Or did he?

The universe had a funny way of working sometimes. He fucked up, monumentally, so it was only right the universe found a way to balance the scales. Castiel had almost convinced him that he was special, that heaven didn’t care about his mistakes and the dark stain on his soul. But what the angel didn’t understand was that it didn’t matter what anyone else thought, heaven or a bunch of winged wankers. It’s what _Dean_ thought about himself, and what he had done, that mattered the most. If he couldn’t get past it, the worthlessness he felt, the shame and disgust, how could anyone else?

Dean tipped what was left of his whiskey down his throat, savouring the burn as it travelled down to sit warmly in his stomach. He signalled the bartender for another, and waited while he poured another two fingers into the glass tumbler. He was the only one in the bar, some shitty dive not far from his apartment, apart from the bartender and some old drunk in the corner. No one to get into a fight with, shame, he hadn’t had a good bar fight since before he’d become a cop. Thinking about fighting brought forth the memory of this morning. He swallowed the amber liquid in one go.

A small part of him, _ok_ , a fairly large part, hoped he hadn’t hurt the angel too badly when he’d hit him. His grace was still recharging, so it’s not like he could just heal himself. But the little fucker just wouldn’t _listen_. He wasn’t interested in the excuses, the reasons, the _explanations._ Just like when Ruby cheated on him because he wasn’t ‘emotionally available’ or when Benny had packed his things without saying a word but given him this fucking _look,_ like he was broken. Well, fuck them, fuck the world, _fuck everything._

He was well on his way to becoming like the drunk in the corner. He had work tonight, so he couldn’t get too pissed, but he just wanted to _forget_ for a while. Was that so much to ask?

The bar tender came his way again, holding up the bottle in silent question. Dean shook his head, which was a mistake, considering how much cotton wool was bunched up next to his brain. He paid for the drinks before lurching clumsily off the bar stool, waving away questions about taxis and drink driving. He wasn’t stupid, he would never risk his baby like that, which was why he walked.

He found he wasn’t even embarrassed at stumbling up the street well into the afternoon, but clearly before you’re _supposed_ to start drinking. People gave him pitying looks, which grated on him, he wanted to yell and curse, tell them he was just like them, everyone had problems so why couldn’t they all just _fuck off and leave him alone._

As he fumbled with the keys to his apartment, Dean wondered if Sam was still there, or if he’d left. He didn’t really feel like dealing with him at the moment, he’d try and talk to Dean about his problems, try to get him to talk about his _feelings._

Fuck. That.

He didn’t want to think about anything. Not his feelings, not his stupidly pathetic, lonely life, not Castiel, _definitely_ not him, nothing. No feelings, just a shower and bed, oblivion. If he drowned in his own vomit then so be it, if that’s what the universe wants, she can come and get it, the cold hard, bitch.

 _Finally,_ his key fit into the stupid lock, and turned the handle. Ripping off his jacket and boots, annoyed beyond belief at how numb his hands were, it took him a second to register talking coming from the living room. So Sam must still be there, or Castiel had invited his _brother_ back. That had kinda ticked him off that the angel had invited someone over without asking. It _was_ his place, after all. What if… what if Gabriel was the one that Castiel was pinning after? Maybe that’s why he’d invited him over, to see if he was _ready_ or whatever the hell he’d said before.

The thought made his heart, which thankfully was still beating, constrict painfully. It was going to be so much harder than he’d thought, distancing himself from the angel. As Sam had said, he was already so gone, it was painful, actually, physically _painful,_ to think of Castiel with anyone but him. But he had to; he had no choice in this. He didn’t know how angel courtship worked, but he knew he couldn’t be any part of it. Castiel had someone waiting for him, he wasn’t gonna be a dick and get in the way of that, even if every part of him was screaming its discontent.

Taking a deep breath, he tried to wander nonchalantly into the living room but tripped over his feet along the way. When he looked up, he met two sets of eyes, one grey angry pair, and one startling blue. Sam looked mad, really mad. Probably at him, yeah, it was probably something he’d done. That’s when he looked at Castiel, and noticed the strange white cloth wrapped around his head, and the purple bruises underneath his eyes. Dean blinked for a moment, trying to remember why Castiel looked like that.

Oh, right.

He did that to the angel.

It was strange, the alcohol had finally had the effect he wanted, but now he just felt… empty. He couldn’t feel anything. He wasn’t sure anymore if this was what he truly wanted. He gave the two men one final look, taking in Castiel’s bruised face, bandaged head and pleading eyes, before turning sharply and stumbling towards his bedroom. He couldn’t face either of them like this; he wasn’t in his right mind. Closing the door behind him, he leant against the cool, hard wood, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. All he wanted to do was go to sleep and forget this morning ever happened.

Walking over to his bed, his noticed it didn’t even look like Sam had spent the night, the sheets were pulled and neat, nothing was out of place, not that he expected it to be. He was lost in his random thoughts when he heard a soft knock at the door. Tensing, he heard Sam ask if he could come in. Grumbling his acknowledgment, Dean waited as Sam opened and closed the door.

There were a few tense moments before Sam spoke.

“I had to take him to the hospital, Dean.” He could hear the anger and disappointment in voice; he could feel it in the air around them, without even looking at him. It couldn’t possibly match how much anger Dean, himself, felt but it was probably close.

Sam continued when Dean didn’t answer, he just hunched his shoulders, head down, eyes trained on the floor.

“He’s got a fucking _concussion,_ Dean. He needed seven stitches. I had to get _Garth_ to stitch him up, he owed me a favour. Didn’t ask any questions, but you are so fuckin lucky, man. If Castiel was anyone else… he wouldn’t have hesitated to press charges. For some fucked up reason, he _still_ likes you. He’s worried about you, and so am I.” Sam’s voice got all quiet at the end, almost like…

Dean’s hands clenched at his sides, anger and shame rushing through him. He didn’t need anyone to be worried about him. He was just fucking _fine._ He certainly didn’t need anyone’s fucking _pity_. He whirled around, crowding Sam against the door.

“You’re _worried?_ What are you _worried_ about, Sammy? That I’ll go off the deep end? That I’ll finally fucking _snap?_ Well guess what? I might have! Maybe I’ve gone fucking _crazy,_ Sammy! Maybe this was the breaking point! Meeting Cas and falling for him so hard I didn’t know what the fuck hit me, then being told I CANT FUCKING HAVE HIM.” Dean practically screamed the last part, feeling all the frustration and hurt from the night before burst forth in a raging torrent. “So yeah, maybe you should be worried, Sammy. I don’t know what I’m gonna do, but whatever it is can’t be good, right? Because that’s just me, good old Dean, touching shit and watching it wither up and DIE.”

Sam was watching him in shock, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. He looked like he didn’t know whether to run forward and envelop Dean in a rough hug, or beat the absolute shit out of him.

“Dean… I don’t know what happened, but let me help. I can do something – “Dean didn’t know what he was gonna say, but he’d heard enough. No one could help him, no one could change anything. It was all a fucking mess.

“Don’t, Sam. Just don’t. I don’t need anyone’s _help._ Why don’t you fuck off and fix your marriage before you come along and try to fix me.” The words flew out of Dean’s mouth before he could stop them, and despite his wrath, he regretted them instantly. The wounded look of pure _pain_ that flew into Sam’s eyes, and stayed there, broke his heart in a totally different way than when it had been in Castiel’s. Sam was his best friend, they had always been there for each other, and Dean had taken that trust and thrown in back in Sam’s face. He had to do something.

“Sam, look, I’m sorry – “ Dean backed away from Sam, putting his hands up in front of him, more in a gesture of peace than to protect himself, at this rate Sam had every right to beat the crap out of him. He almost wanted him to, at least then Sam would get his anger out. But he didn’t look angry, he looked utterly _devastated._

“All I’ve ever done was try and help you, Dean. You’re my best friend, my family. But sometimes, you take things too far. I can deal with a lot of your shit, more than most people would, or could, I bet. But this, _this,_ is too much. I know your hurting, and that fucking sucks, but don’t you EVER bring my marriage into one of your self-pitying hate fests. Fix what ever happened between you and Castiel, or don’t, whatever. But never, NEVER, assume to compare your problems to mine. It’s not how it works, Dean. I’ve tried to be nice, but you’ve pushed too far this time.” Sam’s anger was palpable in the air around them, tangling like a mist between their feet. He looked like he was going to rush forward, do something, but he stopped at the last moment, turning instead to fling open the door and stride out. He heard him yell something at the angel as he passed him, before the door to the apartment opened, then slammed shut.

Dean stood there, anger all but gone after his argument with Sam. He hadn’t meant to say those things, they had just slipped out. He hoped, suddenly, that Castiel hadn’t heard his proclamation of love during the fight. That would make things, if possible, even worse. Because then there would be… pity. Pity at his unrequited feelings, his misunderstanding of the signs.

_Signs? What fucking signs? He got a hard on for you, end of story._

His stupid brain was right, of course. Castiel had a normal, bodily response to all of Dean’s advances, that was all. He thought something was there just because he _wanted_ something to be there. He was just fooling himself.

Stripping off and getting into bed, he set his alarm for 4pm, plenty of time to get ready for work then. Getting settled between the sheets, he already felt the dull ache in his head. His mouth was dry and tasted funny and he was pretty sure he needed to pee. But all of that paled in comparison to the absolute shame he was feeling for the fact he’d managed to alienate the two people who were trying to help him the most. Even if Castiel had someone waiting, he still had his job to do, and that was to protect Dean. He wasn’t gonna be a dick and make it hard for him, as much as his severely beaten ego wanted him to. No, he’d be a perfect fucking gentleman. But that didn’t mean he had to talk to him. He’d meant that part. It would be easier to cope with the gaping hole in his chest if he didn’t have constant communication with him. He’d just suffer on his own, like always.

* * *

 

Castiel woke up, uncomfortable and in pain. He was unused to pain, being an angel, he had an exceptionally high pain tolerance, and almost nothing hurt him. But this, this was a totally new experience for him. Usually he would relish a new experience, as it was rare to have something so totally _human_ happened to him, but he was not enjoying this. His head ached something fierce where the gash was, somewhere near the back, his eyes were blurry where the bruises pressed against his eyes and he could not breath out of his nose.

He sat up groggily, putting a hand to his forehead. He felt slimy, probably because he had been sweating through his uncomfortable, restless sleep. It was obvious that he needed a shower, but he did not want to disturb Dean. It was clear he had not yet emerged from him bedroom. He would need to get ready for work soon, and Castiel wondered if he should knock on his door, to make sure he did not over sleep. Just as he was thinking about moving, he heard Dean’s bedroom door open. He turned around on the couch to look wearily over at where he knew Dean would emerge to get himself a towel. He was greeted with tired green eyes, and he was overly thankful there was not a trace of anger in them.

_Good, I can work with that._

He was just about to offer a greeting when he remembered Dean’s words from last night.

‘ _This is the last time I talk to you, unless I have to, got it?’_

His heart ached with the knowledge, but he accepted it, for now. Surely Dean would forgive him, for whatever slight he thought Castiel had caused him. But Dean could be very stubborn, he had seen it. It would take time, and patience. He heard the cupboard shut and looked back to see Dean disappearing back down the hallway, presumably to have a shower. He would take his turn after Dean had gone to work, that seemed like the best option.

Castiel adjusted the bandage on his head and stood shakily from the couch. He needed a glass of water to take with the pain pills Sam’s doctor friend had given him. He did not _want_ to take them, the solider in him urged him to be alert at all times, but at this stage, and pain level, he was accepting of his fate. Tipping back the water and pills, he noticed that Riot had followed him into the kitchen. He went and sat by a bowl that had his name on the front. Castiel cocked his head, the dog must be hungry. He didn’t think Dean had fed him this morning, so he set about finding some food. He opened a few cupboards before finally finding a tin with a dog on the front. Castiel assumed that must be it, it was clearly indicative of dog food. Slopping it down into the bowl, he wrinkled his nose at the smell, wondering if the dog would eat such an awful smelling concoction. But Riot launched such an attack on the food, Castiel was worried he would choke. Within seconds he was done. He could not help but be slightly impressed, for some reason.

Returning to the couch with the water and pills, just in case he needed more later, he looked around for something to do. He settled on a small but thick book with an interesting cover, it was gold with some kind of sculptured dragon on the front. He read the writing at the top.

‘A Game of Thrones’, he blinked, it would do. Settling down on the couch, sitting up with his head not quite touching the pillow, so as to not irritate his head wound, he read. It was quite the absorbing read. He had read a fair amount of the book by the time he heard Dean coming down the hall, and already he could tell, this was not going to be a happy story.

He looked over the book at Dean, who was fixing himself something in the kitchen. Without a word, Dean walked into the living room, placed a sandwich in front of Castiel and then left. He heard the shuffle and scrape of Dean putting his boots on, the slide of the door to the apartment opening, and then closing. He was, once again, alone.

He eyed the sandwich suspiciously; he had not had one before. He placed the book down on the table, remembering to place the small scrap of paper in between the pages, before picking up the food. He sniffed at it experimentally, before taking a small bite. The sensations that assaulted his taste buds were unlike anything he had experienced. This sandwich, this piece of bread with what looked like a brown paste and purple jelly in between, was one of, if not the best thing he had ever tasted. It was a revelation. He was just about to call out for Dean, to tell him what a wonderful experience this was, but stopped. He was alone; Dean did not want to talk with him. It caused a stab of pain to lance through his chest.

He finished the sandwich and went to take the plate to the kitchen to wash it. When he was done, Castiel returned to the couch. Picking up his book, he happened to glance down at the coffee table, and noticed that Dean had left something under the plate. It was some money, presumably so Castiel could order himself some more dinner. He knew, at that moment, even more than he had before, that heaven was correct. Even though he was clearly very angry with Castiel, and wanted nothing more to do with him, Dean still made sure he was alright, in his own small way. Despite all the awful things Dean thought about himself, he was _good._ He showed it more in his actions than in his words, but that was just his way.

Castiel smiled to himself, returning to his book. Dean was very much like Jon Snow, a good person, both destined for greatness, but who thought themselves worthless, and beneath all others. It broke his heart.

A few hours, many chapters, and a bowl of Indian food later, Castiel found himself trying to decide where to sleep. He did not want to take any more pain killers until he was ready for bed, so he needed to make up his mind, fast. The throbbing in his head was becoming unbearable once again and he _still_ could not breathe comfortably out of his nose. He decided to have a shower, thinking that might help mitigate the pain until he decided where to sleep. He did not want to sleep on the couch again, it had hurt his back and he could not get a comfortable position for his head. His towel was still in the bathroom from when he had used it the other night, so he stripped off his blood stained clothes and turned on the shower. He waited for it to warm up before stepping under the streaming jets. Instantly, he felt his muscles relax and the tension leave his body. Showers were one of the best things about feeling human; being an angel he had no need for them. But the feeling of the hot water trailing over his naked body, running down the hard curves of his form, nothing could possibly be better than this.

He soaped himself up, starting at the top and trailing languidly downwards. He stopped when his hands came to his penis, which had become slightly longer and thicker due to the warm environment he was in. He thought for a moment about what he had seen Dean do, in the shower some weeks ago, and wondered if he should try it himself. Before bringing his hand down to stroke along his length, he stopped himself. Trying something like this, without Dean, lacked the meaning Castiel wanted this moment to have. It would be the first moment he would feel something such as this, and if there was _any_ hope at all of Dean seeing what he meant to the angel, he wanted Dean to be a part of it. Shaking himself, he took his mind off the hard length between his legs by trying to carefully wash his hair. He did not use any cleaning product, just letting the water rinse over the jagged wound. Apparently the nurse had made a good job of stitching him up, but Castiel hardly cared. He would not see it, and he could heal it until there was no trace of it left, if he wished. He winced as the water touched his wound, but it was nothing he could not handle. He had felt much worse in his years, physically, anyway.

Feeling about as good as he was going to get, Castiel turned off the water and grabbed for his towel. He wrapped it around himself, before heading for Dean’s bedroom. He wanted something comfortable to sleep in tonight; he knew it was going to be disrupted by his various injuries. He wondered, vaguely, if Dean would mind if he wore more of his clothes. He shrugged the thought off, no, Dean was many, confusing things, but petulant was not one of them. Finding a pair of soft, well worn, sleeping pants, he dried himself before slipping them on. They felt wonderful, soft on his skin, and the thought that Dean had worn them many times… it made a warm feeling spread through his chest, despite the ache still sitting in there from their fight.

He turned around to look at Dean’s bed, not looking forward to spending the night, once again, on the couch. But Dean would not be back until very early in the morning… he had not shown him how to set an alarm, but that would not matter. He would hear Dean coming up the stairs, and then he would slip out unnoticed. It would be pleasant to spend another night in Dean’s bed; he had rather enjoyed it the last time it happened.

Leaving the door open so he could hear Dean when he came home, Castiel slipped in between the sheets with a contented sigh. He turned onto his side, so he would not aggravate or put pressure on his head wound, and found he was nuzzling directly into Deans pillow. Without a further thought, he dragged the pillow towards him and inhaled deeply. It smelled of Dean, his natural scent along with the man-made scent he covered himself with before going out. It was a shame he did that, his natural scent was far greater than anything the humans could manufacture. He found having the pillow, and the scent, close to him, calmed him. He supposed it was a bit like having Dean himself around, but without the anger and confusion.

Before he could even start thinking about the mess he had made of his and Deans relationship, sleep had surged up and claimed him, taking Castiel down into the depths of unconsciousness. He did not even wake up when Dean arrived home early that morning, finding a sleeping, battered angel in his bed, clutching Dean’s pillow to his chest. He closed the door, sleeping on the couch in penance for hurting the angel.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> Thanks so much for the comments and kudos, honestly, the comments make me so happy, you have no idea. keep 'em coming!
> 
> ^x^

The next few days were, to put it lightly, hell. Dean had never felt so out of control of his own emotions, usually so stoic and sure footed, his insides were warring with each other, each trying to claim their little piece of his sanity. Overall, he was unhappy. That’s what was showing on the outside, to Sam, to Castiel, to everyone else. But inside… he was a mess of self-loathing, misery, anger, despair and hopeless loss. It infuriated him, he hadn’t even told Castiel how he felt, but the rejection was worse than anything he’d ever experienced. The mark on his arm was burning uninterrupted now, had been since him and Castiel had their fight. He managed to ignore it now, but when it had started, he almost wanted to hack his own arm off. Almost.

He hated himself for hurting Castiel, and he wanted badly to _talk_ to the angel. He wasn’t to the point yet where he would beg, but he somehow needed Castiel’s forgiveness, even if just for closure. The thought made him desperately _sad,_ having to send Castiel away just because he was such an emotional train wreck that he couldn’t even handle being around his crush.

_More than a crush, bro._

Shut the fuck up. He knew his head was right, but that didn’t mean he had to listen to it. When did he ever? No, he wasn’t gonna go down that road again. That road had taken him straight to a dive bar and a bad hangover. Sam had lambasted him that day when he’d got to work. Dean had just stood there, head down, and taken it. He _did_ apologise to Sam for what he had said, he admitted he was out of line. That had shut Sam up, that was something Dean _never_ did, admitting he was wrong to say or do something. It got Sam’s attention to the point where he knew something was _seriously_ wrong. That was how they’d ended up here, the first day back on day shift, waiting at a traffic light, with Sam giving him bitch face #11, ‘there’s something wrong and you’re not telling me what it is’.

“Sam, don’t do that. You don’t wana hear my problems. I’m fine.” Dean lied well, too well sometimes, but as always, Sam could see right through his thin veil.

“Dean, you have five seconds to tell me, or so help me god – “Dean sat up straight in surprise, Sam only used the count when he was very serious. Last time he’d used it, Sam had refused to stop for pie for a week. It was torture. Time to spill the beans, not that it would help at all. He couldn’t tell Sam what the big problem _should_ be, that he was gonna die, soon, but Dean couldn’t bring himself to care about that right now, he had more pressing matters to think about.

Dean sighed before starting.

“Ok, Sam. Your gonna think I’m the biggest girl ever, and this is totally gonna be a chick flick moment, so I don’t want it going on forever ok? Shit, I’ve got the creeps already.”

“It’s ok, Dean, I won’t laugh or anything. You know you can tell me anything and I won’t judge.”

“Man, you started it! Ok, so that morning I punched Castiel, well, you remember the night before? Castiel had his brother over?” Dean hoped mentioning Gabriel wouldn’t throw Sam off; he needed him on his game here.

“Oh, uh, you mean Gabriel?” Dean almost threw up in his mouth when Sam’s voice went all high at the end and he started fuckin _blushing._

“Yeah, him, anyway, I found out what they were talking about all night.” Dean hoped Sam hadn’t heard his voice waver when he thought about it. _Relationships, fuck._

“Ok, so what were they talking about? You?” Sam asked, head turned to look at Dean while he waited for a red light.

“Uhm, well, no, that was the problem. Long story short, I asked Castiel and he got all cagey about it. I didn’t think he was gonna tell me, and I was cool with that, you know? His business or whatever. But then he sort of word vomited that this… this other _person,_ is waiting for him… back home. Said they weren’t ready or he was waiting on them or some shit. All this time I thought he’d been into me and… and then he drops that fuck ton of shit on me. It kinda… it broke something in me, Sammy.” Dean looked into Sam’s shocked face, full of concern and sadness for his friend. Dean was mortified when he realised the water dripping down his neck wasn’t sweat, it was tears. He turned away, scrubbing hard at his face to eradicate evidence of his inner turmoil.

“Dean…” The sadness in Sam’s voice almost brought forth another round of tears, but Dean held them at bay. He was on duty, no time for tears.

“The worst part is, I can’t even talk to him now. I haven’t talked to him in a week, since it happened. He’s been sleeping in my bed, because I do actually feel pretty fuckin shitty about punching him. I just… I don’t know how to get past this, Sam.” Dean looked over at Sam, who was back to concentrating on driving, but had a look on his face that meant he was thinking hard.

“Why the hell is he staying at your apartment? Why haven’t you kicked him out? And what the fuck does he _do,_ man? Does he have a job or something?” Dean knew Sam was just trying to distract him, and he was thankful for it.

Oh, wait. Dean hadn’t thought about how to explain to Sam why there was a random dude camping out in his apartment. He needed a reason Castiel would have to be out of his apartment, without being homeless, and a job that he wouldn’t need to be at a specific place… yeah, easy as.

Oh! That’s it!

“Uh, his apartment building got a major leak, so they’re fixing it but they don’t know how long it’s gonna take. I’m not gonna kick him out just because I’m being a temperamental dick. And he, uh,” ok, so this bit is a bit trickier. “He writes books and shit for universities on theology? Yeah, that’s what he told me. So he writes where he is, when he wants to.” Dean was quite proud of his on the spot idea; he’d really love to tell Castiel…

Sam could obviously sense Dean’s descent back into darkness, so he came, once again, to his rescue.

“Oh, cool. That’s, uh, pretty fuckin boring, actually.” Sam laughed, which also helped lighten Deans mood. Yeah, it was pretty boring, if he really thought about it. “So, I was thinking, do you wana go out tonight? Just to the roadhouse. I, uh, I don’t wana go home just yet. If you know what I mean, and please, I _really_ don’t wana talk about it. Not today. One shit fight between us is enough.”

“Yeah, I could use a night out. Staring at the TV while Castiel tries not to stare at me is getting old, real quick.”

“Uh, do you wana invite him to come along?” Dean gave Sam a look, which screamed ‘are you fucking kidding?’ “Ok, so that’s a no…” Sam gave him a look, but Dean ignored it. He didn’t want Castiel coming to a bar; he was friggen angel for fuck sake.

Their shift over, it left them plenty of time to go home, or in Sam’s case, go back to the station, to get changed before heading out. They agreed to meet at the Roadhouse, since it was pretty close to Dean’s place and he planned on getting _shitfaced._ He wanted to forget his problems, even if just for the night.

Opening the door to his apartment, he was met with a small furry flurry at his feet. “Hey boy, how you been?” he rubbed his dogs head, feeling slightly bad that he’d been so wrapped up in his thoughts and problems to pay much attention to him lately. Luckily Castiel had been feeding and toileting him. At least it got him out of the apartment, even if it was only to the patch of grass across the street.

Closing the door behind him, he stopped to listen to where Castiel was in the apartment. He couldn’t hear anything, so he assumed he was on the couch, reading, like he did every day. He was really racing through those Game of Thrones books Sam had gotten him for Christmas last year. Dean wasn’t much of a reader, but Sam thought he would enjoy it anyway.

He’d paused in the doorway, watching Castiel read quietly. He hadn’t noticed Dean yet, which was unusual but made him happy. It gave him the chance to look at Castiel without having those piercing blue eyes staring at him. His eyes couldn’t seem to look away from the shaved section at the back of Castiel’s head, where his seven stitches lay. He felt horrible about the pain he had caused the angel, seeing the bruises every day were a stark reminder of the punch that landed the poor guy in hospital. It took everything in him, and a little bit more, to not stride across the room and run his hands through the angel’s hair… a throat cleared in the room in front of him.

Castiel was staring at Dean, staring at him. Well, this wasn’t awkward at all. Dean opened his mouth, thought better of it, remembering what he had said to the angel about not talking to him, so closed his mouth. He turned around, marching to his room. Slamming the door, he leant against it, breathing heavily. This was too fucking hard. He wanted things to go back to how they were… before he’d found out about Castiel’s little secret. He’d had hope then, thought of the future. Now… now just getting through the day was hard. He wanted to _talk_ to the angel again. But that would mean apologising… he was too pig headed and stubborn to do that, Sam had said as much. He was right. He was a fucking coward. He didn’t wana apologise because that meant seeing that _look_ in Castiel’s eye.

Nope, he was gonna go out, get drunk and forget.

Dean rushed through the shower, scrubbing and shaving until he felt he was near perfect. He wasn’t anywhere near ready to try and pick someone up, and he wasn’t that much of a dick that he’d bring someone home when Castiel was here, but he still wanted to look good. Running his hand once more through his hair, he nodded to his reflection. He was ready, well, as ready as he was gonna be.

It was time to meet Sam, so he grabbed his keys, left some money on the table for Castiel, who had retreated to the shower, patted his dog and flew out the door.

Arriving at the Roadhouse fifteen minutes later, he was surprised to see the place was only half full. Usually the place was packed at this time of night. That was fine, he didn’t wana be around a whole lot of people anyway. Nodding to Ellen in greeting at the bar, he walked over to Sam at their usual table, which was situated close to the bar and the large open area of the dancefloor. Not that he ever danced, he had _some_ dignity. He slid into the chair opposite Sam, careful to avoid his freakishly long legs.

“You order for us?” Dean asked, eyeing people casually leaning against the bar.

“Yeah, the usual, nothing fancy. Did you tell Castiel you were going out tonight?” Sam asked, eyeing him carefully. Dean bristled; he didn’t want to talk about Castiel tonight. He told Sam as much.

“Look, I really think you just need to apologise to him, man. Then everything can ease up between you too.” Sam winced slightly at the glaring look of contempt coming from Deans eyes.

“No, Sam. Not tonight. Please.” Dean looked at Sam with what he hoped were his version of puppy dog eyes, which obviously worked, because Sam just sighed and shook his head.

Dean needed something to distract him.

“Shots!” He proclaimed to Sam, practically running over to the bar to order some purple nurples. He said ‘hey’ to Ellen while she rustled up the tiny glasses of goodness.

“Your friend gracing us with his presence tonight?” Ellen asked, one eyebrow tipped up in question. Dean’s stomach tightened.

“No.” Was his only response. He didn’t want to explain himself. It was too painful. Besides, tonight was all about forgetting him.

Returning to the booth with their shots, he’d added a few more variations before leaving the bar, Silver Bullet, Alabama Slammer, Crouching Tiger and a Sammy Jager. Setting them down on the table, Dean gave Sam his best grin, hoping to counteract the narrowed eyed suspicion in his eyes. Grabbing two shots at random, he flung them down his throat, one after the other, chasing them down with his beer. He smacked his lips, pushing a Sammy Jager over to Sam. He looked at it with trepidation, before tipping it down his throat. When he coughed slightly at the burn, Dean laughed, taking another two shots. Sam was watching him with real concern now, but he didn’t care. He could feel his mind start to fog, creeping around the edges of his sobriety until it grasped him firmly in hand and pulled him under.

Dean staggered to the bathroom, all the drink he’d, well, drunk, had gone straight through him. Unzipping and releasing himself, he groaned as the pleasure you can only get from having a good piss raced through him. Shaking himself and tucking back in, he washed his hands before descending once again back into the hazy mass of people dancing around him. He had to go through the dance floor to get back to their booth, but for once the thought didn’t concern him. If someone wanted to dance, he was all for it.

_Shit… how drunk am I?_

Someone grabbed his hand when he was about half way to Sam, and wheeled him around. A little part of him, a _tiny_ part, hoped it was Castiel, come to his rescue. But no, it was a dark haired woman with a wicked smirk. She didn’t say a word, just held his gaze and laced her arms around his neck before starting to move their bodies in a lazy swish of hips and legs. Dean could only concentrate on so much in his inebriated state, so he didn’t notice Sam whip out his phone and make a call.

* * *

 

Castiel could feel Deans gaze on him. It burned into the back of his head like the slowly healing wound situated there. It took every inch of his will power to fight the urge to turn around. If Dean was now happy to look at him, or at the very least be able to stomach looking at him, then maybe there was some hope of speaking to him again. Castiel was patient; he had all the time in the world, after all. His grace, however, was not. It was jubilant to feel Dean’s soul within its radius again. He had stared at the page he was on for longer than it would take for him to read before his will finally cracked. He was only human, for the moment, anyway. Turning around on the couch to face Dean in the hallway entrance, he noticed Deans eyes were out of focus, still staring at him.

He could not let this continue, Castiel knew Dean would be unhappy enough with being caught staring, let alone it going on for ever. He took one last, completely selfish sweep over Dean’s face, before clearing his throat. The noise shook Dean from his trance, causing his eyes to widen and his mouth to open as if he were going to say something. Castiel held his breath, hoping, _praying,_ that Dean would just say _something_ to him, but no, Dean just closed his mouth and ran off to his room. Castiel let out his breath in an unhappy sigh, turning back around on the couch and burying his head in his hands.

He was being so selfish and awful to Dean by constantly trying to get him to break his pact. It was not fair, on either of them. As soon as his grace was recovered, Dean would get his wish. Castiel would vanish, only reappearing if Dean was in danger or for when the mission was drawing to a close.

The thought of not talking to Dean again made his throat constrict painfully, almost as if something was stuck. He felt his chest heave as he tried in vain to draw in a breath, and it felt unusually tight around his ribs. He thought maybe he was experiencing a heart attack, he knew the mechanics, and had witnessed some, but had never experienced it for himself. The pain was similar to when Dean had told him he never wanted to talk to him again, but in a more real way. When he drew his hands from his face, he saw they were wet. He touched his face, gently so he would not disturb them.

Tears.

Another human experience he wish he had not stumbled upon. These were not tears of happiness, like he had observed at a humans wedding, nor tears of joy, like those produced after two loved ones were reunited after a disaster. No, these were tears of pain, streaming down his face, down his neck and into the soft fabric of Deans tee shirt. At the thought of the human, they fell harder, burning within his eyes as he tried to keep them at bay. The last thing he wanted was for Dean to see him crying. He did not want Dean to hurt more, for he would no doubt think he was the reason for them.

He dimly heard Dean’s bedroom door slam shut again, and chanced a peak down the hall. There was steam escaping from under the bathroom door, which meant he had finished with the shower. Castiel practically ran there, slipping slightly on the wet floor and launched the door open. Closing it behind him and locking the door, he walked over to the mirror on the wall. Wiping away the condensation, he looked at his miserable reflection. He looked pale, with dark but fading bruises under his eyes and over his nose. They were tinged with yellow now, which made him look like he had some sort of disease. His eyes were red and puffy from crying, and his mouth was pulled down in a frown. He was not an ideal specimen. It sickened him, as an angel he was supposed to be glorious, strong and righteous. Dean Winchester, a mere human, had reduced him to a mere mortal, a _battered and bruised,_ mere mortal, in a matter of weeks. He was certain, that, before this mission was over, Dean would have found some way to kill him.

Turning the shower on, Castiel stripped off and immersed himself in the near scolding water. It helped ease his aching muscles and joints, all the pains of feeling human. He found himself missing being an angel, unfeeling and cold. Angels did not _feel_ like humans felt. They were warriors, fighters and protectors; they had no time for emotions or feelings. It was probably why he stood out from his brothers in regards to this mission, he _felt,_ not much, but enough to be an anomaly. He was certain it was his soul infused grace.

What was a surprise, was Gabriel and Sam. He had not even imagined that Gabriel was like him, with a little bit more on the inside. But now, looking at it closer, maybe that was one of the reasons why Gabriel liked him, he felt a kindred spirit. Archangels were _very_ powerful, the most powerful angels, God’s most trusted commanders. They were among the first created, they sat with God while he created the others, and the world, each putting their own little touches on the world. Gabriel once told him his input was after God was done, he had gone down to earth much later and shown the humans how to mix sugar together with other ingredients to make candy. He gave them the basic steps, and they had outdone themselves he’d said. It was one of the reasons he loved visiting earth.

Turning off the water and grabbing for his towel, Castiel heard the door to the apartment open, and then slam shut. He did not know that Dean was going out.

_Oh well, it is not like he would interact with you anyway._

That thought was beside the point, even watching television with the couch and an icy silence between them was better than being totally alone, like he was all day. His shoulders slumped in sadness. Carefully drying his head where the stitches were, he walked naked into Dean’s bedroom. He rifled through the set of draws to find some clean ‘sweat pants’ as Dean called them. He’d shown Castiel how to use the laundry faculties before their fight. So he had something to do while Dean was at work.

He quickly found he missed his grace, if only for its use in washing clothes.

Shaking his head, he grabbed a pair of navy blue pants and a white tee shirt. Wandering back out to the living room, he checked the coffee table and, sure enough, the money for dinner was sitting on top of his book. Castiel sighed, Dean was a mystery. He did not want to talk to him, and yet he was still feeding him and allowing him to stay in his house, even letting him sleep in his bed. It was all highly confusing.

Castiel was deep in the second book of Game of Thrones, and thinking about ordering dinner, when the phone rang. He stilled in shock, the phone had not wrung while he was alone before.

_Should I answer it? Or would Dean get mad?_

Swallowing his better judgement, he raised a shaking hand to answer the phone.

“Deans apartment, Castiel speaking.” He had heard Dean use that wording once, when a number he had not recognised flashed up on the screen. He was beyond relieved to hear Sam’s voice.

 _“Hey, Castiel.”_ He could hear loud music and people talking in the background, he wondered where Sam was, and why he was trying to reach Dean.

“Dean is not here, Sam. I am sorry.”

 _“No, I know, he’s here with me. Uh, this is gonna sound really weird but you need to come down here.”_ Castiel turned his head, curious as to why he was needed wherever they were. Fear immediately iced through Castiel’s veins.

“Is Dean hurt? Does he require assistance?” Castiel knew he sounded panicked, but what other reason could Sam possibly have for needing him there?

 _“No, no he’s fine, well he’s not, that much is obvious, but yeah you need to get the Roadhouse, like now. You’ll understand when you get here. Can you come?”_ Castiel was already working out the quickest route to the bar. He might not have his grace and ability to fly, but he still had his mind.

“Sam, give me fifteen minutes.” He said his goodbyes and ran to Dean room, looking for some appropriate clothes. He knew the Roadhouse turned into a ‘bar’ after dark, and from what he had heard Dean talking about, he could not just turn up in sweatpants and a tee shirt. It was difficult, picking what to wear in such a short amount of time, not wanting to look out of place among the humans. He settled on what he imagined Dean would wear, and went with that. A pair of tight jeans that were buried at the back of Dean’s closet, a black tee shirt with a skull and two crossed pistols on the front, and a faded green jacket with wings stitched on the back. The irony did not escape him.

He found some black shoes by the door that looked like they would fit and was out the door and on his way to the bar within ten minutes. Luckily, the bar was not too far from Dean’s apartment, so it only took a few hurried minutes and strange glances from people to get there. He was well aware of what his face still looked like, and it was probably a shock for some people. But he did not care; all he cared about right now was getting to Dean. Strangely it was Ellen that met him at the bars entrance, waving him past the large, threatening looking man guarding it.

“Boy, he’s all kinds of messed up tonight. I dunno what happened, I don’t know if I want to, but it needs to be fixed. Sam called you, because he thought you could help, but seems to me you might be the cause of the problem.” Castiel felt threatened for the first time while on earth, even more so than when Dean had hit him. Ellen’s narrowed eyes and hands on her hips were slightly terrifying. Moving through the crowd of people, Ellen led them to a table that contained a very concerned looking Sam. He nodded to the other man and thanked Ellen for meeting him; she smiled, eyes still narrow, and walked back through the crowd to the bar.

Sitting down at the table, which was empty except for Sam’s drink, he looked him in the eye, taking in the concern and simmering anger radiating from him.

“Where is Dean?” Castiel asked, looking around for the familiar dark blonde hair and green eyes.

Sam sighed, before pointing over towards where people were swaying and writhing on the wooden space cleared of people.

A few people moved and he caught sight of Dean.

He was being… _molested_ … by some dark haired female. She was running her hands all over his body, and the sight made Castiel’s blood boil in _rage._ Seeing someone other than himself touch his Soulmate in such an intimate way was beyond maddening. His fingers clenched around the drink Ellen had bought him a few minutes earlier and his jaw clenched in anger. Dean refused to even _talk_ to him and yet he was letting himself be pawed in public by that _woman._ Sam snorting across from him brought him back to his senses.

“Oh my god, you guys are so transparent, it’s not even funny. Everyone can see it except you two fuckers.” Sam laughed into his drink before taking a sip. Castiel stared at him. He had no idea what he was talking about. His confusion must have registered on his face, because Sam gave him a disbelieving look.

“Are you fucking _serious_ right now? Dean told me about the fact you’d been leading him on while you’ve got someone waiting for you. You told him, now he won’t talk to you, any reason you can think of why he’d react so badly?” Sam gave him a look which meant he should know the answer.

Why on earth would Dean react so badly? Apparently this was not normal behaviour for Dean. He would have to be honest with Sam, if he hoped to discover what was truly wrong with Dean. After all, Sam knew him best.

“I cannot think of a reason, Sam. But I would like to be honest with you. I do have… feelings… for Dean. And he was wrong; I do not have anyone, at all.” Castiel ended quietly, suddenly sad at the truthfulness of the statement. Sam just shook his head with a rueful laugh.

“Man, I know. You don’t seem like the kinda guy that would be a dick. But Dean doesn’t know that. He thinks everyone’s out to dick him around and hurt him. It took a lot for him to let you in. Whatever you said, he took it the wrong way. See him dancing over there?” Sam pointed to where Dean was writhing over the woman.

“Is that what he is doing? He looks like he is in need of medical assistance.” Castiel looked on with concern as Dean seemed to convulse on the dance floor. It was… disturbing.

“Yeah, it’s horrible, I know. Anyway, he _never_ dances. There are only two times I’ve seen him like this. When Ruby cheated on him, and when Benny walked out. Now… well, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what’s wrong.” Sam looked at Castiel tiredly, clearly wanting him to hurry up and guess what he was trying to say, without saying it.

“Sam, I do not like playing games. Gabriel tries and well, they just do not work on me. If you have something to say, then please enlighten me.” It did not pass Castiel’s notice how Sam’s face twitched and blushed when he had mentioned Gabriel. Sam hid it well though, running a large hand over his face and sighing.

“Fine, whatever. He likes you, Castiel. Like, _really_ likes you. He hasn’t let anyone in since Ruby and Benny. But he opened up to you in just a few weeks. You guys clearly have a connection, can’t you see that? Don’t you feel the same?” Castiel felt his heart explode in his chest at Sam’s words, not daring to quite believe them. Dean felt for him? Is that why he had reacted so badly? How could he have been so blind? His own doubts and fears had blinded him for what was really happening.

Sam looked at Castiel with hope and fear in his eyes, and Castiel knew his answer would have to be very clear.

“Yes, Sam. I do feel very strongly for Dean. He is… special. You have no idea. But I did not think he felt the same way. When he asked about what Gabriel and I had been discussing, I thought it a good chance to give Dean an opening, a hint even. But that… that did not turn out as I had hoped. I honestly thought he was better, that what we had discussed had gotten through to him. I see now how wrong I was. He needs clear, concise information. I am willing to risk humiliation, if he would only listen to me.” Castiel finished sadly, deep regret lying heavily in his chest. He _had_ to make this right.

“Good. That’s good. But your both idiots, you know that? If one of you had just had the _balls_ to talk _,_ then you could be fucking happy right now. Go over there and talk to that shit head. I’ll handle the _situation,_ don’t worry.” Castiel did not know what Sam meant by that, but he trusted him to do what was best for Dean. He looked back over to where Dean was still grinding against the evil woman and decided, then, that he would do whatever it took to make Dean see what he meant to him.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is the last chapter for a few days, until at least monday, cause im going away. 
> 
> Keep the comments rolling in peeps!
> 
> Warnings at the bottom of the page :)

Dean was getting the creeps from this chick, but he couldn’t seem to be able to stop. She was everywhere, hands on his sides, running up and down, mouth on his neck doing fuck knows what. But it didn’t seem _right_ somehow, like she was the wrong person touching him, like his very soul was trying to tell her to _fuck off._

He almost collapsed in shock when an angry gravelly voice said his name from behind him.

“Dean.”

He whipped around, essentially spinning the woman away from him in moments. She hissed her disapproval at the interruption, reaching once again for Dean’s torso. He watched in fascinated horror as Castiel slipped in between them, blocking her from him. Dean could just see his face, and it scared him slightly, at the look of absolute smite worthy anger etched across it. The woman took one look at his face and fled, which was almost what Dean would have done, if he were not rooted to the spot.

Castiel turned around slowly, anger draining from his face until it had a look of open nervousness running across it in small twitches and tremors. Dean was drunk, but the look sobered him up enough to realise that this was the closest they had been since… that night. He swallowed thickly at the uncomfortable constriction in his throat. He started when he felt one of Castiel’s warm hands slowly, shakily, reach across and clasp his own. He looked down into nervous, fearful, _hopeful_ blues eyes, and felt all of his residual anger melt away. Who was he kidding; he couldn’t stay mad at him, no matter what he’d done. He felt the long fingers resting against his palm, and turned them around so he could entwine their fingers, giving them a gentle squeeze.

The look that got from the angel made him want to do it again and again. He still didn’t know how the guy felt about him, but this could be seen as a good sign, right? Or it could be the poor guy not knowing what the fuck goes on in society again and just doing what he’d seen Dean do. He couldn’t do this again, as much as it pained him, he had to stop this.

“Castiel…” Dean started, sorrow making his shoulders slump. The dance floor was _not_ the place to have this conversation. But the pumped up song from before had stopped, and was replaced with something slower, something that sounded familiar but Dean knew it wasn’t on the Roadhouses play list. He looked over Castiel’s shoulder and saw Sam, talking with Ellen, his IPod in hand, plugged into the sound system. They both looked over at him then, of course, and Sam saw him staring. Ellen gave him a nod, but Sam gave him a big stupid grin and double thumbs up.

_What the fuck was that supposed to mean?_

Castiel had continued to stare at him the whole time that weird little silent session had taken place, so he looked back into those blue eyes just as the first lines of the song filtered over the speakers.

 _When I look into your eyes_  
It's like watching the night sky  
Or a beautiful sunrise  
There's so much they hold

Now, Dean wasn’t much for believing in coincidence, and he knew Sam had picked this song for a reason, but it seemed to resonate more than he realised. The lyrics just fit so perfectly, it was almost laughable, if not for the giant ball of fear that was barrelling through him. Could he just lay all of his feelings out on the table, say everything he needed to, even if meant he’d get his heartbroken all over again? Could he take the risk? Was he man enough?

He decided, yes, he was fucking man enough.  As the song continued, he stretched his arm, which was not connected to Castiel, over and slid it around the angel’s waist. He inwardly grinned at the look on his face; he would never get tired of the faces he could get out of the angel. Pulling gently, and unclasping their hands, he brought the other one up so it rested with its brother, around Castiel’s waist. He looked, once again, down into impossibly blue eyes, chests flush together.

 _And just like them old stars_  
I see that you've come so far  
To be right where you are  
How old is your soul?

They were very close now, slightly swaying their bodies with the crowd. Well, it was now or never, his courage could only last so long.

“Castiel… I… look… this is hard for me, ok? I don’t know what Sam told you… but… I’m just not good at this. Every time I try, I fail. It’s like… it’s like somethings missing. I think I’m happy and that their happy, then boom. Everyone’s unhappy. And I always think it’s my fault, I’m the one who fucked up; I’m the one who should have tried _harder._ ” Dean looked away then, closing his eyes, letting the lyrics wash over him.

 _Well, I won't give up on us_  
Even if the skies get rough  
I'm giving you all my love  
I'm still looking up

If that wasn’t ironic, he didn’t know what was. It was never him that gave up, it was always the others, they got bored of him or of his shit. He couldn’t blame them, really. He was a mess, a broken mess. He’d only told Benny and Ruby about his past, but even then, the other few had clearly sensed he was a mess. He opened his eyes sharply at the feeling of a hand on his cheek and the sound of the song beating against his ears.

 _And when you're needing your space  
to do some navigating  
I'll be here patiently waiting  
To see what you find  
  
_ “Dean, I should have explained this in full when you first asked. But I… I was afraid. That you would rebuke me, that you would not return my feelings. I am still very limited in my knowledge of human emotions and societal customs and I really had no clue as to how you truly felt towards me. You must understand,” Castiel looked at him with huge eyes, wide and full of apologies, “it was _never_ my intention to cause you distress. This past week has… pained me beyond belief.” Castiel talked quietly, close to his ear, but Dean could still hear the lyrics filtering through.

 _Cause even the stars they burn  
Some even fall to the earth  
We've got a lot to learn  
God knows we're worth it  
No I won’t give up  
  
_ Dean didn’t want the burst of hope within his chest to reach warning levels, but it did anyway. He could almost feel it escaping out the end of his tingling finger tips. Castiel hadn’t outright said it, but he could just _feel_ it, and it wasn’t just the hope and fear radiating off both of them. He just _knew,_ on a cellular level, that the angel felt the same. It felt _right,_ him being here in Deans arms. He could practically hear his soul singing, for fuck sake. __  
  
I don't wana be someone who walks away so easily  
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make  
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts  
We got yeah we got a lot at stake

This bloody song was getting creepily more right the longer it played. He wanted to tell Castiel everything, how his body felt like it was humming when they stood close to each other, when their fingers touched it sent waves of electricity all the way to his heart, why when he’d been told that Castiel had someone else, it had almost broken him.

But he couldn’t, he couldn’t get his tongue to form the words he desperately wanted to say, couldn’t grab onto a solid thought as they raced around his mind. He’d always been more comfortable _showing_ people how he felt, rather than saying it. He just hoped the angel, who was hopelessly lost when it came to all things human, would understand what Dean was trying to say.

 _And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend_  
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn  
We had to learn, how to bend without the world caving in  
I had to learn what I got, and what I’m not  
And who I am

Pulling Castiel closer to him, so they were lined up hip to chest, swaying to the music, Dean dragged his hands from behind the angel, up his back. He left one around the back of the angels neck, thumb stroking the soft hairs at the base of his head, the other slowly came around to gently cup his cheek. He drew his eyes back to the almost glowing orbs of blue that were staring right back, without an ounce of fear in them, only anticipation. He was waiting to see what Dean would do, he trusted him, completely. It was almost overwhelming.

 _I won't give up on us_  
Even if the skies get rough  
I'm giving you all my love  
I'm still looking up  
Still looking up  
  
Without breaking eye contact, Dean leaned down very slowly, licking his lips on the way, and brought their lips together in a slow, heart melting moment of absolute perfection. Closing his eyes, he sighed into the kiss, feeling Castiel’s fingers clench tightly into the fabric of his tee shirt at his hips.

“Cas…” He sighed, dipping their foreheads together. He wanted to keep the kiss going forever, but he needed to see Castiel… no, _Cas_ ’ reaction first. If this was what he wanted, or god forbid, it wasn’t. He’d thrown all his cards on the table here; there was no going back now. Opening his eyes slowly, he met Cas’ blue ones, which were looking at him with a mixture of awe and happiness.

“I am not good at reading signals, Dean. But I hope that kiss was a good one?” He just looked so god darn adorable at that moment, Dean just wanted to wrap him up and never let him go. But he needed to communicate with, like, words, first.

“Cas…” and he didn’t miss the look of absolute happiness that lightened his eyes for using the angels nick name. “You should know by now, I’m no good at words. People say one thing, and do something else, and it’s just easier to show you. I… I really like you, man. Like more than I probably should. I can’t explain it, I’ve only known you five minutes but it feels like forever.” Dean pulled back slightly to see how his confession would go down. He was not disappointed. The smile that lit up Cas’ face was so bright he could almost feel the heat coming from it.

“Dean… you have no idea how happy I am that you return my feelings towards you. I have wanted to tell you all week, ever since… ever since I made a mess of trying to tell you, the night Gabriel came to visit. I thought you would get my hints but… I am not very good.” The angel looked down, clearly embarrassed about his lack of human knowledge. Dean drew him closer, arms going around the angel’s shoulders and leaning his head against Cas’ shoulder.

“Hey now, everything’s alright isn’t it? Do you wana stay dancing, or do you wana go back to the table?” Dean asked, trying to distract the other man from his thoughts. This was supposed to be a happy moment, god dammit. He pushed Cas away slightly, giving him another light kiss. He could feel the angels lips smile against his own.

“I think I would like to sit down, Dean. I do not enjoy dancing. It seems too ritualistic for my tastes.” Dean watched as Cas eyed the people around them warily. His amusement must have shown on his face. “I’m glad I amuse you, Dean. But can we go back to the table now? I believe Sam is waiting for us.”

Dean chuckled as he grabbed Cas’ hand, leading them through the throng of people, back to their table where Sam was waiting. He had a ridiculously big grin on his face, which meant a lot to Dean, considering the other man’s love life was crumbling around him.

“Hey, I’m glad you two managed to get your heads outta your asses. Took long enough.” Sam smiled as he took a sip from his beer.

Castiel looked confused by the turn of phrase.

“There is nothing in my ass, Sam.” Dean saw a perfect opportunity there, and he was _not_ going to waste it.

“Well, there might be later…” Dean said, wriggling his eye brows suggestively as Sam sprayed his mouthful all over the table, Cas turned to Dean while Sam was busy coughing up a lung.

“Dean, I do not understand.” Dean just laughed, clapping the angel on the back, shaking his head.

“Don’t worry about it, Cas. Do you guys wana head home? I’m ahh, tired.” Dean looked at Cas, feeling heat race through his veins. Thinking about Cas’ ass had got him going, and the alcohol was helping too. He felt happy, happier than he had in a long time, and pretty fuckin horny too. He wanted to get home and _really_ show Cas how he felt.

They paid the tab, thanking Ellen, and made their way home. Sam was staying with him that night; he’d said it was because he didn’t wana drive all the way home, especially since he’d been drinking. But Dean knew the real reason, and it made him sad. He felt kinda bad for Sam, here he was on the cusp of a new relationship, and Sam was in the middle of ending one. It royally sucked.

Opening the door to his apartment, Dean caught Riot before he could run out the door. Flinging him gently onto the couch, he flicked on the lights and went to the linen cupboard. Grabbing Sam some stuff for bed, he threw them on the couch, grabbed Cas’ hand, gave Sam a very pointed look and lead them down the hall to his bedroom.

“You guys better keep it down!” Dean heard Sam shout from behind and he couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up his throat. He was just so damn happy, it was ridiculous.

He wouldn’t go fast, though, he knew Cas was a virgin and he wasn’t gonna pressure him or take things lightly. He was gonna make every moment count, that was for sure.

Closing the door behind him, Dean took in the sight that was his angel, standing next to the bed, fiddling with the hem of his tee shirt.

Holy fucking _Christ,_ Cas looked good. Those tight jeans and tee shirt straining against his muscles, he looked small but fuck he was strong. He pretty much had Deans mouth-watering, and he definitely had him half hard just looking at him. But that could wait; they had all the time in the world, after all. Closing the space between them, Dean gently brought his lips to Cas’, while lowering his hands to undo the angels zipper. His breath stuttered when he brushed the very obvious bulge that was straining against the metal, and Cas moaned into their kiss. His hands didn’t seem to know what to do, so they settled on Deans hips, playing with the hem before tugging to get it off over his head.

Dean had Cas out of his pants in no time at all, and the angel hurriedly fiddled with Deans fly to do the same. He moaned heavily, falling backwards onto the bed when Cas’ fingers touched his own hardness, causing the angel to look up at Dean with wonder on his face. Finally free of their jeans and tee shirts, they quickly slipped under the sheets.

Dean thought it was time to upgrade their kiss, so he gently pulled the angel towards him for another. Leaning down to press their lips together, Dean licked along the seam of Cas’ mouth in question, asking permission to delve into the warmth beyond. Cas moaned and it gave Dean the chance he needed, slipping in his tongue and licking up into Cas’ mouth. The angel gave a surprised groan at the unexpected, but clearly not unwelcome intrusion. He grabbed at Dean, pulling his hips closer until their erections brushed against one another. The jolt of pleasure that flashed through both of them pulled them apart, Cas looking into Deans eyes, aroused and questioning.

“Dean…” Cas saying his name in that sexed up voice almost made him blow his load right then, but he held off, he wasn’t some teenager, he could get through this.

“What do you wana do, Cas? I’ll do whatever you want me to do.” Dean was willing, _very_ willing, to do anything for Cas. Hell, he’d even bottom for the guy.

 “I don’t… I need… Dean… _please…_ touch me.” Cas moaned, bringing his hands up to run down Deans chest.

He didn’t need to be told twice. But he didn’t wana go fast, either. He was going to take his time, and totally take his angel apart.

Very slowly, never taking his eyes from the angels, he ran his fingers down Cas’ body, starting at his chest. His fingers slowly flicked over the other man’s nipples, causing a shudder to run up his body. Dean grinned, happy that he could cause such a reaction just from using his fingers. He trailed them further down, until the tips dusted over the trail of hair that lead beneath his tented boxers, that Dean noticed, were his. For some reason, it caused a spike of possessive pride to streak through him, at the thought of Cas wearing his clothes.

He looked back up into Cas’ blue eyes in question when his searching fingers grazed the thin, silky material covering what he was desperate to get to. Cas seemed to understand perfectly what Dean was trying to ask, because he surged forward, capturing Deans mouth in a heated kiss. Dean could only assume that was a resounding _yes,_ so he slid both hands around to take the boxers off completely, stripping the angel bare. He took a moment to blatantly stare at him in all his naked glory.

He was beautiful. 

He wouldn’t have thought to use that word to describe a guy before, but in this case, it was the only word that sprung to mind. Every muscle was taught, visible in its contours and lines, Dean could practically _feel_ the strength rumbling beneath his hands as he caressed his smooth skin. Dipping his eyes, and his hands, lower, Dean could feel the strength in Cas’ thighs. He thought he’d tease the angel a bit by bringing both of his hands up as if to touch him, but instead he ran his thumbs up and down the valley between thigh and groin. He looked up at Cas’ face, and was met with wide, lust filled eyes.

“Dean, if you do not do _something_ immediately, I may have no choice but to smite you.” Dean could tell he was joking… sort of.

Dean was leaking into his own boxers, every time he moved; his dick would slide against the wet material, giving him some friction, but not nearly enough. But this wasn’t about him, he could get off later. No, this was about giving Cas the best experience of his long life. Looking back up into his eyes, he brought his hand slowly to the tip of Cas’ cock, swiping at the head and sliding the bead of pre – cum across it with his thumb. Cas’ whole body tensed at the sensation, then released in a shuddering moan, all without breaking eye contact with Dean. It sent warmth straight to Dean’s dick, hearing Cas lose control like that and he felt another load of liquid leak from his tip.

Dean knew, if he kept making noises like that, he was gonna lose it before Cas, so it was time to up his game. Sliding his thumb over the tip, he dragged his hand downwards and wrapped it around Cas’ throbbing arousal. He slowly ran his hand all the way down the angels cock, then all the way back up to the tip, sliding his thumb over the head when he reached it. Cas moaned and turned his body so that he could bury his face in Dean shoulder, muffling the lustful noises coming from his mouth. Dean shuddered when Cas began mouthing at the dip between his neck and shoulder. His angel was a fast learner, it seemed.

Dean brought his attention back to Cas’ dripping cock, which was almost purple, the angel was so aroused. He could tell Cas was getting close by the way he was slowly bucking his hips up into Deans fist with every downwards thrust of his hand. He brought his other hand up to draw Cas’ face away from within the shelter of his shoulder. When he came, he wanted to see it, to watch as this angel of a thousand years found something brand new and exciting, and that it was Dean who caused it.

“Cas… hey… look at me,” Dean turned his head, so he was looking right into the blue orbs of Cas’ eyes. “I want you to look at me, when you finish. I wana see you finish.” Cas looked at him in lust blind confusion. Dean knew he’d have to spell it out for him.

“I want you to look at me when I bring you to orgasm, Cas.”

Dean watched as Cas’ eyes widened when he processed his request, and he gave a tentative nod in agreement. Dean noted that Cas’ breathing had become heavy, so he brought their foreheads together in anticipation.

“Dean…” Cas asked, uncertainty colouring his voice. Dean could tell he was worried about the unknown of what was currently happening to him.

“Cas, its ok. Just do what your body tells you. Like you said, it’s a natural thing. I’ve got you.” Dean twisted his wrist with each upward stroke, using the pre cum that was leaking freely from Cas’ cock to slick it up even further. “Come, Cas. Come for me.” Dean looked right in his eyes when he said it, and Cas sucked in a deep breath before exhaling heavily.

“Oohhh…. _Dean…”_ Dean watched as Cas’ eyes flashed with what he thought was his impending orgasm, but as he looked back from the leaking cock held in his hand, he saw that his eyes were _fucking glowing._ He stopped everything, shocked into it by Cas’ apparent penchant for a _pre_ orgasm glow, but taking it to a whole new level. Cas managed to kick start Deans movements with a breathy plea. “Dean… _please_ … don’t stop now.”

Dean trusted Cas not to hurt him, so he kept up his movements, sliding up and down the angels throbbing cock, who was so close Dean could almost taste it. Cas moved his head, bringing his face flush with Deans as he looked into his eyes. The glowing intensified and a low moan was starting to escape Cas’ open mouth. Dean felt Cas stiffen next to him, before his hand shot out and clasped over the mark the angel had left that fateful morning.

The assault on Dean senses was almost more than he could take, and he was pretty sure he blacked out for a second. When his gaze focused again, Cas was staring into his eyes and moaning his name. He felt the angel’s whole body contract and then felt the warm pulse of Cas’ come cover his hand. The weird thing was, everything that Cas could feel, _he_ could feel was well.

_WarmthLustLoveJoyWarmthLustHappinessLove_

All of the emotions and feelings that were running through Cas’ mind and body were flooding through Dean, taking him higher and higher. It was a second before he realised his body was preparing to spill its load, when he hadn’t even been touched. Every sensation coursing through him wrapped itself around his heart, sealing up the dark lonely hole that had been left since Cas and him had fought. It was sealed with love and happiness, that he knew in his heart, would never leave, as long as Cas was with him.

He came with a cry of Cas’ name, spilling into his boxers, pulsing and shuddering without breaking eye contact with his glowing angel.

* * *

 

Castiel awoke with a start, as a door slammed shut somewhere in the apartment. As he regained conscious function of his limbs, his mind wandered back to the events of the previous night. The bar, the dancing, the revelation of Deans feelings, stumbling back to the apartment, and then it was all a blur of skin, touches and warmth. Then startlingly clear, was _Dean._ The extraordinary human who had brought him more pleasure than he had ever thought possible. At one point, he was sure his wings were going to erupt from his back, the feelings were so intense. 

He attempted to roll over but found he was incapable of such a movement because of the many limbs draped lazily here and there over his body. A face nuzzled sleepily into the dip between his shoulder and neck, warm breath ghosted against his skin made his flesh sizzle with some deep warmth.

“Morning, Cas.” Dean’s sleepy greeting was muffled by Castiel’s shoulder. He turned his head slightly, so that it was facing Dean, and the human gave him a lazy, sleepy kiss. He felt Dean reach over for something, and heard him groan when he saw the time. “Fuck. I’ve got work, in like, an hour.”

The bed creaked as Dean clambered away and Castiel turned to watch as he stumbled over his discarded clothes from last night. Watching Dean curse his way around his bedroom was highly entertaining.

He rose from the bed as Dean finished searching around in his closet, and he looked over at him with a shy smile on his face.

“Uh, do you wana have a shower… with me?” Dean asked with a strange, almost shy tone to his voice. Castiel noticed with interest the slight blush that coloured the human’s cheeks.

“Yes, Dean. I would like that.” Castiel thought it would be a wonderful start to the day, especially since it would be another eight hours until he would see Dean again. Another day or two, and he would have his grace back. He would be able to go to work with Dean, unseen by Sam or anyone else. He could _protect_ him again.

Following Dean to the shower, Castiel could admire the aesthetic pleasure that was _Dean._ The taut planes of his back rippled with each step, muscles stretching and popping as he raised his arms above his head. Castiel swallowed thickly at the surprising rush of arousal he felt when looking at Dean’s physical form.

Dean turned to him when they reached the bathroom, looked him up and down, and _winked._ Castiel cocked his head to the side in confusion; he had not done anything to warrant what he assumed was a ‘sexy wink’ as Dean called them. He looked down his body and stopped, wide eyed, in shock. He had completely forgotten about the fact that he was not wearing any clothing.

_Well now._

He saw why Dean had winked. His penis had become flushed and erect, no doubt reacting to Deans very pleasing form. He looked back up at Dean, who had some kind of strange glint in his eye. He had turned the water on to heat up, and was taking off his own under garments when Castiel noticed, with a surge of warmth and lust, that Dean was as equally engorged.

“Come here.” Dean growled before grabbing Castiel roughly and practically throwing him into the shower.

Before long they were both soaped up and panting. Maddeningly, Dean seemed to only touch him everywhere _except_ where he needed him the most. He was done with waiting for Dean to be ready, he needed to take charge. Grabbing Dean roughly by the shoulders, he pushed him up against the wall and brought their faces flush together. Looking deep into Dean’s eyes, and hoping he had enough experience from the night before, he brought their lips together, softly at first, slowly, savouring the taste of pure _Dean_ against his tongue. Dean moaned against him as his hand slipped down to curve over Castiel’s ass, pulling them both together. When their erections brushed together, they both gasped and clutched desperately. Castiel’s limited experience stilled him at this point; he was unsure how to proceed. He was mildly embarrassed for a moment, deciding to ask Gabriel next time he saw him, about his experiences.

Dean had evidently noticed his hesitance, because he grinned wickedly into Castiel mouth, and grabbed both their cocks in his large hand. Castiel moaned loudly, breaking away from Dean’s mouth and burying his face in his shoulder. The sensations running through his body were intense, helped along by the almost feral look in Dean’s eyes and the calloused fingers sending shock waves up and down his penis. As Deans motions increased, Castiel lost more and more of his control. The strange feeling from last night was building within his chest, a deep tugging pull that centred around his slowly recharging grace. He looked up and saw Dean must have been close to orgasm, he was panting heavily and his movements along their fused organs were stuttering and jerky.

Castiel could feel the pulling feeling behind his testicles that signified impending orgasm, he was trying very hard to hold off until Dean was finished as well. Everything was bubbling just below the surface, threatening to overload his system when he heard Dean moan loudly, his whole body going ridged before Castiel looked down to see Deans penis pumping thick, white fluid over both of them. For some inexplicable reason, it was _that_ sight that sent Castiel crashing over the edge of that orgasmic cliff. He felt the deep surge within him, and reached out his arm carefully to wrap around the mark, _his_ mark.

Everything Dean was feeling, flew through Castiel. It was intense, overwhelming and _wonderful._ To know exactly what he was feeling, was indescribable. The uncomplicated, unbridled version of Dean Winchester, that was what Castiel coveted. He knew his eyes were glowing an unearthly colour, but he did not care. He would explain everything to Dean when he asked, because he would ask. But right at that moment, all he concentrated on was the warm, pulsing feeling of fluid flowing between them, out of them, one person, connected through mind. 

When they both emerged from their post orgasmic haze, Castiel was leaning on Dean, who was leaning back against the shower wall. He held him close, savouring the feeling of warmth and comfort holding Dean awarded him. Dean huffed against him, looking up shyly from underneath long lashes.

“Well, that was, uh, pretty fucking amazing.” Dean disentangled himself from Castiel’s arms before turning off the water and stepping out of the shower. He handed a towel to Castiel while he roughly dried his hair.

“I could not agree more, Dean.” Castiel’s voice was still unusually low because of their recent exploit.

Dean stopped drying and just stared at him, Castiel saw him swallow thickly.

“Fuck, Cas. You have no _idea_ how much I do _not_ wana go to work today.” Castiel smirked, and Dean’s eyes widened. Castiel _never_ smirked, so it must have surprised him.

“Oh, Dean. I think I have _some_ idea.” With that, he strode naked from the bathroom, leaving wet foot prints all the way to Deans bedroom. He did not have much experience, but he had watched enough television to know how to appear somewhat sexual.

Dean had followed him into the bedroom shaking his head with a small smile on his face, dry, and proceeded to dress himself in his uniform. Castiel had to admit, it fit him _very_ well. He sat on the bed, enjoying himself being naked for once. He felt… free.

“Um, Cas… about before, and last night, uh, when I get back I wana talk about it. Not the sex stuff, that was fucking awesome, but the glowing stuff, I’m not too sure what to make of that. So ah, yeah. Just a heads up.” Castiel looked at Dean’s worried expression; he was clearly concerned about the angel’s behaviour.

“Do not worry, Dean. It is not a bad thing; on the contrary, it is actually a very good thing. But we can talk about it later.” Castiel smiled at Dean, clearly seeing the concern fall from Dean’s face.

“Good, that’s good. Well, I gotta go. I’ll see you later, ok?” Dean leaned over and gave Castiel a deep, passionate kiss. Just as Castiel started to lick up into Dean’s mouth, he pulled away. “Sorry man, I really wana stay, but I can’t. I’ll see you later.” With one last, chaste kiss, Dean was gone.

Castiel sighed, falling back against the bed. He hoped Dean would be receptive to the possibility of Soulmates; being with Dean in that way was all he had never known he wanted, but there was another level to the connection he hoped Dean would accept, and Castiel was unsure whether Dean was ready for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for 
> 
> \- SEX  
> \- DUDE ON DUDE ACTION  
> \- ALL THE FLUFF


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> Sorry its been a few days, i have been away with no computer access, but i'm back now, yay! 
> 
> Thank you all so much for the comments, they are wonderful and appreciated. 
> 
> PLEASE comment ^8^

After dressing himself in more of Deans sweat pants, a tee shirt and woollen jumper, Castiel made his way to the kitchen to make himself, and Riot, something to eat. He decided on toast and tea, which he found he was fonder of than coffee, and some meat from the fridge for the dog. Settling on the couch, Castiel tried to decide whether to call Gabriel today, he needed his friend’s guidance on how exactly to tell Dean about what was happening between them. He was also, selfishly, curious about Gabriel’s apparent connection to Sam. It was highly likely it was the same connection himself and Dean shared, but the probability of it happening, especially between two lots of friends, was very low. If it was the case, more than luck was on their side, and Castiel would like to know exactly what _was._

“Gabriel, if you are free, I would appreciate your guidance. I have candy, this time.” Before he had even finished talking, he heard the familiar whooshing, flapping sound that signalled an angel’s arrival. Turning around, he took in the sight of his friend, who was wearing an easy smile.

“Cassie, you had me at hello.” Gabriel strode around the couch and flopped into one of the smaller seats, Dean called them ‘recliners’. Castiel cocked his head to the side, he was sure he had not said hello.

“I do not understand, Gabriel. I did not say ‘hello’.” When he saw Gabriel chuckle and cover his face, he was instantly reminded of when Dean made a joke which Castiel did not understand. “Oh, was that a reference? I am learning, but apparently Dean is not finished in his teachings.”

“Don’t worry about it, kiddo. Speaking of Dean, how’s it going between you to? You told him about the Soulmate thing yet?” Gabriel studied him carefully, clearly treading softly just in case Castiel had made no headway. Castiel must have surprised him when he smiled widely, because Gabriel shot forward in his chair.

“It is going very well, Gabriel. Last night, I professed my feelings for Dean, and he, thankfully, reciprocated. I am very happy.” Castiel almost laughed at the smug smile that covered Gabriel’s face.

“See? I told you! So have you done the dirty yet?” Gabriel wriggled his eyebrows in what Castiel thought to be a suggestive manner. Now was his chance to broach the uncomfortable subject.

“In a manner of speaking, yes. We have enjoyed in sexual… _acts._ But we have not shared in penetrative intercourse.” Castiel fought valiantly to keep the blush from creeping up his neck and covering his face. This was not something they had talked about before, Gabriel was very happy to talk endlessly about his _conquests;_ however Castiel, having never engaged in such acts before, was sorely lacking.

“Wow, only you could make such a fun and magical thing sound so clinical, little bro. Anyway, details!” Gabriel rolled his eyes before making a rolling hand gesture to encourage Castiel to enlighten him.

“Well, we engaged twice, once in the bedroom, and once in the shower.” This was not what he had wanted to talk about, but Gabriel seemed intent on getting ever last bit of information from him.

“So, clearly, you’re uncomfortable talking about this. No biggy, I know you’re a virgin. Does Dean know? He’s not pushing you too fast is he?” Gabriel narrowed his eyes, the question hanging in the air before them like a storm cloud.

“I am an angel, Gabriel. Dean could not push me to do anything I did not want to do. But no, he is being very careful and slow. He wants to go at a pace I am comfortable with; I could read it in his emotions and primitive thoughts.” Castiel opened the bag of sweets he had brought with him from the kitchen, things called Red Vines. He offered the bag to Gabriel, who took a few very happily, slipping one into his mouth hungrily.

“So,” Gabriel asked around the candy, “You did the hand, glowy, thing again? How did he take that?”

“Well, that’s one of the reasons I asked you here today, he wants me to explain what it means when he gets home from work. I am unsure how to proceed. I am very worried that he will take the news badly, and regress back to the state he was in when we first met.” Castiel twisted the Red Vine around his fingers, watching the red candy bend and flex in his hands.

“I can’t tell you how he’s gonna react, Cassie. But I can tell you this, you aren’t gonna know anything until you tell him. Maybe he takes it well; maybe it all goes to shit. I would just explain it to him. You haven’t ‘shared in penetrative intercourse’ yet, so he’s got some time to figure out what he wants. My opinion? He’s taken the whole angel thing pretty well, so I think he’s gonna be stella with this too.” Gabriel bit into his candy, and shrugged his shoulders when Castiel just nodded.

“Thank you, Gabriel. You have an interesting way of explaining things, but I find your guidance very comforting. I have some more questions, if you would not mind”. Castiel hoped the other angel would not think his questions not too forward, they were friends, but he had not asked anything like this before.

“All good, bro. Shoot.” Gabriel grabbed another handful of candy, Castiel did not mind, he was too distracted to eat now anyway.

“I am aware of the… dynamics of two males having penetrative intercourse, but there are a few things I am unaware of. I do not wish to ask Dean, for some reason I find it embarrassing to even think about going to him with this. I worry he will see my lack of experience as an inadequacy. It… worries me greatly.” Castiel could not hide the deep blush this time, much to Gabriel’s mirth. He cackled loudly.

“Sorry, sorry. I’m not laughing at you. It’s just so cute! You wana be prepared for when you go all the way, that’s fair enough. They say angels know everything, well clearly we don’t. I’ll tell you everything you need to know, what are older brothers for?” The other angel smiled widely, grabbing the whole bag of sweets this time. Castiel blew out a sigh of relief.

“Thank you, Gabriel. Well, first thing I need to know is how do we decide which one takes the pen – “Gabriel almost choked on his candy and by the way he was coughing and gagging, Castiel was almost certain he would. When he was slowly wheezing, Castiel asked if he was alright.

“I’m fine, it was just that question, it was… unexpected, to say the least. I’m just gonna play it safe and answer the questions I think your gonna ask, based on that first one. Ah, let Dean decide which one of you is gonna take and which will… receive. He’s probably got more experience than you. Yes, it _will_ fit; there is just a lot of prep involved. NO. I’m not gonna explain that to you, ask Dean. Most importantly, have _fun._ That’s what it’s all about, really. Just do what you think is right. If Dean really likes you, and from the sound of it he already freakin loves you, he will do whatever you’re comfortable with.” Gabriel smiled fondly at Castiel, and he was very grateful for his information and experience.

“Thank you, Gabriel. I cannot explain how much this information will help me. But there is one question you did not answer.” Gabriel looked at him with apprehension, clearly sensing it would be another question he would find shocking. “I was wondering what happened between you and Sam the other night.”

Gabriel stared at Castiel, which he took as a sign that the other angel had not anticipated this question. He waited for the other man to answer, patiently giving him time to collect his thoughts.

“I, uh… I’m not entirely sure. I mean, it was only the once, but it felt… it felt like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I mean, I’ve been around a _long_ time, had my fair share of… encounters, but none like that. It was like – “

“Your grace reached out and found something that made it complete?” Castiel interrupted. He knew exactly what the other angel meant, what he had _felt._ Gabriel just nodded, staring at his hands. It was unusual to see him so contemplative, Castiel was used to seeing the archangel unruffled and confident. Now he just looked… fearful.

“I don’t know what to do, Castiel.” That was a warning in itself; Gabriel only used his full name when he was serious. “I want to tell him everything, be with him all the time; I’ve never been like this before! I don’t even know what the proper protocol is for this sort of thing! I was the only one of the archangels to offer my grace in a soul bond, all the others were too good for it, thought they should be ‘pure’.” Gabriel spat the word out with disgust, he was quite angry, Castiel could see that. “I never thought I’d find it, though, I wasn’t actively looking but still.” He put his head in his hands, clearly distraught. Castiel knew he had a way to fix this.

“Gabriel, Sam still thinks you are my brother. Perhaps I could … engineer a meeting between the two of you. Sam and Dean seem to enjoy going to this bar called The Roadhouse. I will call for you the next time we are there together. It should not be too long, they seemed to like to take out their work stress there, drinking and making fun of people dancing.” Castiel was very happy with his plan, especially when Gabriel looked up in disbelief before a wide smile broke out across his face.

“Well well, looks like hanging out with humans has had its benefits! Who knew you had such a cunning mind! That sounds like an excellent plan.” Gabriel was back to smiling now, which Castiel was thankful for. He did not like seeing his friends upset, especially if there was some way he could alleviate it.

“Thank you. You should find out what you can, about what you can tell Sam. Dean is different, because he is chosen, but Sam… it could be a very long time before he finds himself in heaven.”  Castiel ended sadly, knowing that Gabriel was thinking the same thing.

“I know, I’m gonna go right now and see what I can find. If he’s the one… I’ll do anything to be with him. Can you watch out for him? I know that Deans your job, but they _are_ partners so… yeah. Please?” Gabriel asked, looking at Castiel with big eyes and lips curled under. He was absolutely impervious to Gabriel’s tactics, but that did not mean he would not help him.

“Of course, I will do my best to protect the both of them.”  Castiel nodded as Gabriel stood, and he joined him behind the couch. He did not want to ask about the last thing that was bothering him. He would think about that when Gabriel left.

“Thanks bud. Oh, and be careful. You don’t wana break the poor guy. You are an angel, after all.” He cackled as he slapped Castiel on the back, before he unfurled his invisible wings and took flight. He felt the soft feathers glide along the back of his head before they disappeared. He glowed warmly at that, angels only let those who meant a lot to them see and feel their wings. They were an angel’s most private place, aside from their grace. Maybe one day Dean would like to see his… but that was not the problem.

The fact that soon his grace would be fully charged, was. He did not want to bring it up with Gabriel that he was worried about his grace returning. That he feared he would revert back to an unfeeling shell of an angel, how he was before he met Dean. If that happened… he did not know how Dean would cope. Despite the fact the human admitted being emotionally stunted; he knew that Dean craved the emotional attachment that came with a relationship. If he reverted back… he knew Dean would be crushed, especially now that both of their feelings were out in the open. He had to decide whether or not to talk to Dean about that tonight as well. This evening had the opportunity to go very, very badly.

* * *

 

As soon as Dean closed the door to his apartment, he felt… deflated. Like all the air had been sucked out of his happy balloon. He didn’t want to leave Cas behind, all he wanted to do was crawl back into bed with him and just… touch him, be _near_ him. Fuck, who was he? He didn’t act like that, he wasn’t cuddly or touchy feely like that. Cas was bringing out a whole new side of him, but he found he didn’t mind.

He was worried about their talk tonight. Even though Cas had said it was a good thing, he still wasn’t sure what the hell that could mean. For all he knew, him and Cas had very different views on what was good. Last night however… they were definitely on the same page there. It was easily the greatest sexual experience of his entire life, which was saying a lot, considering he thought of himself as quite the sexual being. But when he thought back on his time with _others…_ they seemed bland and drab by comparison. Even though Cas was a virgin, he was a very fast learner, and wanted Dean to feel as much pleasure as he was.

He sighed happily as he remembered last night; the noises that came from that hot little mouth were pretty much pornographic. He was getting hard just thinking about the soft moans of his name and gentle touches of Cas’ soft fingers on his chest… _shit_ he couldn’t get turned on at work, it would put him off his game and possibly endanger Sam. Dean took a deep breath in through his mouth and let it out through his nose. He repeated this a few times, to calm himself down. Sam had shown him some of the _meditation_ moves he’d picked up going to yoga with his bitch wife. He wasn’t gonna refer to her by her name anymore; he was just the bitch that was making his best friend miserable.

_Maybe I could get Cas a phone, so he could keep in contact while he was still out of juice._

Dean decided that after work he’d grab Cas a cell phone, so at least they could keep in contact while he was at work. Jesus, teaching Cas how to text was gonna be a nightmare. Oh, well.

Walking up the steps of the precinct, Dean did what he did before work every day; he mentally prepared himself for dealing with what was, most days, the worst of humanity. He was thankful he was only a beat cop, he did the arresting and legwork, but at least he didn’t have to spend months on a case, delving into the sordid underworld of fucking perverts and drug cartels. Shaking himself, he entered the building, keeping an eye out for Sam.

He found him in the locker rooms, getting changed from gym clothes to his uniform. He was rubbing a towel through his damp, shaggy brown hair. His eyes lit up and a smile spread across his face when he spotted Dean. Then his whole face crumpled into a grimace and his eyes lit up with horror.

“Hey man, you ok? You left before I could say goodbye.” Dean smiled at him, confused by his strange reaction.

“No, fuck you, I am not ok. I left because I couldn’t stand any more fucking _noise_ from you two! I’m happy for you, really, but seriously? You were so loud! I am so fuckin traumatised! Stop laughing! It’s not funny!” Sam was shouting by the end of his tirade, but Dean was doubled over, laughing so hard his eyes were watering. He stood up straight, still struggling to draw breaths that weren’t laced with mirth.

“Sam, omg, Sammy stop. I can’t – I can’t _breathe,_ man.” Dean wiped the tears from his eyes, walking closer to Sam and putting comforting hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry you heard us, but I totally forgot you came home with us. I wasn’t exactly thinking with my upstairs brain, if you know what I mean…” Dean winked, waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Sam gagged, wiping his hand over his face. “Just – just stop. I’m happy for you guys, really. You finally got your shit sorted. Wait, you didn’t just sex him up then leave, did you?” Sam narrowed his eyes, clearly thinking Deans past sexual tendencies might have reared their ugly heads.

Dean looked at him in shock, yes he had been scared of commitment after Benny and Ruby, and he had freaked out on some occasions, but he would never do that to Cas. That was the absolute last thing he wanted, in fact, it hadn’t even crossed his mind. But… Sam doesn’t know that. He thinks they are just two guys, put together by accident. But it was more than that, so much more, he was starting to see that.

Shaking his head, he was brought out of his thoughts by Sam waving a hand in front of his face.

“Hey, Dean! You didn’t, did you?” Sam looked really worried now, since Dean had seized up instead of answering him.

“What? No! God, Sam! I would never do that to him. He’s… he’s special, you know? I’ve never met anyone like him before.” Dean finished quietly, not looking Sam in the eye. He didn’t like talking about his feelings, dammit.

“Ok, good. I know you wouldn’t have, but I had to make sure.” Sam turned, locking his locker and turning back to face Dean. “Sorry, I know that was a dick move to ask that, but I wanted to make sure you hadn’t made a mistake”. Sam wouldn’t meet his eyes, and that made Dean suspicious. He followed Sam out to their squad car after visiting the armoury, not saying a word until they were safely inside.

“Are _you_ ok, Sam? What’s the matter?” Sam looked shifty and nervous behind the wheel, causing Deans curiosity and concern to double. “Seriously, Sam, whatever it is, you know you can tell me.” Dean stole a look at Sam, who was clutching the wheel with hard hands.

Sam visibly gulped. “Ok, so Amelia and I are over. She left this morning, Dean. She’s going to stay with her sister until everything is sorted. The thing is, and it’s pretty fucked, but I don’t _care,_ man. She’s gone and there’s _nothing_. I should feel awful but… then… and this is the worst bit, I’m like, the _worst_ person in the world, but then I think about _Gabriel_ and… I _feel,_ Dean. I mean, _fuck._ I’ve met the guy _once._ But I can’t stop thinking about him and _shit!”_ Sam was hyperventilating by the end of his rant, and Dean was legitimately worried that he might crash the car.

“Dude, do you wana pull over or something?” Dean asked worriedly, leaning around to look Sam in the eye.

Sam closed his eyes when they stopped for a red light, breathing heavily but steadily. He was calming himself down, Dean realised. “Nah, man. It’s ok. I just… you don’t judge me, right? I already feel shit enough that I apparently didn’t love my wife, but if you think I’m a dick too then… yeah.”

“Nah, man. You were there for me at my worst. You’re not a dick either, it’s not your fault Amelia’s a bitch. As for Gabriel… it looked like you two had a pretty intense connection. I’m not saying you should go jump his bones right away or anything but… maybe give it a try. Hey, maybe he could meet us at the Roadhouse!” Dean was laughing now, digging Sam in the ribs like he’s egging him on in high school.

Sam blew out a huff of air, but was smiling so Dean took it as a win. He hated it when Sam was upset, especially when his bitch wife was the cause. If he liked Gabriel, then that was cool. Dean had only met him the once, but he was Cas’ brother for fuck sake, he must be a pretty decent guy. When he got home, he had to remember to ask Cas about him.

“Yeah, maybe. That’d be cool.” Sam smiled slightly, blush showing through his long hair. Dean ribbed him again, feeling very much like they were in high school.

It was quite a quiet day, only one bar fight and someone parking illegally, and refusing to move. When it was time to head home, Dean invited Sam over for some TV and beers, but he declined.

“Nah, Dean, its ok. I’ve got some stuff to pack up, since we were only renting, I gotta be out by next week.    I’m… ah… looking for a place.” Sam said quickly, not meeting Dean’s gaze. His insides seized up in a gripping knot of worry. Sam was getting kicked out, that bitch was still fucking with his life. Well, not if he had anything to do with it.

“No, you’re not. You’re coming to stay with me until you find a place. Pack your shit up and come to mine. I got a nice comfy couch for you.” Dean smiled as brightly as he could, considering the shitty situation. Sam looked at him sheepishly, chewing uncertainly on his lip.

“Are you sure, Dean? I mean, I wasn’t fishing or anything. I don’t wana be a third wheel, either. You and Castiel are like, still new, I don’t wana get in the way.” Sam looked worried now, kneading the steering wheel between tense fingers.

“Dude, he won’t care, trust me. We’ll, ah, try and be quiet, too.” Dean laughed loudly at Sam’s stricken expression. Yeah the guy was down in the dumps, but he could still crack a joke to cheer him up.

They got out of the car and went through the routine of clocking off. Signing in their weapons, putting their other stuff away in their lockers and finally, signing out. When they got outside, the fresh, cold air jarred against the warmth of the precinct. Sam turned to Dean, his eyes downcast and unhappy.

“Thank you, Dean, for not making a big deal out of this. It… it means a lot to me. If it’s ok, I’ll bring my stuff over in a couple of days, ok?” Sam looked up, eyes bright with the cold and a hint of hope.

“Yeah, man, that’s all good. Everyone’s got problems, I’m not in any position to judge or draw attention to them, you know? I just wana do what I can to help.” Dean smiled at Sam, clapping him on the shoulder. “And if that means letting you sleep on my shitty couch, then it’s all yours.”

They said their goodbyes, and Dean started to make his way home, managing to snag a cab on the way. He found himself smiling stupidly as he made his way up the stone steps of the apartment building, thinking about the angel awaiting him inside.

Unlocking the door, he was met with a flurry of fur and feet. Stooping down to pick his dog up, he called out for the other man.

“Cas?” Dean sniffed as he made his way into the living room, setting Riot down on the couch, something coming from the kitchen smelt… unusual. Walking into the small space, he was met with a frustrated looking angel and a burnt pot.

“Dean. This did not go well. I attempted to follow a recipe from this book, but… something went wrong. I am sorry.” Cas looked up at him with his stupidly big blue eyes and seriously deep voice and Dean couldn’t take one more minute of him being so far away.

With a startled gasp from Cas, Dean brought their mouths together, rough and needy, not that he’d ever admit it. His tongue breached Cas defences like a pro, licking up into his mouth and ghosting along his teeth. He swallowed Cas’ moan as he brought his hand up to tug at the angels hair and backed him into the bench top. A slight huffing laugh came from Cas’ wet mouth, as Dean kissed down his throat, nipping slightly.

“What?” Dean asked as his hands trailed down Cas’ sides lazily, stopping at his hips and squeezing slightly.

“Nothing, Dean. It’s just… ah… we have been in this position before.” Cas blushed slightly, clearly remembering the last time they had been pressed up against this counter. Dean remembered, of course he did, and that memory caused his already half hard cock to stiffen in his pants expectantly. He gave an encouraging noise, resuming his attack on Cas’ neck in the hope he’d keep talking about that night.

“That night… I was not sure what you wanted from me. It was very confusing. I wanted… I wanted to do what we are doing now, but I was not sure how to proceed.” Cas moaned again after he finished, gripping the counter tightly. Dean was licking behind his ear now, body pressed flush up against the angels. He could feel the angels hardness press into his leg, slightly rubbing against his thigh, probably without realising it.

“Cas, you don’t know how much it took me to pull away that night. But… I wasn’t sure. I wasn’t sure what you wanted, if you even _knew_ what you wanted, and I had to make sure you wouldn’t just like, leave.” Dean stopped kissing the little hairs at the base of Cas’ neck to rest his forehead gently against Cas’. “I’m still not one hundred percent sure, you know. I mean, I don’t know how angels work or anything. It’s all new to me.”

Cas drew away slightly, looking Dean directly in the eye. His eyebrows were drawn together in a frown, but there was deep compassion in his blue eyes.

“I know, Dean. I very much appreciate what you did. I was not ready for such things, but I feel that I am now prepared. As for not knowing about angels, well that is why I am here. I will teach you everything I know. I would like to start now, if that is alright?” Cas looked at him with an open, questioning face. Their little make out session was over for now, as was any thought of dinner. The angel hadn’t exactly been withholding information from him, every question he’d asked, he’d got an honest reply. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t hungry for more information.

Grabbing Cas’ hand, he lead them both out of the kitchen to the living room. Settling down on the couch, with his legs draped casually over the angels, Dean put his hands behind his head and gave the angel his full attention.

“I am all ears, Cas. Let her rip.” Dean smiled at Cas’ confused expression.

“I understood none of that, Dean. But I will assume that your posture indicates you are ready to listen.” Cas pressed his lips together and a frown covered his forehead as Dean laughed.

“Sorry, Cas. I am ready to listen, you have my full attention.” Dean fluttered his eye lashes in what he thought would be a good impression of innocence.

“Good. Now, you indicated this morning that you wanted to know about why my hand glows when I touch your shoulder.” Cas held up his hand in an example. Dean grinned.

“Is it because orcs are close?” he cackled lightly at Cas’ bemused expression.

_Yes, Lord of the Rings was so next on the list._

“Dean, I am trying to explain something very important here. It has the possibility to change the rest of your existence. _Please._ ” Cas looked at him with huge imploring eyes, and he could never say no to them. He nodded for Cas to continue.

“My hand… when I touch you… well to put it simply, in terms you would understand, when the world was made, all souls were created. They were then split in half, for reasons unknown. When these souls enter a human body at birth, they begin their real journey. All though a human life time, the bright flame of a soul burns inside. Sometimes, if they are very fortunate, two halves of the same soul meet. You humans have a name for them, Soulmates. These two humans, and their souls, perfectly complement each other in every way. They simply cannot see how they had lived without the other before. Now, some souls are special, because when they were made, in the beginning, some angels volunteered their grace to strengthen them, make them burn brighter, do better. They would, swap, almost. Half of the soul went to the angel whose grace was used, and that became part of their grace, to give back to the source. Then half of the grace used would go to the soul. Then that other half would find a human, and begin its cycle.” Cas looked at Deans face, who was trying very hard to work it all out in his head. What Cas was talking about sounded incredible, but it still didn’t explain the freaky glowing shit, so he let Cas continue.

“As for the glowing hands, well… basically it is your soul and my grace, calling out to each other, Dean. They wish to be connected, _whole,_ on every level, always. Even now, I can feel my grace calling out to be close to you. It… pains me, sometimes, to be away from you. Dean? Are you listening?” Cas was moving closer to him on the couch, but he barely registered the movement as he tried to sift through his brain to connect his thoughts together. Shit, he was never good at this sort of thing. Something in that story Cas had just told him had something to do with his soul, and the glowing, but for the life of him, he couldn’t put two and two together. God, Sam was right, he was shit head.

“I’m sorry, Cas. Can you just spell it out for me? It’s been a long day and my brain aint working that fast.” Dean rubbed the back of his neck and smiled sheepishly at the wide eyed angel in front of him. Cas took a deep breath before expelling the words in a rush.

“Dean, you and I, we are… Soulmates.”


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next chapter, please comment and kudos! 
> 
> Warnings at the bottom of chapter :)

Castiel was worried.

Dean had been sitting, staring at him, for what was becoming a disconcertingly long time. He had expected this, the shock, but he had also expected questions, not… silence. He studied Dean’s face, trying to discern what was happening behind the blank mask. A cold stone of fear settled itself in Castiel stomach, when the thought of rejection crossed his mind. What if Dean _wasn’t_ ready? What if his feelings were genuine, but still fragile? Had he broken this delicate thing with Dean, before it had even blossomed into something stronger? A strangled noise abruptly forced him from his deeply depressing thoughts.

“Cas… uh… what does that mean? I..I tried to figure it out, but honestly man, I haven’t got a clue.” Castiel could see the fear in Dean’s eyes, fear of the unknown, most likely. He was glad Dean had been thinking about it in the moment of silence. Castiel hoped he could ease Dean’s fears.

“Dean, it is hard to explain, and I do not wish to alarm you. I fear you may not be ready to hear what I have to say and – “Castiel looked down at his hands clasped together in his lap. He untangled them and placed them hesitantly on Dean’s lower legs. He looked up, meeting Dean’s eyes, green orbs staring back at him expectantly.

“Whatever you have to say, or explain, I’ll decide what I can or can’t handle.” Dean smiled at him softly. “I’m tougher than I think you realise, Cas.”

Castiel squeezed Dean’s leg, rubbing circles through the fabric, into the muscle and skin. He fixed his eyes on Dean’s leg, for some reason not able to meet his trusting gaze. If what he told Dean caused him pain, _hurt him,_ he knew the look in the human’s eyes would break him.

“I apologise, Dean. You are an incredibly strong, remarkable human being. I am constantly astounded by you, and I know you have an aversion to discussing anything emotionally relevant, but I must say this. When I first met you, I was worried about your stability. It was why I was sent in the first place. However, as I began to unravel the mystery that was Dean Winchester, I saw that I was wrong to worry. You were scared, afraid of being alone, terrified of giving yourself completely over to another person, just in case you disappointed them. I know, Dean. Using the connection we hold, I have seen into your subconscious, and I _need_ you to understand. You are not alone anymore. I will be here for _you,_ and only you, _forever._ Not just your forever, both of ours. We angels live a very long time.” Castiel took a chance, having not heard Dean make a sound all through his talking, and he looked up into bright, wet green eyes.

“Cas…”

Dean surged forward, capturing Castiel’s lips in a fiery embrace, licking at the seam of his mouth relentlessly until the angel moaned and he was granted access. Castiel grabbed at Dean's shoulders, kneading at the tense muscles until they softened under his grip. Castiel groaned as Dean's teeth bit down gently on his lower lip, lapping at it softly, heightening the surprisingly erotic sensation. This kiss was a lot more heated than their previous encounters, more... Wild. What surprised the angel was that he found that he quite liked this side of Dean, the animalistic warrior that hid beneath his seemingly normal exterior.

As the kiss deepened, Castiel brought his hands to the back of Dean's head, lacing his fingers into the short hairs at the nape of his neck. He tugged slightly as Dean sucked on his tongue, which caused him to growl around the slippery muscle. Castiel smiled into the kiss, he very much enjoyed finding out more about Dean, especially those things that caused him to make such noises. Dean moved slightly, so that their pelvises aligned perfectly, and Castiel could immediately tell Dean was as aroused as he was. The human had clearly had the same realisation, as soon as their hardened arousal's pressed against each other, Dean broke away from the heat of Castiel’s mouth to bury his head in the Angels shoulder with a groan and a thrust of his hips. The sensation was fascinating, it caused a fiery heat to shoot straight from his penis and erupt all though his body.

He desperately wanted the sensation to continue, clutching at Dean as he went to move away.

"Dean, what... What are you doing?" Castiel panted, shocked at how low his voice sounded. He knew human voices dropped a few octaves when aroused, some kind of evolutionary practice, but he was still amazed at how aroused he sounded. He watched helplessly as Dean sat up, drawing a shaky hand through his mussed hair.

"Cas... You know I'm no good at telling you how I feel. What you just told me, I, uh, well you have no idea how much that means to me. I literally can't put into words what I'm feeling right now. So, I'm gonna show you, instead. Ok?" Dean looked down at him, a slight blush colouring his already flushed cheeks. Castiel did not know how to respond, he wanted to tell Dean that he knew how he felt, he had felt everything through their bond, but he had a feeling that Dean just wanted him to agree. No explaining or refusing, just acceptance.

Castiel nodded, not taking his eyes from Dean's beautiful green ones.

Without breaking eye contact, Dean grabbed the hem of his shirt and slid it slowly up his body, revealing taut muscles and tanned, sweat slicked skin. Castiel swallowed thickly, his mouth and throat suddenly devoid of all moisture. Dean watched as Castiel slowly raised his hands, hesitantly stroking the burning skin of his stomach, trailing his fingers through the soft hairs that lead from his navel to disappear beneath his pants. His hands dipped lower, knuckles gently nudging against the hard bulge straining against his zipper. Dean closed his eyes and moaned, a deeply arousing sound that caused Castiel hardened shaft to twitch sharply in his pants, he could feel it laying thick and heavy against his thigh.

"Fuck, Cas. You have no idea what you do to me." Dean leaned forward, and Castiel was hopeful he wanted to continue their previous endeavour. But as he watched, Dean looked down at Castiel’s straining pants, and licked his kiss swollen pink lips. "Do you trust me, Cas?"

"Of... Of course I do, Dean." Castiel cleared his throat, tongue tied and thick in his mouth.

Dean seemed to take that as enough of an answer, proceeding to undo Castiel’s pants, and while looking him directly in the eye, maybe looking for a sign of him being uncomfortable, he drew them down Cas’ legs, setting his ridged penis free. Castiel gasped as the cold air from the room surrounded his heated shaft. Dean removed Cas’ pants completely, dropping them on the floor beside the couch.

"Your beautiful, Cas. So beautiful." Dean was looking at him with such adoration in his eyes, Castiel had to look away. He could almost feel tears prickling the edges of his eyes, the feeling of love and devotion was so strong. He looked back at Dean, smiling softly.

"Thank you, Dean. You are aware of how I feel about you, you are - " Castiel lost all train of thought, no, he almost lost his mind completely, as Dean leaned down and licked a wet, hot trail from the base of his penis, all the way, slowly, to the leaking head. He was sure his body was going to burn itself to an ashen husk before Dean was finished with him.

Castiel could not help the moan that next escaped his lips, as Dean used his tongue to trace around the head of his shaft. He jerked his hips, involuntarily gasping, as Dean licked over the head and played with the slit, milking beads of pre ejaculate fluid from his shaking body. He had never known such pleasure; it was making him delirious and focused, all at once. He wanted Dean to feel like this, because of him. He must learn everything Dean used on him, to discover what he liked, what will make him see stars, no, universes undiscovered, because of Castiel.

He was pulled from his musings by a cascading storm of heat, as Dean engulfed his hard shaft in the warm, moist cavern of his mouth. Castiel watched in shocked silence as Dean slowly bobbed his head up and down, swirling his tongue around the head of his straining shaft on every up stroke. Almost as if feeling Cas’ eyes upon him, Dean looked up, locking their gazes together in a moment of pure fire. Very slowly, without taking his eyes off the angels, Dean took as much of Castiel’s length in to his mouth as he could, and then did something unexpected.

Dean _swallowed._

The sensation of warm, wet muscles contracting around the head of his shaft was almost enough to make him climax immediately. He moaned loudly, very thankful there were no other occupants of the apartment, as he assumed this would be seen as highly awkward. But right now, all he could think was that this, right here, was the greatest amount of pleasure he could have ever imagined. _Nothing_ could ever feel as good as this act.

Dean was clearly having the same idea, as Castiel watched; Dean smiled around the slick muscle in his mouth, rising up until it was almost free of his heated embrace, before slamming his mouth all the way to the base. Castiel sat forward abruptly; concern fighting with lust, because he knew for a _fact,_ Dean’s mouth was very much smaller than Castiel’s penis. There was no way he could fit it all in, however, lust won its battle with concern when Castiel felt Dean swallow once more, and all thought was ceased. Dean increased his movements, quickly building speed and rhythm, up and down Castiel’s engorged skin.

The angel was moaning incoherently, he had no name for the sounds that were escaping him; they were neither English, Enochian nor any other language that existed. No, these sounds were made up of love for Dean, all of it, for _Dean._ Moans for the wet stripe of tongue sliding up his shaft, groans for the way his lips sucked on the head like some kind of candy, gasps at the small nips of teeth on the inside of his thighs. It was all reaching a point that Castiel knew was nearing, a climactic cliff he was reluctant to jump off, yet running towards nonetheless. He could feel the heat collecting deep in his stomach, his testicles draw up and tense, ready for the action that was to come. He had a problem, though. He was unsure what the proper protocol was for this type of thing, did Dean want him to finish in his mouth, or was he uncomfortable with that? He drew a deep breath, clutching at the couch, trying to stave off the sensation of falling.

“Dean… I… I’m… I believe I am approaching… cli… climax. What ddd… do you ww… want me ttt… to do?” Castiel was surprised by how much his words were stuttered, but it was not a surprise, not really. All of the blood necessary for this act had gone to his reproductive organs. He looked down when Dean huffed a laugh around his penis. Their eyes caught, and Dean nodded slowly, in what Castiel hoped was an affirmative action towards ejaculating in his mouth.

Dean, if possible, moved faster around Castiel, who was beginning to twitch and shake as his orgasm neared. Everything in his body was preparing for release, and he was so happy that Dean had given him this gift. Dean bottomed out once more, and swallowed, looking deep into Castiel’s eyes, with so much love and adoration, that Castiel could not hold it in any longer.

“I’m… oh… _Dean…_ ahhhh…”

He came with a cry, and Deans name on his lips, jerking his hips clumsily further into Deans mouth, semen spilling, pulsing onto his tongue, down his throat, covering the inside of his cheeks with the essence of _Castiel._

Dean sucked it all down, every last drop, as if Castiel were sacred, and nothing was to be wasted. Dean lapped at him reverently, even as he shuddered and twitched, penis shrinking back to its less alarming size.

When Castiel’s breathing had returned to its post orgasmic rate, he focused his attention on Dean, who was carefully tucking Castiel back into his pants. Feeling the angel’s eyes upon him, Dean looked up and smiled that sweet, crooked smile that made Castiel’s heart race just that little bit faster. The human moved back up the couch, tucking himself in beside the angel, so that his head rested on Castiel’s shoulder.

“So, how was that? God, I sound like a teenager.” Dean laughed quietly at his own joke. But he was blushing deeply; Castiel could tell by the colour of his ears and flushed cheeks.

“Dean, I can honestly say, that was the most pleasurable experience of my entire existence. I do not know if anything could possibly be better than that.” Castiel said quietly, bringing his hand up to lightly stroke his fingers through Dean’s dark blonde hair. He knew Dean liked it when he did it, even though he would never say it. The way he slightly, almost as if not knowing he was doing it, pushed into Castiel’s hand if he stopped his ministrations.

Dean hummed happily, letting his fingers trail slowly over Castiel’s stomach. “Uh, so, we’re Soulmates, huh? That’s pretty cool. I’m guessing it’s a pretty big deal then, by the way you were talking about it?” Dean looked at him briefly, before looking back at his hands. So, Dean was still unsure about Castiel’s proclamation. So long as Dean was willing to accept it and trust him, all would be well.

“Yes, Dean. It is very much a ‘Big Deal’ as you say. When I say forever, I mean, _forever._ We will be bonded, for all of time. You will never again be alone. It is a very big decision, and I will give you as much time as you need to decide – “Castiel was cut off by Dean lurching up on one arm, staring down at him with wide eyes.

“But… But I thought you said we were already Soulmates? I mean, what’s with the hand print? Isn’t that like, your mark on me or something?” Dean was panicking, Castiel was sure. He sat up and turned around, so that he was facing Dean.

“Dean, do not worry. We are Soulmates, no matter what happens. Yes, the hand print on your arm is my bond to you, and my mark, however we have not yet sealed the bond. That can only occur by both of us willingly giving our bodies, our _souls,_ over to one another. We must become one body, connected in all ways, for the bond to be completed.” Castiel looked at Dean with as much love in his eyes as he could muster, not hard when everything he had ever dared dream was staring at him, with such wide, understanding eyes.

“Oh, so we gotta fuck?”

* * *

 

Cas just stared at Dean, cocking his head to the side slightly, in the way he did when he was thinking about something. His brows came together in a frown, and his eyes looked past Dean in a way he knew meant he was putting many pieces of a puzzle together. Then, as a huge smile lit up his face, Cas turned back to Dean, locking their eyes together.

“Dean, I do not know how you do it, but you always make the most complicated things sound so… _simple._ ” Dean smiled, stupidly happy with the compliment Cas gave him.

“Uh, no problem, Cas. It’s just what it sounded like, to me. Sooo… do you wana do it now or…?” He knew he was going too fast, he really wanted to draw this whole thing with Cas out, but the suspense might just kill him. He was still hard from before, _goddamn;_ he could almost feel his heart beat pulsing in his dick, but the thought of Cas inside him…

_Wait WHAT._

That was new, he had thought once about possibly bottoming for the guy, but that was just a passing thought. But this… _this_ was something different. It was the actual, solid _fact_ that he wants Cas… _in him,_ to dominate him, for Dean to completely surrender his defenses and be _taken._ He swallowed, the blush creeping back up his neck, he turned back to face Cas, and was surprised to see him looking down at his hands, face as red as Deans.

“You ok, Cas?” Dean asked, stroking the angels shoulder gently. Fuck, _why_ did he always say stupid shit?

Cas cleared his throat. “Uh, yes, Dean. Well, no, actually. I, ah, I am sorry. But I do not think I am quite… prepared for penetrative intercourse yet. It is quite a big step, one that I am sure you are more than comfortable to take, but I am… not unsure exactly, I know how much I wish for it to occur, but I just want it to be…” Cas looked up at Dean with such unsure, confused blue eyes that he couldn’t help leaning down and capturing the angels mouth in a quiet, loving kiss.

“You want it to be perfect, you don’t wana rush in and make it… less of a thing? I totally get what you’re saying, Cas. I’m sorry for rushing it, I just… I wana get that connection you were talking about, you know? I’ve… I’ve never had that with anyone before, obviously, but I wana have it so bad with you and shit, fucking feelings, can I just suck you off again?” Dean laughed quietly in Cas’ shoulder, hiding his face so the angel wouldn’t see his sudden vulnerability. He felt Cas chuckle, his whole body shaking with the vibrations.

“I think I am satisfied for the time being, Dean. I am glad you understand my trepidation's, I did not want you to think I did not want to do it, I do. I just wish to wait for the right time. I can imagine it will not be too far away, so do not worry.” Cas shifted so that he could look at Dean properly, without having to crane his neck. “You, however, were not satisfied, Dean. I wish to bring you to climax, as well. How would you wish me to achieve that?”

Dean’s blush burned up his chest, neck and face, exploding across his cheeks. “Uh, let’s go have a shower, ok? We can sort that out in there.” He rose unsteadily from the couch, _very_ aware of the massive boner he was sporting. He tried to cover it with his hands, _Jesus fucking Christ,_ he’d leaked through his boxers, but Cas caught his hands, drawing them away.

“No, Dean. Please do not cover yourself in front on me. You have _nothing_ to be ashamed of. I am in awe of your body’s reactions to mine. I find it very… I get very hot when I think about it, or see it.” Cas eyes were bright when he looked up at Dean, and his breathing hitched when he saw more liquid make the patch on Deans boxers grow larger.

“Sooo you think it’s hot. All of… this?” Dean smirked, waving a hand in front of himself to indicate what he meant. Cas just nodded, hands shaking at his sides. “What about when I do… this?” Dean bent down, grabbed his underwear and pulled them all the way off, until he was standing buck naked in front of the angel. Cas’ eyes went wide, and he balled his hands into fists at his sides. His eyes were fixed on Deans bobbing cock, flushed from arousal and _need._ “I’m gonna go have a shower now. Your welcome to join me.” With that he gave Cas a wink, and practically ran from the room. He could hear Cas grappling with the rest of his clothes behind him, while also running down the hall.

Dean made it to the doorway of the bathroom before he was grabbed in a backwards hug, surrounded by a totally naked angel. He could feel Cas’ erection hard up against his ass, and the fact it was so close, and the hand that came around and latched onto his cock, made him moan like a two dollar whore. He closed his eyes, backing up against Cas’ and rubbing his ass against his hard cock. The angel moaned behind him, bringing his mouth to Dean’s shoulder and dropped open mouth kisses along the muscle of his neck. Dean leaned his head back, giving Cas better access to the sensitive areas of his neck. The angel’s hands were running smooth and sure, slowly up and down Dean’s length. It was maddening; there was friction, but not enough, not nearly _enough._

He walked forward slowly, Cas still stuck to him, through the door and into the bathroom itself. He turned on the shower, and turned in their backwards embrace so he was chest to naked chest with Cas. They both groaned as their erections connected, silky soft skin rubbing together, slicked by their mixing fluids. Putting a hand back into the shower spray, Dean found it was a comfortable temperature, and he lead a trembling angel under the jets. It still amazed him how _responsive_ the angel was, it was fantastic, and exhilarating, but also humbling, that he was the one causing it, that he was _allowed_ to show this infinite being how much pleasure could be had with another.

Cas was kissing across his clavicle now, dipping his tongue in the hollow at the base of Deans throat. He gasped at the sensation, but he was also very aware of how much hot water they had. There was something he wanted to try, and he knew Cas would be up for it.

“Cas, there’s something I wana try. You can suck me off another time, I really wana try this.” Dean watched as Cas nodded slowly, his pupils wide and dark with lust. He laid his hands gently on the angel’s shoulders, turning him around so he faced the spray of water. He took hold of his cock, rubbing himself slowly, while putting a hand on Cas’ firm ass. He felt the angel tense, probably worried Dean was gonna stick himself somewhere he shouldn’t. He leaned forward and kissed Cas between his shoulder blades. The angel moaned deeply when he did, which surprised him. He wasn’t expecting that to be such an erogenous zone. He grinned, one more for the list. “It’s ok, Cas. I’m not gonna stick it anywhere I shouldn’t, just trust me.”

Slowly, he used one hand to part Cas’ cheeks, while using the other to guide himself between them. Grabbing some shower gel, he slicked himself up, to make the slide easier. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Cas by catching on his skin. Very slowly, he slid his cock down the crack of Cas’ ass, then through to his perineum. The angle wasn’t the best, his dick was slightly bent, but he spread his legs wider, sliding down a fraction, and that seemed to help. He heard Cas groan in front of him, he had an arm braced against the wall, head dipped down in the hot spray.

Dean started sliding his dick back and forth, feeling the slight indentation of Cas’ opening on every stroke. Just the thought of it caused more fluid to leak out, and he knew he wouldn’t last long. Cas seemed to be enjoying himself as well, he could see his arm jerking in movement and hear the slap of skin on skin. Dean grinned, moving his own hands down to rest on Cas’ hips, digging in when a particularly loud moan from Cas caused Dean to lose his rhythm. He couldn’t believe how hot Cas was, how much he turned him on.

Dean put his forehead against the back of Cas’ head, kissing the nape of his neck. He increased his thrusting, loving the feeling of Cas’ balls against the head of his cock. His breathing was becoming ragged, and he knew he’d be leaving bruises in Cas’ hips for days. None of that mattered, because when Cas spoke, he had to hold the base of his dick tightly to stop from coming right then.

“Dean...” His voice sounded totally fucked out, deep and rich in a way only sex could bring out. “I am very close to orgasm, I wish us to finish, together.” Dean groaned, dropping his head forward onto Cas’ neck.

“Yeah, Cas. I’m pretty close. Fuck, you saying that, almost made me come.” Deep breath. “We’ll come together, don’t worry.” Dean started up his thrusting again, faster and more demanding than before. He wanted to finish with his angel, and he was damn sure he was gonna give Cas what he wanted. He grabbed Cas’ hips, slamming into his cleft over and over, loving the feeling of tense heat coiling in his belly, his balls drawing up, clenching with excitement. He let out a rough groan, almost at the edge.

“Cas, come, please, I’m almost there, come for me, _Oh fuck Cas…”_ His sentence was cut off by blinding white heat, surging through his body, singing his very nerves as he pumped load after load of come into Cas’ warm skin. He heard Cas at the same time, through the foggy haze of orgasm.

“I am close, Dean, so close, oh _Dean,_ I am… there… _Dean…”_ He could feel the angel shuddering under him, hearing Cas moaning his name as he came sent a new surge of heat through Dean, pulling another load from him. They both stood under the cooling spray of the shower, shaking with post orgasmic nerves. Dean wrapped his strong arms around Cas’ middle, bringing them flush against each other.

“Did you enjoy that?” Dean asked him, softly kissing the tender skin behind his ear. Castiel hummed, nodding slightly.

“It was incredibly enjoyable, Dean. You are very good at everything sexual, it seems.” Dean chuckled, not knowing whether to take that as a compliment or not, but he knew Cas hadn’t meant anything malicious by it, so he took it as a win.

“Awesome.”

* * *

 

After a _very_ enjoyable shower, they were both dry, dressed and warm, sitting in the living room watching something crap on TV. Dean had flung his arm over the back of the couch, more of a way to get closer to the angel than actual comfort, when a sudden thought struck him.

“Uh, so you know how Sam’s marriage is falling apart?” Dean asked Cas, playing with a loose bit of his shitty couch. God Sam is gonna hate him after a few days on this thing.

“Yes, Dean. I am aware of Sam’s marital problems.” Cas turned slightly to look at Dean, all of his attention on him.

“Well, ah, he can’t afford the rent at his place anymore, because that bitch – sorry, his _wife_ left. So he’s getting kicked out in like, a week. I um, I invited him to come stay with me – with us, I mean. So, is that, like, ok? Are you ok with that?” Dean asked, suddenly worried that Cas would think that Sam staying would be a horrible idea. But Cas just… _smiled_ at him.

“I think that is an excellent idea, Dean. Sam is your friend; of course it makes sense to look after him when he needs it. Uh, where will he sleep?” Cas’ expression turned questioning, as if it wasn’t obvious.

“Uh, he’ll sleep here, on the couch. What?” Cas was giving him a shocked angel look, which meant his face was blank but his eyes were wide, conveying all sorts of emotions.

“Sam is much too large a human to sleep comfortably on this couch.”

“Well, I’ve always said he can’t be one hundred percent human, there’s gotta be some Sasquatch or moose in his family tree _somewhere._ ”

Cas just gave him this _look_ like, what the hell are you talking about? “Dean, he is very much, one hundred percent human, I can assure you.”

“Ok, whatever. I just thought I’d let you know. It’s not gonna interfere with… us. But uh, I’d rather he didn’t find out about the whole angel thing?” Dean looked at Cas, voice tilting at the end in question. He didn’t know what the angels view was on the whole thing, but he didn’t want to have to explain it to Sam. Because that could lead to ‘why was Cas here in the first place’ and Dean was _not_ telling Sam he was gonna die. The guy had enough problems to deal with, without that little shit storm hovering over his head.

“I would rather him remain oblivious to that fact as well, Dean. If Gabriel wishes to – “Dean cut Cas off with a shocked disentanglement of limbs as he shot back to the edge of the couch, so he could get a good look at Cas.

“What the _fuck_ does he have to do with any of this?” Dean asked, not knowing if he really wanted the answer.

“Well, I’m sure you are aware of what occurred that night; we all saw it, even if Sam seems unaware of what happened. They have the same connection that you and I share, but Gabriel is better at… hiding it, than I am. That’s also why Sam doesn’t carry a mark, yet. Gabriel wishes to meet him again, get to know him better, before telling him anything. It is his choice, Dean. It has very little to do with us.” Cas looked concerned, like he thought Dean would run off and tell Sam everything before Gabriel had a chance to. It’s not like he didn’t _like_ the guy, it’s just that he’d only met him once, and during that time, he’d swept in, talked Cas into telling him how he really felt about Dean, and look how _that_ turned out, and then, to top it all off he went and _claimed_ his best friend.

So Dean had a few reservations about the guy, he was entitled to that. He told Cas as much.

Cas just huffed, clearly exasperated about this whole conversation.

“He feels for Sam, exactly how I feel for you, Dean. He would do _anything_ for him. Gabriel would never hurt Sam; I have complete confidence in that.” Cas looked fairly confident, and Dean trusted him, even if he didn’t quiet trust the archangel, yet. The little fact that Cas had just admitted he’d do anything for Dean, well didn’t _that_ just put a little spark of warmth in his heart.

“Ok, I trust you. You know the guy better than I do. So, what, we get them together at the Roadhouse? Sam seemed pretty keen. Maybe we could have him over at Christmas. Shit, do you guys do anything for that? Like, heavenly… stuff? Me and Sam usually just get drunk and watch shit movies. Sometimes we go to Ellen’s for dinner. Her and Bobby are a thing, you know? He’s not Jo’s dad, he died, but they’ve been together a while.” Dean knew he was babbling, but the thought of not spending Christmas with Cas, well, all his past Christmas’s have been fairly up there on the shit scale, and he thought maybe this one could be different.

“I would like to ask Gabriel to join us, if I can be a part of your festivities as well, Dean.” Cas looked over at Dean, hope and happiness written clear across his face. Dean surged forwards, capturing his lips between his own. Licking softly, he felt Cas’ mouth open for him, giving him access to the velvety depths. Curling his tongue around Cas’, he heard and felt the angel moan when their tongues slipped together. Pulling back, Dean looked into Cas’ illuminated blue eyes.

“I can’t imagine Christmas without you, Cas. Just don’t expect decorations and a tree and shit. That time of year is so fuckin crazy, the stress, you know? People are stretched to their limit, and just one little thing can make them snap. I got punched so many times last year. I had a black eye on Christmas morning.” Dean laughed at the memory, Sam trying in vain get Dean to take some pain meds, Dean, stubbornly refusing. ‘Manning through it’.

“Thank you, Dean. I haven’t had a human Christmas before. It should be an interesting experience.” Cas smiled, while Dean just hummed in satisfaction as the angel settled against him, turning back to watch the crap show that was on. Dean thought maybe he should get something for Cas, but what do you get a friggen angel?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for
> 
> \- SEX  
> \- MAN SEX  
> \- FLUFF


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, new chapter yay. Hope you like this one, its a bit short but more plot yay. 
> 
> Warnings down the bottom if you want them.
> 
> Please comment, they are my LIFE.

He had asked Gabriel back just after Dean left for work. He needed help setting up the apartment before Dean got home. It was the day before Christmas Eve, and Dean was working late. Castiel had got the feeling that Dean actually liked Christmas, despite his gruff explanations. He wanted to do something nice for Dean; the human had no idea just how much he had done for the angel. He had shown him the wonders of humanity, more than just the pleasure that could be felt, but from the connections they form between one another, the bond of family.

Yes, he had a ‘family’ in heaven, his brothers and sisters, but he always felt they were more of a collection of beings, created to do ones bidding, rather than the kind to share in celebrations and kinship.

No, Dean had shown him that true family did not stop at blood. That family surrounded him, shared in his trials and tribulations and loved him all the same. The ones that he had lost, he sought not to replace them, but to cherish their memories alongside those that he shared his life with now. His heart warmed with the knowledge that _he_ was now a part of that family.

He was brought from his thoughts by Gabriel snapping his fingers in his face.

“Yo, Cassie! So, what kind of theme were you gonna go with? I think red and green are generally liked colours with this kinda thing. To be honest I haven’t had a human Christmas since… well since the first one.” Gabriel chuckled, shuffling through a box of decorations Castiel had managed to find in Deans bedroom closet.

He also found some other items, but he did not wish to pry. Deans private business was his own, even if Castiel was horribly curious as to _why_ Dean would have one of Riots dog toys buried at the bottom of his closet, and _why_ it vibrated.  

“I just want it to reflect the general Christmas spirit, Gabriel. Maybe a tree? Is that part of the tradition? I thought you would have some experience with this. Was I incorrect in my assumption?” Castiel looked up at Gabriel, head cocked to the side in curiosity. He had not contemplated the fact that this was maybe one area where Gabriel was inexperienced. He took in the sad look on Gabriel’s face, and immediately strove to right the situation. “I am sorry, Gabriel. I did not mean to upset you.”

“Nah, its ok, kiddo. Iv only been to one Christmas and that one was kinda anticlimactic. I mean, imagine being told to go and tell some random thirteen year old girl, and I don’t care _what_ period of time its in, that’s too young, that she’s carrying a dudes baby that she hasn’t even met? I mean, Jesus is a good guy and all, but chances are he wasn’t Gods. I’m like, ninety percent sure her bro and her were getting down and dirty, if you know what I mean. I mean, she was promised to him, and it would have happened, if Joseph hadn’t stepped up. Sorry, I’m rambling. Long story short, I aint never been to a proper Christmas.” Gabriel smiled sadly at Castiel, picking up a small glittery ball.

“Gabriel, I was going to ask you later, but now seems like the appropriate time to ask. Would you like to join Dean, Sam and I for Christmas? I believe we are going to the Roadhouse on Christmas Eve.” Castiel basked in the glow of Gabriel’s bright smile, he was sure the other angels grace was shining out through it.

“Are you sure? Deano won’t mind? And uh… you mentioned Sam?” Gabriel smirked, but still managed to look innocent as he battered his eyelashes at Castiel.

“Of course Dean won’t mind. Despite what you both may think, he does actually hold you in high regard. I am also sure that Sam would be _very_ happy that you were there.” Castiel smiled at the metaphorical light shining from Gabriel’s eyes.

“Awesome, Cassie. Thanks. Now, let’s spruce up this place!” Castiel watched as Gabriel closed his eyes and waved his hands dramatically.

He was fairly sure the hand gestures were unnecessary for the task at hand. From out of thin air, decorations materialized, tinsel covered the door frame, mistletoe hung above the kitchen door and a tree appeared in the corner, fully laced with the decorations from the box. It was… magical. Castiel now saw the draw of decorations; they enlivened the space and brought the spirit of Christmas into a plane of existence that was tangible.

He hoped Dean appreciated it. He still had very little idea what kind of gift to get for Dean. He knew that it was customary for the exchanging of gifts on Christmas, even if he did not understand any of the other customs.

He should probably mention to Gabriel that Sam would be sleeping here, on this obviously inadequate couch.

“Gabriel, I believe it prudent to inform you that Sam has been made to vacate his current abode. He will be living here, with Dean and I.” Gabriel’s mouth had dropped open, and his eyes were wide as he considered Castiel’s statement.

“Well, shit. Isn’t that just a huge piece of AWESOME. I mean, I feel bad his marriage fell apart, but he _is_ my soul mate so that shit just wasn’t gonna fly. I would have waited for him, but you know how impatient I can be.” Gabriel gave Castiel a cheeky smirk, winking boldly. “Uh, where’s he gonna sleep?” he looked around, as if Dean had suddenly added another room to the small apartment.

“Well, he is going to sleep here, on the couch. Yes it is slightly small, but Dean is certain that Sam wont mind.” Castiel smiled in the certainty that Dean knew his friend well enough to make decisions for him. Gabriel narrowed his eyes.

“Uh, no, he’s not. No Soulmate of mine is going to sleep in uncomfortable silence! Give me a minute, stand up Cassie.” They both stood up, Castiel moving over to the other side of the room, while Gabriel put his hands on the couch. His eyes glowed and Castiel watched in fascination as the couch morphed from the threadbare brown seat to a comfortable looking four seater that barely fit in the small space. The glowing ceased from his eyes and Gabriel stood up, stretching his arms above his head. “Well, that worked well! Sammy should love this. Be sure to get Dean to claim this though, I don’t wana come on to strong this early in the game.”

“I will, Gabriel. Thank you for this, I am sure Sam will appreciate the thought. It is very selfless of you.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I have an ulterior motive. I don’t plan on leaving Sam all cold and alone in this big old bed for very long.” Gabriel laughed at Castiel’s confused expression. “Oh, it’s also a fold out bed, Cassie.” As the realisation dawned on him, he blushed at the reality of Gabriel’s words. He planned on deflowering Sam in this bed. He did not think Dean would be very happy knowing _that_ particular piece of information.

They both turned suddenly when the scrape of the turning lock alerted them to Deans arrival. Gabriel smiled brightly, turning to Castiel.

“That’s my cue to leave. Remember, don’t tell Sam about the couch. I’ll see you at the Roadhouse, just give me a buzz when you get there. As for the decorations? Don’t mention it. Just get your mojo back, eh kiddo? Cya!” With a bow, Gabriel fluttered away to some unknown destination, wherever he went when he was not here. He whirled around when he heard Deans gasp.

“Cas? What the holy hell! It looks like Christmas threw up in here!” Castiel thought he had once again misinterpreted Dean’s words, fearing that Dean had not wanted to celebrate Christmas after all.

That was until a brilliant smile broke out across Dean’s face when he caught sight of the tree in the corner, completely covered in the decorations from his childhood. He strode across the room to enfold Castiel in his arms. He basked in the warmth of the embrace, revelling in the sensation. It was moments like these he truly relished his temporary humanity.

* * *

 

Dean clutched at Cas, holding him tighter than strictly necessary. He didn’t want the angel to see the tears in his eyes, or the ones currently falling across his cheeks. What he had done for him… it was almost overwhelming. He’d clearly been plotting this for a while, waiting until he was at work to turn his living room into Santa’s friggen grotto. He’d been shocked, to start with, when he had walked into his little apartment to find tinsel and holly everywhere. He didn’t even remember having any of that crap. But the real clintcher was the little tree in the corner, covered in all the decorations from his childhood. Some shitty clay moulds of stars he’d made in kindergarten, a couple of – _Adams…_ home-made decorations adorning the outer edge. But the best part, the part that made his heart feel like it had tendrils of pain snaking around it, was the beautiful blonde haired angel sitting on the top.

He remembered his mom picking it out in a second hand store, looking down at his pudgy little face and telling him that ‘Angels watch over you, Dean.’ She had smiled softly, rubbing a hand over her pregnant belly. ‘They’ll watch over your little brother too.’

Dean closed his eyes, shaking with what he now realised were uncontrollable sobs, much to his mortification. Cas pushed away from him gently, looking with great concern into Deans green eyes.

“Dean? Have I upset you? I was not entirely certain how you would react, but I can see now I made the wrong assumption. I will put this all away.” Castiel went to clear off the reindeer sitting on the coffee table, but Dean caught Cas’ wrist, whirling him around to face him.

“No! No, Cas. I love it, I really do. Just some of the decorations they… brought up some family shit that I haven’t thought about in a while. It’s not you, I swear. I’m good, ok?” Cas was looking at him with his brows pulled together in frown, and an expression that screamed ‘I don’t believe you’. They stared each other down, but eventually Cas let out his breath in a huff.

“Alright, Dean. But… would you tell me? About your family? You told me about your brother, but what about your mother? What was your father like?” Cas was looking at him with big blue innocent eyes and even though he _really_ didn’t want to talk about his family, he couldn’t deny the angel when he looked at him like that. He walked over to the couch –

“What? Where the hell did this come from?” Dean hadn’t noticed the newest edition to his living room, too immersed in Christmas crap to glance at what had, when he left this morning, been his good ol’ couch. He turned to look at Cas, who had his eyes on the floor, nudging the rug with his foot in an endearingly human gesture of discomfort.

“I was hoping you would not notice. Uh, Gabriel thought it prudent to give Sam something better, and bigger, to sleep on, than the couch that was there before. He informs me that it is also a fold out bed, and that he had an ulterior motive for that particular addition.” Cas looked so uncomfortable saying that last bit that Dean burst out laughing, he couldn’t help himself. He was quickly learning that Cas was a fire cracker in the bedroom, but when it came to actually _talking_ about sex, he was every bit the angel he wanted everyone to see him as. It was _awesome._

Almost laughing himself into a coma, he was wiping tears from his eyes as he walked over to the new addition, and threw himself down onto it. He patted the space beside him, looking up at the nervously twitching angel.

“Hey, I don’t care, honestly. I didn’t have to pay for it, and I got a new couch. I count that as a win.” Dean draped his arm over the back of the couch, playing with the ends of Cas’ hair when he sat down. “You wana know about my family? I’ll give you the brief rundown, but that’s all, for tonight, ok?” Cas looked at him, that unnerving stare sending tingling shivers down Deans back.

“Ok, Dean. Please begin.” Cas sat back, facing him, attentive as usual. Dean sighed, wondering exactly _how_ to give him the short version.

“Ok, please don’t interrupt until I’m done, ok? It’ll be easier like that.” Dean ran his other hand through his hair, letting out a breath of air. “So, when I was five, my mom got pregnant with Adam. I remember her and Dad being so happy. They always wanted a big family. Made sense, I mean they were both only children, I guess that’s how it goes. Uh, anyway, they were really excited and I helped mom decorate the nursery and everything. I remember my dad saying to me ‘your gonna have a little brother, son. You know what your job is? Your gonna be his protector, son. Big brothers protect their little brothers.’” Dean coughed, clearing his throat that had gone suspiciously tight. “I remember the night mom went into labour. She was nervous, but excited. She – she kissed me goodbye and said she loved me and next time she saw me she’d have my little brother with her. I remember Ellen coming over to baby sit me, and then I went to sleep. When I woke up, Ellen was crying. I ran up and hugged her… she kept saying ‘I’m so sorry, baby. Im so sorry.’ I didn’t know what she meant.”  

Dean wiped his eyes with his hand, closing them, hating seeing the look of sadness on Cas’ face. He was an angel, he’d already figured out how this story was gonna end. He opened his eyes when he felt a hand on his leg, squeezing gently. The angel just nodded at him to keep going, totally ignoring Deans tears. He took a deep breath and continued.

“My dad came home a day later… with this little bundle of blankets but – but no mom. I asked where she was, he just gave me this… _look._ Like his entire world had ended when she died. He gave Adam to Ellen, went upstairs and didn’t come out for a week. Luckily Ellen was such a good friend of his. I remember Bobby coming over at some point. They tried to explain it to me, but it didn’t sink in for a while. I _loved_ Adam, though. Somehow, in my kid brain, I knew it wasn’t his fault. But Dad… it was like he _blamed_ Adam. Growing up I realised that was why they had such a shit relationship. Because this little baby, this innocent little thing, had taken away his _Soulmate._ She was his, I’m sure of that now. He never got over her death. She was… she was sunshine and light and everything _good._ I think he thought it was the universe taking a giant shit on him, that all the criminals and scum survived, and his goddess died. So I gave enough love to Adam for both mom _and_ dad. But it still… wasn’t… enough.” Dean sobbed though the last bit, emotion overcoming him at the fact that he had failed his family, that he couldn’t do his job, couldn’t protect his brother. Castiel shifted next to him, putting his arms around his shoulders and drawing Dean into a hug.

“I am very sorry that happened to your mother, Dean. It was not the universe being negative towards your father; it was just the way things had to happen. Believe it or not, Dean, there _is_ a plan. Whose it is, we do not know, but the universe follows in none the less. Please do not give me that look, Dean. No one had heard from God in many eons, but everything keeps turning. Take that how you like. You were a good brother to Adam, despite what you think. I am sure he appreciated everything you did for him.” Cas smiled, pushing back to look Dean in the eyes. “You are a good person, Dean. Please do not forget that.”

Dean smiled at Cas, wiping his eyes. “Thanks, Cas. Man, you always make me feel better, you know that?”

He took a moment, before he stood up from the new couch, stretching his arms high above his neck. He relished in the feeling of his joints popping in his back. He smirked down the angel still seated on the couch.

“Soo… shower?” Dean laughed at the abrupt change to the angels face, going from careful consideration to wide eyed, barely contained lust in a split second. He nodded his head once, before standing up and beginning to undress. Dean laughed at his enthusiasm.

“Ah, usually you do that _in_ the bathroom, but we can start – “ He was cut off when Cas dropped his pants, revealing, apart from the fact he wasn’t wearing any underwear, he was already hard and leaking. The angel looked at him, clearly waiting for him to make the next move.

_Fuck the shower._

Dean grabbed his shirt, ripping it over his head, wanting to be as naked as Cas was, as fast as possible. He was just standing there, his perfect form flushed red from arousal and heat. Dean almost fell into the couch trying to get out of his pants, and finally, _finally,_ he was as naked as the day he was born. He damn near flung himself at the angel, claiming his mouth in an open mouthed, heated kiss. It was wet and messy and he _loved it._ Cas moaned into his mouth, rutting up alongside Deans cock. They both groaned at the sensation of silky skin gliding together, as their cocks aligned. Staggering backwards onto the couch, Dean moaned as Cas landed on top of him, naked bodies clinging together.

“Fuck, Cas, you have no _idea_ what you do to me.” Dean gasped as Cas gently bit his ear lobe, licking the shell of his ear before whispering softly.

“I know _exactly_ what I do, Dean. If it is half as much as what you do to me, then we are both very lucky.” Cas gasped as Dean flipped them both over, rutting into him harder. The pre cum leaking from their cocks helped guide the way, but Dean wanted more. He spat roughly onto his hand, and fisted both cocks together in his large hand, shuddering at the contact. He could already feel the heat building in his gut, he knew this was gonna be a short show.

“Cas, buddy, I’m not gonna – not gonna last. You gotta come, _please,_ come for me, Cas.” Dean moaned his name, dropping his head into the angels shoulder. He felt Cas increase the thrust of his hips, and he felt his hand snake around to knead at his ass.

“I am very close, Dean. Please climax whenever you are ready, I will be right behind you.” Cas managed to gasp out, between breathy moans. One of these days he was gonna make the angel _totally_ lose his shit, one day soon.

Dean increased his hand movements, pumping faster and faster until he felt the tugging pull of heat in his belly explode throughout his body, his orgasm ripping through him. He moaned Cas’ name as he came, and bit into the flesh of the angels shoulder, he could feel the spurt of come pant his hand and stomach. Cas came with a cry at the impact of teeth, and Dean thought for a second he’d found another one of Cas’ kinks. Warm fluid coated his hand as Cas came, moaning his name and shuddering. It was the best feeling in the world.

Unable to hold himself up any longer, Dean collapsed on to Cas, trusting the angel could take his weight. He laughed when he moved slightly, and heard Cas grimace and groan at the feeling of stickiness between them.

“So, shower now?”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for - 
> 
> \- COUCH SEXINESS  
> \- FLUFF


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, thank you for all the comments and kudos! I hope you like this chapter :)
> 
> Warnings at the end of chapter...

Dean would be home from work shortly, bringing Sam along with him. Castiel was busy tidying the small apartment, Dean had told him not to bother ‘it’s just Sammy, man’ but he was adamant that the space must be cleaned. He vacuumed, Riots hair was found in surprisingly strange places, and he tidied and wiped the kitchen. He riffled through the linen cupboard, finding enough blankets and sheets to make up the fold-out bed. He fluffed a pillow, happy with how the whole house looked. He hoped Sam would like it here.

Dean had mentioned that they would go to the Roadhouse tonight, but he had not mentioned to Dean that he was planning on inviting Gabriel. He wanted it to be a surprise, and he did not think Dean would be able to keep it from Sam. It was understandable; they were very close, so Castiel could not take the chance. His head whipped around as he heard the key scrape in the lock and the door open. His heart threatened to swell in his chest at the thought of seeing Dean again.

“Hey honey, I’m home!” Dean shouted from the hallway, followed by a grumbling reply from Sam. It seemed Dean had just sent Castiel some kind of insult, judging by Sam’s reaction. The two men appeared in the living room, carrying Sam’s bags, good naturedly shoving each other.

“Hello, Dean. Hello, Sam.” Castiel greeted the two of them, smiling warmly. Having been human for going on 3 weeks, he had come to appreciate the warmth of family and when Dean came home from work.

He had been unable to accompany Dean to work, much to his dismay, but he could feel the burgeoning growth of his grace returning. It concerned him greatly, he had not brought it up with Dean, but there was a very good chance he would recede back into the unfeeling shell of angel he was before he met Dean. If that happened, he would deal with it. He would find some way to overcome it, anything to make Dean happy. 

“Hey, Cas. How was your day?” Dean dropped Sam’s bags by the couch and wandered over to Castiel, wrapping his strong arms around him. The human buried his face in Castiel’s neck, dropping a quick kiss to the bite mark he’d left there last night. The sensation that rippled through him as he thought about that was strong, but caused him to blush when he remembered that Sam was in the room. Dean seemed to have the same realisation, because with an unhappy grunt, he pushed away from Castiel gently.

Dean turned to give Sam a half-hearted glare before showing him where he could keep his bags and other belongings. Castiel had already started doing dinner before they had arrived home, so by the time Dean had settled Sam, it was ready. Many noises of satisfaction were shared between the three of them due to his cooking. Once he had figured out the mechanics of cooking, it really was just putting various puzzle pieces together and setting them to the right time and temperature, he really was quite a good cook. Pride was a sin, he knew that, but when Dean made such unholy noises with sauce dripping down his chin… well…

Castiel was brought back from his thoughts by Dean waving his fork in front of his face.

“Cas? Hey I said do you want the shower first? Or maybe we could share…” Dean smirked wickedly, while Sam gagged.

“Oh god, if you two are gonna do that, at least do it when I’m not around.” Sam picked up their plates and took them to the kitchen, talking quietly to Riot as he followed him.

“Sooo… shower?”

“Dean, I do not wish to make Sam uncomfortable. I will have a shower, by myself. Is that acceptable?” Castiel asked, raising his eyebrows at a grumpy looking Dean.

The other man just sighed, somewhat dramatically, but eventually gave up. “Ok, whatever. Just don’t take too long, ok? And uh, don’t _do_ anything, if you get my meaning. I’ve got plans for you later.” Castiel felt his entire body enflame when Dean leaned over and whispered those last words in his ear. He shivered, spine tingling when Dean breathed quite purposely in his ear. “And don’t get too drunk, it's going to be a _long_ night.” The evil man stuck out his tongue and licked the shell of his ear, leaving him hot and breathless.

Castiel practically ran to the shower as Sam came back out of the kitchen, he did not want him to see his very obvious erection. He could hear Sam gagging once again and Dean laughing, all the way down the hall. It seemed Dean enjoyed making Sam uncomfortable, in all sorts of ways.

Once he was safely in the bathroom, he started the shower to cover his words. “Gabriel, we are going to the Roadhouse tonight, if you wish to join us. I will inform you once we arrive there, and have settled.”

Happy that the archangel would have got the message, Castiel quickly gave himself a short shower, turning it to cold when his penis threatened to rise. He had seen Dean do it on occasion when they did not have the time to finish, and Dean’s words from before reverberated around his brain like humming birds. He was planning something sexual tonight, Castiel was sure of it. Dean was a very sexual being; he seemed most comfortable showing how he felt for Castiel in the bedroom instead of using actual words. That was fine, once their connection was complete, Dean would not have to resort to simple words to let Castiel know how he felt.

Drying himself before letting himself into Dean’s room, he wondered vaguely what he was going to wear. Simple humans, worrying about what to wear, what to have for dinner or which television show to watch. They really did not understand how _good_ most of them had their lives, they liked to complain about this and that, yet there were so many more that had less than nothing. As an angel, Castiel had seen enough suffering and unhappiness over his eons that he was all but numb to it. But that did not mean he did not think about it. He, like all of his brothers and sisters, were expressly forbidden to interfere with human lives, only those they were assigned to, like Dean. All others were simply left to ‘The Plan’. Which he had begun to realise was no plan at all, simply a philosophy of ‘whatever happens, happens’. It pained him, to think of so many out there with nothing, when so many had more than they needed.

Having dressed and cleaned, he was ready to leave for their night out. It would be their first time going out since he and Dean had professed their feelings for each other, so he knew this night would be different. He wondered if he could convince Dean to dance with him again. He found, strangely very much enjoyed it; there was just something so _primal_ about dancing that made his body thrum with excitement. He had decided on dark blue, tight jeans, a black band tee shirt, some kind of dark woollen button up and a green over coat, as it was very cold outside and had threatened to snow, much to Deans delight. Dean had explained to him about all of the different kinds of clothes, it had seemed very strange to Castiel _why_ humans took so much time and effort in deciding on what to wear, but when Dean had explained that in a very base way, it was to attract a mate, it made much more sense.

Once they were all ready to go, Dean in blue jeans and a grey woollen coat, Sam in jeans, red plaid and a black tee shirt, Dean hustled them out the door. It was bitterly cold out on the street, and Castiel drew his coat closer around him to stave off the freezing conditions. Being human had its down sides, such as feeling all the elements, heat and cold, and being able to do very little about it. He shivered as he followed the men down the street, dress shoes slipping slightly on the hard pavement. Dean turned around and saw his sorry state, pink cheeks and red nose.

“Hey, we’ll be there in a minute, ok?” Dean put his arm around Castiel’s shoulders, tugging him closer. Castiel savoured the warmth coming from Dean, and for some reason felt incredibly smug when he saw some women eyeing Dean, and when then their eyes caught Castiel’s as he stared back at them. They looked away, faces awash with jealousy.

“That is totally fine, Dean.” Castiel smiled, knowing he had slightly sinned, but it felt too good to be bad.

Once they had reached the bar, Ellen greeted them warmly, showing them to their usual table. She turned to them, writing down what they wanted to drink.

“Now boys, I don’t want any funny business like last time, alright? I don’t like seeing you unhappy. If you got a problem, you damn well sort it out, or else, you hear me?” Ellen eyed each of them, making even the great angel of the lord shrink down under her gaze.

There was a chorus of ‘Yes ma’am’ around the table before she smiled and went off to get their drinks.

Castiel looked around the packed bar, trying to see if Gabriel was already there. He did not really expect Gabriel to wait for him to call, but he would either way. He just had to think of a way to sneak off without arousing suspicion. He was just about to turn to Dean when he heard a gruff greeting from behind him. Dean looked over his shoulder and immediately smiled.

“Hey Bobby! What’re you doin’ here?” Dean asked, happily rising and slapping the older gentleman, Bobby, on the back. Sam greeted him as well, warmly with distinct comfortable familiarity. Bobby… oh! Deans boss, of course. Now it all made sense.

“You idjits gonna introduce me to your friend or am I gonna have to get Ellen to slap some manners into ya?” Bobby drawled, looking over at Castiel with kind eyes from under what looked like a hat of some sort.

“I am very sorry, sir. My name is Castiel, I am Dean’s –“Castiel froze, they had not discussed what they were to each other, he had not even thought this situation would occur, let alone what to call Dean. He did not know how Dean felt about such titles; he looked over at Dean with wide, pleading eyes. Luckily, Dean saved him and surprised him by putting a gentle, possessive hand on the back of his neck, and smiling shyly.

“Uh, Cas is my Boyfriend, Bobby.”

Bobby just grunted, shaking Castiel’s hand firmly and eyeing him up, much like Ellen had. “Glad Deans settled down again, you better treat him right, you hear me, boy?”

Castiel swallowed, fear coiling in his belly. He was an angel, yes, but for some reason both Ellen and Bobby gave him the impression that they would happily kill him and dispose of his body so that no one would ever find it.

“I will endeavour to treat Dean exactly how he deserves to be treated, which is with the utmost respect, reverence and loyalty. Nothing means more to me than Dean.” He felt Deans hand clench the back of his neck as he said the last words, and he hoped he hadn’t made a mistake and said too much. By the look on Dean face, it could go either way.

“Aw, Cas, your gonna make me blush.” Dean was indeed blushing much to the amusement of Bobby and Sam.

“You’re alright, Boy. Make sure he treats you right too, any problems, send him my way.” Bobby smiled at them before going to help Ellen behind the bar.

Ellen came back shortly with their drinks, placing them in front of their respective owners. Dean had ordered him something called a ‘Moscow mule’. He said it shouldn’t ‘push him over the edge’. He sipped at it gingerly, and found that he actually quite liked it. Ellen stood by the table, tapping her hip lightly with the edge of the tray.

“You boys gonna have a go on the new karaoke machine?” Ellen asked, glancing over at the group of people clustered around a strange machine at the front of the stage.

Dean spluttered and choked on his drink in apparent shock, Sam clapped him on the back while laughing loudly.

“I think that’s a no from Dean, Ellen.” Sam laughed again, Dean, however, looked fairly indignant.

“ _Why_ Ellen? Just why?”

Ellen just shrugged, smiling at Dean’s discomfort. “Jo got it for me for Christmas, thought the bar could do with a little ‘liveliness’ is what she said. Hell, if it brings customers in, have at it. Anyway, I need to go rescue Bobby, those girls look a little too lively for him. Let me know if you need anything, hun.” Ellen walked away, stopping occasionally to pick up glasses along the way.

Castiel really needed to call Gabriel as soon as possible, Sam was laughing at Dean, but he could see the sad set of the other man’s shoulders and the way, when Dean wasn’t looking, he would subtly look around the bar as if searching for something… or someone. He may not be up to par with social cues, but he could read someone’s emotions easy enough and Sam was depressed and lonely.

He looked around quickly, scanning for an alcove or dark corner he could… there! The bathroom provided a perfect place to call Gabriel.

“Dean.” Castiel caught Dean’s attention and the other man nodded to let him know he had his attention. “I need to use the bathroom. I will not be long.” He extricated himself easily from the table, slipping his way through the crowd to the bathroom. Luckily the night was still early, so there was not much of a line. Choosing a cubical, and pointedly ignoring the sounds coming from the others, he closed his eyes and concentrated. He did not want to say anything out loud, just in case anyone thought he was mentally unstable.

_Gabriel, we are at the Roadhouse. If you wish, I invite you to join us -_

“Hey kiddo, a bit cramped in here, isn’t it?” Castiel gasped as Gabriel appeared, squashed and smiling against the wall of the small cubical.

“Gabriel!” Castiel hissed, voiced lowered as to not alert the other bathroom users. “I had assumed you would appear elsewhere.” He went to unlock the door, poking his head out to make sure no one was outside. One person went in, two came out. To a human that would appear very strange. He wanted to keep as normal appearance as possible, and he had a feeling Gabriel was not going to help.

“Chill, little bro. I made them stay in their stalls; they won’t see or hear a thing. Now, where’s Sammy?” Gabriel rubbed his hands together, reminding Castiel vividly of one of the villains in the Bond movies Dean insisted they watch. He just shook his head, smiling at the antics of his brother. They made their way out of the bathroom and over to their table, Sam had his back to them so Castiel had the element of surprise.

“Look who I found on my way to the bathroom.” Castiel said with as much feigned surprise as he could muster, which by the look on Deans face, was not enough. He just closed his eyes, smiling as he shook his head. Sam turned around upon hearing Castiel talk, and the look on his face was worth all the secrecy. His eyes drew wide and a deep red flush started at his neck and climbed to the tips of his ears. He opened his mouth but seemed to have lost the ability of speech. Luckily, Gabriel sensed he was in shock and pulled up a seat beside him.

“Hey, Sammy, good to see you.”

* * *

 

He was happy for the two of them, he _really_ was. But seeing them be so damn lovey and coupley made his heart twist painfully in his chest. It made him physically hurt when he realised he’d never had that kind of love with anyone, not even his damn _wife._ When Dean had introduced Cas to Bobby as his _Boyfriend,_ he was proud of him, that he was comfortable enough to let people know they were together, that him and Cas were that _sure._

He sighed unhappily, looking down at his beer. Dean couldn’t see him, too busy eyeing the people by the karaoke machine, but he could feel Cas watching him. That guy had the most intense stare, like he could see into your very soul. In was kinda creepy, and very unnerving, but Cas was a good guy, Dean was real lucky and he knew it.

Sam stared around the bar vacantly, not looking for anyone in particular, but maybe his eyes would linger on someone with light brown hair or a guy that was short… he hadn’t been with a guy before, but it’s not like he hadn’t thought about it.

His eyes wandered back to their table, and he realised Cas wasn’t there anymore. He raised questioning eyebrows to Dean. He just shrugged, taking a draw of his beer.

“Bathroom.”

Sam went back to looking around the bar, chest aching with pain and emptiness. Well at least he wasn’t living alone anymore. Thank all the gods for Dean, taking him in when he really needed it. Cas’ cooking was _amazing_ as well, something he hadn’t expected. Beats eating heat up pizzas and microwave meals for one.

He heard Cas talking behind him and turned slowly, just in case he was talking to him. Not a very high chance, as he didn’t seem to talk much to anyone but Dean, but that was ok, he’d get to know him slowly, he had the time, after all.

His eyes caught on the figure standing next to Cas, and his words finally started to register with his depressed, pain addled brain.

He’d found Gabriel.

In the bathroom.

He knew he was staring, he couldn’t help it, he just had to drink in as much of the other man as possible, just in case he disappeared again. He was wearing, _Jesus,_ tight black jeans, a tight dark purple tee shirt and a thin black and red waistcoat. He looked _fucking amazing,_ and all Sam could do was stare at him. God, no wonder his wife had left him.

_Great, descending once again into the pit of despair while a hot guy is right there, nice one Sam._

He didn’t notice Gabriel slide around the table and plant himself in the chair next to Sam, until the other man grabbed his drink and took a sip. He made a face that looked absolutely _adorable._

“So, how you been, Sammy?” Gabriel asked, hands on the table, playing absently with a napkin.

“I’m – I’m good, thanks, how about you?” Fuck he was bad at situations like these, Dean was just laughing at him and Cas looked, what, _smug?_

“That’s great! Now, who do you have to fuck to get a drink around here?” Gabriel said, causing Dean to choke into his beer.

“That’d be me, sweetie. Now what can I get ya?” Ellen said, walking up to their table. Sam could almost feel himself dying a little inside as Ellen narrowed her eyes at Gabriel. Everyone in their right mind shrunk under her gaze, man or woman. Clearly, that was something Gabriel was _not._

“Fantastic! Can I grab your sweetest concoction, the more sugar the better please!” Gabriel asked Ellen, smiling and clearly trying to charm the proverbial pants off her. To their utmost astonishment, the older woman just laughed, taking his order and wandered back to the bar. Sam was looking at him, mouth wide when the other man laughed himself. “What can I say, I’m a sweet talker, and you’d be _amazed_ what I can do with my mouth.” Gabriel looked directly at Sam, grinning impishly.

Sam heart rate actually _doubled,_ and he could feel the flush rising once again up his neck. It was way too hot in this place, he was sure of it. Luckily, Gabriel turned his attention to Dean and Cas, giving Sam some space to breathe.

“So, boys, you’re out and proud, mazel tov! You fuck yet?” Dean groaned and Cas glared at Gabriel, who just laughed his head off, almost falling off his chair. He clearly like winding his brother up.

“Gabriel! That is not appropriate, and you know it.” Cas angry was a pretty funny sight, he wasn’t the smallest guy, but he had some kinda innocence around him that Sam couldn’t place. Sam snorted; trust Dean to get the only thirty year old virgin in New York City.

Unfortunately, Sam’s snort caused him to be the center of Gabriel’s attention once again. It’s not like he didn’t like it, hell, his whole body was screaming at him to get _closer_ to the guy, but he couldn’t, why would Gabriel want him? He’d just come out of a shitty break up, he was a mess and he was pretty much homeless, yeah, Sam Colt was a real catch.

“What’s wrong, Sammy? You like my dirty mouth, don’t you?” Sam almost swallowed his tongue. What was with this guy? Was he trying to bait him? Yeah he liked his mouth, that cute little mouth with his pink, glistening lips and his little tongue darting out to wet them…

Gabriel laughing brought him out from his embarrassing thoughts, which was lucky because he knew by the looks there were all giving him, he had been staring at Gabriel for way longer than was acceptable. Fuck he needed to get some air; his head was a fucking mess.

He stood up, bumping the table in his haste to unfold his long legs out from under it. “I need – I gotta get some air. Be right back.” He was up and running before he’d even finished talking and he could almost feel the other guy’s eyes on him as he retreated to the rest room.

Splashing some water on his heated face, he tried to get his jumbled thoughts in order. Yes he liked Gabriel, he realised that when he first met him, but nothing would come of it. The other guy was clearly just fucking with him, kiss notwithstanding, just messing around because that’s how he was; he was clearly a trickster and was a physical guy who wasn’t afraid of being up front. Sam had no problem with that, he just wished his body wasn’t tricked into thinking the guy actually wanted him. Maybe he should pull him aside, let him know that the attention was nice, but to lay off. It was playing havoc with his already twisted emotions and just because the pain in his chest lessened when Gabriel was close to him, didn’t mean the other guy shared that sentiment. Yeah, he’d talk to him, ask him to stop. He wouldn’t do it in front of Dean and Cas, no need to embarrass the guy.

Steeling himself, he walked out of the restroom, heading straight back to their table. Dean and Cas were whispering to each other but…

“Uh, where’s Gabe?” Sam asked, sitting down and taking a chug of his beer. He wanted to forget this night, quickly. He saw the other two look at each other before Dean answered.

“Uh, restroom.” Dean looked shifty; Sam did _not_ like it when he looked like that.

“I was just there I didn’t – “Sam was interrupted by the sound of a familiar voice drifting over the speaker.

“So, I’ve never done this before, so bear with me. I’ve got a friend here that’s a bit unhappy, he’s had a rough time of it lately, so I wana dedicate this song to him, to kinda give him a clue to how I feel.”

As the opening bars to a familiar song started, Dean and Cas both looked pointedly at him, and then over at the stage. Sam looked over and was shocked to find Gabriel up there, microphone in hand waiting for the time to start. As the music started, he grabbed the microphone stand, closed his eyes and began to sing.

 _I'm hurting, baby, I'm broken down_  
I need your loving, loving, I need it now  
When I'm without you  
I'm something weak  
You got me begging  
Begging, I'm on my knees

He had a _really_ good voice, Sam was fairly surprised. Everyone in the bar started screaming, people running up to the stage to dance. You never know what talents people have until they reveal them. He swallowed as he thought about Gabriel’s words at the start. _To give him a clue how I feel…_

 _I don't wanna be needing your love_  
I just wanna be deep in your love  
And it's killing me when you're away  
Ooh, baby,  
'Cause I really don't care where you are  
I just wanna be there where you are  
And I gotta get one little taste  
  
He was really getting into it, dancing provocatively with the microphone stand, closing his eyes in all the right bits and interacting with the crowd. He kept glancing over at their table, and Sam was sure he could see his absolutely shocked face, mouth open and everything.

 _Your sugar  
Yes, please  
Won't you come and put it down on me  
I'm right here, 'cause I need  
Little love and little sympathy  
Yeah you show me good loving  
Make it alright  
Need a little sweetness in my life  
Your sugar  
Yes, please  
Won't you come and put it down on me  
  
_ Sam sort of blacked out when Gabriel started grinding his pelvis up against the stand, and when he looked up Gabriel was looking right at their table, almost looking right into Sam’s eyes. __  
  
My broken pieces  
You pick them up  
Don't leave me hanging, hanging  
Come give me some  
When I'm without ya  
I'm so insecure  
You are the one thing  
The one thing, I'm living for

Sam couldn’t draw his eyes away from Gabriel’s, and it seemed like the other man was unwilling to relinquish it either. People in the crowd had noticed and were looking around, trying to find the mystery person.   
  
_I don't wanna be needing your love_  
I just wanna be deep in your love  
And it's killing me when you're away  
Ooh, baby,  
'Cause I really don't care where you are  
I just wanna be there where you are  
And I gotta get one little taste

Dean was making gagging gestures and Cas was looking at him with a very disapproving look on his face. Sam looked back at the stage in time to see Gabriel swing around the stand, before grabbing it with both hands to sing the chorus.

 _Your sugar_  
Yes, please  
Won't you come and put it down on me  
I'm right here, 'cause I need  
Little love and little sympathy  
Yeah you show me good loving  
Make it alright  
Need a little sweetness in my life  
Your Sugar! (Your sugar!)  
Yes, please (Yes, please)  
Won't you come and put it down on me

Sam knew people had figured out it was him, the way they were looking at him, cheering and whooping. He couldn’t blame them, really. Gabriel was amazing, singing well and dancing like a professional on stage. Clearly he’d meant something by the lyrics of the song. But why would he be saying these things to him? Was… was he being serious? From what he knew about him, he was a bit of a joker. But this seemed… too much to be a practical joke.

Sam looked up when Gabriel suddenly started talking instead of singing. Sam wasn’t _that_ familiar with the song, so it startled him. Gabriel was again looking at their table, eyes one hundred percent focused on Sam. It was like he was trying to speak directly to his soul, making him believe the words that he was saying. __  
  
Yeah  
I want that red velvet  
I want that sugar sweet  
Don't let nobody touch it  
Unless that somebody's me  
I gotta be a man  
There aint no other way  
'Cause boy you're hotter than southern California Bay

 _I don't wanna play no games_  
I don't gotta be afraid  
Don't give all that shy shit  
No make-up on, that's my

Sam was hoping beyond all reasonable hope that what Gabriel was singing was a reflection of his true feelings. Sam hadn’t felt this nervous since before he got married. His palms were sweating, his breath was coming in short gasps and his throat was threatening to close up. He was sure he was gonna pass out before the song was finished.

 _Your sugar_  
Yes, please  
Won't you come and put it down on me  
I'm right here, 'cause I need  
Little love and little sympathy  
Yeah you show me good loving  
Make it alright  
Need a little sweetness in my life  
Your sugar  
Yes, please  
Won't you come and put it down on me  
(Down on me, down on me)  
  
When the song finished, Gabriel dropped to a low bow and the entire bar erupted into screaming cheers. Dean and Cas were clapping and whistling along with everyone else, but Sam was glued to the spot, unable to do anything but watch, wide eyed, as Gabriel made his way back to their table.

“Wow, that was pretty amazing, Gabe.” Dean clapped Gabriel on the back, while Cas nodded in agreement.

Gabriel smiled widely, clearly loving the attention he was getting. He turned to Sam, awaiting his verdict. Sam’s mouth still hadn’t caught up with his head, so all he could do was sit there and stare at Gabriel. The other man’s smile was slowly slipping from his face, the longer Sam just sat there with his thumb up his ass.

“Well… um, I might just go now. It seems Sam has lost feeling in his brain, and I’m probably not helping.” Gabriel looked absolutely crushed. Maybe he’d thought doing a big grand gesture, because that’s clearly what that was, would get Sam to fall to his knees and profess his feelings. But that was the whole problem; he didn’t know what the hell his feelings _were._ He was confused and scared and maybe he _was_  as emotionally stunted as Dean. 

Yeah, he had no idea what he was doing.

He knew one thing, though, as he watched Gabriel stand up slowly from the table, saying his goodbyes to Dean and Cas, throwing hurt glances Sam’s way every now and then, he knew he wouldn’t let Gabriel leave the bar without _some_ indication about how he felt. He swallowed his fear and stood up.

“Gabriel, wait.” Sam reached out for the other man’s hand, grasping it desperately. Gabriel turned towards Sam, hope flaring in his eyes. Sam was nervous, with all these strange people watching them, to see what kind of reaction the song would get. Gabriel was watching him intently, waiting for Sam to take the next step, not pushing him or anything.

He reached out carefully, biting his bottom lip in fear and trepidation. Gabriel caught sight of it and blatantly stared at Sam, his breath hitching slightly when Sam snaked his tongue out to lick at his suddenly dry lips. His breath was shallow and fast, his hand was shaking and all he could think was when did he turn into a virgin teenager again?

He shakily brought his hand up to brush away some hair that had dropped forward onto Gabriel’s face. The other man closed his eyes, sighed slightly and leaned into the touch. Sam cupped his jaw, turned his face upwards and very slowly, watching Gabriel’s face the whole time for any sign of him wanting to stop, brought their lips together.

It was like sparks flew behind his eyes as he closed them, relishing the feeling of soft lips brushing gently against his. It wasn’t a deep, sweeping kiss that would cause girls knees to buckle, but that didn’t stop the power behind it. It was as if a part of Sam reached out on some level he didn’t understand, and connected with Gabriel. His lips were soft and pliant, allowing Sam to explore them with his tongue slowly. His hand had somehow made its way into Gabriel’s hair at the back of his head, tugging slightly in want. The other hand was sitting on his hip, rubbing soft, slow circles into the skin with his thumb.

Only when they heard a pointedly loud cough behind them did they bother to break the kiss, Sam very unhappy at being interrupted, especially when he didn’t know when he’d get another opportunity like this. Dean was looking at them with almost as epic a bitch face as he himself could manage, and Cas looked absolutely delighted. He looked around them and hadn’t even heard people cheering for them or seen Ellen smile happily from the bar. He was hugely embarrassed, he didn’t do shit like this at all.

He looked back down at Gabriel, who was playing with the bottom of Sam’s tee shirt. He squeezed the shorter man’s hip, where his hand was still resting, and Gabriel looked up at him, bottom lip pressed between his teeth. He was at a loss as to what to do next, should they trade numbers? Go back to Dean’s place? What?

“Uh, do you wana go back to your place, Sammy?” Gabriel asked, suddenly grabbing Sam’s hand and entwining their fingers. Sam’s hand was nearly double the size of the smaller mans, but that seemed to make Gabriel even happier for some reason. His smile was so wide; he thought his face would crack.

“Yes! I, uh, yeah sure, um is that ok, Dean?” Sam looked back at Dean, who was standing up and shaking his head.

“Dude, it’s your house too now. Bring home whoever you want, just keep the noise down.”

Sam looked back at Gabriel, and he could almost see the mischief running behind those amazing honey coloured eyes.

“Let’s go.” He grabbed fiercely onto Gabriel’s hand, pulling him behind him to make their way out of the bar. He heard a cheer go up behind them as people realised what they were doing, and Gabriel couldn’t resist a wave to the crowd. Sam just shook his head, happiness glowing inside him, making him all warm and stupid.

The walk to Dean’s apartment seemed to take forever, especially when Gabriel kept throwing suggestive winks at him. Sam had no idea what was going to happen tonight, but he was sure as shit gonna enjoy it.

Sam swore Dean deliberately took longer than necessary to find his keys, and Gabriel was pretty much jumping from foot to foot by the time the door finally opened. Dean went into the living room, clearly intending to sit around and watch TV, it was still quite early, but Gabriel had other ideas. Sam saw him whisper something to Cas, who nodded and then went to find Dean.

Sam walked into the small living room to find Cas almost bodily dragging Dean out of it. He heard him grumbling about ‘them kids being too loud’ and ‘making stains on my new couch’. It reminded him vividly of Bobby. He was about to laugh when Gabriel came up behind him, having said goodnight to Dean and Cas in the hallway. He looked, well, amazing. The soft light of the living room danced off his hair, highlighting the blonder bits and almost giving him a halo.

Sam didn’t really know what to say, he felt like all of his meager experience just drained away in the presence of this funny, short ass little man. Luckily, Gabriel seemed to read Sam’s hesitance, and came to his rescue.

“Look up, kiddo.” Gabriel said, shooting his eyes skyward. Sam looked up and his heart leapt into his mouth.

Sam knew what Gabriel wanted, that much was obvious, but he was still nervous, despite himself. He didn’t have to worry though; it seemed Gabriel was impatient on top of everything else. He let out a little huff that Sam could have described as amused, before he practically leapt on to Sam, crashing their mouths together in a heated frenzy. _Goddamn_ this man could kiss. He was forceful without being pushy, tracing Sam’s lips with his tongue before Sam moaned, allowing him to lick into the deep warmth of Sam’s mouth. Their tongues danced with each other, neither battling for dominance but both trying to find their own space.  He traced the inside of Sam’s mouth, slippery muscle running over his teeth and under his tongue. He was a filthy kisser, and Sam _loved_ it.

When they eventually had to come up for air, Sam was panting and Gabriel was flushed beyond belief. He licked his lips, looking down at the debauched man in front of him. He wanted to take a chance, to see if Gabriel wanted to stay the night, to see if he wanted something _more,_ even if Sam wasn’t ready.

“I, uh, so, do you maybe want to, stay the night?” Sam asked, wincing when he realised how juvenile he sounded. Gabriel just chuckled quietly and Sam waited with baited breath for his answer.

“Of course, Sammy. Were you not listening in the bar?” Gabriel looked up at him, amusement in his golden eyes. Sam took that as a yes.

“Could you help me with the bed? Sorry, it’s a fold out, and it’s new, so I dunno how it’s gonna go.” Sam was hugely embarrassed about having to ask Gabriel to help him, but it would get done faster if they both did it.

Turns out, it was incredibly quick to man handle the couch into its bed like shape. Soon after that they had the blankets and pillows sorted too. Now all that remained was to get in. Both grown men stood either side of the bed, neither of them totally sure what to do. Sam decided to take charge, he was a damn police officer for fuck sake, he could do this. Shrugging his shirt off, he got down to just his tee shirt, which he would probably take off later anyway, and began to unzip his jeans. He heard a sharp intake of breath and looked over at Gabriel, who was in the process of taking off his own shirt.

His eyes were fixed on Sam’s zipper, lower lip again caught between his teeth. Sam glowed inwardly, and decided to take his time taking off his jeans. Bit by bit, he drew the zip down, parting the folds carefully and slowly, as to draw it out. He slipped his hands around to his hips and pushed down, wiggling slightly to help the fall. Gabriel’s mouth was slightly open by the time Sam had slipped his jeans off his long legs, and to make the other man fall completely over the edge, he peeled his tee shirt off to. He knew he had a good body, he didn’t show it off or anything but he liked going to the gym and working out after work, it de – stressed him.

All that work paid off when he caught sight of Gabriel clutching the side of the couch, with a hand on his heart.

“Oh my fucking _god,_ Sammy. You’re just… I can’t even… “Gabriel let out a guttural moan at the end, causing Sam’s dick to twitch with curiosity. He was already half hard from Gabriel pretty much naked just across from him, but the noises the other man was making were causing some serious stiffness.

“Gabriel. Clothes off. Now.” Sam growled at the other man, he was becoming impatient; he wanted Gabriel under him, like, yesterday. It was amazing how fast the little guy could move when motivated. He was down to his, _batman undies?,_ in record time, and then crawling on the bed to get to Sam.

Sam grabbed him, flipping him over until Sam was on top of the shorter man. Gabriel grinned up at him, wickedly smiling up at him.

“I just _love_ an aggressive man, Sammy boy.”

Sam growled, bending down to lick a wet stripe over Gabriel’s left nipple. The other man moaned loudly in surprise, arching his head back and baring his neck. Sam was surprised at himself; he was usually a very conservative lover, controlled and undemanding. Being with Gabriel though… it brought out a whole other side to him that he found he quite liked. Gabriel seemed to appreciate it too, judging by the sounds he was making, especially when he bit slightly at his bared neck.

“ _Fuck_ Sammy, you certainly know how to use that mouth of yours… Oohhh.” Gabriel descended into unintelligible gasps as Sam made his way slowly down Gabriel’s chest, stopping to nip his teeth against his nipples. When he reached Gabriel’s happy trail, he laved his tongue into his belly button, causing him to grasp shaking hands in Sam’s hair. He looked up into Gabriel’s eyes, heart jumping when he caught the sight of lust blown pupils, so wide all he could see of the golden honey colour was a thin rim around the outside. He had his mouth open, panting heavily against Gabriel’s taught belly.

Sam licked his lips, hesitating when he realised what Gabriel thought this was heading to. He hadn’t even realised he was doing it, until it was too late to back out and seem like a tease. He’d never been with a guy before, and he was worried his inexperience was going to put Gabriel off. He was a virgin with stuff like this; he hadn’t even been this close to a cock before, not counting his own.

Gabriel must have caught on, much to his humiliation, because his hands gripped Sam’s head and gently eased him up to look in his eyes.

“Everything ok, Sammy?” He asked, voice deep and rough with lust. Sam swallowed, suddenly devastated that he was about to disappoint this beautiful little man.

“I, uh, I’m…” Sam tried to look away, unwilling to see the look of disappointment that would surely follow what he was about to admit. But Gabriel wouldn’t let him. He held tight, grip firm and confident. “I haven’t been with a guy before and I don’t… I don’t know what to do… I’m sorry. I’ll ah, you can go if you want, I’ll understand.” Sam closed his eyes, pain lancing through his chest at the continuing silence that pervaded the room. All he could hear was Gabriel’s laboured breathing and his heart beat trying to kill him with its incessant thumping.

“Sammy…” He looked up when he heard Gabriel’s voice, rough with more than lust now. He couldn’t place the emotion bleeding through into the other man’s voice, but the look on his face said all that Sam needed to know. Plain as day, Gabriel’s face was filled with understanding and acceptance, beyond anything Sam had ever experienced. He felt all of the pain in his chest bleed away until there was just his heart, feeling too big to fit and his lungs struggling to breathe in every part of Gabriel. In that one word Gabriel had chased away all of Sam’s fears and insecurities, leaving behind only trust and gratitude.

With that fact securely in his mind, he kissed his way down to the edge of Gabriel’s boxers, before gripping the material at his hips with slightly trembling fingers and sliding them down. His cock sprung free easily, and Sam was more than surprised at the size of it. He glanced up at Gabriel, who had a smug but bashful look on his face. Rolling his eyes, he took in the sight of the first cock he’d seen in real life except his own. It was a good seven inches long, thick at the base with a good girth all the way up. The head was flushed a deep pink, already leaking pre come and twitching slightly as the cold air hit it. Sam licked his lip, wondering how to go about what he wanted to do. He laughed to himself slightly when he realised the carpet matched the drapes on Gabriel.

“I hope that’s a good laugh Sammy, cause little Gabe doesn’t take too kindly to being laughed at.” Gabriel said in a breathless voice.

“I’m just admiring your whole package, man.” Sam said, trying to make his voice sound nonchalant but instead it came out fucked and nervous.

He poked his tongue out, licking a tentative stripe upward from the base to the tip. Gabriel dropped back into the pillows, moaning deeply.

“Fuck _yes._ ”

Sam took that as a positive, so he kept going, taking the head into his mouth and sucking slightly. It tasted different, but not bad, like skin, musky and slightly salty. He carefully took a bit more into his mouth, sinking down another inch. Gabriel had threaded his fingers back into Sam’s hair, tugging slightly when Sam did something particularly good. In his inexperience, Sam could only fit a few inches into his mouth without it becoming uncomfortable, but he made it work. He didn’t want to push himself the first time; hopefully there would be many more occasions to practice.

He picked up his pace, feeling the muscles in Gabriel legs tense each time he reached almost to the base. It wasn’t too often, but it was clearly doing something to the other man.

“Fucking _hell_ Sam. I’m gonna – I’m gonna come, what do you wana do, tell me what you wana do, quickly.” Gabriel was tugging his head up, forcing him to look at the other man with wide, questioning eyes. Sam didn’t know what he wanted, but strangely he wanted to _taste_ Gabriel, be _that_ fucking close to him. Locking eyes with him, Sam sped up, fingers digging into the meat of Gabriel’s thigh. Nothing, not even the fucking _apocalypse_ could drag their eyes from each other at that moment.

He saw Gabriel’s face change before he heard the groan or the shout of his name. He saw the other man’s eyes go wide; mouth go slack and cheeks explode with colour. He swore he even saw a flash of light in the other man’s eyes. He was moaning Sam’s name as the first pulse of come covered his tongue, sticky and salty, but not unpleasant. The second shot hit the back of Sam’s throat, and he almost choked but instead he just swallowed, trying to unstick it. The sensation must have hit the right spot because Gabriel groaned again and another shot of fluid covered his tongue.

As Gabriel slowly came down from his high, panting heavily, Sam dropped his softening cock from his mouth, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. He was surprised he'd managed to catch it all without choking himself. He drew himself back up the makeshift bed, grinning stupidly at what he had just accomplished. Gabriel slowly threaded his hands through Sam’s hair, running his fingers through the soft strands. His heart was thudding in his chest with the way the other man was looking at him, with such love and affection, feelings that he couldn't possibly return, not yet. He felt them building, yes, but he wasn't ready, not so soon after his breakup. If Gabriel hurt him… he didn’t think he could ever come back from that.

Turning off the light before returning to the bed, Sam grabbed the blanket to cover the both of them. Gabriel started to run his hand down Sam’s thigh, but Sam caught him. He wasn't in the mood any more, not after thinking about what he'd have to tell Gabriel, that he wasn't ready, his heart wasn't ready. The other man seemed to be able to tell his mood, because he brought their faces together, searching his eyes.

"Sammy? What is it? What's wrong?" Gabriel was looking at him with concern, running his fingers over Sam’s cheek softly. He hated telling him that he wasn't ready, that he was so afraid of being hurt again. He shouldn't be feeling like this, he knew he was being foolish. He hardly even knew the man, but he felt such a connection. It physically hurt him to even think of causing pain to the other man. But he had to tell him, he couldn’t lead him on further. He swallowed, ashamed of the lump growing in his throat. He had to get through this, he had to be strong.

"I am sorry, Gabriel. I - I can't offer you anything more than this. I don't know what you’re after but I - I'm too messed up for anything right now. I'm - I don't feel ready yet, for any kind of relationship. I’m sorry.” Sam felt pathetic, apologising like that. He turned his head away, hating the look of confusion in Gabriel’s eyes.

“Sammy. Look at me. _Sam_.” He reluctantly turned back, casting his eyes back to golden ones. “I know you’re not ready. That song… well, I just wanted to let you know how _I_ felt. But I will wait. I would wait for you, Sam. I would wait for you until the sun burnt out and the sky’s turned black. Trust me; I have all the time in the world. And when you _are_ ready, then I’ll be here. Until then, we’ll do whatever you’re comfortable with. Just friends? I can live with that. The occasional bed warmer? My _pleasure._ ” Gabriel smiled warmly at Sam, who was _not_ sniffling. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve this, but whatever it was, he’d do it again, every time.

He brought their foreheads together, closed his eyes and just savoured the feeling of the other man in his arms.

“Thank you, Gabriel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS
> 
> \- Blow Jobs  
> \- Swearing


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos! keep them coming and i will be very happy!
> 
> warnings at the end of the chapter

He had to admit, being pushed into his room by a handsy angel wasn’t too bad a start to the night. Despite the fact that he just _knew_ Sam and Gabriel were gonna be having some kind of sex on his couch tonight. He almost gagged at the thought, he was happy for them; of course he was, but come _on._

Dean shuddered, and instead turned his attention to the angel that was slowly taking his clothes off, way too far away _and_ with his back to him. Cas was pretty fuckin amazing at sex stuff, considering he was a virgin until like, a couple of days ago, but he was still a bit clueless as to what foreplay was.

Dean walked over to his angel, stripping as he went, still revelling in the fact that he could think that without feeling stupid, and ran his hands over his naked shoulders, softly caressing the skin and muscle beneath. Cas stopped stripping and tipped his head back, moaning at Deans touch.

“Dean…” Cas turned around and looked up at him with his big, blue eyes. Dean was lost, staring into the deep ocean that was looking back at him with such love and trust shining out.

He desperately wanted their bond to be complete, but he _had_ to wait for Cas to be ready. He was right, it was a big thing, his first time. Dean might have thrown his away to some girl in the back of his car, but he was going to make _damn_ sure that Cas’ first time was fuckin _magical._

Would it be tonight though? It would be totally up to Cas, but if it was… he didn’t have any candles or petals, or any of the kind of fancy shit he saw in movies, but Cas didn’t strike him as that kinda guy anyway. If tonight took them there, well, he’d just go with it.

“Dean? Are you alright?” Cas was looking at him with concern, obviously he’d been staring blankly for just a bit too long.

Dean touched the angel’s cheek gently with his thumb, caressing the smooth surface just above the slight stubble Cas had started to wear. He actually liked it on the guy; it gave him a rough look that belied the angel beneath.

“I’m ok, was just thinking, is all.” Dean leaned down, breath ghosting over Cas’ lips as he spoke. The angel closed his eyes, lips parting slightly.

“I… I hope it is nothing… distracting… Dean.” Cas panted against Deans mouth. He watched as the other man’s tongue darted out to wet his seemingly dry lips. Dean practically growled, feeling arousals burning embers ignite in his belly. He pushed Cas back onto the bed, earning a surprised gasp from the angel. He was strong, and Cas could beat him at any opportunity, even without his grace. The fact that he had been distracted enough for Dean to get the jump on him, well, that just added to the fire.

His kisses turned filthy as he started running his hands through Cas’ hair, hearing and _feeling_ the angel jump when he brought his one hand down to play absently with his nipple. He hadn’t expected them to be so sensitive, the little pink buds hard and erect from arousal.

Cas moaned loudly as Dean lowered his mouth down to play with one, and when his tongue flicked over one sensitive peak, Cas grabbed at his hair, pulling slightly on the short strands, keeping his mouth secured over the pink bud. He nipped his teeth gently over the sensitive flesh, earning a ragged moan from the angel. He clutched at his hair, dragging his face back up to his, smashing their mouths together hungrily.

As Dean licked slowly into Cas’ mouth, he moved slightly so that their hips aligned. Both men moaned as their erections slotted together, and Dean could feel the pre come leaking from his pulsing cock. He looked up, catching Cas’ eye and started moving their erections together slowly. He wanted to see his angel come apart, the look in his eyes and the heat on his skin.

He wondered what they would get down to tonight; Dean hadn’t introduced Cas to the glory that was the act of sixty nine. Maybe if he was really lucky, Cas would let him put some fingers somewhere… his hips stuttered out of their rhythm as he imagined himself buried deep in Cas, the angel moaning his name as he swiped over his prostate over and over and over…

“Dean.” Cas groaned out from beneath him, he’d obviously noticed Deans break in rhythm. Far be it from him to interrupt their sexy time. He went in for another kiss when, for some reason his lust addled brain couldn’t even _fathom,_ Cas held his hand to his chest, stopping him.

“Cas? What’s wrong?” Fuck his voice sounded rough; his throat was wrecked, dry as a bitch. He watched Cas with concern as the angel closed his eyes and seemed to be focusing on his breathing. When he’d calmed down a bit, which took a surprisingly long time, Cas answered him.

“Nothing, Dean. I have been considering this for a few days, ever since we talked about it. I know it has not been that long but I feel I have given it enough time and thought.” The angel was looking at him way too seriously for what they were in the middle of doing, and it kind of scared him. What the hell was he talking about? Dean could hardly remember his own name at this point, let alone what they’d talked about days ago.

“Uh, your gonna have to give me a bit more than that, Cas. My memory isn’t the best.” Dean smiled guiltily at the angel, feeling like he must have done _something_ wrong.

Cas just gave him this _look,_ and he would bet the Impalathat Cas was _this_ close to rolling his eyes.

“Dean, I wish for us to seal the bond tonight.” Dean just looked at him dumbly; surely he’d missed something, at some point?

Clearly he’d taken too long in his sluggish thoughts, because Cas took it upon himself to flip them over, so Cas was pinning him to the bed instead.

“I wish to engage in penetrative intercourse with you, Dean.”

Dean just looked up at the angel blankly, something at the edge of his mind battling to surface.

_Oh, right._

The Soul bond.

He should have remembered that sooner, it was pretty important after all. He had to make up for his shitty memory. Grabbing Cas’ head, he brought their mouths together softly, trying to convey all of the things he wanted to say, but couldn’t. He hoped Cas understood what he was trying to, well, _say._ He really did want to complete the bond, he was just shit scared of the actual act and what happened afterwards. He didn’t know how he was gonna feel, or how it was gonna change him. Cas seemed to think it was a good idea, and he trusted him, so he’d just ploughed on ahead. Now though… he wasn’t having second thoughts, but he didn’t want to actually admit to the other guy that he was _afraid._

Cas, in all his angelic glory, didn’t even need Dean to say anything and he knew exactly what Dean was thinking. He must have read it in the look in his eyes, or the way his body tensed up beneath his own, because he drew backwards, sat on his haunches, and just… _waited._

Dean took a deep breath before he answered; he wanted to give a good explanation for his hesitation. He looked Cas dead in the eye, and was more honest than he thought possible.

“Cas, I want to do this with you. I’m sorry I hesitated. The other night, when I was all rearing to go, well, I hadn’t really thought it through properly. But I have now, and this is something I really want, more than anything. I guess I’m just… I’m _scared_ man.” Dean sat up on the pillows, resting his head back on the headboard. He didn’t want Cas to see him so unsure, especially when he was fuckin naked, of all times. He felt the bed dip and creak, and looked up as Cas moved to sidle up next to him.

“Dean, there is nothing to be afraid of, I promise.” Cas smiled at him, all calm and peaceful. He wished he had that kinda peace of mind right before the biggest fucking decision of his life, no, his _existence_. Cas drew near him, and touched his lips to Deans softly, and Dean couldn’t help the small moan that escaped.

Fuck everything, he knew he was gone the moment Cas appeared in his goddamn bathroom.

“Ok, right. So, how do we do this exactly? I ah, I should let you know, I haven’t actually, ah, bottomed for anyone before.” Dean told the angel, ducking his eyes in embarrassment. It always seemed like he’d be giving too much control over to the other person if they took him. He knew he found it hard to let people in, Sam had told him more than once, but the fact that it travelled over to his sexual antics had been a realisation in itself. He’d been slightly ashamed, and felt kinda selfish about it, but the only one he cared about enough for it to matter was Benny, and he’d left before it had become a problem anyway.

God, he shouldn’t be thinking about his ex’s while about to be, quite literally, pounded to heaven and back. Cas just smiled at him, looking slightly bashful and embarrassed this time.

“That’s alright, Dean. I will make it as painless as possible for you. Is it alright if we get started?” Cas shuffled them so that he was on top and Dean was underneath, and he didn’t think that was really a great idea. From what he’d read, doing it for the first time generally turned out better if the taker was on their hands and knees, or on their stomach. Cas had zero experience in this department, so he thought it prudent to educate him.

“Uh, I think it’d be better if I was in a different position, Cas.” Dean just got a confused tilt of the head in answer.

“But Dean, I wish to see your face when you climax.” All Cas had to do was rumble those words and Dean was rock hard again. It could hardly be called dirty talk, but _fuck_ if it didn’t get him going something fierce. He was too busy mulling over all the things Cas could tell him in that voice of his, shit, he could read the fucking dictionary and it’d be all kinds of sexy, that he missed it when Cas lined himself up and tried to push in.

Dean yelped and put his hand on Cas’ arm, stopping him from, in essence, breaking him in like some fucking mustang.

“Dude, I’ve gotta get prepped first. You can’t just, like, do that.” Again with the damn head tilt. Cas seemed to take a while before everything clicked into place.

“Oh, I see, Dean. I am sorry. I shall rectify the situation, one moment.” Cas shifted his cock out of the way, and instead placed his fingers at Deans entrance. He went to stop him again, because _fuck_ he hadn’t even spat on them and that would fucking _hurt,_ before he felt a veritable _flood_ of warmth and relaxation drift through him and land _inside_ his hole. He gasped in surprise, whacking Cas’ hand out of the way, and felt his hole, loose and relaxed and fucking _leaking._

“Cas, what the fuck? Did you just… did you vaginarise me?!” Dean was having a minor panic attack, it felt like Cas had just switched out his ass for a fucking _vagina,_ but that couldn’t be possible, could it?

Cas looked at him in consternation, before a goofy smile spread over his face. Dean couldn’t help feeling a little annoyed; surely getting your ass swapped out was not that funny?

“I see what you mean, Dean. I know it feels like that, but no, I did not give you any female genitalia. I simply sped up the process of ‘prepping’, “The fucker actually used air quotes, “and added some natural lubrication. It is not harmful, nor lasting. Does that answer your question?” Cas kept looking down at their cocks, his still in his hand, and back up to Deans face. He could tell he was eager to get started, new human experience and all. Dean huffed a laugh, he couldn’t stay mad at the angel, he had no experience and thought doing what he’d just done was the easiest and quickest route. It did make sense, even if was the weirdest thing he had _ever_ felt.

“Ok, Cas. Let’s get this show on the road. Just… go slow ok? I’m still not sure what’s going to happen, and I’m pretty sure you aren’t either, so, yeah. Carefully, ok?” Cas just nodded. He brought the head of his cock back up to push against Deans hole. Cas locked eyes with Dean, never breaking contact as he very slowly eased into him. Dean couldn’t even feel the stretch or burn he would have associated with bottoming. He supposed it had a lot to do with Cas’ idea of prepping.

His thoughts were pretty much erased once Cas bottomed out, arms shaking with the effort of holding himself up, and probably a whole lot of excitement too. Dean waited, wondering if Cas was going to move first, or if he’d have to take the lead. Cas took a deep breath, that Dean swore he could feel on his dick, and then he started to move. Slowly at first, easing out at a leisurely pace, almost as if it wasn’t killing Dean with how fuckin _slow_ they were going.

“Cas, I can take it, if you want to speed up a bit.” Dean panted out, because despite the speed, he was still horny as fuck. Cas seemed to take the hint, because he got a look of such determination on his face that Dean was almost scared of what was about to happen. But Cas just started easing in and out, faster and faster, slowly building speed.

“Oh… Dean… this feels… wonderful.” Cas managed to gasp out between thrusts, lowering his head so their foreheads were touching. Dean had to agree with him, he could feel something building within him, and he was pretty sure Cas hadn’t even found his prostate yet.

Dean wasn’t really a big talker during sex; he found it a bit weird, to be honest, but Cas talking dirty to him was a whole other experience. His pace was picking up, hard cock pulling out almost all the way before pushing deep inside him. Cas was moaning almost constantly now, small noises of arousal pushing up his throat and out his lips. Dean had to make him move slightly, he wasn’t quite hitting the right spot. He tried sliding down slightly, but Cas was so heavy it wasn’t really possible.

“Cas… Can you, can you move? You aren’t hitting the, ah, spot.” Dean managed to breathe out between moans. He could tell Cas was getting close, judging by the sweat covering his face and shoulders, and the way his body was tensing with each thrust of his hips. He didn’t seem to hear him, so Dean took it into his own hands, so to speak. He used all of his strength to flip them over, hooking his leg over Cas to gain leverage.

He ended up straddling Cas, cock so deep in him he could feel Cas’ balls squashed against his ass. He pushed himself up and let gravity do the rest as he fell back down on Cas’ cock. The shudder that ran through the angel at the impact almost threw Dean off. He kept up the pace, trying desperately to reach that place inside he knew would cause fireworks.

A bit of an adjustment and… _there._ Cas’ cock brushed hard against Deans prostate, and the groan that burst forth from his mouth caused Cas to open his eyes, and grab onto Deans hips.

“Dean?” Cas’ rhythm stuttered to an almost stop as he took in Deans flushed face and probably wrecked expression. Dean growled, pushing himself up and dropping down at a brutal pace. He swore Cas’ eyes rolled back into his head as his mouth opened to a loud moan at the ceiling.

Dean threw his head back in a groan as he picked up his pace, impaling himself on Cas’ cock over and over, loving the feeling of Cas’ hands on his hips, probably leaving bruises because of how hard he was holding him. He didn’t even register Cas shifting until he was underneath him again, the angel pounding into him with angelic fury.

Cas had somehow flipped them over and was pushing into Dean as hard and as fast as he could, almost inhumanly fast.  He could feel his peak nearing with each ragged moan that Cas exhaled. He looked up and watched as Cas began talking in some language that he _knew_ wasn’t from earth, it must have been Cas’ own, enochian or something. He watched, helpless in his almost paralytic state of arousal as Cas’ eyes started to glow, bright and luminous. He knew something like this would happen, but that didn’t stop it from scaring the shit out of him.

As scared as he was, Dean couldn’t help the tightening of his balls, or the tingling feeling up his spine that signalled his oncoming orgasm. Whatever Cas was doing to him, it was damn well working.

“Cas, whatever you have to – to do, hurry up, cause I’m gonna come.” Dean grabbed onto Cas’ shoulders and wrapped his legs around his hips, just for something to hold on to. Just as he was afraid Cas was gonna miss the boat and not complete whatever he had to before Dean finished, the angels hand latched onto his arm, exactly where the handprint still was. Dean almost jack knifed off the bed with the force of pleasure that was seemingly pulled from him, the most intense, and almost painful, pleasure he had ever experienced.

Cas shouted something in Enochian and surged forward into Dean, as deep as he could reach, almost like he was trying to reach his very soul. He felt the gush of white hot come that filled him, Cas jerking and twitching with each new pulse. Then his mouth clamped over his own and Dean was lost, the sheer volume of _everything_ that crashed into him at that moment was overwhelming.

He could feel everything the angel was feeling, the most prominent being _pleasure,_ the next being _love._ It washed over him like a cool summer rain, obliterating all his fear and pain.

It was too much, all at once; his small, finite human body could never have hoped to have coped with it all. His mind, the fragile thing that it was, broke and was reassembled with gentle wisps of grace and love. He could hear his name being called, moaned, whispered but he couldn’t reach it, only blackness, dark, beckoned him. It was safe there, he knew, Cas would always find him, no matter what. He reached for it, glad for the escape, the silence.

When he came to, he was aware of a number of things, the first of which he could feel a strange tugging in his chest, almost like a line of cord was wrapped around his heart and lungs. He’d have to ask Cas about that, probably something to do with the bond thing. The second was the strange soft feeling of _something_ touching his arms and legs. He opened his eyes slightly, peaking out over the expanse of dark, unconscious angel hair, and saw something he didn’t think his mind was ready for. Considering he had a fucking _angel_ inside him, he should have been prepared for anything. Turns out, he wasn’t.

Cas should have mentioned this. It seems like something someone should mention, especially when they have more fucking limbs than normal. He didn’t expect them to be black either. Maybe blue, like his eyes? Well he’s only seeing the tops of them from here, so maybe there was blue somewhere. He blew a breath out through his mouth and ruffled a few of the softer top ones. Cas moaned slightly, burrowing his head deeper into Deans neck. The movement caused the massive appendages above him to shift and knock something off the bedside table. The resulting crash must have woken Cas from his post orgasmic slumber, because he tensed, clearly trying to remember what happened. Dean took it as his opportunity to ask about the quite obvious elephant in the room.

“Hey Cas?” All he got was a muffled grunt in return; he took that as a good sign.

“So, about being an angel… I think there was a major thing you left off your list.” Cas just grunted again, not really getting with the programme. Dean thought he’d take it up a notch and just get it out there.

“So what colour are _my_ wings gonna be?”

Cas almost threw him off the bed.

* * *

 

He did not know this was a side effect. They must have burst from his back and into this realm during the explosion of pleasure that ricocheted through his body during climax. He _had_ meant to mention to Dean that once he became an angel, he would indeed grow himself a set of wings, but he did not think it would need to be mentioned for some time.

The way Dean was looking at him now, as he sat frozen at the end of the bed, attempting to reign in his cumbersome appendages, was one of awe and wonder. It amazed him that Dean was not more apprehensive about what had just been, unwittingly, revealed to him. On the contrary, Dean was trying to talk to him, to get him to come back towards him.

“Cas, please, I won’t touch them, not unless you want me to.” Dean was holding his hands up, possibly in some kind of supplicating gesture. It calmed him, somewhat, that Dean would not touch them unless specially told to.

No being had ever touched his wings before.

Very slowly, never taking his eyes off the human, Cas moved back up towards the head of the bed. He had managed to regain control over his wings, to the point where they were fitted snug against his back. Still, a large expanse was visible over his shoulders and down his legs, when he stood they would reach almost to the floor.

Dean was slowly raking his eyes over every inch he could see, and Castiel had the feeling of being naked, _exposed._ He was, really, since he had not clothed since their fornication, but having his wings visible… it was like being seen on an entirely different level. Almost as if his very soul was being shown to Dean. Not that he minded, he had eventually wanted to show them to Dean, but not like this. He had wanted to prepare the human beforehand, just in case the reaction was negative. He heard Dean whisper something startling, which made all of his worries evaporate.

“ _Beautiful.”_

“Dean?” Castiel asked questioningly, not wanting to get his hopes too high, just in case Dean did indeed, freak out.

“Cas… these are the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. Why didn’t you mention them sooner, man?” Dean’s eyes were shining, bright with awe, and Castiel couldn’t help but want to open the connection between them to see what Dean was truly feeling. He should inform Dean on how to open their connection; as soon as it had been made Castiel’s mind had been flooded with the knowledge, but he doubted Dean would have been as blessed.

“Dean, the connection, can you feel it?” Castiel could feel it in himself, the pull of it tightening in his chest as Dean focused on his. Dean just nodded in confirmation, face a bright, gloriously flushed, red. “Let yourself relax, and focus on it. You should feel a sort of… shift, and the connection would have opened. If you… if you ever want to close it, do the exact opposite.” Castiel hoped with all his being that Dean would never actively want to close their connection. He felt a tug as Deans emotions surged forth.

_Awe-happiness-wonder-curiosity-awe-want-LOVE_

It was all Castiel needed to surge forward and envelope Dean in a bone crushing hug. Dean couldn’t lie through their connection; it was pure, straight from his heart and soul.

Castiel heard Dean’s sharp intake of breath as the connection was opened fully, and Dean felt all of Cas’ emotions fly through him. He wanted to project all the love, protectiveness and security he felt when he was with the human. Dean buried his face in the angels shoulder, and took a shuddering breath before pulling back to mash their lips together. It wasn’t an overly heated kiss, not like the ones they had shared earlier that night, no; it was a kiss that conveyed love and warmth.

“Dude, you are _way_ too good to me.” Dean said after drawing back, and wiping a hand through his sweaty hair. Castiel cocked his head to the side; he did not understand Dean’s statement. Dean was a magnificent person, inside and out, and he couldn’t understand why the human couldn’t see that himself.

“Dean, you are an impossible being. No one could ever been too good for you, if anything, you are too good for me. I was _made_ to be an angel, but you… you weren’t born to this life. You _made yourself_ rise high enough to ascend.” Dean was just staring at him, open mouthed. Castiel had the distinct feeling that right now would be appropriate to roll his eyes, but he refrained. He did not need to goad Dean any more than necessary.

Dean just shook his head, planting another warm kiss on Castiel’s wet lips. Dean was a very good kisser, it made him feel very warm and… fluttery in his stomach.

“Cas, um, I know I said I wouldn’t touch them but… ah, can I? I totally understand if you don’t want me to.” Dean was watching him apprehensively, almost waiting for the angel to deny him.

But Castiel would never be able to deny Dean Winchester anything.

Castiel locked eyes with Dean’s meadow green ones, and nodded his head. He leaned forwards slightly, so his shoulder was nearer to Dean, so the human had better access to the strong, thickly muscled edge of Castiel’s wing.

He held his breath as Dean stretched out a shaky hand to run tentatively through his feathers. Pleasure ripped through Castiel at the first touch, making him shudder. Dean drew away quickly, clearly thinking he’d hurt the angel. Castiel drew in a ragged breath, before urging Dean to continue.

“It’s alright, Dean. Keep going.” Dean kept his eyes trained on the angel, probably looking for any sign of discomfort. Dean raked his fingers through the soft feathers at the top and the feelings that washed over Castiel were almost too much for him to cope with. He had not known it could be like this, they did not respond this way when he petted them. It was almost as good as when he climaxed, and he was beginning to think he could again, just from Deans ministrations.

Dean ventured further, muttering soothing phrases and compliments as he made his way across the arch of Castiel’s wing. He was trembling by the time Dean smiled at him, and pressed a little harder, kneading into the muscle and bone underneath. The jolt of pleasure that zapped through him was, this time, too much to contain and he moaned hoarsely when Dean continued. He could feel his penis throbbing between his legs, hanging thick and ignored. He knew he would not even have to touch himself, if Dean continued as he was.

Dean moved, shuffling down until Castiel was hovering over him, penis sliding along his toned stomach. Castiel noticed that Dean was achingly hard as well, despite their earlier activities. He went to place his hand between them, but was stopped with a hard look from Dean, clearly he had other plans.

Dean directed Castiel to move his arms, so they were on either side of Dean’s shoulders, framing him. He then instructed Castiel to merge their bodies together, their ridged lengths slotting alongside each other enough to make both men groan. When they were fully in position, Dean raised both of his hands, and buried them deep in as much feather and muscle as he could get his hands on.

Castiel arched upwards, the only thing keeping him in contact with Dean was the firm grip on his wings. The more Dean ran his fingers through the light, down feathers, the closer Castiel felt to climax. He began rutting against Dean, not even needing the friction, but a base need drove him too it. By the sounds Dean was making, he appreciated it all the same. He moved his hands lower down, almost reaching the point where the wings branched out from his shoulder blades, when through his lust fogged mind, he remembered.

_His oil glands_

He did not know what would happen if Dean touched them, but he did not have much time to dwell. Dean found the hidden little nubs, nestled against his spine amongst the downy feathers. He stopped, dragging his fingers lightly over them. Castiel had no need to supress the shiver that coursed through him, but he did quiet his moan so only Dean could hear.

He was not expecting Dean to increase his ministrations, fingers rubbing incessantly across the sensitive nubs until he was shuddering with every pass. Dean turned his head, bringing their lips together, just as he flattened his hands over the small glands, and squeezed.

Castiel roared into the kiss, bucking his hips rhythmically as he spurted semen all up Deans chest and stomach, he felt Dean tense underneath him, and when the human gave a stuttered, jerky moan, he knew he had reached his climax as well. That knowledge, as well as the overwhelming feeling of happiness and contentment racing through him, caused his entire system to shut down, and he was welcomed into unconsciousness’ embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS FOR
> 
> \- ANGELIC SEX  
> \- WING STUFF


	19. Chapter Nineten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people! 
> 
> Here is the next chapter!
> 
> Comment and kudos are my life blood!!

Dean was having the _best_ dream, he was flying, freaking _flying,_ and Cas was right beside him, weaving in and out through the clouds. They were both laughing as their wings playfully battered against one another, trying to throw the other off balance. Finally, they landed on a cloud, which dream Dean knew was impossible, but he accepted it nonetheless. When he landed beside the angel, he noticed immediately that he was naked, and when Dean looked down, so was he. Awesome, it was _that_ kinda dream. He ran over and tackled Cas into the fluffy bed of clouds, attacking his mouth and moaning loudly. He didn’t care who could hear him, it was his dream for fuck sake. Very quickly, they had descended into a tangled mess of sweaty limbs and almost bruising touches. Cas was nodding at him as he started to line up, finally getting to push into the angel, the head of his cock just starting to breach his tight hole, when Cas started moaning his name.

“Dean… DEAN.”

He shot up with a jolt, dream slipping away quicker than trying to hold water in your hands. Fuck, that had been a good one too. He turned towards the interrupting force, ready to berate the fucking _shit_ out of them, when he realised it was Cas that had called his name. He breathed out a sigh, maybe one day he’d get to take Cas like he’d done last night.

Shaking his head, he forced himself back to reality, smiling up at Cas who was looking at him in concern.

“Dean, I need you to fetch Gabriel for me. It has been many hours and my wings still have not reverted back to their resting state. I need his help.” Dean just nodded, still groggy from his abrupt wake up.

“Sure, Cas. No problem. I’ll be right back.” He leant forward and pressed a quick kiss to Cas’ soft lips, and the angel was at least calm enough to sigh into it.

Dean staggered out of bed, pulling on some old sweats he found on the floor. As he opened the door, cool, fresh air shocked him into full wakefulness. Shaking his head again, he headed out along the hall, padding quietly just in case Sam and Gabriel were still asleep. Turned out, they weren’t.

He will never be able to expunge the sight of Sam getting his rocks off from his burning eyes.

He rounded the corner, too concerned with Cas’ apparent wing predicament, to notice the sounds filtering from his living room. Sam had his head thrown back, eyes closed, and arms clearly holding _something_ in front of him, quite tight if his flexed muscles were anything to go by. Dean just stood there, like the goon that he apparently was, mouth open in a silent scream. When Sam actually fucking _moaned,_  Dean managed to find his voice and find the brain cells to cover his eyes.

“Oh for fuck sake, you two, are you _trying_ to blind me?” Sam’s eyes snapped open with a yelp that Dean would have found hilarious, in any other situation. Not so much when he’d apparently just witnessed his best friend being sucked of by an angel. Gabriel popped his head up from near Sam’s neither regions, _actually_ licking his lips, the little pervert. He was also grinning like a lunatic, while Sam hid his face in shame.

_So he fucking should, doing that shit on my couch._

Even though _technically_ he had said he didn’t mind, that didn’t mean he wasn’t gonna give Sam shit for it. Rubbing his eyes and taking a steadying breath, Dean turned to Gabriel.

“Dude, put some pants on. Your _brother_ needs you.” Dean ignored the confused bitch face coming from Sam. If Cas needed help, Gabriel was gonna get his ass there, and pronto.

“Seriously? Now? Can’t he wait?” Sam was looking between Dean and Gabriel, as the angel pulled some underpants on, _what the fuck? Batman?_ Like he couldn’t believe what was happening.

“Don’t worry, Sammy, I’ll be right back. Then we can,” Gabriel practically crawled up Sam’s body to get to his face, where he planted a frankly pornographic kiss, “continue, ok?” He then vaulted over the couch and headed back to Deans bedroom with him.

“What’s up, Deano?” Gabriel asked him, smiling happily. Dean couldn’t handle this amount of shit this early in the morning, especially, _fuck,_ Christmas morning.

“Uh, well, you’ll see. Cas, he uh, fuck. Just see for yourself.” Dean knocked on the door, hearing a muffled affirmative reply. He let both himself and Gabriel into the room, shutting and locking the door behind them. He heard Gabriel’s sharp intake of breath, and hoped like hell Cas had at least put some pants on. He turned around, relaxing when he saw that Cas had indeed dressed himself, if only in some old sweatpants of Deans.

“Cassie, what have you done to yourself?” Gabriel asked, slowly walking towards Cas, and Dean couldn’t help but notice how his eyes were fixed on Cas’ face, not once did he look at his wings. Cas just looked up at Gabriel and gave a resigned sigh.

“Dean and I completed the bond, Gabriel. I did not think this would be a side effect. Not that it would have stopped me; it just would have been nice to have been able to warn Dean beforehand.” Cas sent Dean an apologetic look, and Dean felt the guilt flow through their bond. He pushed back with his own emotions, acceptance and awe being high on the list. Cas just smiled at him, eyes crinkling up in the corners which made Deans heart flutter.

“Uh, yeah, I can see that. You two are so freaking obvious. But it’s cute, really, I’m happy for you. Now, you want them to go away, I’m guessing?” Cas just gave him this, _look,_ that almost made Dean laugh. It certainly made Gabriel laugh. “Wow, ok, dumb question. Um, Dean? You’re going to want to step out, I don’t wana fry your brains or anything.”

Dean looked over at Cas, who just nodded and sent a wave of thanks through their bond. Dean didn’t really know which emotion to send him, so he just sent a wave of happiness towards him, and hoped he got the message. Gabriel just rolled his eyes at the two of them, before pushing Dean out the door.

He slumped against it, not wanting to stray too far from Cas while he was so worried. Sam would ask questions, questions that Dean probably wouldn’t be able to answer without flat out lying to him. So he waited, feeling uncertainty and frustration filtering lightly through the bond. He tried to send back as much calm as he could, but that was hard not knowing what the fuck was going on in his room.

It took everything he had not to puke with fear when his door rattled and a bright, shining light shot out from underneath. He squeezed his eyes shut, balling his fists into them to quell his rising fear. Then the door was opening and he was falling backwards, right into the open, clutching arms of his angel. Cas held him tightly, turning him around so they were face to face. He saw Gabriel exit, but not without warning to give him and Sammy ten minutes.

Dean grimaced, his poor new couch.

“I am very sorry for scaring you, Dean. It was not my intention.” Dean wrapped his arms around the angel, glad to see whatever it was that Gabriel did, had worked. No wings in sight. He was, admittedly, a bit sad about that. They were fucking amazing things, and he couldn’t keep his hands off them. The fact that they also seemed to be one giant erogenous zone; well that was just a massive bonus.

“I know, Cas, I know. Its ok, I’m ok, see?” Dean pulled back, slapping a giant smile on his face and kissing the angel soundly. It seemed to alleviate his fears, because he returned the gesture with fervor. They were only interrupted by Cas’ stomach growling loudly. The angel blushed, clearly still uncomfortable with most human bodily functions. Dean told him as much.

“Yes, Dean, I still find it difficult to remember to eat sometimes. But… my grace is returning. It should, in fact, be fully recharged by the end of the day.” Dean blinked in shock, that soon? He was hoping for some more time with human Cas.

“Uh, really, the end of the day? That soon, huh.” Dean scratched the back of his head, unsure whether Cas was happy about his grace returning, or not. “Well, that’s a good thing, right? You can come with me again, and protect me.” Dean smiled, but he could feel the fear coming from Cas, curling around him in an icy cold embrace.

“I need to tell you something, Dean. I feel I have not been… forthcoming with what entails the return of my grace.” Cas looked uneasy, and that just sent Dean over a precipice of fear. What the hell hadn’t he told him?

“Cas, I need you to be totally honest, ok? I understand if you didn’t tell me something, especially since it’s to do with angel stuff, but right now, I need to know. All I can feel from you right now is guilt and fear. It’s not doing a lot to make me feel better.” Dean tried to act casually, he really did, but of course Cas could see right through that. No hiding from the guy you share a damn near telepathic bond with, no way.

Cas sighed before he started, which just made Dean feel even more insecure.

“Dean, when our grace is intact, angels are mighty warriors. We serve heaven in their wars and whatever missions we are assigned. Because of that, and our purpose, we have little need of emotions and all they entail.” Cas hesitates, just barely, but he can see it in the flicker of his eyes. “I am different, I hold a certain amount of _versatility_ that my brothers and sisters, do not. However, that does not make me impervious to our natural state.” If Cas gets any more twitchy, Dean was gonna make him sit down. “I am very worried, that once my grace returns, and I become a fully-fledged angel again, that I will lose the ability to _feel,_ Dean. You showed me how good the world could be once I allowed myself to feel, and I am so scared that it will be taken away from me.” Cas was full on shaking now, and Dean was fairly sure he didn’t even know he was doing it. He gathered the angel up in his arms, completely ignoring the seemingly bottomless pit of fear and despair that had opened up in the pit of his stomach, and tried his damnedest to not let any of what he was feeling through the bond.

“It’s ok, Cas. Calm down. Look, when it happens, _if_ it happens, then we will deal with it, ok? No point in getting all down about something that’s gonna happen whether we want it to or not.” Dean took Cas’ head in both hands, cradling it gently. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Cas’ mouth, before resting his forehead against the angels. “Everything is gonna be fine, ok? I promise.” Cas seemed to calm down at Deans insistence that everything was gonna be right as rain, but he couldn’t help the horrible feeling that _something_ was gonna come out and bite them in the ass. He was happy; honest to god, kick your heels up _happy._

Something was waiting for them in the dark, he was sure of it.

“Come on, I’m hungry. I think we’ve given those two love birds enough alone time now, don’t you?"

* * *

 

Christmas day was very enjoyable. After they had discussed what would happen when his grace would return in full, they made their way down to the living room, where Dean peaked his head around the corner, with his eyes closed. Castiel could not fathom why Dean would walk blindly into a room in his own house, especially since both Sam and Gabriel were up, dressed, and making breakfast.

He stroked his hand down Dean’s arm, before catching the humans hand in his own. Dean opened his eyes, smiling shyly at the, what had he called it, Public Display of Affection. He very much enjoyed touching Dean, his smooth skin had an addicting quality to it that Castiel could not identify. They stood in the doorway of the kitchen, watching as Sam and Gabriel cooked up eggs, bacon and pancakes. It smelled wonderful, causing his mouth to water at the thought of eating. All of these human responses to stimuli were very confusing to keep track of. The only one he needed to keep in mind, especially now, was to not think of Dean, and the acts they could share together, when other people were around. The thoughts affected him, made his blood hot and his skin flush. Not to mention the reaction his penis had to the process. It was all very strange, and apparently, embarrassing, if any of the teenage programs he had watched on TV were anything to go by.

He was dragged from his thoughts by Gabriel, who was busy talking to Dean, who looked less than impressed with the topic of conversation.

“Thanks for giving us some more time, Deano. Sammy _really_ appreciated it.” When Dean groaned, and Sam turned around, face flushed a bright red; Castiel could only assume that Gabriel meant something sexual. He was very glad that the two of them had at the very least, told each other how they felt. He could practically feel the happiness flowing off Gabriel. Sam looked very happy as well, in a horrified, embarrassed sort of way. He was sure Dean would not be letting Sam escape without some kind of future torment. Dean just shook his head, heading to the living room with a plate piled high with food.

Once they had all eaten, and Dean had groused about the state of his couch, although Castiel couldn’t see anything particularly wrong with it, Dean decided that it was ‘present time’. Castiel had had very little idea of what to get Dean, once he found out from Sam that Dean was getting him something. He knew, from listening and observing over the years, that giving and receiving gifts was customary in most western cultures.

Castiel was nervous, he did not know if Dean would like the item he made for him, with Gabriel’s help. Dean passed Sam his present, which turned out to be a new pair of gloves and a very large book on criminal law. Dean had mentioned once that it had been Sam’s dream to be a lawyer, but he hadn’t been able to afford college, so he became the next best thing, a cop. Sam gave Dean a cookbook, that appeared to have mainly vegetarian and vegan meals, and looked pointedly at Cas. He assumed it was in fact for him, by the look of horror on Dean’s face.

“Maybe that’s a hint, kiddo.” Gabriel laughed when Dean shot him an icy glare. He felt frustration, but strangely, fondness, coming through the bond as Dean glared at the archangel. Castiel was glad that the two most important beings in his life got along, or at the very least, tolerated each other. Dean, still grumbling, turned to Castiel with a small box in his hands.

Castiel thanked Dean, probably more than was necessary, judging by the confused look on Sam’s face. Gabriel came to his rescue, saying they didn’t have much growing up.

Opening the box, Castiel found some sort of device nestled in its packaging. Castiel sent a frightened look to Dean, sending a wave of uncertainty through the bond. He knew what he held in his hand was something the humans used almost too much, but he did not want to show his inexperience in front of Sam, lest he become suspicious. Dean clearly took the hint, because he took the box from Castiel’s hands and unpacked it for him.

“Uh, so I got you a phone, Cas, because I know you don’t have one. Um, I already set it up for you, so you’re all set to go.” Dean had turned the phone on, and handed it to him. On the front screen was a picture of Dean holding Riot, smiling up at the camera. Castiel’s heart thumped happily at the sight. Dean had obviously put a lot of thought in to his present. He was even more nervous about his now.

“Thank you so much, Dean. I very much appreciate it.” Castiel blushed when Dean leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. Rummaging under the tree, careful to not get near Riot who was happily chewing on his Christmas bone, Castiel’s fingers closed around the small package he was looking for.

With Sam and Gabriel watching, Dean carefully opened the small package. Castiel was suddenly extremely nervous, and all he was feeling through their bond was curiosity. When Gabriel had suggested the idea, he was sceptical, as well as it being painful, he did not know if Dean usually wore jewellery. But he had wanted to get something unique and special, and Gabriel’s idea had encompassed both of those elements.

Castiel watched as Dean opened the box, drawing out the pendent within. He had chosen a silver chain, because it was simple and did not draw away from the beauty of the pendent, or so Gabriel had said. He seemed to know what he was talking about, so Castiel just agreed. Dean laid the pendent in his hand, his eyes flickering all over the light blue stone, and the black feather settled within it. Castiel was buzzing with the amount of wonder, awe and total love coursing through the bond, he almost felt dizzy. When he had finally drunk in as much as he could, Dean turned his eyes towards Castiel, and just… stared. Castiel knew exactly what Dean was feeling, but he needed to know what he was _thinking._

“Do you… Do you like it, Dean?” Castiel asked, suddenly very worried that, despite Dean’s obvious feelings, he had in fact done something wrong.

“Is this… is this what I think it is, Cas?” Dean asked quietly, voice suspiciously shaky. Castiel could see Dean was referring to the feather, and he was worried about how to affirm that yes, it was one of Castiel’s wing feathers, without alerting Sam to the fact. He looked over at Gabriel, who was clearly thinking along the same lines. He nodded at Castiel, who was eternally grateful when he asked Sam into the kitchen to help him with some more food.

Castiel turned back to Dean, who was still looking at him with a kind of reverence.

“Yes, Dean. It is one of my wing feathers. Since you have given me so much, I feel like you have indeed given me a part of yourself, I thought it only fair to give you something of mine. That way, even if I am not there, you will have a piece of me with you.” Dean was still just staring at him, which was slightly unnerving. “Dean? Please say something.”

Castiel’s words seemed to pull Dean from his trance, and the next thing he knew, he was pinned on the floor with Dean fixed to his mouth. They had had heated kisses before, but this one was different. This one was worshiping, Dean pouring his heart and soul into the kiss. Castiel tried his best to keep up, but his inexperience held him back. He just let Dean lead him where he wanted them to go. Dean eventually pulled back, cradling Castiel’s head between his hands.

“Cas… fuck… I don’t even know what to say. Thank you, thank you so much.” Dean pulled back, sliding the pendent over his head. It nestled softly below his collar, protected from the world.

Dean was still staring at him with a look of such reverence on his face it was startling, when Sam and Gabriel walked back into the room.

“You guys done with your moment?” Gabriel asked, sitting on, or more lying across, Sam’s lap on the couch. Sam didn’t even look uncomfortable, which was a good sign. He was very happy that Gabriel was making progress; it was exactly what he deserved.

Dean and Sam were laughing, trying to decide which holiday movie to watch on TV. Gabriel had shifted and was eating everything sugary within sight and reach. Castiel was very happy, his _family_ were with him, they were all safe and content, things were going very well.

Castiel felt his stomach contract, and he was suddenly heavily aware that he needed to use the bathroom. _Damn human requirements._ Excusing himself, he made his way to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Turning around, he happened to glance at his reflection in the mirror. The picture in front of him caused crystallized ice to form in his stomach. His eyes were glowing.

_His eyes were glowing blue._

He desperately felt for the bond, the connection he shared with Dean, feeling all the love and happiness flowing from Dean’s end. He closed his eyes, breathing deep and savouring everything he possibly could from Dean. If this were the last time he would really _feel_ such emotions from the human, he was going to remember them, carve them into his consciousness so he would never forget.

His heart started beating rapidly, too fast for his human state, and he realised he did not have much time. Gathering up every shred of will power he had left, he sent all the emotions he could through the connection, to Dean. He knew the human would be confused, so he locked the door behind him, in case Dean tried to help him. Clenching his fists at his sides, he sent happiness, loyalty, trust but mostly love, through the bond.

As soon as Dean started banging on the door, quietly demanding to know what was going on, and _why_ Castiel was so scared, he knew he had failed in keeping his fear from leaking through. Dean could not be there, when it happened. It could hurt him, and that was the absolute last thing Castiel wanted.

Bracing himself on the sink, Castiel let himself feel the connection with Heaven grow stronger. It was inevitable, that this would happen, so it was best to get it out of the way. It was only when he felt the trickle of water running down his nose that he realised he was crying. He hoped Dean would understand that this was the only way to truly protect him, even if it meant he would once again be impervious to emotion.

Dean was pleading now, he tried to block out the pain and fear coming from Dean, but it was almost like severance, feeling the pain. With one last gasp of human air, Castiel’s face rose to the ceiling and he opened his mouth in a silent scream. No one had thought to warn him that an angels grace returning felt as if every bone in his body was breaking at once and every internal organ was now external.

The burning orb of grace glowing in his chest spread outwards, cascading over his human form, completing his connection to Heaven and his ethereal family. He felt strong, stronger than he had in _weeks._ All of his senses returned to their previously unrivalled level, he could hear his heart beating frantically in his chest –

No, not his.

_Deans._

He turned, cocking his head to the side. He should check on his charge, Dean must be very worried about him, considering the reaction he was having. Unlocking and opening the door, Castiel was immediately assaulted by the human in question. Dean was shaking, clearly in some kind of shock.

“Cas, what… what the hell happened? Are you ok? I saw this… this fucking _glowing_ under the door and… what?” Dean was running his hands over Castiel’s shoulders, down his arms and grasping his hands in his own. It made little sense to him, but he would let Dean do it, if it made him feel better.

“My grace returned, Dean. I am now fully capable of protecting you, as is my mission objective.” Dean stared at him for a few moments, before his face became unfocused, as if he were concentrating.

“Cas… why can I only feel fucking protection and fucking _loyalty_ coming from you?” Dean asked, clearly and quietly. Castiel was confused, why was that a problem?

“Dean, I – “Castiel was about to answer when Dean growled, low in his throat, and threw himself at the angel. Somehow, despite his angelic strength, Dean had him up against the wall in no time at all. He did not want to move, lest he injure his charge in what he foresaw to be a fight.

“NO,” Dean yelled through clenched teeth, millimetres from Castiel’s lips, “You do _not_ get to do this, you feathery fuck. I put _everything_ I had into you, and you are _not_ getting away that easily. I _know_ I can get you back.” With that, Dean leaned forward and brought their lips together, something the angel did not expect. What was even more unexpected, as Dean took the opportunity of Castiel’s surprise to use his tongue to lick into his mouth, was his own reaction. As if of their own accord, his hands flew down, clutching desperately at Deans hips, bringing their bodies flush together. He felt everything spiralling out of control as Dean’s hands fisted themselves in his hair. Moaning when Castiel, for some reason, added his tongue to the mix, Dean tugged at his hair, and the angel felt his body respond with sharp sensations down his spine.

Internally, he was telling himself what they were doing was wrong, that he should not get involved with his charge. He could feel something… rising within him, some force that had been dormant until Dean kissed him, which was screaming to be released. He was not sure whether to be afraid, or confused about whatever it was. What he did know, was that it seemed to be attached to his grace.

Dean forced him from his confused musings by taking his head in his hands and making their eyes meet. Castiel had no problem with holding Deans gaze, but he was troubled by the pain and fear he saw within them.

“Listen to me, asshole. I am this close, _this fucking close,_ to losing my shit, so you fucking _listen._ I had no one before you came along, yeah I had Sam, but that was different. No one understood the way I felt, _why_ I felt it. Then you appear, save my life like it was nothing and just… you _fixed me,_ Cas. I know you warned me this might happen, but that doesn’t mean I’m not freaking out. I need you to come back to me, man. I can’t… I can’t do this without you. I need _my_ Cas back, not this terminator wannabe.” Dean was shaking by the time he had finished, but he had not let go of Castiel’s head. His fingers were gripping his hair roughly, while tears made tracks down his face. He felt the savage beast of raw emotion rattling the bars of its cage within him, for he knew now that that was what it was, and it was very close to the surface. It would not take much to break its confines.

Dean seemed to sense this, somehow, because he closed his eyes, before resting his head gently against Castiel’s.

“I know you’ve felt it from me before, Cas, but I think… I think _hearing_ it, will help, somehow. I haven’t… I haven’t said it to anyone since, since Adam died, but I know I feel it for you, Cas. You are, _fuck,_ you’re everything.” Dean’s breath was coming in short gasps, and Castiel was worried about his current well-being.

“Dean, maybe – “Castiel attempted to reason with Dean, but failed when Dean eyes widened in apparent panic.

“Shut up, for fuck sake. I’m trying to tell you, _fuck,_ I’m trying to say that I love you, Cas.” Dean’s eyes closed, and he seemed to be holding his breath. Castiel would have noticed all of that, had he not been momentarily incapacitated.

When Dean had uttered those words, he felt the beast within him howl in victory, ripping open his confines and rampaging through his mind. Flashes of memories were brought forth, bringing with them emotions and feelings long buried. He felt a tidal wave of overwhelming pain and frustration wash over him, and moments later realise it was not his. He locked eyes with Dean as everything came flooding back, the bond, the connection, the overwhelming sense of _family_ and _peace_ he felt with Dean.

Everything came back.

“Dean… you brought me back, I do not know how, but you brought me back.” Castiel opened the connection between them and felt the love and relief wash over him. Dean was unabashedly crying into his shoulder, shaking with emotion.

“Told you, I could do it.” Dean muttered quietly into his shoulder, while wiping his nose on Castiel’s shirt. He would leave a mess, that was a given, but he did not mind. He did mind, however, when he felt a strange emotion bleeding through the bond.

_Insecurity._

Why would Dean feel like that? It made very little sense since he had assured the human that he was back and –

Oh.

Dean had told him, actually said to him in words that he _loved him._ He knew how much that meant for Dean, and now Castiel was standing there, clutching Dean, without having said it back. Well, they couldn’t have that, could they?

“Dean… I love you too.”


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost finished! There is only like, two chapters to go now? I hope so or this might just kill me. I have another story i want to start but my fiance keeps saying you don't want to be one of those people that doesn't finish what they start. He is right, not that i'd tell him that :P
> 
> ANYWAY warnings at the end of the chapter and SPOILERS for SEASON TEN EPISODE 23. I have put it up here, and will put it down at the end, so don't complain to me if you read something you'd rather have not!
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> Remember, Comment and Kudos :)

Everything was… everything was _good._ Cas had his mojo back, Sam and Gabriel were so damn happy it was almost unbearable, and Dean?

Dean was _happy._

It’d been three weeks since Cas had emerged from the bathroom, surrounded in all his angelic glory and fully charged once again. Dean had been worried for a moment, worried that Cas had been right about reverting back into the unfeeling angel he’d first met. But he’d been able to pull him back from the brink, and Dean was glad for it. He honestly hadn’t known what he would have done if Cas had gone all terminator on him.

He’d even put the latent fear of his impending death to the back of his mind, Cas had said he wouldn’t know until it was actually happening, so there was nothing for them to do but sit back and wait for the inevitable to happen.

Last week, on his day off, he’d told Sam he was going to get the Impala serviced, which he _should_ have picked up as a lie, come on, he did that _himself._ In truth, he’d made an appointment with a lawyer, and tried to explain to Cas what he was doing on the way over.

“I do not understand, Dean.” He sighed, it was one thing telling an angel he was leaving everything to Sam, but quite another to explain all the legal mumbo jumbo to him as well.

“It’s a human thing, Cas. I can’t just say ‘here you go, Sam, have at it’. I’ve gotta sign paper work and have a witness, that’s why you’re here.” He also didn’t want Sam to know about it, because he just knew Sam would have a moan about it, and he didn’t want that. Sam was all Dean had left, and he wanted to show how much he appreciated all the time’s he’d been there, even if he’d be dead.

“Hmmm, I still find it very strange, but you humans _do_ have a tendency to over complicate things.” Cas was staring out the window, watching the tall building move slowly past. Dean felt his heart clench, which was a familiar sensation these days. He felt such overwhelming love for the angel; it was almost too much sometimes. He had to close his eyes and take a minute. Sam would scoff at him, but he couldn’t say anything about it, since the same thing was happening to him.

Luckily Gabriel was a bit more on to it than Cas, and had found himself a hotel close to their apartment. Sam spent a lot of his spare time there now, which was more than fantastic. Not that he didn’t like Sam being around, but having three guys share a one bedroom apartment was _not_ an ideal situation. One too many grumpy bitch faces the morning after some particularly enthusiastic and _loud_ sex, Sam had started staying over with Gabriel.

Dean wasn’t _too_ worried.

What could he say, Cas gave _amazing_ head.

Three words,

_No_

_Gag_

_Reflex_

Walking into the lawyer’s office, they were directed to a professional but bland waiting area. Cas looked around, face scrunched up in a scowl, and Dean couldn’t supress a smile.

_Goddamn he was cute when he was confused._

Luckily they didn’t have to wait too long before the lawyer came out of his office to greet them. Dean had just picked the first one google had provided him. It wasn’t like anyone would be disputing it, it was cut and dry.

“Hello, you must be Dean Winchester.” The guy held out his hand. He had a good smile, and he was slightly shorter than Dean, which for some fucked up reason made him feel better. But he had a good feeling about the guy. Dean shook his hand, inwardly approving of his strong handshake. “I’m Chuck; it’s nice to meet you.” He turned his attention to Cas, who looked at him with what looked like an appraising look, but Dean knew he was just sizing the guy up.

“Uh, this is my boyfriend, Cas.” Chuck held out his hand, smiling happily. Cas glanced down at it before raising his eyebrows. Dean had a minor panic attack when he realised Cas was still learning about human custom, when he brought his hand forward, albeit stiffly, and clasped Chucks hand.

After what Dean would class as one of the most awkward moments of his life, they disengaged and made their way into Chuck’s office. Dean was surprised to see the walls lined with bookcases, and almost none of them were lawyer type books either.

“Hey, cool, you’ve got the whole collection of that Supernatural series.” Dean was being nosey, yeah, but the guy had good taste. He really like the series, the main guy, he couldn’t remember his name, Dan or something, reminded him of himself. He turned when he heard a bashful cough from behind him.

“Uh, I actually wrote them believe it or not.” Chuck was seated at his desk, but he was blushing profusely. Dean’s eyes widened and he looked at Cas, about to explain who was sitting in front of them, when he caught Cas’ expression. He was staring at Chuck with narrowed eyes, _very_ much assessing the other guy now. Tearing his eyes away from his strange boyfriend, Dean turned back to Chuck.

“That’s awesome man,” He said, while taking a seat in front of the desk, “how the hell did you think of everything in them?” The books were full of Werewolves, Demons, Vampires and Angels. Two brothers battling evil, doing so with no thanks and basically giving their lives for the job. It was almost ridiculous how many times they’d died. Chuck gave a light chuckle.

“Ah, they actually came to me in a dream, of all things. Every now and then, I’d get a new plot line or new character. It was very… _intense,_ while it lasted.” Dean nodded, knowing that after over twenty books, the author had retired. He noticed Cas stiffen next to him, hands tensing in his lap. He didn’t need to sense their connection to know Cas was on high alert right now.

“That’s so cool; I’m real pleased to meet you. But ah, obviously that’s not why I made an appointment.” Dean laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. Chuck just nodded knowingly, reaching into his desk for some papers.

“Yes, you wanted to see me today about making a will?” As Chuck waited for an answer, Dean felt Cas move next to him, very minutely, but it was obvious he was trying to get closer. He wondered what the hell he was up to.

“Ah, yeah. If that’s ok?” Chuck nodded, and Dean smiled, happy that he’d get all of it sorted today. “Ah, well, it’s kinda easy. I want to leave everything I have to my buddy Sam. Ah, Samuel Colt.” Chuck just nodded, asking Dean questions about his assets, which were pretty much just his apartment and the Impala. Cops didn’t get paid all that well, people didn’t realise.

When they were almost done, Dean had Chuck write in one last clause. “Um, could you put in there that if my dogs still alive, he gets like, custody of him, too?” He was a bit worried that Chuck would think that was weird, worrying about his dog like that. Chuck looked up at him and tilted his head to the side.

“That’s not a problem; you would be surprised how many people include their pets in their wills, it’s important to think of them too. But, may I ask, why do you think you’d need to? You look very healthy; your last medical was perfect. Do you plan on dying any time soon?” Dean knew that Chuck meant it as a light hearted joke, but it didn’t stop Dean’s heart skipping a beat at the thought, and Cas reaching out and taking his hand. Chuck caught the gesture, and paled. “Ah, um, anything I should know? Are you, um, are you sick?” Dean felt bad for making Chuck uncomfortable, but it couldn’t be helped. Dean shook his head.

“Nah, nothing like that. I’m, ah, I’m a cop. I’ve had a couple of close calls lately and I just wanted to get everything sorted. You know, just in case.” Dean shrugged, hoping to show that he wasn’t really that bothered. Cas sent over a whole lot a comfort and love, it worked well, and he settled somewhat.

“I am very sorry, that was very unprofessional of me.” Chuck was blushing again, fumbling around with papers on his desk.

“Nah, don’t sweat it. I can appreciate a joke as much as the next guy, but yeah. Like I said, too many close calls.” Dean glanced at Cas, who smiled at him, and Dean could just feel the warmth in it. It made him feel infinitely better.

“Well, it looks like I have everything I need. If you could just sign here, Dean, and Cas if you sign here…” After all the T’s were crossed and the I’s dotted, they stood up and prepared to go. Dean had one last question though.

“Hey, Chuck,” The other man turned to him, warm smile on his face, “Uh, your last book was a bit of a cliff hanger. You, ah, you gonna put any more books out?” It had been one _hell_ of a cliff hanger; the main guy had just killed _Death_ for fuck sake. Chuck laughed, but Dean could hear a bitter edge to it, which surprised him.

“I have one book that I haven’t published yet, but I will do soon. Its ah, its complicated, but …” Dean raised his eye brows, urging Chuck to continue, because damn it all to hell if he died before he found out what happened when favourite series ended. Chuck sighed. “All I can say, Dean, is that it’s not a happy ending.”  

* * *

 

Castiel was happy to see Dean so enamoured over Chuck, but there was something that unsettled him over the  _human._ There was some residual angelic energy surrounding him, and that was enough for cause for concern. What was even more concerning was that the particular source of energy was from an  _archangel._

Not Gabriel, Castiel would know his signature, no it was Raphael who had been around the lawyer recently, and Castiel was having a difficult time understanding why. 

“You ok, Cas?” He was ripped from his musings by Dean, who was looking over at him from the driver’s side of the Impala with concern. “You were acting kinda odd back there. I mean, more than usual.” Dean was worried about him, but he had no need. It was simply a conundrum, but of no concern of theirs.

“I am quite fine, Dean. I am just trying to understand the intricacies of human society.” It was true, most things still confused and frustrated him, but he was steadily learning, thanks to Dean. Beside him, the human laughed.

“Oh, man. Cas, _I_ still have trouble working out people most days. Trust me; it’s not worth worrying over. Just go with it, and everything will be fine.” Castiel enjoyed Dean’s attitude towards life. He let very little trouble him, especially the small things. He did dwell on the large situations though, like his family, but he had come to accept that Dean was in nature a very caring and nurturing man, so it was just his way to care deeply.

“What are our plans for the night, Dean?” Castiel knew that Sam was staying over with Gabriel at his temporary abode, so they had the apartment to themselves. Castiel felt apprehension and nervous energy flow through the bond between them, and when Cas turned to face Dean, he was blushing fiercely.

“Ah, well, I had something in mind for tonight, but uh, yeah, we’ll talk about it later.” Castiel found it very endearing, and confusing, that Dean could be so cavalier talking about sexual intercourse to others, but when it came to their relationship, everything was soft, careful and reverent. It made Castiel realise that Dean _respected_ their sexual relationship, more so than the abject nature of sexual things he talked about with his workmates or Sam.

“Will we be having intercourse, Dean?” Castiel smiled when he saw Deans blush deepen further, and felt a slight tinge of lust colour their bond. He enjoyed seeing Dean become overcome with emotion, but Dean just called it ‘teasing’.

“Yeah – ah, yes. Yes there will be intercourse. Jesus, how do you always make it sound so damn dirty?” Castiel smiled what he was sure was a smug smile, but he revelled in Deans emotions pouring over him.

By the time they arrived back at the apartment, Sam had left for Gabriel’s and it was starting to get dark outside. Winter in New York City was a cold time, and it had snowed on New Year’s, much to Dean’s delight. They had made their way to the top of the building, and engaged in what Dean had termed a ‘snow ball fight’. Gabriel had cackled evilly when he’d shoved a handful of snow down the back of Sam’s shirt, but was quickly chased down and dealt his own punishment.

When the clock had struck midnight, they could see the fireworks explode in the sky in Times Square. It was a beautiful sight, and Castiel was once again reminded of the spectacular things humans had achieved despite their short time on earth. Dean had leant into him, catching his hands between his own cold ones. Castiel had looked into his sea green eyes and had known, then, that he had made the right choice in the soul bond. He would gladly spend the rest of eternity looking into those eyes and see the pure love and respect shining out from them. They had kissed under the bright fireworks, lips sliding magically together before opening for the inevitable dance of their tongues.

Castiel remembered smiling when he had glanced over to where Gabriel and Sam were situated, while Dean was busy marking his neck, biting small kisses into the sensitive skin. Gabriel had backed Sam against the door to the roof and had somehow managed to not only practically _climb_ Sam, but also snuck a hand into his pants, despite Sam’s somewhat feeble attempts to make him stop. Castiel had blushed furiously at his brothers very public sexual exploits, but when he realised Dean was attempting to do the same thing to him, all thoughts ceased.

“So, ah, it’s getting late… do you… do you wana head to bed?” Cas was brought forth from his lust filled memories by Dean, who felt nervous and excited. Castiel just nodded, before placing his hand in Deans and leading them to his bedroom.

He no longer required sleep, but he still enjoyed lying next to Dean at night while he slept. It left him content, knowing he could watch over Dean while he slept and keep him safe.

Dean hovered nervously near the bed while they stripped; Castiel found that Dean enjoyed sleeping naked more often than not, even when the apartment was slightly colder than was ideal. Castiel made himself comfortable on the bed and waited for Dean to join him. He clearly wanted to try something different tonight, if his nervousness was anything to go by.

“I – ah, shit. Ok please don’t judge me, if you’re not comfortable with it, just tell me, ok?” Dean was working himself up into a panic, and Castiel still had no idea what Dean wanted to do. He climbed off the bed, placing his hands on Dean’s shoulders, holding him steady.

“Whatever it is you want to do, Dean, I would never judge you. Do not be ashamed of what arouses you. I know there are rules in your world, and as long as it does not break any of those, there is no problem.” Dean was staring at him with his mouth open, and Castiel could feel all the nervous energy dissipate from their bond. In its place flowed love, lust and peace.

Suddenly, Dean was on him, shoving him playfully down onto the bed. His kisses were heated, fervent and demanding. Castiel loved that side of Dean, when he gave himself wholly over to his animal side, following the base desires that ruled for many thousands of years. Moaning, Castiel opened his mouth, almost begging for Dean’s tongue to enter him. The hot muscle breached his mouths defences, sliding past his teeth and demanding audience with his own.

After many enjoyable minutes battling for dominance, and Dean taking the underhanded approach of squeezing the sensitive area between his shoulder blades, causing him to cry out some horribly embarrassing noises, Dean backed off.

Sliding off the bed, he walked, his gait altered, probably because of the large erection he was sporting, to his wardrobe. Opening the door and bending down, Castiel was afforded an excellent view of Deans behind, so he brought a hand to himself, shuddering at the feeling of his own flesh connecting with his engorged shaft.

He watched as Dean shuffled around in his wardrobe, and Castiel could feel the lust flowing through their bond. Finally, Dean stood up and turned, thick penis waving back and forth in front of him. Castiel tore his eyes from the sight, instead looking up into Dean’s face to find him blushing.

“So, ah, I’ve had this for ages. I hadn’t been with anyone for a while, and sometimes, well, you need something a bit different than your hand.” Castiel cocked his head to the side, intrigued as to what Dean was hiding behind his back. What he brought out, though, was not what he was expecting. He was holding the dog toy Castiel had found weeks prior, buried at the bottom of his wardrobe.

“Is that one of Riots toys, Dean?” Castiel thought feigning innocence was the best course of action; he thought Dean would not take particularly kindly to the thought of him going through his personal belongings. Judging by Dean’s deep blush, he was correct.

“Ah, no. No it’s nothing like that. It’s ah, well, shit.” Castiel was slightly concerned by Dean’s inability to explain what he held in his hand. Not for the first time, he cursed his lack of human knowledge. When Castiel focused on Dean once again, he was met with a look of pure determination. “Cas, I’m gonna be straight with you, ok? No fucking around.”

Castiel just nodded, glad that Dean was getting to the point. His shaft was becoming increasingly uncomfortable; it was difficult to keep himself balanced on an edge like he was.

“It’s a vibrator; people use it instead of a dick.” Castiel felt his own twitch in interest at Dean’s words, yes, he would need Dean to explain the finer points, but it sounded… exciting. He had come to terms with the fact, since they first became intimate, that even though intercourse between two of the same sex is biologically illogical, it did nothing to undermine the experience.

In the instance of the ‘toy’, well, for some as yet unknown reason, _doing things_ to Dean with it seemed… _taboo_ but horribly arousing.

“Are you saying you would like me to _fuck you with it_ , Dean?” Castiel knew Dean liked it when he was crass, he could see it in the way Deans shaft jumped when he swore.

 _“Holy fuck,_ Cas.” Dean was staring at him, mouth slightly open. Castiel cocked his head to the side, making a show of stroking along his own shaft. Dean’s eyes flicked down to the movement and he stuttered out a moan. “Yes, oh _fuck,_ yes.”

Dean stumbled forward onto the bed, tossing the toy beside them as he ravenously attacked Castiel’s mouth.   
  
Things became heated very quickly after that, and in no time at all Dean was moaning helplessly underneath Castiel, begging him to start using the vibrator.

“Just, use it like your dick, ok?” Castiel just nodded, shuffling down the bed as Dean flipped himself onto his stomach. Very slowly, Castiel eased the lubricated device between Dean’s cheeks and lined it up with his stretched out hole. He’d found that Dean could be very impatient when it came to preparation, but he insisted on the long, human way instead of his ‘magic fingers’ as Dean called them.

Dean moaned as the toy breached him, and Castiel stilled to make sure it wasn’t causing him any discomfort.

“Is this… is this alright, Dean?” Castiel desperately wanted to keep making Dean emit such amazing sounds, but he was loath to hurt him.

“ _Fuck,_ keep going, Cas. It feels – feels so _good.”_ Dean moaned again, writhing backwards to push the toy further into himself. Castiel smoothed a hand over Dean’s ass and slid the toy in a little further.

He used it exactly how Dean had described, and built up a good rhythm for him to focus on. Dean was panting and gasping after only a few minutes, and Castiel was sure Dean was close to orgasm. He hoped Dean would allow him to enter him after they were done, but he wouldn’t push him if he was adverse to the idea. He wanted to please Dean after all, above his own needs.

Dean was shaking when he pushed himself up on his elbows, and turned back to Castiel.

“Dude, I’m gonna come, like, real soon.” Castiel just smiled and nodded, pushing the toy in further, twisting slightly. Dean groaned, and surprised Castiel by shifting and grabbing one of his arms. “Sorry – sorry, I mean, can _you_ get in me?” Castiel felt his neglected shaft twitch at Dean’s suggestion and he was _very_ happy with that idea.

“Are you sure, Dean? You seem to be enjoying this contraption.” Castiel watched Dean’s expression carefully and dipped into their bond, just to be sure Dean wasn’t sacrificing his pleasure just to please him. Dean just nodded quickly, panting out his opinion.

“ _Yes,_ I am very sure, Cas. Just get your cock _in me.”_ Dean turned his head back, and shifted himself up onto his knees. “I wana do it like this, though.” Castiel bit his lip and watched him in confusion, it would be difficult to maintain that position, but he would try. “Trust me, it’s way better.” Moving backwards so that Dean had his back to Castiel’s chest, Dean wrapped a hand around Castiel’s engorged shaft and lined it up. Sinking down slowly, both men groaned. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean’s chest, holding him as close as possible. He kept on hand on the mark on Dean’s arm, opening the connection between them fully.

Dean’s legs were shaking by the time Castiel felt his own orgasm nearing. He had no idea how Dean was still moving, his stamina was amazing for a human. He pressed small kisses along Dean’s shoulders, and everywhere else he could reach.

“Dean, can I touch you? Can I bring you to orgasm now?” Castiel whispered in Dean ear, earning a rumbling moan from the human.

“Oh my - _fuck,_ Cas. How the hell do you make everything sound so fucking _sexual?”_ Dean grabbed one of Castiel’s hands, bringing it down to wrap firmly around his shaft. Dean gasped, grinding down on Castiel’s cock. “Oh fuck, I gonna come, Cas. Fuck me through it, fuck – don’t stop. _Don’t fucking stop.”_

Castiel didn’t think he would have been able to, regardless of the circumstance.

Dean cried out, spilling white hot over Castiel’s hand as he rutted up into the human, nearing the edge himself. Deans spasming muscles around his shaft drove him forward, the feelings flowing through their bond circling his mind, threatening to overwhelm him in their intensity. But in the end, it was Dean’s wrecked, hoarse plea that picked him up and threw him over the edge, so reminiscent of the first time they were intimate.  

“Come, Cas. Come for me, angel.” Castiel very nearly roared out his completion, his orgasm surging up and out of his shaft, painting Deans insides with his essence. He clung to Dean, shuddering heavily with every new pulse of ejaculate escaping from him. It could have been seconds, it could have been years, but time seemed to cease for them, minds and bodies seemingly converged into one being.

They collapsed forward onto the bed, and Castiel had enough sense to be careful and not smother Dean. The two men clung to each other, still breathing heavily and basking in the orgasmic afterglow.

“I’m so happy, Cas.” Castiel turned his face up to meet Dean’s eyes, content in the knowledge that all he saw in them was happiness and love.

“So am I, Dean. All of this makes me… very happy.” Dean nuzzled into him further, sighing deeply before sleep overtook him.

He was very happy, but that didn’t stop him from worrying about what was still to come. He did not know _when_ the day of Dean’s death would be, but he could _feel_ the reapers circling, just on the edge of his consciousness. He would not bother Dean with the semantics, it would just worry him. He just hoped when the time came, he would be strong enough, for both him _and_ Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS FOR
> 
> \- SEX  
> \- USE OF SEX TOYS  
> \- SPOILERS FOR SEASON TEN


	21. Chapter Twenty One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we have it, folks, the END. 
> 
> I have to tell you, i cried writing this. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, and all the fantastic comments and Kudos you left, it warms me heart :)
> 
> Tell me what you think :)
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> Please Comment!!
> 
> WARNINGS AT THE END

“So, I never pegged Gabriel to be a biter.” Dean had noticed, as soon as Sam folded his lanky frame into the car, that his neck was _covered_ in bruises. Sam just flushed a brilliant red, twisting his scarf tighter.

“Fuck off, Dean. You still owe me for the frankly inhuman noises I heard coming from your room.” Dean laughed, nudging Sam with his elbow.

“Hey, at least we’re both getting some, yeah?” Dean chanced a look in the rear vision mirror, and was greeted with Cas’ narrow eyed stare. Of course, Sam had no idea Cas was hitching a ride with them, but that didn’t stop Dean from smiling at his boyfriend. He just had to be careful. Sam blushed even further, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. Dean widened his eyes and grinned widely. “You’re not! Fuck, have you guys not done it yet? Why not, I mean you…”

Dean flinched as _something_ flew through their bond. He didn’t even know what emotion to call it, but he knew Cas wanted him to shut the hell up and think. He was convinced their bond was psychic as well as emotional.

Sam was Gabriel’s Soulmate, same as him and Cas, so that meant…

_Oh, fuck._

They couldn’t have sex until Gabriel was ready to cement the bond. That meant telling Sam about Heaven, Angels and all the other shit. Dean cleared his throat, noticing, belatedly, how uncomfortable Sam looked.

“Dude, there is no shame in wanting to wait. If either one of you aint ready, then just wait. Plenty of stuff you can do.” Dean patted Sam’s leg in a comforting gesture. Sam just huffed.

“It’s _me,_ all right? I haven’t – I haven’t _done_ anything with a guy before. It’s kinda freaking me out. I feel bad making him wait, but he’s been so goddamn patient.” Sam looked all kinds of tense, and he had on an epic bitch face that for once, wasn’t aimed at Dean.

“Don’t worry about it, Sammy. He doesn’t seem like the kinda guy that lets that sort of thing bother him. Me and Cas, we can both tell how much he likes you.” Dean chanced another look in the back and smiled when he saw Cas nodding in agreement.

“Really?” Sam sounded so damn hopeful, like it wasn’t the most obvious thing in the world. The guy sang a damn _song_ for him for fuck sake.

“Really, dude. It’s like, vomit inducing how much you two are into each other.” Dean smiled when he saw how happy Sam was at hearing his boyfriend liked him, and it just made him hate Sam’s bitch wife even more.

Static interrupted their Dr Phil moment, though, and Dean grabbed the receiver to answer the base.

**Calling all units. Calling all units. We have an apartment building on fire at fifty first and Second Street. Fire department is on route. Containment of bystander’s priority. Over.**

Even before the end of the information, Sam had flicked on the blue and reds and turned the sirens up loud. Traffic parted in front of them like they were Moses, which even after all his time as a cop, Dean still found exhilarating.

He could see the smoke curling up into the sky, a great black cloud of death and fear. Dean looked back at Cas and was surprised by the look of utter devastation on his face, even though he couldn’t feel it through their bond. Dean sent through a wave of love, just in case, but his suspicions heightened when Cas turned to look at him and his expression blanked.

Yeah, not everything was happy in Cas land.

He was just about to raise his eye brows in question when Sam pulled into the street the apartment block was on. As expected, it was chaos. Already half a dozen of their peers were trying to reign in the crowd, rubber neckers and residents of the building. There was no way anyone would be going in that building again, Dean watched as flames licked up the side of the building, spilling out of open windows like the tongue of some awful beast.

“Dean, come on.” Sam was jumping out of the car and running towards the crowd before Dean even had his seat belt off.

Catching up to Sam, and for once he was actually _thankful_ for Sam’s moose genetics, they listened to the other officers directing orders and where they were needed. They were sent near the entrance, or as close as they could get, to make sure no one went into the building. Dean looked around and saw Cas standing near them, out of the way of any of the feeble humans. Dean smiled at him, and Cas nodded his head back. It wasn’t much, but it meant the world to Dean to just know he was _there._

Dean snapped his head around just in time to see a woman running towards them, screaming. Sam caught her, wrapping his long arms around her and holding on for dear life as the woman kicked and screamed. She wasn’t making any sense, so Dean had a hard time calming her down.

“Lady, _calm down,_ tell us what’s wrong, we might be able to help you.” Dean knew there was very little chance of them helping her, _especially_ if she wanted to go back in and save her dog or something.

“He’s still in there!” The woman screamed, clutching Sam’s shoulder. Dean looked at his partner, and shrugged. Must be her dog. “You have to get him!” More unintelligible sobbing, and Sam was looking over the woman’s shoulder, probably trying to find a spare officer to take her of their hands. “ _Please…”_

“Lady, I’m sorry, but we can’t get your damn dog or cat or whatever. Just calm down.” It was a high stress situation, and they had been trained for it, but that didn’t make either of them immune to it. The woman stopped her tantrum and just stared at him for all of three seconds.

“My _son…_ you have to get my s…son! “ Every part of Dean went cold, so cold; in fact, he thought his breath would start misting. Dean closed his eyes and breathed, sure he’d heard wrong. He was shaken from his prayers by the woman grabbing his shoulders, shaking him. “ _Please,_ I’m _begging_ you. You have to find him!”

Dean looked over at Sam, who looked just as horrified as he felt. There was a _kid_ in the flaming building behind them. What the hell were they supposed to do? He looked over at where Cas was standing, but he knew that he couldn’t do anything. He’d explained on more than one occasion that he was on earth for _Dean,_ and that he could do nothing to influence other human lives.

“What floor would he be on?” Dean asked, hoping like hell the fire guys got there soon, it was getting way to hot out there. Sam gave him a look, but he ignored it. There was no way in hell he’d go into that building.

“The third floor. Please, _please_ save my son.” She wouldn’t let go of Dean, but Sam still had a hold of her. It wasn’t _that_ many floors up, and the fire seemed to mainly be in the upper levels anyway. Dean noticed Cas had moved slightly closer, and he hoped he wouldn’t do anything to draw attention. He didn’t want to have to think up some excuse for why Cas was there, on top of the shit storm that was currently occurring.

Sam was shaking his head, eyes wide and pleading. He knew what Dean was thinking, called it his ‘hero complex’.

Dean shook his head. He couldn’t just run into a burning building. He had responsibilities; he had Riot, Sam and Cas to take care of. He just had to distract the woman until the fire department arrived.

“What’s his name?” The woman looked at him with wide eyes, hope and fear written clearly across her face. She choked out something in audible, and Dean leaned in asking her again. “Lady, what’s his name?”

“Adam.”

Fuck, _of course_ it was.

Cas was beside him in a second, he must have used his wings, and laid a hand on his shoulder. He couldn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. Everything he wanted to say, filtered through their bond, a mile a minute.

“Dean…” Sam was slowly letting go of the woman, who seemed to be sagging gradually to the ground. He knew Sam would try and stop him, but it wouldn’t do any good. He had a reputation to uphold, after all.

“Don’t worry Sam.” Dean said, inching his way slowly towards the door, very aware that not only was Cas following him, but frowning enough for everyone in New York City. “I’ll be in and out before you know it. Ha, that’s what he said.” Dean knew his joke fell on deaf ears, but he had to admit, it was there and he couldn’t _not_ take it. That was what overwhelming fear did, he guessed, made you think about the weirdest things to stop you thinking about the fact that you just stepped into a burning building.

Dean’s eyes immediately started stinging, _burning,_ because of the almost overwhelming amount of smoke surrounding them. Cas was a silent spectre beside him, seeming to almost glide through the haze around them. Dean coughed, squinting through the dim light, thanking his lucky stars the fire hadn’t made its way down stairs.

Shuffling forward slowly, careful not to trip on anything and cursing Cas’ inactivity the whole way, Dean finally found the door to the stairs. Placing his hand the door, he went to push it open when a bigger hand appeared next to his own. Looking up, Dean saw Sam’s form hovering over his own, and Dean didn’t even have to see his face to know he wasn’t happy.

“You are the king of shitty ideas, Dean.” Sam coughed his way through berating Dean, while pushing the door open for the both of them to stumble through.

“Yeah well, you know why I had to do it.” They shuffled slowly up the stairs, coughing and wheezing as they ascended. The further they went, the hotter it seemed to get. Sam went ahead, and found the door, thank Christ.

Dean didn’t see the table in front of him, until he was intimately acquainted with it. Groaning, he grimaced when he tried to right himself. He felt a hand under his arm, almost sighing, if the smoke would let him, and Cas pulled him up off the ground.

“I’m ok, Cas.” Dean smiled, as well as he could, and slipped a hand around Cas’ neck and brought their foreheads together. “Everything’s gonna be fine.” Through the smoke, Dean could see Cas’ stricken expression, and it caused his heart to freeze. “Right… Cas?” Sam was getting too far ahead, Dean could hardly see him, but something in Cas’ face kept him rooted to the spot.

“No, Dean.” He’d never heard Cas’ sound so devastatingly without hope before. “It’s really not.”

Dean swallowed, the lump of fear in his throat _hurting_ as he forced it down. He had a job to do; there was a kid in the building somewhere, frightened and needing to be saved.

“Well, it was gonna happen sooner or later, right?” Dean wanted it to sound light hearted, but it came out sounding weak and wheezy instead. Cas’ whole face fell, as if Dean accepting his fate physically hurt him.

“Dean…” Dean kissed him, then, putting everything he had into it. All the love and respect he felt when they were together, every bit of protection and safety he felt when they were apart. Even when Cas wasn’t there, Dean knew he would keep him safe, would be there as soon as he needed him. Cas pressed back, opening his mouth to accept Deans tongue. Dean knew they had very little time, but it could be the last time they kissed, at least for a while.

“I love you, Cas. I love you so much. You – you have no idea how much you’ve changed me. I was ready to give up before you came along. I just – I’m gonna die, yeah, but that means I get to spend eternity with you and that kinda makes it ok.” Dean grinned, seeing Cas smile slightly made the whole emotional verbal vomit worth it. “Anyway, I dunno about you, but I’ve got a kid so save, because we both know Sammy can’t do it without me.” He kissed Cas one last time, and took off, heading in the direction he last saw Sam.

Cas caught up with him in front of one of the apartment doors, with Sam not far ahead.

“Dean… you have taught me so many things about humanity. I used to think you were all insignificant little specks. But you’ve shown me that every one of you is important.” Cas turned his head, and the smoke cleared enough for him to see Cas’ bright blue eyes. “I never thought I would find my soulmate, but there you were, pointing a gun at me in an alley.” Cas smiled, and bit his lip, worrying it between his teeth. “I love you more than I ever thought possible, and it is an honour to know I will be spending eternity by your side.”

Dean grinned, not even caring that Cas saw the tears streaking down his face, clearly not caused by the smoke. His heart was thundering in his chest, almost so hard it _hurt,_ and the knowledge that just down the hall, his death awaited, ricocheted around his head.

“Is it -,” Dean coughed, inhaling was becoming difficult, and that _was_ because of the smoke, “Is it gonna hurt?” He didn’t want to make a complete fool of himself, especially if Sam was going to be there. He could take some pain, but he imagined something enough to kill him was going to hurt like hell. Cas shook his head, smiling at him softly.

“I will do my best to make it as painless as possible, Dean. I will –“Dean blinked, wiping his eyes as he looked at Cas, he was… Cas was _crying,_ and that had _nothing_ to do with the smoke. Dean crowded closer to him, hugging him close. “I will be with you every step of the way, Dean.”

“It’s gonna be ok, Cas. We both know this has to happen.” Dean sounded more confident that he felt, but he knew Cas knew that too. He could feel the turbulent roil of emotions going back and forth between them. He used his dirty thumbs to wipe away Cas’ tears, feeling an ache in his heart for all the love he felt for his angel. Cas nodded, and closed his eyes briefly before blinking slowly at Dean.

“It will be very hard for me to see you… _die,_ Dean. I am sorry if I – if I break down. I will try, but I cannot guarantee.” Dean just shook his head, tightening his hands on Cas’ shoulders.

“Dude, that’s completely ok. I’m not exactly gonna be that great either. Um, but I think we should have had this conversation sooner, cause we’re in a burning building and Sam’s calling me.” Dean heard Sam’s shouts coming from somewhere down the hall, and he knew he had to go. Cas stood back from him, squared his shoulders and raised his chin.

“Of course, Dean. Lead the way.” Dean would have laughed, if he hadn’t felt like he was going to throw up everywhere.

He found Sam in an apartment, searching through each room, yelling Adams name. Dean followed suit, coughing and spluttering at the smoke that surrounded them.

“Sam! You sure this is the one?” He heard an affirmative from down the hall, and stumbled his way to what looked like the kids bedroom. Dropping to his knees, Dean looked under the bed but no dice.

“Adam! You in here big guy?” Dean had no idea how old the kid was, and that seemed like an important bit of missed information. The kid could be anywhere –

What the hell was that?

“Adam!” Dean cocked his head, listening past the groaning building and startlingly close crackle of flames. The fire must have dropped to the level above them, they didn’t have much time.

There! Dean looked around, and his gaze settled on the wardrobe.

_Shit, really should have checked there first._

Crawling over to the door, he wrenched it open, revealing the smudged and terrified face of a little boy, one who looked nothing like his little brother, thank fucking Christ.

“Hey there, little man. I’m Dean.” He held out his hand, but instead of taking it, the kid launched himself at Dean and clung to him for dear life.

 _Well_ that was easier than he’d expected.

Dean pulled himself up, calling for Sam as he made his way out of the room and into the hall. Sam came crashing out of another room, and when he saw the kid, he looked more than relieved.

“Come on, Dean. This place is falling apart.” As if to agree with his point, a massive rumbling blast shook the building beneath their feet. They looked at each other, and took off, rounding the door to the hall way. Pounding down the hall from where they had come, Sam flung his arm back just in time to stop Dean barrelling into what had once been the stairs. All he could see through the door was the hellish orange lick of flames trying to make their way under the door.

Dean swore under his breath, eyes darting around the hall. His gaze landed on the window at the far end, where he could see the slight outline of a ladder.

“Sam! The fire guys are here.” He pointed behind Sam, and his partner followed his finger to the window. Sam nodded, before turning and making his way down the hall. Dean looked at Cas, who was now looking so tense he didn’t even need to open their bond to know. He could see the tears streaking down the angels face, and Dean thought for a moment how righteously _beautiful_ Cas looked. “Sam!” His partner turned back, and Dean practically threw Adam into his arms. “You’re bigger, and the kids damn heavy.” Sam just nodded, trusting Dean to the last.

Dean stuck to Sam as they made their slow way towards the window, towards salvation, but to Dean it was like walking towards the gallows. Every step he took meant one step closer to his demise.

A massive rumbling roar, almost loud enough for them to cover their ears, preceded an actual ear splitting crack. Dean had just enough time to look up before he saw the beam appear, right above Sam. Dean didn’t even think, using all the strength he could muster, he pushed Sam towards the window, out of the way of the beam.

It was as if everything happened in slow motion after that.

He saw Sam turn towards him, just as the beam came crashing down. Dean had no opportunity to move, he just wasn’t fast enough. The beam crushed his legs, more pain that he’d ever experienced lancing through his very _bones_ as they broke and twisted through his skin. The rest of the beam toppled down, smashing into his back and torso.

He must have blacked out for a moment, because when he came too, Cas was beside him, holding his hand in his glowing one. Cas was gasping out wet, lurching breaths, gritting his teeth to hold back his devastated sobs. Dean focused on his hand, squeezing slightly. Cas looked up sharply, mouth curling in a weak, watery smile.

Dean couldn’t feel his body, but he guessed that was probably for the best. He didn’t even want to think what the mangled piece of meat and bone looked like behind him. Judging by Sam’s face, it wasn’t good.

“Dean – “ Sam couldn’t even finish what he wanted to say, he was crying too, and Dean wondered if he was.

“You have to go, Sammy.” Dean was startled by how good his voice sounded, and he thought that probably had something to do with Cas. Sam, the stubborn asshole, just shook his head.

“No. No way, Dean. Not without you.” Sam’s voice sounded strained, and Dean smiled when he realised it was because Sam was overcome with emotion. Sam was the one person, apart from Cas, that Dean really cared about. “Don’t you _dare_ smile, you bastard. Your not - you’re not _dying,_ not today.” Sam shifted Adam from where he was clinging, and set him up against the wall.

“I think it’s – it’s pretty obvious that I am, Sammy.” Dean felt something on his lips, and he slowly brought a hand up to touch.

_Ah, blood._

Sam was crawling over to him, grabbing for his free hand. Dean felt a surge of emotion for Sam, and he realised, albeit belatedly, that he loved Sam. Loved him like a _brother,_ fiercely, protectively. His dad’s words echoed around in his empty head, and he laughed quietly, but Sam heard.

“What the hell are you laughing at?” Sam sobbed as he looked over Deans injuries, clearly seeing the hopelessness of the situation.

“I did it, Sammy.” Sam just looked at him, and Dean knew he had no idea what he was talking about. He didn’t know if he’d ever actually told Sam about his dad’s constant mantra.

_Look after your brother, Dean._

_Protect your brother, Dean._

He might have failed Adam, but he’d finally found his peace by saving Sam. He’d made his dad proud, and he hoped his dad was up there watching, that he could tell him, that he had _protected his brother._

“What did you do, Dean?” Sam asked quietly, and Dean could tell he’d accepted the fact that there was nothing he could do, that Dean was dying.

“I pushed you out of the way, I _saved_ you.” Sam closed his eyes, and Dean watched as more tears tracked their way down his smoke stained face.

“Yeah, well, that was a dumb move, Dean. Now look what you’ve done.” Dean knew Sam didn’t mean it, that he would thank him for the rest of his life for saving his. “Why, Dean? What the hell were you thinking?” Dean coughed, blood splattering the floor in front of them. Sam’s whole body convulsed with the sob he held back.

“I had to, Sammy.” Dean looked up at Sam with all the strength he had left. “Because that’s what big brothers do.” Sam let go then, and wrapped his arms around as much of Dean as he could reach. Dean looked over at Cas, and was a little surprised to see someone in a suit standing beside him. Cas just looked at him and nodded, squeezing his hand once.

Dean knew it was time.

He turned his head, resting in against Sam’s neck and let his tears fall.

“I love you Sammy.” He felt his throat burn with emotion, and felt Sam shaking against him.

“Please, Dean, don’t go, I need you, _fuck,_ Cas needs you, what about him? _What am I supposed to tell him?”_ Sam was getting hysterical, and Dean didn’t have much time.

“Just tell him I love him, and that I’ll see him soon, ok? He’ll know what it means.” Sam shook, and so did the building. All of their time was running out, and Sam needed to go. “You need to go, Sam. Take the kid, and go, _please.”_

Sam looked lost, and it damn near broke Dean’s heart. He hated everything for putting that look on Sam’s face. Eventually, Sam nodded, evidently seeing the situation for what it was.

“I know, Dean. I - I love you too man, you – fuck, I’m so sorry.” Sam was backing away, and Dean smiled up at him, and he hoped it chased away any guilt Sam held. He knew what that was like, and he didn’t want that for Sam.

“Sam, I’m going to a better place, I swear. Live your life, love Gabriel, and I’ll see you again, I promise.” Sam looked at him like he was crazy, but he didn’t care. What he said was true, even if Sam didn’t know it yet.

Sam picked up Adam and backed away from the carnage that was Dean. His back hit the window just as the building gave another groan of protest. Sam opened the window and made Adam climb onto his back. Once they were outside, Dean sighed and went to rest his head on his free hand.

“Dean!” He raised his head, hoping Sam hadn’t decided to sacrifice himself, because that _would_ be a thing he’d do. He met his partner’s eyes, probably for the last time. “You’re a hero, Dean. I’m honoured to call you my brother.” Dean smiled and nodded as Sam disappeared down the ladder, and he thought he heard him shouting for an officer down through the window.

He looked over at Cas, and then at the person beside him.

“Hello, my name is Tessa, and I’ll be your reaper today.” If Dean had any strength left, he’d have made a remark, but he was out. His body was shutting down, and his mind along with it.

“Are you ready, Dean?” Cas asked, tear stained face looking at him determinedly. Dean smirked at him, as best he could.

“Yeah, Cas. Let’s do this thing.” The Reaper reached forwards and placed her hand on Deans head, and he felt everything just… _lighten._ When he opened his eyes again, he was standing next to Cas, his body good as new. He was _not_ going to look at his mangled old body, because he did _not_ need nightmares in heaven. He reached forwards and took Cas’ hand, linking their fingers together. Cas looked up at him, and their eyes met, blue and green, just like the first time.

“You ready for eternity, Cas?” Dean smirked, and that drew a small smile from Cas. He would take time to heal from something like seeing his soulmate die, but Dean would be there every step of the way. Cas nodded, his smile growing as the realisation of what Dean had said sunk in.

They had _eternity_ together.

“I’ve been waiting my entire existence for you, Dean. I am _more_ than ready.” Dean smiled, happier now in death than he’d ever been in life. He’d finally found where he belonged.

It was with Cas.

* * *

 

Sam honestly didn’t know how he would have gotten through the days after Deans death without Gabriel. He made sure he ate, made him get out of the apartment and helped him sort out Dean’s funeral. It wouldn’t be huge, but there were all sorts of things to organise that Sam wouldn’t have even thought of. Gabriel took charge, telling Sam that all he had to do was turn up. The only thing that really worried him was Cas’ absence.

He hadn’t seen him since before the fire, and he was really worried about him. Gabriel had tried to explain to him that he was just dealing with it in his own way.

“He was the same when our parents died. He just took off for a few weeks. I know he’s ok, but he needs time to process. Being here… it makes everything harder.” Sam had to agree, but he didn’t want to look for a new place. Dean’s apartment was his home, it held so many good memories, he couldn’t just give it up. The place was under Dean’s name, though, so he didn’t know what was going to happen. He supposed it would go to whomever Dean left it to.

All Gabriel had wanted him to do for the funeral, a simple graveside deal, was pick a song for when Dean was lowered. He knew Dean loved Kansas, so he knew the perfect song, even if it would probably break his heart listening to it.

The day of the funeral was beautiful, not a cloud in the crisp, blue sky. Sam shivered in the cemetery, looking around at the people gathered at the graveside. Bobby was there with Ellen and Jo, holding them both as they cried into his shoulder. He looked over their heads at Sam and nodded, his expression pinched and pale. All of the guys from the police department were there, out of respect for their fallen comrade.

Sam felt Gabriel lace their fingers together, and it was that grounding presence that held him together for most of the funeral.

He got through Bobby’s speech about Dean being one of the best officers he’d ever met, how he was the son he’d never had and he was honoured to have worked with him and called him family.

It was Sam’s turn to speak next, and he was worried he wouldn’t be able to get to the end of what he wanted to say without breaking to pieces. Gabriel nudged him, and he made his way over to the head of the grave. He turned to look at everyone, and cleared his throat.

“Everyone here knows me, so I guess there’s no need to introduce myself.” Sam coughed, willing the tightness in his throat to go away. He couldn’t start crying in front of everyone, not up there in plain view. “Dean was my partner for five years. In the end though, in the end he was always my brother. We didn’t have much family between us, but we built it up together, with good people. Dean was… he was a hero, in every sense of the word. He saved so many people, and in the end he gave his own life so I could live mine. I’ll – I’ll never be able to repay him for that, but I can live my life to the best of my abilities and try to make him proud.” Sam could feel his throat closing up, and he had to force himself not to run back to Gabriel.

When it came time to lower him into the ground, Sam was worried he was going to break Gabriel’s hand. His boyfriend leaned over and pressed play on the little stereo, and Sam’s heart thudded in his chest. Sam felt himself sagging, and he prayed that Gabriel could take his weight as he listed into him. It was too much, damn his respect to hell, it was a funeral, he was _allowed_ to cry. Turning to Gabriel, Sam buried his face against the other man’s shoulder, letting everything he’d held so tight to his chest escape. As Kansas started its intro, he didn’t care that everyone he knew could see him, he’d lost his best friend, he had every right to be upset.

 

_Carry on my wayward son_

 

It wasn’t _fair._

 

_There'll be peace when you are done_

 

Dean was _gone._

 

_Lay your weary head to rest_

 

What was he supposed to do?

 

_Don't you cry no more._

 

He decided it was the _worst_ song he could have possibly chosen. Yes, it was Dean to a T, and that was what made it that much harder to bear.

As the casket was lowered, Sam clung to Gabriel, desperate for any kind of contact to tether him to earth.

“Shhh, Sammy, its ok. Everything’s gonna be alright, you’ll see.”

He really wanted to believe Gabriel, and he was slightly ashamed to realise that a part of him did agree with his boyfriend. Everything _was_ going to be alright eventually, when they had time to process and heal, but right that moment, everything was a fucking _mess._

* * *

 

Dean, the  _asshole,_ had for once in his life, been  _organised._

His lawyer, Chuck, had rang and talked to Sam a few days after the funeral. They had a meeting, and Sam discovered that not only had Dean left him in charge of Riot, he’d left him everything else as well.

Gabriel had just stared at Chuck the whole time. Before they’d left, Gabriel had nudged the lawyer.

“Dad says hi.” He’d said, leaving a confused and shocked looking Chuck in his wake. Sam hadn’t even bothered to ask, he was used to his boyfriend’s antics by then.

* * *

 

Six months later and they’d given him a new partner because his super bitch of a shrink had  _finally_ deemed him fit for active duty again. His name was Andy, and Sam was certain he smelled pot on him constantly. But he was laid back and he didn’t ask questions, so he was a perfect fit.

The graveyard shift was the worst, but Sam enjoyed it because it meant he got to spend the day with Gabriel. They still hadn’t sealed the deal, but Sam wasn’t worried. Gabriel was beyond patient, and there were plenty of other things for them to do to entertain each other.

**Car 42. We have a B &E on Fifteenth Street. Current status, occurring. Over. **

Sam turned on the lights and took off towards the burglary, hoping the intruder was still inside the building. There had been a serial robber in the city lately, and they needed him caught.

Arriving at the scene, Sam instructed Andy to head to the front while Sam went around the back. It was strange taking charge; Dean had always been the one bossing him around. Thinking about him got easier as time went on, but it still hurt to think about the fire.

A trash can falling over caught his attention and he whirled around, gun trained on a figure in the shadows. Heart pounding, he swallowed, and cleared his throat.

“Put your hands on the ground, and DO NOT MOVE.” Sam slowly made his way closer, trying to see his suspect. The person didn’t move, and that was cause for concern. “I said, get on the gro –” Sam almost dropped his gun, the shock of seeing the face in front of him was so paralysing.

It wasn’t _possible_ , he’d seen him _die_.

But there he was, standing in front of him with his hands in his pockets, looking fucking _embarrassed,_ of all things. Was he having a breakdown? Did he come back to work too soon? Was he going _mad?_

He could barely get his voice to work, and when it did, he was almost ashamed at how much hope and fear one word held.

“Dean?”

“Heya, Sammy!” __  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS
> 
> \- GRAPHIC DEATH SCENE
> 
> \- SO MANY EMOTIONS


End file.
